You stay classy, Port Charles.

So, the saga of Morgan boning his mother-in-law continues to be the gift that just keeps giving. Every part is the BEST part — like Carly’s face! And Kiki’s face! And Michael’s face… as he resigned himself to yet another situation where he would be no doubt be the only adult in the room!

Which, of course, turned out to be completely accurate. I mean, Ava gets points for not shrieking or obnoxiously smugging it up (ahem, KIKI AND MORGAN). But she loses points for, you know… every single one of her other life choices up to date. Meanwhile, Michael gets extra feminist bonus points for reading my mind:

Feminist Michael

MORGAN: So what does that make Kiki — your reward? Because all that stuff mom and dad put your through, you deserve her more than I do?
MICHAEL: No!
MORGAN: Of course you’re not going to admit it, Mikey, because that would sound selfish. And we all know that you’re not selfish. I mean, you don’t have to be when everyone’s lining up to give you whatever the hell you want. Doesn’t matter if it belongs to me.
MICHAEL: Kiki doesn’t belong to you! She has free will. She can make her own choices!

Michael Corinthos, you are +10 levels of adorable. Even if you are running around acting like you have the greatest love of all time with a girl you barely know.

The best part of this exchange was the way Morgan was so obviously transferring his own feelings onto Michael, i.e. that HE’S the one who “deserves” Kiki as a reward for all the ways he feels slighted by their parents. Oh, Morgan. To steal a phrase from a friend: you are a hilariously awful person. Never change.

So all that was clearly gold. But my favorite reaction of all may just go to Mr. Roger Howarth, for his beautiful line reading on: “That pipsqueak? He’s like twelve!” (I LOLed FOREVER, YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY.)

Unfortunately, having apparently completed his transformation into Todd 2.0, Franco is now falling victim to all the same annoying character notes, from his instant, obsessive focus on Carly to his massively inappropriate callousness:

Franco and Carly kiss

FRANCO: The families of the people I victimized — scratch that, that my tumor victimized — they’re freezing my assets and suing me in civil court, trying to bleed me dry.
CARLY: Wow, good for them!

Oh, you mean those other people who didn’t get their day in court to face that man who killed their loved ones for an art project due to you, Carly, deciding to take the stand and speak for all of them? YES, GOOD FOR THEM.

(The hilarious awfulness of Carly’s only grievance against Franco now being that she believes he slept with another woman only proves beyond all doubt that she and Morgan really do share genes. It’s kind of beautiful, actually.)

Dear writers: I will probably never understand why you decided to resurrect this useless turd of a character if your end goal was to just erase his history and give him a complete personality transplant. But if you no longer want us to believe he’s a psychopath and also can’t tear him away from his laser focus on Carly’s magical vagina for five seconds to express some guilt or horror over the things he–sorry, his tumor–did, then at least refrain from having him refer to the pain of his victims like it’s one giant inconvenience? JUST A THOUGHT.

(Also, since you obviously don’t want us to associate this version with all the crap the last one pulled, how about start by–I don’t know… changing his name? Please? Bobby Quartermaine has a nice ring!)

despair-divider

Meanwhile, on the baby front… you might say that Spinelli and I have had our differences in the past. You know, if you were prone to laughable understatements.

But today, for once, we were completely in sync. In fact, I’d like to salute Bradford Anderson for so accurately using his face to capture my exact reaction to the following MIND-BLOWING conversation of contrivance:

Spinelli WHY

DANTE: Spinelli we’d like you to be Connie’s Godfather.
SPINELLI: Me?
DANTE: Yeah.
SPINELLI: …why?
ME: GOOD GOD, MAN, WHY?

Can you imagine poor Nikolas’ face when he finds out they went with Spinelli over him? I mean, sure, Lucky’s track record with parental responsibility is currently at negative million. And the idea of Ethan in charge of anyone’s moral development is… well, it’s hilarious, actually. I would pay to watch that.

But instead of an actual prince, they chose an adult man who’s only become capable of addressing people by their given names in the last year. A guy who I’m still not sure isn’t living out of his office, because when he’s not squatting rent free in the apartment of a hit man, he’s apparently incapable of basic adulthood. Wacky uncle? Sure. Guy you want responsible for putting a roof over your child’s head? NOT SO MUCH.

(Also, the specific irony of Dante — of all people — waxing on about Lulu’s trust in her good friend Spinelli is especially rich, considering that fun time he had zero regrets about letting Jason murder Dante in cold blood. Most trustworthy friend ever!)

Really looking forward to the truth coming out on this one sooner rather than later.

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16 thoughts on “You stay classy, Port Charles.

  1. Starr/Kiki’s acting has improved a bit since she tried to emote anger over the death of her child. She did a good impression of murderous rage toward Ava. And she actually showed a reaction to Morgan saying “even if IT belongs to me”. This was the first day I was ever remotely interested in what was happening with her. And I felt bad for Bobby Todd Franco when Carly left. It’s like all upside down and backwards!

    • Yeah, I probably came across harder on her than I really felt. I liked her smacking Morgan’s entitlement down and disowning Ava. Her passivity throughout most of the rest of this story has just been so frustrating.

  2. I loved how Franco kissed Carly while he was covered in wet paint, and she was miraculously only left with a few stains on her arm — her face and the dress remained paint-free! Must have been some magical fast-drying paint!

    Bradford Anderson’s acting has been so spot-on these last few weeks. He makes my heart hurt.

    • Well, they did talk about being upset that Morgan was hurt. They just then also talked about being together anyway. And then failed to have sex, which I also found hilarious, because GOOD LORD, people. If you’re going to subject us all to this much stupid melodrama about a relationship between virtual strangers, at least they should be doing it!

      That TWoP post is perfect.

  3. Besides being gleeful about the thought of killing Dante. Spinelli was also indirectly involved in Dante’s attempted rape in the hands of Brookelyn. Does Dante even know about all the hurt Spinelli has caused him? Does Lulu know? Hell does Maxie?

    I HATE that Maxie’s tied to that waste of space!

  4. Did MICHAEL just say a woman is a PERSON? WOW! It seems since Starr came to down and definitely since AJ returned, Michael has become awesome! As illogical as this whole Kiki thing is, it is still wAY better than when he was with Abby and though her sole purpose to was to make him feel like a man and comfort him about his prison rape. Women have rights? We can choose? Who knew?

    As for Spinelli being the godfather. . .can this whole mess of a surrogacy story be over. I just feel like everyone’s been made of stupid in this story. It’s a missed opportunity.

      • I know. Since waking from a coma he’s gone from Jason II, to level-headed, to like-father-like-son then with Starr and then AJ he went to being the voice of reason. Seriously, Michael’s oldest son, who has had more damage inflicted on him than we can count is the voice of reason. Wow. Demon child, lol, yeah he’s acted that way a LOT, hasn’t he?

        • Maybe. My distaste for soras’d Morgan is causing me to forget any Michael misdeeds. Truly…the genius in the writing for Morgan (if it’s intentional and I’m not giving too much credit) is that this version of Morgan is exactly the kind of child that Sonny and Carly would have. Except it forgets the whole part where Jax loved Morgan as his own and didn’t like Michael all that much.

          • Well, Michael has been a spoiled and acted like he’s above all rules. Soras’d Morgan makes me wish they stuck with 12 year old Morgan who came on the scene. Yeah. Morgan had Jax to mitigate Sonny’s influence, I think they forgot. Michael had mostly Sonny and Carly as role models, and now he has AJ so is learning better behaviour

  5. Also, when was Spinelli last considered a friend to Lulu? He dropped her as a friend when she decided she was done with Sonny. So has she forgotten that?

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