It’s a bad sign when you’re too bored to rant.

Friends, it’s been over two weeks since I last wrote anything about General Hospital. I think that’s a new record? It’s not that I haven’t been watching. It’s just that the days have all blended together in a big boring haze of Franco and Carly bellowing, FauxLuke being gross with Kiki, pre-teen love triangles, and Sabrina and Patrick making doe eyes at each other.

AJ haunts Sonny

(I mean sure, occasionally AJ’s ghost shows up to troll Sonny. But a girl’s attention cannot be held by ghost trolling alone, magnificent though it may be.)

Thankfully, Friday’s episode was so hilariously bad that I at least feel invested enough to mock again. It’s the little things, you know? Everything was so terrible, I almost don’t know where to start — except, no, that’s a lie: let’s start with the SEX GUITAR that played over Ava and Sonny LITERALLY BONING ON AJ’s GRAVE. Because that was amazing.

Sonny Ava sex2


I wanted to insert a rant about how predictable and tiresome Sonny and Ava’s inevitable hook up was, but that god awful music blaring every time the scene cut from Olivia’s sad martyr face back to Sonny cheating on her was so perfect and terrible and I can’t stop laughing about it, even two days later.

Kudos, music editor. You really nailed (pun intended!) the right tone for Sonny banging one son’s current lover/ex-mother-in-law in the family crypt of his other son.

Not much could top that whole spectacle of badness. But then Morgan stumbled in with his apparently impeccable sex-radar, and — I kid you not — this is the actual face that Sonny made while screaming at his son that he did, indeed, just bone his girlfriend in a mausoleum:

Sonny is gross


I’m not sure what my favorite part of the ensuing temper tantrum was — Morgan indignantly yelling “YOU DON’T EVEN LIKE HER!” or Sonny’s face when he brought up Jax. But I legit cracked up through the whole thing.

(I cannot wait for Michael and Morgan to team up as President and Treasurer of the We Hate Sonny Club when the truth about AJ finally comes out. It’s going to be the best, you guys!)

Meanwhile, Britt delivered Sabrina’s baby on the side of the road while the latter huffed and puffed and went into awkwardly acted histrionics all over the place.

Sabrina and Felix

(And of course, Britt is a suspect in the hit and run and OF COURSE no one at the PCPD is going to bother actually, you know, checking her car for signs of a collision. Forensic evidence is for losers! Real cops investigate crimes by accusing people based on zero evidence and then walking away in frustration when they don’t just confess!)

All of this does beg the question, though: if FauxLuke is cool with putting out a hit on Emma, than why wouldn’t he have just had Spencer taken care of directly? (I’m also having an increasingly hard time taking him seriously as a threat when he’s continuously jeopardizing his entire diabolical scheme to hit on anything that moves, but that is another issue.)

At least we’ve got Ned to make the whole mess somewhat bearable:

Ned and Kiki


His delightfully meta explanation of Luke’s sordid past was almost worth my irritation that Wally Kurth’s extremely limited time was being squandered on scenes with effing Kiki and Morgan instead of — OH, I DON’T KNOW — Alexis?

(Almost.) (But no, not really. Seriously, go see Alexis, Ned.)



32 thoughts on “It’s a bad sign when you’re too bored to rant.

  1. i have a feeling that Ned and Alexis will reconnect . I also have a feeling that Alexis and Julian will be epic .this Sweeps.

  2. Someone pointed this out, and I haven’t stopped laughing/crying.

    Sonny cheated on his oldest son’s mother, with his youngest son’s girlfriend, on top of his adopted son’s biological father’s grave.

    • I was laughing about that having forgotten the whole portion about cheating on his oldest son’s mother. So like…ALL of his sons are gonna hate him at the same time. Though Dante got over being shot point blank…

    • Can I stitch that quote on a pillow:):):) Seriously. . .as gross as that soap-reality really is, it is freakin’ hysterical!!!! That just made my morning!!!!

  3. she is so right..

    although stop saying pre-teen with the love triangle….and call it what it is, a baby triangle….

    although how they are reacting isn’t uncommon…I tell you, but still they are not pre-teens…..


  4. i have a feeling that Ned and Alexis will reconnect . I also have a feeling that Alexis and Julian will be epic .this Sweeps

    I sure hope so, beause this I would love to see…

    enough of dirty luke….and all that….


    sonny is scum sorry sonny fans.,….but this is one of the reason why I can’t stand him…..guess that he and this luke have so much in common, that they don’t literally care who they screw…(sorry for the language)…….as long as they’re doing it to someone, that’s all that matters to them…….

    compare notes you guys…….luke…whoever you are, I bet that you have so much more in common…….then you’ll ever know….so why not pair up…..and just leave town together….I won’t mind a bit…

    in fact it would be such a great show without the two of you…and while you’re at it….go and find doc o….and kill Helena and her creeped out son…and put us all out of our missery

  5. The music was just terrible, especially when split into 30 second scenes. It was like HEAVY GUITAR RIFT GRIND Sabrina and Patrick driving GUITAR WAIT DON’T CUT THE SCENE WE’RE STILL ROCKING – Spencer and Cam quietly watching tv. So awkward.

  6. Well, Ric came back, and Ned, Too, but, OMG, all the yelling at each other, who wants to watch that? Tuesday (tomorrow) is a dinner date for Julian and Alexis, that should be fun.

  7. I haven’t even watched in a few weeks. The sad thing is I don’t miss it. If I had known about Ned. But probably would then have just been irritated if he spent his time with Kiki?!?

  8. Y’all if loving Sonny’s downfall is wrong, I don’t wanna be right! The one thing that ‘always saved Sonny’ was that he cared about his kids and was a great father.

    And now he doesn’t even have that.

    I love the HELL out of this storyline. I kept going ‘EW’ but also, ‘YES’! Especially because I didn’t expect Morgan to walk in and go, “Did you just have sex?!” How could he not know? Eva had SEX HAIR!

    God, I can’t even tell you how much fun I’m having with GH these days.

  9. Eh, I figure Morgan jumped straight to “did you have sex” because he seems to have found the smallest bit of a brain of late – who’d have seen that coming – and Sonny countering anguish by jumping on the nearest thing without a penis is as routine as Sonny crossing himself as he prays not to get away with murder.

    Now, what virgin to I have to sacrifice to keep Ned?

  10. I just can’t with SonAvaBitch, crypt-sex was the worst thing ever. The thought of Morgan walking in on the aftermath and being able to tell they had sex from the stench of those two rutting makes me almost feel sorry for Morgan. I just hope they don’t drag this out forever. Oh wait, we’re talking about TFGH, maybe next year Sonny will finally gets what’s coming to him, in a tiny little jail cell along with a big roommate who has a taste for whiny little men.
    Sonny ruins everything.
    All my Ava love is now destroyed.

    I want a show with Ghost AJ on every day. I also want a pony.

  11. maybe fake luke is scared of the cassidines but Patrick isn’t so scary and since anna is being dumbed down and Robert is MIA he doesn’t have to worry about the scorpios.

  12. Up until this accident, the PCPD under Anna has been more effective than it has been in years. I think the only reason they are writing FauxLuke as threatening Emma is that for some reason Carlivati & Co. think that this kiddie triangle is adorable, and that putting the kids into typical adult soap scenarios is… I don’t know. Fun? Interesting? It’s not. FauxLuke threatening Spencer into staying quiet or kidnapping him would have been a possibly suspenseful turn to take. Continuing this endless competition between two little boys over a little girl is just silly.

    And I’ve decided that Anna’s judgment is warped because Emma was in the car, and having to repeatedly watch Obrecht go free has driven Anna a little nuts. I just hope that at some point, the show will acknowledge that so it’s not just in my head.

    • Yeah, I can’t really blame Anna for being suspicious of Britt considering everything both she and her parents have done to Anna’s family, and what Britt’s done recently to Lulu and Dante. She told Nate to look into it and that was obviously stupid because he’s useless as an investigator. But I think we’re clearly supposed to see that her judgement is slightly affected by her personal history with Britt and that’s fine.

    • I agree. With Emma and Patrick present, the history with Britt and Dr. O and Faison, and Anna unaware of Ava’s threat to Sabrina as well as faux Luke’s threat to Emma, it makes sense to look at Britt as a suspect. At least she told Nathan to get a warrant to check Britt’s tires against those of the on coming vehicle. Hopefully that clears her quickly. That said, focusing on Britt that intently is going overboard.

      My big issue is that, clearly, the cops will not be the ones to figure out AJ’s killer, since Sonny is the one who actually pulled the trigger. Even worse, since they can’t expose Ava’s involvement that day, without implicating Sonny, it looks to me like Carly and Franco (blech!) will be the ones to figure out that Ava killed Connie.

  13. Gotta agree with most of you. I enjoyed watching Patrick with Britt more than Sabrina. I just cant with her. I really believe that this baby is Carrrrrlos’s, especially with the way is acting and reacting – even if he doesnt know its his. He and Sabrina are so much better together.

    Sonny and Ava were awful…in a crypt?? Really??? They could not have found somewhere to go?? The whole thing was icky. Then I saw Michael and Kiki in there,,,,its all bad…and the heavy metal music made it even worse…I watched it on YT and I thought the channel added it until it kept happening and then I read others comments on it….weird to say the least….

    Also, it seems we are not done slapping the Scrubs fans in the face yet….I base this on some spoilers I read. I can’t imagine it getting any worse but it looks like it is….all for them to pair Patrick with Sabrina again…..Its truly time to go back to YT and watch Scrubs stuff until and if Robin comes back….Hope JT gets the Emmy this time….

    • I really don’t think it’s ‘slapping Scrubs fans in the face.” KMc won’t come back full-time. JT is on contract. I don’t like Sabrina or the pairing; but the couple has a fanbase. It’s not to my taste, but I don’t wish back-burner status on an actor of JT’s caliber. I wish they’d found a better actress and written a more compelling character for his love interest; but since KMc is the one who doesn’t want to be on the show full-time, I don’t see how giving Patrick a story is anything other than logical.

      • There are sooo many ways to have written the exit and still have JT/Patrick with a story but not have ruined Scrubs. I do NOT want him back-burnered but it almost seems that way now with Sabrina. She is much more exciting with Carrrlos. They knew that KMc was not back for a long time but it was poorly handled, she should have been back sooner. She and JT barely had scenes and when they did they were two-three minutes long with no substance….she was kidnapped and gone for 2 yrs and they never spoke about it on screen!!!

        I don’t want to spoil it but there is supposedly something that happens, that is another slap in the face to a fan base(that has stuck it out for years, through Lisa!!)…in my opinion, let’s see how it plays out over the next few days/weeks…..I can admit it if I’m wrong :)

        Congrats to JT on his nomination…..hope he wins this time!!

  14. I’ve come to loathe Sonny ever since he had Johnny escort Robin out of his penthouse all those years ago. It has steadily increased over the years, and today (actually yesterday), when he pulled that broken voice, trembly lip thing as he tried, successfully, to get Morgan to keep his mouth shut, I jumped to a whole new level of hate for him. He really is terrible, just terrible, and I too hope to see both Morgan and Michael kick him to the curb. Unfortunately it will never last more than a month.

  15. Did anyone get a feeling of heartbreak watching Alexis run to Sonny yesterday? Honestly, my heart just stopped. After Julian promised I won’t to her when she asked he not do anything they would both retreat, she runs to Sonny and reports on Julian? My poor big mobster.

    • Honestly, I had no problem with it. Julian’s hands are far from clean, whether or not he tries to kill Ava. He’s completely the aggressor in this conflict with Sonny, he’s running drugs — which you know Alexis would not approve of — and he’s at least complicit in whatever’s happened to real!Luke, who is one of her oldest friends.

      Lord knows I have no love for Sonny, but he and Alexis also share a child, he’s her client, and they have a very long and complex relationship. I would find it very out of character for her to turn just turn her back on all that at this point.

  16. Actually, I really like that the show is giving Alexis divided loyalties. She’s drawn to Julian but has a longstanding relationship with Sonny. I think it’s interesting. Julian and Alexis are both being less than forthright with each other, but they can’t keep away from one another. Good soap.

  17. Well, if alexis is playing Julian for that worthless waste of human skin Sonny, then I sincerely hope Julian is WSB and when that comes out, alexis goes down with Sonny. And if the only way she can be saved is if Julian confesses he was sleeping with her during the undercover operation, and Sam begs him to save her, that might be good drama, too.

    • I don’t think Alexis is playing Julian just because she hasn’t decided to disown Sonny. From the very start, she’s been very open about her professional and personal connections to him. Despite knowing that, Julian chose to pursue a course of action that would put her in the middle of the conflict and is currently keeping plenty of things from Alexis. I would love it if it turned out he was working a deep cover for the WSB, but I don’t see how Alexis is currently in the wrong in any way right now.

  18. On a side note, I am sincerely hoping that RC has the great good sense to fold Alexis into the Faux Luke story. It would make complete sense for Ned to tell Alexis what has been going on with Luke and Kiki, and for Alexis to know that’s not like Luke at all.

  19. I hope so too! I love NLG and TG in their scenes together! I think she’d know something’s off about her long time friend.

  20. Crypt sex was the last nail in the coffin for me called GH.I didn’t delete the whole thing sight unseen because I wanted to see AJ.,I did now I deleted it. I also have hated Sonny from the time he was fagin using teens to run his gummy bears? His drugs for Karen his hits on jagger, his calling Robin out for telling AJ ,Michael was his. I have shut the show off for seven years when he took Michael. when AJ wouldn’t back down I loved it. I also loved Billy Warlock play AJ he certainly made Sonny ,mb actually look so untalented.I have watched for a long time ,this time I am done..I was so happy to see the emmys are showing FrankenRon they are not as great as they think they are. I was so happy when Guza and the unholy three left, now these two are just as bad in different ways. .Same church, different pew..Sometimes I think they are trying to get the show cancelled.

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