So, the saga of Morgan boning his mother-in-law continues to be the gift that just keeps giving. Every part is the BEST part — like Carly’s face! And Kiki’s face! And Michael’s face… as he resigned himself to yet another situation where he would be no doubt be the only adult in the room!
Which, of course, turned out to be completely accurate. I mean, Ava gets points for not shrieking or obnoxiously smugging it up (ahem, KIKI AND MORGAN). But she loses points for, you know… every single one of her other life choices up to date. Meanwhile, Michael gets extra feminist bonus points for reading my mind:
MORGAN: So what does that make Kiki — your reward? Because all that stuff mom and dad put your through, you deserve her more than I do?
MORGAN: Of course you’re not going to admit it, Mikey, because that would sound selfish. And we all know that you’re not selfish. I mean, you don’t have to be when everyone’s lining up to give you whatever the hell you want. Doesn’t matter if it belongs to me.
MICHAEL: Kiki doesn’t belong to you! She has free will. She can make her own choices!
Michael Corinthos, you are +10 levels of adorable. Even if you are running around acting like you have the greatest love of all time with a girl you barely know.
The best part of this exchange was the way Morgan was so obviously transferring his own feelings onto Michael, i.e. that HE’S the one who “deserves” Kiki as a reward for all the ways he feels slighted by their parents. Oh, Morgan. To steal a phrase from a friend: you are a hilariously awful person. Never change.
So all that was clearly gold. But my favorite reaction of all may just go to Mr. Roger Howarth, for his beautiful line reading on: “That pipsqueak? He’s like twelve!” (I LOLed FOREVER, YOU GUYS. SERIOUSLY.)
Unfortunately, having apparently completed his transformation into Todd 2.0, Franco is now falling victim to all the same annoying character notes, from his instant, obsessive focus on Carly to his massively inappropriate callousness:
FRANCO: The families of the people I victimized — scratch that, that my tumor victimized — they’re freezing my assets and suing me in civil court, trying to bleed me dry.
CARLY: Wow, good for them!
Oh, you mean those other people who didn’t get their day in court to face that man who killed their loved ones for an art project due to you, Carly, deciding to take the stand and speak for all of them? YES, GOOD FOR THEM.
(The hilarious awfulness of Carly’s only grievance against Franco now being that she believes he slept with another woman only proves beyond all doubt that she and Morgan really do share genes. It’s kind of beautiful, actually.)
Dear writers: I will probably never understand why you decided to resurrect this useless turd of a character if your end goal was to just erase his history and give him a complete personality transplant. But if you no longer want us to believe he’s a psychopath and also can’t tear him away from his laser focus on Carly’s magical vagina for five seconds to express some guilt or horror over the things he–sorry, his tumor–did, then at least refrain from having him refer to the pain of his victims like it’s one giant inconvenience? JUST A THOUGHT.
(Also, since you obviously don’t want us to associate this version with all the crap the last one pulled, how about start by–I don’t know… changing his name? Please? Bobby Quartermaine has a nice ring!)
Meanwhile, on the baby front… you might say that Spinelli and I have had our differences in the past. You know, if you were prone to laughable understatements.
But today, for once, we were completely in sync. In fact, I’d like to salute Bradford Anderson for so accurately using his face to capture my exact reaction to the following MIND-BLOWING conversation of contrivance:
DANTE: Spinelli we’d like you to be Connie’s Godfather.
ME: GOOD GOD, MAN, WHY?
Can you imagine poor Nikolas’ face when he finds out they went with Spinelli over him? I mean, sure, Lucky’s track record with parental responsibility is currently at negative million. And the idea of Ethan in charge of anyone’s moral development is… well, it’s hilarious, actually. I would pay to watch that.
But instead of an actual prince, they chose an adult man who’s only become capable of addressing people by their given names in the last year. A guy who I’m still not sure isn’t living out of his office, because when he’s not squatting rent free in the apartment of a hit man, he’s apparently incapable of basic adulthood. Wacky uncle? Sure. Guy you want responsible for putting a roof over your child’s head? NOT SO MUCH.
(Also, the specific irony of Dante — of all people — waxing on about Lulu’s trust in her good friend Spinelli is especially rich, considering that fun time he had zero regrets about letting Jason murder Dante in cold blood. Most trustworthy friend ever!)
Really looking forward to the truth coming out on this one sooner rather than later.