Not with a whimper, please.

Seems like it was only yesterday when Julian spent most of his time giving Alexis twitter-patted sex eyes, and my heart was all a-flutter with the excitement of finally, finally getting the epic, slow burn romance for her that I’ve been waiting for.

Um… what happened to that? And why is THIS on my screen instead?

Carly and Julian

No, seriously. Why are we wasting precious Julian time on a tryst with Carly that’s clearly going nowhere? He’s a transparent spoiler for her and Franco. She’s a means to an end with Sonny. I’m so bored by it all, I could scream. And all the while, more and more people are finding out the truth about Julian’s identity, which means the window of opportunity for he and Alexis to fall for each other before that particular bomb drops is rapidly disappearing. 

And yet, where is he spending the majority of his time? Crawling up effing Carly’s tonsils. I DON’T GET IT.

I’m a flexible girl. If Julian was seducing Carly for business reasons, but clearly all torn about the way it was messing up his chances with Alexis, that could make for some compelling soap. Instead, she’s suddenly become an afterthought in her own baby daddy story. Which is infuriating. Do not want.

Patrick and Robin Halloween

Robin and Nikolas Halloween

Speaking of stories that started off strong only to fall into a pit of poor pacing and baffling choices, what the hell is going on with the Robin plot? I get what they’re going for: seeing her so close to her family and yet unable to reveal herself is a delicious torture. The problem is, it’s also completely ridiculous — and not in a good “Obrecht ripping off an Anna mask” way, you know?

In order for this story to work, we have to believe that Jerry’s threat to Anna and Robert is real from half a world away. Which is really hard to do when Robin’s wandering around town without any supervision. I mean, what if she had revealed herself to Patrick? She could easily have explained the situation and gone back to Spoon Island with no one the wiser since Faison and Obrecht aren’t even pretending to check up on her.

Obrecht and Faison halloween

Frankly, the scene at the end of today’s episode where they tried to act threatening only emphasized how defanged they’ve both become.

Luke’s reappearance highlights the same lack of urgency. I’m glad to hear he (and the writers) didn’t forget about poor Sean Donely, but are we seriously supposed to believe that a side-trip from Greece to Ireland took an entire week? Or that cell phones don’t work there?

Not that it matters, because despite the supposed short amount of time Jerry has left, neither Robin nor any of the others have seemed to have even been looking for Luke or thinking about the cure until now. As Robin said today: for all she knows, her parents could have escaped (or already be dead) and she’d be none the wiser. Hell, Jerry could be dead, since apparently they’re not even checking in with him.

snow white liz

Britt and Ben Halloween

But I don’t want it to seem like I’m completely down on the show right now. I mean, is it possible to not enjoy any episode where Rebecca Herbst is dressed as a literal Disney princess and making her signature bitch faces at a woman carrying the cutest little skullcap in the world?

And who doesn’t love a good meta soap shout out? (I hope Deidre Hall got a huge kick out of this.)

Emma and Sabrina Halloween

In fact, all the costume choices were delightful. And that moment when Robin got to hug Emma? Or when she had to admit to Nikolas that Sabrina wasn’t so terrible after all — which is almost worse than if she had been the monster Obrecht described? That’s some great soap.

I just really need the threat posed by Jerry, Faison, and Obrecht to step up its game. And fast. Because otherwise, all that gorgeous momentum and tension that made the Cassadine Island scenes so magical is going to disappear. And if this story fizzles out at the end after two years of build up, I really will scream.

(p.s. Can Alexis get laid soon? PLEASE?)

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10 thoughts on “Not with a whimper, please.

  1. Well, my hope is that last week when Julian flat out said to Ava, ‘You have your hooks in Morgan and I have mine in Carly’ that it was just a back up plan in his plans to take out Sonny. I see no evidence that he actually… likes Carly.

    • I don’t think he likes Carly either. But that’s not really the problem for me. It’s that all this time spent getting his hooks into Carly is time not spent building a relationship with Alexis. It would be one thing if it was clear he was thinking of Alexis when he was with Carly. But there’s been no evidence of that either. And I really wanted them to at least have kissed before she finds out the truth.

  2. LW is a lead and that means she gets first dibs on all of the new male actors (see SK’s return) and since fans are screaming that Carly would never lock lips with Franco, TPTB must be trying to stem the flood of disgust. Yes, it’s annoying as heck, but it will not change any time soon.

  3. Julian kind of landed firmly in the ‘villain’ camp for me when he tried to have Morgan killed. To be clear here – I don’t like Morgan. At all. But lousy personality or no, he didn’t deserve to die just for figuring out Julian’s identity, and the fact that he’s still a teenager only made Julian look worse. As did the fact that Julian pretty overtly threatened to do the same to his own SISTER. And I can’t accept the “It’s just how the business works” excuse, because I have always held that excuse to be utter nonsense when fans used it for Sonny and Jason, and I find it nonsense now. That IS how the mob business works, but see THAT IS WHY MOBSTERS ARE GENERALLY CONSIDERED BAD PEOPLE. If you want to have me believe they’re good people, you can’t show them doing things like trying to murder teenagers (or anyone, really) just because they’ve become ‘inconvenient’.

    … Which is my rather long-winded way of saying that I just don’t know if I can root for a Julian/Alexis love story anymore. I’m tired of seeing her constantly paired off with mobsters and villains. Sure, there’s a slim possibility Julian could ‘reform’ for her (or, better still, just because he wants to become a better person), but I think we all know that’s highly unlikely. So where can their relationship really go? Alexis isn’t the type to willingly look the other way while he does awful things in the name of “the business”. This is the woman who wouldn’t even TELL Sonny that Kristina was his daughter because she didn’t want her child or herself involved in that life.

    Don’t get me wrong, the actors absolutely have chemistry, but I just don’t see it working out long-term. And I would dearly love to see Alexis get involved in a relationship that wasn’t doomed from the start for once. Can we get Ned back? Please?

  4. You really can’t ship a couple on GH. There’s little to no romance. Alexis disappeared from her own story and lost her man to Carly… Who’s also kissing Franco. I won’t touch all the other couples or triangles, it’s just a big mess.

  5. Thank you! I started watching GH again solely for b/c I heard they were finally doing the Sam daddy story. I loved JuLexis at first sight and have continued to enjoy their slow build. I don’t get why tptb had to go and ruin a good thing by inserting Derek into Carlyland. If it served some story purpose, then I could understand. But, it serves no purpose whatsoever other than to provide angst for Franco/Carly and make Franco look better by comparison. I also agree they should have made Derek look like he was pining away for Alexis while seducing Carly for business purposes. All they had to do was sprinkle Alexis and Julian in a few scenes here and there in between the Carly/Derek mess. But, nope. It’s more important that Carly gets to make out with 2 men in a single day, while Alexis gets none. Ugh. This is the type of ish that made me quit watching in the first place.

    • Yeah, I never thought I’d say this about Michael Easton, but… too short, man. Too short. It’s so close to his head that it basically looks like it’s in a ponytail anyway.

      • I know! He’s had those fly backs since the 80’s on the DOOL. It turns out Michael Easton’s hair can be TOO SHORT! Who knew? And not to spoil anything but I want a shooting regarding BETRAYAL on Friday. I won’t get it. But I want it. Get. In. The. Boat. Fredo. But all I’m gonna get is more broken barware.

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