Parties! Parapets! Paternity secrets galore!

Because good soap tends to make me lose all sense of propriety, I feel like I should apologize to anyone in a five mile radius of my house yesterday. They’re probably wondering who Lulu is and why she should just OPEN THE DAMN LETTER, ALREADY.

(As the shriek I let out when Brad went over the edge was no doubt supersonic, I’m sure they couldn’t decipher enough of the details to wonder if they should be calling the cops on his behalf. But still, neighbors: I’m very sorry.)

Nik's happy family

I have to hand it to Nikolas: sure, every single engagement party he’s ever had at Wyndemere has ended in tragedy and murder. And sure, even the ghost/hallucination of his last fiance (who was murdered at his last engagement party) was all “hey, maybe just quietly elope this time?” But does Nikolas let any of that stop him from giving it the old college try yet again? No, no he does not. Bless.

Because hey, if soap characters ever truly learned simple rules like “don’t monologue the details of the terrible secret that will ruin your life in public places” or “stealing that baby is just not going to end well for you” or “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STAY AWAY FROM THE DANGEROUS DAMN DOCKS” we would basically have no show.

Still, someone really should have told Brad the most important rule of all: never, ever, ever go up onto the parapet during a party on Spoon Island. That’s just asking for it.

Obrecht threatens Brad

OBRECHT: Isn’t it beautiful? It belonged to Helena Cassadine. A wonderful woman. Such drive and dedication to her family.
BRAD: How did you get it?
OBRECHT: Let’s just say that the Cassadines and I go way back. Helena would often brandish this blade to protect her loved ones. And she taught me everything she knew.

Listen, Carlivati. I am sick and tired of all these allusions to Helena and Liesl, sitting in a tree, when we have yet to see a single glorious flashback to exchanging friendship daggers or braiding their henchmen’s hair together. Get with the program! Pics or it didn’t happen!

Anyway, apparently, dear Mutti was the one who saved Katherine Bell way back when, which was a nice bit of history tie-in I did not see coming. And speaking of Katherine, I sincerely question both the physics necessary for Brad to walk away from that fall at all, much less with his bones intact.

(I can only assume that maybe Nik really has learned at least a little caution when it comes to parties like this, and deliberately set up a 20 foot cushion of hay under the parapet.) (Psst, Nik… next time maybe a trampoline?)

Also, my level of distress at the thought of Brad dying is kind of amazing when you think back to what a terrible, one dimensional character he was not that long ago. So I can’t really complain that he’ll live to be able  to grovel for Lucas’ forgiveness once the truth about Ben comes out.

Brad and Lucas

YOU HAD BETTER GROVEL GOOD, BRAD

Meanwhile, in another intriguing bit of synergy: Luke! Is not brainwashed or lobotomized or suffering from weird dementia/memory loss! But is: not Luke at all, bankrolling Julian, using Tracy for access to ELQ, and generally perving all over the place in a way so gross that I actually high-fived both Morgan and Kiki. (I know. I was shocked, too.)

As for his true identity, it has to be someone who: 1) would be familiar with The Outback, but wouldn’t know that Luke calls Tracy “Spanky,” 2) would have the money and the business savvy to take over Barrett Enterprises, and 3) would want Sonny’s territory enough to go to all this trouble in the first place. I have only one thought? (Although I don’t recall him being such a perv — a shameless lech, yes… but in a classy way, you know?)

Whoever it is, he has my thanks for bringing together two of my favorite things: Sonny and Alexis conspiring and bickering, and CAPERS.

Alexis and Sonny caper

SONNY: You don’t know the difference between a conversation with a child and a conversation with a gangster?
ALEXIS: In my experience, it’s often very similar.

Seriously, Sonny should only ever hang out with Alexis and small children. They both make him roughly 100% more entertaining.

(And even if she’s a terrible spy, Alexis should only ever get stories where her hotness is fully recognized. Especially when it involves both pulling one over on Julian — who lied to her for months and therefore deserves it — and getting an excuse to date him. Win/win!)

But maybe the best news of all is that Ric really was just a red herring, which means he may actually end up not completely boring/enraging me this time around? Stranger things have happened, although not many.

In any case: well played, sir.

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6 thoughts on “Parties! Parapets! Paternity secrets galore!

  1. So well played. I forgot about Damian but like you do not remember him being that gross in his advances. I honestly can not think who it could be. It surprised me that even as I am cheering on LuLu and happy the secret is out I still like Britt. Just hope not forgive and forget too quick that drove me nuts on AMC’s Babe and Bianca story line.

  2. I look forward to your post about PATERNITY REVELATIONS!

    LIZ kicked to the curb!
    Dante and Lulu…making out mid-scene?
    Nik holding Britt back… I feel sorry for BRITT..

    Oh that was some good soap.

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