It is a great comfort to me that the one true constant of this show under this or any other writing regime remains true: Sonny and Carly alone or with other people may have moments of non-suckitude. But together? They feed on each other’s terribleness to form a TERRIBLENESS VORTEX.
Exhibit A: literally every single word of their conversation about his murdering AJ the other day:
CARLY: You’re his father. You raised him, you loved him. Hell, you’d crawl on broken glass for him You’d do anything for him.
SONNY: Except keep my word.
I was going to go with “except not murder people” but that was a good effort, Sonny! (Also, if you’re going to start making self-aware burns on yourself now, it’s not going to leave me much to do. Stick to what you’re good at, kid: murdering people and then blaming them for ruining your life.)
This whole conversation was kind of amazing, right? I mean, it takes some serious skills to shovel that amount of bullshit into one small room and not get buried by it. Good thing these two are clearly old pros:
CARLY: I’m not gonna pretend to be sorry. I can’t! I mean, AJ literally wasted his life. He threw away every chance that he got!
SONNY: [nodding] He was a miserable human being.
CARLY: He was! Which was why I vowed the moment I was pregnant that he was never going to be the father to my child.
Since Barbara Jean wasn’t around to roll her eyes this time and AJ’s now too dead to offer his rebuttal, please allow me: NOPE, NOPE, NOPE.
Lemme tell you a thing, Carly Benson Cornithos Jacks. When you found out you were pregnant, you genuinely liked AJ. You were friends with him. In fact, you had fantasies where everything worked out and you stayed best friends forever. You gave a great deal of thought to what he needed to be happy (which coincidentally, was pretty much a girl like you). You told him, and I quote:
CARLY: AJ, you are a wonderful guy, okay? That is never going to change, no matter what ever happens.
The one and only reason you didn’t want AJ to know he was Michael’s father was so you could use the pregnancy to hang onto your mother’s husband. And you were wracked with guilt over the whole thing:
But no, you totally thought he was a miserable loser who wasn’t fit to be a father right from the get go. That is in no way a revisionist lie you told yourself later to feel better about the way you betrayed his trust, ruined his life, and stole his child. TOTALLY.
(Also, perhaps the person currently dating a reformed sociopath shouldn’t be questioning anyone else’s life choices? Like, when your significant other can honestly tell you he knows exactly how it feels to watch someone die, it should be filed under “things that are less comforting when said by a former serial killer.”) (Look at your life, Carly. Look at your choices.)
ANYWAY. As entertaining as it is to watch Sonny and Carly desperately rewrite history in order to convince themselves they’re not the terrible excuses for human beings that they absolutely are… I really, really, really cannot wait for Michael to find out the truth and rip both of them to pieces. IT’S GOING TO BE SO BEAUTIFUL, YOU GUYS. I CAN’T WAIT.