Previously on Vampire Diaries: Tyler left for spin-offville, the whole cast attended a costume ball, and Katherine got eaten. Only not really.
What a twist! Okay, Vampire Diaries. You got me. I bitched about the mythology not making any sense and then you went and actually addressed some of my complaints. Bravo.
So, Katherine’s alive — although kind of decaying rapidly — and if you’re looking for an explanation for that beyond “the writers would be insane to kill her off” then keep holding your breath for now. (Also, if you’re wondering where Nadia is… JOIN THE CLUB.) Wherever Nadia went, she apparently didn’t leave mommy any lunch money, so poor Katherine’s been forced to break into Elena and Caroline’s dorm room just to get a hot shower.
Luckily, Caroline is in dire need of some Villain 101 lessons to keep from getting kicked out of school for being a vampire. Which prompts a truly excellent team up in which Katherine pretends to be Elena so the two of them can go tie up Professor Jerkface, drain him of his vervain-laced blood, and finally get some answers.
Turns out there’s a secret society on campus and they have a captive vampire known only as “the Augustine vampire.” Mysterious! That’s what killed Elena and Caroline’s roommate. And wouldn’t you know? There’s a secret society mixer that very night, and only humans can get through the front door!
So Katherine clears Elena of all vampire suspicion just by showing up. She also meets Aaron, who’s either a really good liar or completely clueless about all this vampire conspiracy junk. Losing a tooth puts a damper on things, though, and the episode ends with her blackmailing Jerkface about his vampire experiments so he’ll figure out what’s wrong with her.
Meanwhile, back in the less awesome A plot of this episode: Silas is cheerfully planning to kill himself by day’s end, and to resurrect Bonnie in the bargain. All he needs to do find that pesky anchor first, so he can destroy is and go be reunited with Amara in the one true afterlife, or whatever. In order to buy some time, he’s trapped Tessa and Stefan in her cabin until sundown.
I’ll say this: as little patience as I have for Silas in general, snarky and suicidal is a good look on him. But he does make the mistake of banning Elena from coming along on their little road trip. Which is too bad, because Elena left alone does monumentally stupid things… like going to Tessa’s cabin to check on Stefan after Tessa tricks her into thinking they’re sleeping together.
And of course, once she sets foot inside, she’s stuck with them, giving Tessa the leverage to make Damon kill Silas right now or Tessa will kill Elena. Stefan, for all his recent bouts of self-pity, is not actually down with Tessa murdering his erstwhile soul mate. So he flirts Tessa into a false sense of security and then stabs the crap out of her. It’s kind of sweet, in a Vampire Diaries way?
The anchor in question, by the way, is somewhere in a warehouse in Jersey. Because, sure. Why not? Bonnie and Jeremy are along for the ride, and the latter gives former a twee pep talk about the power of belief that almost makes me want her to stay dead, just so I don’t have to watch their inevitable reunion. Dirtybadwrong sex with Damon! That’s all I want from my Bonnie plots, people! Not this boring Jeremy business.
Damon’s new plan to kill Silas is dealt a blow by the appearance of some Traveler witches. Seems they want Silas dead too — but not until they can use the cure in his blood on one more pesky immortal. Yeah. That anchor? Not so much a what as a who. By which I mean: Amara! Alive! And still immortal! Which explains why her line of doppelgängers exists. And also why Tessa was so certain Silas wouldn’t be able to destroy the anchor. Clever girl.
So we finally get to spend some quality time with the famous Amara. And she’s kind of a voices-hearing basket case! An English speaking basket case, at that. (Who are we kidding — this show is not going to take the time to teach Paul Wesley and Nina Dobrev any lines in ancient Greek.)
There’s a big reunion with Silas fawning over her while she freaks out and is generally as confused as you’d expect someone to be after thawing out from a 2000 year freeze. And then she finds out he took the cure… and knifes him to drink his blood. It’s kind of awesome.
Meanwhile, Tessa catches up with Stefan after he sees Elena safely home. Now, see — if he hadn’t lost his memory, he probably would have remembered she’s the type of girl to hold a grudge. Although her punishment this time falls a little short of sentencing him to an eternity locked in a purgatory away from his one true love. But I’ll cut her some slack, since she’s still bleeding from a gut wound.
In any case: she restores his memory of all the shitty things he’s done and all the shitty things Elena and Damon have done to him, like spending all summer boning while he was drowning endlessly at the bottom of a lake. Damnit! Just as amnesiac!Stefan was getting interesting, too.
Meanwhile, Damon’s back and he’s brought Elena a little newly mortal souvenir from Jersey:
They just have keep her alive long enough to bring Bonnie back somehow.
(Call me slow on the uptake, but it just now occurred to me that with the cure so easily transferable through some friendly blood drinking, there’s a good chance Elena will end up getting it after all. That’s disappointing.)
Next time: Damon’s got doppelgängers coming out of his ears!