It seems like lately the show has two modes: things that I want to kill with fire — like, say, anything to do with Franco’s attempts at dating hijinks. Or Franco’s attempts to revive his art career. Or Franco’s attempts to use his super funny recent past as a serial killer to intimidate romantic rivals. Or–well, you get the idea.
But then there are the things that are so awesome that I can only flail madly at my computer screen. Like, say, pretty much everything to do with the Robin story.
Robin effing Scorpio, you guys! Not giving up, even after almost TWO YEARS of captivity. Spitting on Jerry! Snarking at Obrecht! Fighting to get back to her family — but also not blaming Patrick for moving on with his life, and taking care of the baby she thinks is his. I just love her so much.
And I especially love her faith in Anna:
ROBIN: The little girl inside of me keeps thinking my mom is coming to save me. I know it’s silly, and I know my mother isn’t a god. But… I’ve always seen her as some kind of a superhero. And I keep thinking that at any minute, she’s going to come busting through that door to take me home.
Seriously, I need Anna to kick ass and take names and break down doors and RESCUE HER BABY GIRL so badly.
I also need more scenes like the ones we got today with Robert and Mac. Their relationship’s gotten such short shrift during most of Robert’s visits since he rose from the dead, but the actors obviously still have a great connection when they’re actually allowed to be in the same room. Case in point: addressing the glaring absence that’s still a sore spot for a lot of viewers.
ROBERT: I couldn’t stick around for my daughter’s funeral. I mean, I just couldn’t stick around to say goodbye to my little girl.
MAC: Luke read your letter. I think we all understood. [Ed. note: speak for yourself, Mac] You know, I don’t think any of use expected you to show up after seeing…
ROBERT: The charred remains.
MAC: I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.
ROBERT: Hey, listen, if I can’t talk to you about this, who can I talk to? What that fire and explosion left behind was unrecognizable. I couldn’t believe that it was Robin… But I couldn’t deny it either.
MAC: No father should ever have to see that, Robert.
ROBERT: I could have been stronger. Stronger for Emma, for Patrick, for you, for Anna…
Sensitive bro conversations for the win! Robert’s torment not being able to tell Mac about Robin just about killed me. (You guys — we’re going to get to see Mac find out Robin’s alive soon! I kind of want to cry a little just thinking about it?)
Of course, if you watched today’s episode — and if you haven’t, stop reading this right now and go watch — then you already know it ended with an injection of SUPER EXTRA BANANAS AWESOME that really can’t be done justice in mere words. So I’ll let the images speak for themselves:
Never mess with a mad doctor scorned, y’all. Liesl Obrecht was already my queen. After whipping out the truly deranged crazy eyes of rage, though? My love for her may now have transcended all of space and time.
But maybe the best part of this whole sequence was Faison’s BALLS TO THE WALL reaction scream of horror:
Is it tomorrow yet?
Meanwhile, over at the other major story of the moment: there’s basically nothing but agony. Also, call me fickle, but after months of wanting to throttle Lulu for her selfishness and lack of compassion, all it took was one day of Maxie’s bitchface for me to transfer 150% of my loyalty in the opposite direction.
I mean, just look at the faces she pulled while having the gall to be surprised that Lulu and Dante were actually taking her at her word that Connie was theirs:
DANTE: Our names are on the birth certificate. At this point, we are legally Connie’s parents.
MAXIE: [with a truly hilarious amount of scorn] That’s a lie.
LULU, DANTE, ME: THAT’S YOUR LIE!
I swear… FLAMES! Flames on the side of my face!
And I really thought I’d be okay with Maxie changing her mind about “claiming” (UGH) the baby. It’s a horrible thing to do, but there’s really no non-horrible resolution to this situation at this point. But then she pulled out the attitude, and all I wanted to do is smack the smug right off her face.
The one non-painful bright spot of this mess was Felicia’s magnificent reaction to learning Frisco could have prevented it all from getting to this point months ago:
MAXIE: There is one person I told, but I made him promise not to say anything: Frisco.
FELICIA: OH, THAT JACKASS!
MAXIE: Mom, please–
FELICIA: Even Frisco should have been able to see what a horrible, unwise decision he was letting you make.
MAXIE: It’s not his fault! I begged him not to say anything.
FELICIA: Oh I’m sure he loved that. After abandoning you most of your life, he drops in out of the sky and he gets to feel important because he’s keeping your little secret. That’s not helping you, Maxie. That’s enabling you.