Well, that was just as irritating as I’d feared.

As soon as the date of Kimberly McCullough’s departure was announced, we all knew it was going to be a bit messy. But I was honestly prepared to let a lot slide because it’s a hard spot for the writers to be in, as long as Jason Thompson is staying.

If they’d just said that Robin was off helping other researchers perfect the cure she developed for polonium poisoning and had Emma visiting with her off screen — a la Jax and Jocelyn — I would have accepted that. But of course, that would have meant Patrick wasn’t free to go back to Sabrina without looking like an asshole. And we can’t have that.

So now we’re left with a severe case of SCSS (Soap Character Stupidity Syndrome)*. Which is the thing that always happens whenever a soap character has to leave his or her brain at the door in order to further a plot that would otherwise make no sense.

ROBIN: There’s just something about our relationship that doesn’t feel like it used to.
PATRICK: That just doesn’t make sense!
ME: I FEEL YOU, PATRICK.

For the record, I can absolutely buy that Robin would give up a lot to help Jason. Not just because of their past together or because Danny needs his father, but because the thought of anyone suffering and imprisoned like she was for so long would hit Robin extra hard. Of course, she could never leave him like that.

(Also for the record: the fact that the props department chose this terrible mugshot as the photo she’d be mooning over for days has caused me never ending hilarity.)

What I don’t buy is that she wouldn’t just tell Anna and Patrick — and Nikolas! — what’s going on. I mean, seriously? She’s going to not only torpedo her marriage and abandon her already traumatized child, but also set Stavros and Helena loose on the world again without a qualm? And all because Victor said not to tell anyone? (Well, gee, Robin. Did he make you pinky swear? Because otherwise I think you could just LIE TO HIM.)

But then, the idea that if she tells a single soul, all-seeing Victor will somehow not only know, but also give up on the enterprise entirely is almost as ludicrous as the Cassadines needing Robin in the first place.

WHAT? WERE ALL THEIR OTHER
SCIENTISTS HIT BY A BUS?

And I am insulted on Anna Devane’s behalf that Robin wouldn’t believe her kick ass parents — especially with Nikolas and the Quartermaines (or Sonny, for that matter) providing some financial backing — couldn’t set up a sting operation to find the Jason-sicle and whisk him away without all of this unnecessarily complicated bullshit.

But again, we can’t acknowledge any of those options, because then Patrick couldn’t waltz on back to fairy tale land with Sabrina as soon as Robin’s back is turned. (Remember those two minutes where it seemed like the writers might actually be letting Sabrina move on to a story with Carlos? Those were fun.)

I guess it’s just Robin’s turn? I mean, Patrick was the one written wildly out of character all December.

So now he’s the one getting to be rational and understanding while Robin acts like pod person, breaks her husband’s heart, and leaves Emma after already missing so much of her life. Neither of which I believe she’d actually do if there was even the slightest hope of another way.

The silver lining as usual is that Jason Thompson and Kimberly McCullough are killing it the way they always do, no matter how nonsensical the material is. Plus: Cassadine hijinks! The return of Victor! I am super on board with both those things!

Did we have to make Robin such a moron to get them, though?

(*See also Elizabeth’s infuriating waffling over telling Dante he has a freaking child, just because, what — Lulu might have a sad? I CAN’T EVEN WITH THIS CRAP.)