Hey, remember that time two people who looked exactly like Franco and Kiki played a beloved father and daughter for years, and he was always getting into trouble and she was always reluctantly helping him out and they bickered but also loved each other a lot? Those were good times, huh?
Let’s relive them, but with people we don’t care about who have no shared history to justify it!
I can’t say that I hate Kiki. Hate implies caring, and she’s too much of a non-entity to inspire that level of hostility. What I am is resentful.
I resent being expected to care about such a paper thin character. I resent the wink, wink/nudge, nudge laziness of throwing Roger Howarth and Kristen Alderson together in a scene and expecting years of characterization on another show make up for the COMPLETE lack of personality she’s been given on this one.
(And I resent that her name is still Kiki. I swear, every time I have to type it, a piece of my soul dies.)
Now that I’ve gotten that out of my system, let’s move onto happier topics. Like the fact that after months of name dropping, Lucas Jones is finally back on the canvas! And he’s grown up quite nicely, too.
NOT SURE ABOUT THAT SHIRT, BUT WHATEVS
Here’s what I like about Lucas so far: he acts like a real person. His sister’s been kidnapped? Of course he’s concerned enough to fly across the country at the drop of a hat. He finds out he has another grown sister he’s never met? Of course he wants to get to know her, even though he finds it kind of weird and awkward.
And when he’s ambushed by the mobster father he never knew showing up alive, kind of acting like a creep and skeeving said sister out? Well, he just NOPES on out of there.
I appreciate you, Lucas Jones. You’re both cute and also seem to experience genuine human emotions. Now go find Brad. Felix doesn’t deserve you yet. P.S. SHUT UP FELIX. OH MY GOD.
YOU KNOW LIZ WAS THINKING IT TOO.
(Poor Elizabeth. You just know she makes the same New Year’s resolution every year: for the love of God, Webber, don’t get involved with any paternity lies. And yet here she is, not even through January yet and already breaking it again. Girlfriend just can’t catch a break. Even when it’s not her uterus.)
Meanwhile, my fierce darling Liesl is back, because Ron Carlivati never met an insane villain that he didn’t want to take past mere implausibility straight into WHAT and WHY and STOP PLEASE territory. (See exhibit A: everything about Heather Webber right now.) You all know I love me some Liesl Obrecht, but even I am a little concerned we’re about to get too much of a good thing here.
Luckily, I don’t have to touch on the utter ridiculousness of everything involved with her getting released at all, much less somehow ensconced as Chief of Staff at the hospital, since all of the characters have been kind enough to react for me.
WHAT SHE SAID
I’m trying to refrain from full judgement on the Obrecht shenanigans until we get the full story behind her release. But if I can appreciate one thing about the last few days — other than her piercing blue eyes — it’s that at least it’s given Robin and Patrick an excuse to actually acknowledge she’s experienced a great trauma:
ROBIN: It was surreal. I really–I thought I was losing my mind.
ANNA: God, I can’t even imagine.
ROBIN: They say that’s what happens to people with PTSD. Not that I have it. I just–I might have looked up the symptoms.
PATRICK: You didn’t tell me that–
ROBIN: Because I didn’t want you to worry!
Gee, Patrick. Maybe that’s not the sort of thing your wife who was kidnapped and held against her will for two years should have to tell you. MAYBE THAT’S THE STUFF YOU SHOULD BE ASKING ABOUT. You know, instead of acting like everything’s hunky dory normal and hey, maybe we should have a baby right now, because there’s no way Robin might have some stuff to work through first.
(I’m sure I’ll stop being angry about that some day. Today is not that day.)
Lastly, can we talk about how adorable Britt was when she thought the board chose her? Also: can we laugh about the fact that Britt still has a job and a medical license at all, much less that she’s consideration for a promotion right now? BECAUSE THAT IS SOME TRULY RIDONK BUSINESS RIGHT THERE.
But no matter. Because, again — adorbs:
Remember when Kelly Thiebaud only seemed to have two modes: sneering and aggressively sexual? She’s so much more entertaining now that she’s allowed to let Britt’s dork flag fly.