Like all soap fans — oh, hush, you know it’s true — I can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. I mean, I try not to be psycho about it. But let’s be honest: one of the charms of soap operas is getting to still be pissed off about stuff that happened decades ago.
(I’m sure there’s someone out there right now, seething with resentment over something that happened on this show in 1963. And to that person, I say: whatever it is… NEVER FORGET.)
But there does come a time when I try to let go of certain issues so I can enjoy what’s happening in the now.
All of which is an extremely long-winded way of saying HOLY HELL, I AM STILL PISSED WE HAD TO WAIT THIS LONG… but I still really enjoyed the reunion scenes between Robin, Sonny, and AJ the other day.
(I mean, I could still bitch for hours about how we were cheated out of Sonny actually finding out Robin was alive. Especially given how much screen time he’s had in the last month talking about the same boring things with the same boring people–but, no. Letting it go.)
(But seriously. They couldn’t have cut five minutes of scintillating Shawn time to show that reaction? Come on.) (Letting it go! I swear!)
I wish I could say I’m enjoying the rest of Robin’s story as much right now, but the prospect of the sitting through what feels like the 5oth paternity lie in the last two years alone is kind of making me want to gouge my own eyes out in advance?
Luckily, my new boyfriend Carlos is there to make things bearable with his sensible beard and silver foxiness and complete refusal to deal with Sabrina’s bullshit:
CARLOS: Sabrina. This is what you wanted. Okay? And you were more than willing to go along with this lie.
SABRINA: I didn’t have a choice, did I?
CARLOS: Yeah, you did. You could have told him the truth.
Right? RIGHT? Sabrina, I’m gonna need you to dial that bitchface down about ten notches when 1) YOU were the one who was insisting Patrick doesn’t have a right to know about his own child, and 2) YOU were also the one who could easily have told him the truth just then. Take some damn responsibility for your own crappy choices and stop whining.
(I don’t want to hate her, I swear. But they’re making it really hard lately.)
Fortunately, the tide may be turning for Felix? I mean, I don’t want to start counting my chickens or anything, but tell me you didn’t stand up and high five yourself during this scene:
BRAD: Concerned friend? No no, Felix. You are a pathological buttinsky. You couldn’t mind your own business to save your life!
FELIX: Okay, I may be a buttinsky, but at least I’m not a liar. That would be you.
BRAD: This may shock you, Felix, but most people have been known to lie at some point.
FELIX: So you don’t see anything wrong with conspiring with Britt?
BRAD: I think what Britt and I do is our business. Not yours. Just like Sabrina being pregnant and telling Patrick — or not telling Patrick — is her business. Not yours! And maybe the reason you’re so obsessed with policing everyone else’s life is because you’ve got no damn life of your own!
It’s like they read my mind! Please tell me this means the writers realize how annoying Felix has gotten and have a plan to fix it? Pretty please?
I know Brad is still helping keep Dante and Lulu from their child, and therefore a terrible human being. But he’s suddenly become one of the most enjoyable parts of the show for me. (I’m not sure if that says more about me or the state of the show. Probably both.)
Meanwhile, on this week’s edition of “how the hell am I supposed to react to this? No, really. I really can’t tell,” we got Franco wallowing in some truly epic (and by “epic” I mean epically hilarious and bad) manpain over his true love Carly’s rejection.
Naturally, Franco being Franco, he had a perfect solution to this problem:
FRANCO: I gotta get out of here. I’ve gotta go find Carly.
KIKI: Maybe that’s not the best idea. You know, if that’s how Carly really feels, she might just need time away. She doesn’t want to see you.
FRANCO: If she sees me — if I could just see her, if I could just talk to her, I could get her to see there’s nothing for her to be afraid of.
Because nothing make a woman feel safer than a guy who refuses to take no for an answer! And who in fact pursues her after she’s told him she’s leaving town because she’s afraid of him. MY EYES ROLL FOREVER.
(Sure, we all know that’s not actually true. But the fact that he doesn’t know that, and this is his reaction? Bodes very poorly for anyone who actually does try to end a relationship with him.)
As always with Franco, I honestly have no idea what anyone involved with making this show is thinking. Are we supposed to find it tragic because poor serial killer with his poor fragile feelings? Are we supposed to be concerned for Carly because we’ve never watched television before and actually think there’s a chance in hell she’ll actually die? Should we be skeeved beyond belief? (Hint for the writers: this is the only correct answer.)