And boom goes the dynamite.

Is there an obscure German word for the feeling of mixed dread and satisfaction? Because I think it would be useful for describing the last two days on this show. Lacking that, I guess I’ll just let Ian Buchanan’s magnificent face give a visual demonstration of the way I felt while watching:

Duke's faaaaace

HALF WINCE/HALF INTERNALLY CRYING FOREVER

First up: after Brad took approximately five million years to spit out his secret (and LOL that his idea of a good deed was to ruin four strangers’ lives with a secret that wasn’t his own, as opposed to, I don’t know… spilling the real truth about Britt’s baby daddy? OH BRAD) the Maxie/Lulu/Dante/Spinelli fight to end all fights finally kicked in gear today.

And it got ugly. REAL UGLY.

Dante and Lulu find out

Maxie truth comes out1

DANTE: Kids aren’t interchangeable, Maxie! You can’t just say “here, take this kid” because you’re too scared to have a conversation!
MAXIE: Lulu, you know me!
LULU: No, I thought I knew you.
MAXIE: Disappointing you was my worst nightmare! LULU: What do you call this? All we wanted was a family.
MAXIE: All I wanted was to give you one–
LULU: I never should have trusted you to be our surrogate!
MAXIE: Don’t say that.
LULU: What else am I supposed to say? I have no idea what you have convinced yourself of, or how you manage to sleep at night, but what you have done–what you’ve done is unthinkable, Maxie! You are a cruel human being!

I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I actually felt most sorry for Spinelli in these scenes. I know! Spinelli! But he was as much a victim of this lie as Dante and Lulu, and he tried to make the best of a horrible situation in order to spare them pain, and then he ended up getting blamed as if he was the one who had set the whole thing in motion! So just this once: I’m team Spinelli.

(Remind me of this day the next time he’s being a self-righteous hypocrite about something, so I can marvel at it.)

Lulu and Maxie fight1

Lulu and Maxie fight2

Meanwhile, I’m pretty sure we just witnessed the end of Maxie and Lulu’s friendship for the foreseeable future. Lulu’s recent insufferableness aside, that was gut-wrenching. And if there’s a custody battle coming up, as seems inevitable, then I’m sure it can only get worse. THIS IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I WANTED, GUYS.

On the other hand, Dante getting to put the clues together and just scream at Maxie was damn satisfying. And that was one hell of a soapy slap Lulu laid on Maxie. See? Satisfying! Yet Terrible! (Come on, Germans, you have to have a word that covers this.)

Speaking of which, the luminous Dr. O’s eternal nemesis — that schlumpy Anna Devane — was at it again. If by it you mean tag teaming with Jason Thompson to RUIN ME. (But in an extra delicious way, because: ROBIN ROBIN ROBIN!!!)

Anna BREAKING MY HEART

Patrick can't let go

PATRICK: I love Sabrina, but–
ANNA: What, what?
PATRICK: [voice breaking] I can’t let Robin go.
ANNA: [tearing up] Nobody knows better than I how hard it is to let go of Robin. But you have to. We both do.
PATRICK: I know you’re right. I know! But–
ANNA: What is holding you back?
PATRICK: I can’t put my finger on it. It doesn’t make any sense; it’s not based on any sort of fact. I just can’t wrap my head around the fact that I’m never going to see her again, that I’m going to spend the rest of my life without her.

OH, STOP IT, YOU TWO. No, really: stop it, because I’m starting to get dehydrated from all the tears.

Robin sees Emma

And of course, in the soapiest of all soapy coincidences, Patrick finally made the decision to take off his wedding ring and move on with his life just as Robin was watching footage of the Nurses’ Ball (that Jerry funded!) and vowing to make her way home to him.

Does anyone else get all tingly thinking about Patrick and Anna seeing Robin alive for the first time? IT’S GOING TO BE SO GOOD. And I swear: if we don’t get some sort of recreation of this scene — I don’t care if it’s Anna and Robin, Robin and Emma, Robin and Patrick — I will be SORELY disappointed in Ron Carlivati’s love of history.

Also, her face on hearing about Richard Simmons? Kind of speaks for all of us, I think:

Robin nurses ball

EVEN JERRY THINKS THE SIMMONS THING IS WEIRD

Jerry, by the way, was kind enough to confirm what many have guessed: he’s been keeping Robin so she can manufacture a cure for his polonium poisoning. Which… actually kind of makes sense? (I love it when a long term plan comes together! Mostly because I’m not used to it on this show!)

This leads us to the architect of all this deliciousness, namely my dearest darling Dr. Obrecht.

Real talk, y’all: the list of things I love about Liesl Obrecht? LITERALLY EVERYTHING. And I don’t mean that in a bullshit “literally now means the opposite of what it actually means” way. I mean every single thing about the way she chooses to be brings me such unbelievable joy.

LIESEL

Like yesterday, when The Little Book of Liesl’s Life Lessons that — if there is a God — someone somewhere must be writing received several fine additions. Including classics like:

“Did your brain leave your body with the afterbirth?” 

and

“[Ben] is no name for a baby. THAT IS A NAME FOR A RAT!”

And then she knocked out her daughter and stole a baby and seriously… she just completes me, you guys. She really does.

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26 thoughts on “And boom goes the dynamite.

  1. “Michael Corleone went to Dartmouth” is now my favorite piece of diologue from any soap opera ever. Moving on, I feel bad for Dante. I feel bad for Spinelli. I still feel bad for Maxie. But LuLu has been written very unsympathetically from the beginning of this story. I really think her reaction would have been exactly the same had Maxie told her way back in December that she miscarried. You’re so selfish, I told you not to wear high heels, I never should have trusted you, you ruined my dream, I hate you….And by the previews, LuLu wants turn around after Dante’s heartbreaking and accurate lament that children aren’t interchangeable and how they wanted THEIR baby, not Maxie’s baby and fight Maxie for custody bc children are interchangeable after all? I get it that Maxie is just WRONG but just the way this has been written ever since LuLu told huge lies that got her blacklisted from adoption, Maxie pulls at my heart strings more. Though I hate that the writers wrecked a really nice friendship just for another who’s-the-daddy story.

    • i agree…i really am finding no sympathy for lulu in any of this…she doesn’t understand how hard it was for maxie to hello give up her own baby….dante doesnt’ either…..so, no, i’m kind of not feeling him that much in this either…

      would they have understood from the get go, perhaps, but, i don’t think they would have, and we would have been having the same convo..

      people are saying that maxie is the true cruel one, perhaps she is, but, i don’t see it that way, putting others before yourself, is never cruel, and that she’s cruel to her own child, it’s not like she left the child on a door step, in a dumpster, and just moved on, she gave her to people that she knows love her, and will care for her, so that’s not being cruel to her child either…

      I agree…i’m so bored with these who’s your daddy stories…enough of them already….do something unexpected like, not a who’s your daddy, that would actually be original….

      now we have to sit through britch’s, for how long…….

      susan

      Moving on, I feel bad for Dante. I feel bad for Spinelli. I still feel bad for Maxie. But LuLu has been written very unsympathetically from the beginning of this story. I really think her reaction would have been exactly the same had Maxie told her way back in December that she miscarried.

      • Well, I don’t know that it’s really reasonable to expect either Lulu or Dante to be immediately forgiving and able to consider Maxie’s viewpoint. They’ve received a huge shock, and — good intentions or no — she did a terrible thing to them. They should get to be angry about it.

        I don’t agree with Lulu that Maxie is a cruel or unloving person. But she is certainly often selfish and careless with other people, and in this case, whatever she told herself, she was putting her needs (to not face Lulu’s disappointment) above Lulu and Dante’s right to know and make decisions about their child. I have sympathy for her, but… she was wrong.

        • They totally get to be angry. “Tragically misguided” as Spinelli put it, is a good description of Maxie. LuLu’s desire for a family overcame HER own better judgement first when she lied during her adoption application and second when she chose Maxie as a surrogate even though she kneeeeew exactly how misguided and impulsive and generally unsuited Maxie is to the job of being a surrogate. Maxie, however, is not an unfit parent and LuLu wanting to keep Maxie’s baby (at least the way this has been written) sounds like 2 things….first, that Maxie owes her a baby, ANY baby, which btw was exactly the way Maxie was thinking of this situation. And secondly, that she’s mad at Maxie and is gonna keep that baby to punish her. Neither of which have anything to do with what’s best for the baby. Which makes LuLu look really selfish. Is Dante a better actor than NuLu or are they really writing LuLu this unsympathetic on purpose? Bc Dante’s breaking my heart. Everyone is breaking my heart except LuLu. Dante laid into Maxie and Spinelli as hard as LuLu did but you could see the pain of the loss of his baby in his eyes. So I don’t know if it’s better acting from everyone else in the story or the writing that’s made LuLu seem so unsympathetic to me.

    • I think if Lulu had been written with more sympathy toward Maxie before this, she would be coming across as more sympathetic now. Instead it just feels like more of the same, dialed up to 11. But I don’t agree that she thinks Maxie owed her any baby; if she’d known from the beginning, she wouldn’t feel that way. But she’s spent month loving this baby. She’s bonded with this baby. She thinks of this baby as her daughter. I’d be offended, actually, if finding out they weren’t blood related erased all that.

      Also, to answer your question below: Brian Frons was the head of ABC Daytime and SOAPnet for most of the 2000s. He was fairly notorious among fans for reported backstage meddling and promoting his favorites to the detriment of story, as well as for condescending interviews where he talked about “training” the viewers. I try to take conspiracy theories about TPTB with a grain of salt, but in Frons’ case, I have a really hard time believing he had any respect or understanding for either the genre or its fans at all. His interviews always dripped with contempt, and under his watch, the genre was nearly destroyed. (SORRY, I HAVE A LOT OF FRONS FEELS.)

      • Yeah, if she immediately wanted to just put the baby out on the street bc it’s not biologically hers, that would be awful too. They’ve written LuLu in such a way that I find her unengaging and wouldn’t mind if she moved out of town with her sorrow.

  2. Finola and Jason were just so fine. No words. And Duke comforting Anna — so good. Those three, plus little Emma, should have their own show.

    Why in the heck would Alexis go to Derek for info about Julian Jerome? Well, plotwise I know why, and watching Derek react to it was delicious, but it makes no sense otherwise. Her own daughter is a p,i., as is Spinelli (well, won’t blame her for not going there), plus couldn’t she have gone straight to Duke? Or Anna? And what about asking Sonny, the fount of info on all things mob? As with the weird guest list and godparent requests for the christening, plot taking precedence over common sense.

    • Alexis going to Julian didn’t bother me because I think she kind of just wanted an excuse to talk to him again. ;)

      But also, Sam’s still dealing with Danny, and I can’t see Alexis wanting to tell her about her suspicions until she has proof. Spinelli is the last person I could see her wanting to explain something so personal to. Ditto Sonny, who’s off the deep end with grief, anyway. And I don’t know that she knew about Julian’s history with Duke and Anna until yesterday?

      (But really, she wanted an excuse to ask Derek out, come on.)

  3. I agree with your post. The scenes were awesome! FH and JT always bring it. The only problem is that I was telling Patrick NOT to take it off his ring for Sabrina. This ‘relationship’ has all happened off screen. Patrick definitely has feelings for her but it does not even come close to what he had with Robin. He knows somewhere deep down that she is alive.

    Also, if I hear one more time how smart and beautiful etc Sabrina is, I will want to scream…enough already!!

    There were some comments on YT that people expected more of a reaction from Robin when she saw Patrick and Emma for the first time in a year and a half,but I think it was Robin trying to be strong and not fall apart in front of Jerry and she has been held captive and knows she cant get back to them until she finds a cure, so maybe she is holding it all in until she sees them.

    You know those scenes of reuniting with everyone are going to rock! I am already waiting for the Emmy noms and JT better get his this time!

    In case there is any chance she sees this, THANK U KMc for coming back!! Watching old YT Scrubs clips can only get you so far :)

    • I don’t think the point of saying he should take the ring off for Sabrina’s sake was to imply their relationship was equivalent to his and Robins, but just that it would be unfair to any woman he was with to keep holding onto Robin’s memory the way he’s been doing. And unhealthy for him.

      I like KMc’s reaction to seeing the NB recording. She was clearly affected, but she’s not going to break down in front of Jerry. That’s not Robin’s style.

      • That’s my point. He did not do it for her and she should not have been there while he did it. Anna yes, Sabrina, no. Besides the fact that I cant feel anything for them b.c they have not been written for…there has been no relationship onscreen.

        Also I have this feeling that Jerry sent Sabrina to PC…..just a feeling no spoiler info….Just saw the beginning of today and it just makes my feeling stronger….would make her more interesting…..

  4. PS. I agree that they should have their own show…and they did…NS was basically their show and it did well, especially the 2nd season….never really got why they didnt continue it….

  5. You forgot to mention my fav moment at the very beginning of the show-Robin spitting in Jerry’s face! Love that Robin is not being a wimpy victim but being strong and fighting back!

  6. I want to feel sorry for Maxie but I just want also shake her and say “What did you think would happen? Did you think you could hide it forever?” Maxie should have told them the truth before. This whole surrogacy story is a let down. I can’t blame Lulu for being angry this time, thinking the baby is hers just to find out it isn’t. I also feel bad for Spinelli, who is caught in the middle.

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