Seems like it was only yesterday when Julian spent most of his time giving Alexis twitter-patted sex eyes, and my heart was all a-flutter with the excitement of finally, finally getting the epic, slow burn romance for her that I’ve been waiting for.
Um… what happened to that? And why is THIS on my screen instead?
No, seriously. Why are we wasting precious Julian time on a tryst with Carly that’s clearly going nowhere? He’s a transparent spoiler for her and Franco. She’s a means to an end with Sonny. I’m so bored by it all, I could scream. And all the while, more and more people are finding out the truth about Julian’s identity, which means the window of opportunity for he and Alexis to fall for each other before that particular bomb drops is rapidly disappearing.
And yet, where is he spending the majority of his time? Crawling up effing Carly’s tonsils. I DON’T GET IT.
I’m a flexible girl. If Julian was seducing Carly for business reasons, but clearly all torn about the way it was messing up his chances with Alexis, that could make for some compelling soap. Instead, she’s suddenly become an afterthought in her own baby daddy story. Which is infuriating. Do not want.
Speaking of stories that started off strong only to fall into a pit of poor pacing and baffling choices, what the hell is going on with the Robin plot? I get what they’re going for: seeing her so close to her family and yet unable to reveal herself is a delicious torture. The problem is, it’s also completely ridiculous — and not in a good “Obrecht ripping off an Anna mask” way, you know?
In order for this story to work, we have to believe that Jerry’s threat to Anna and Robert is real from half a world away. Which is really hard to do when Robin’s wandering around town without any supervision. I mean, what if she had revealed herself to Patrick? She could easily have explained the situation and gone back to Spoon Island with no one the wiser since Faison and Obrecht aren’t even pretending to check up on her.
Frankly, the scene at the end of today’s episode where they tried to act threatening only emphasized how defanged they’ve both become.
Luke’s reappearance highlights the same lack of urgency. I’m glad to hear he (and the writers) didn’t forget about poor Sean Donely, but are we seriously supposed to believe that a side-trip from Greece to Ireland took an entire week? Or that cell phones don’t work there?
Not that it matters, because despite the supposed short amount of time Jerry has left, neither Robin nor any of the others have seemed to have even been looking for Luke or thinking about the cure until now. As Robin said today: for all she knows, her parents could have escaped (or already be dead) and she’d be none the wiser. Hell, Jerry could be dead, since apparently they’re not even checking in with him.
But I don’t want it to seem like I’m completely down on the show right now. I mean, is it possible to not enjoy any episode where Rebecca Herbst is dressed as a literal Disney princess and making her signature bitch faces at a woman carrying the cutest little skullcap in the world?
And who doesn’t love a good meta soap shout out? (I hope Deidre Hall got a huge kick out of this.)
In fact, all the costume choices were delightful. And that moment when Robin got to hug Emma? Or when she had to admit to Nikolas that Sabrina wasn’t so terrible after all — which is almost worse than if she had been the monster Obrecht described? That’s some great soap.
I just really need the threat posed by Jerry, Faison, and Obrecht to step up its game. And fast. Because otherwise, all that gorgeous momentum and tension that made the Cassadine Island scenes so magical is going to disappear. And if this story fizzles out at the end after two years of build up, I really will scream.
(p.s. Can Alexis get laid soon? PLEASE?)