Gimme Some VD: “Man on Fire”

Previously on Vampire Diaries: Travelers, Travelers everywhere! And all they want is for Elena and Stefan to have sexy dreams about each other.

It’s the next day and the brain trust that is Cute!Matt and Jeremy has finally discovered they’ve lost their magic knife (and their Tyler) — much to Damon’s annoyance, as he had appointed himself a one-man Traveler exterminator. I guess his plan was to just stab everyone in town, one by one? Sure that would have worked out fine.

Sloane's end

Speaking of Tyler, Markos has him chained up in some empty warehouse. He gives a speech with some helpful exposition of Traveler backstory that everyone there would already know. There’s a lot of prophecy talk. It’s pretty boring and the actor playing Markos has zero charisma points so, whatever. Long story short: Sloane volunteers to drink some of Tyler’s blood and then gets her throat slit, which will somehow help them with their curse problem.

Meanwhile: Enzo finds Elena, Bonnie, and Stefan attempting to distract themselves from all their looming personal disasters by studying for finals at the palatial coffee shop where Liv just happens to work. It seems Sloane finally came through with the info about Enzo’s lost love, Maggie. And — SHOCKER — she was ‘fridged decades ago. Pretty brutally too:

Dead Maggie

Enzo’s certain it was Stefan, even though the latter swears he wasn’t a ripper at the time. The outrage rings a little hollow given how many completely innocent people we’ve watched Enzo slaughter lately, but what else is new for this show? He’s also holding Luke hostage so Liv will help him by magically immobilizing Stefan and Elena. Bonnie tries to call Damon for help but Enzo just takes the phone and casually lets his bestie know he’ll be murdering his brother soon.

And then we’re in a flashback. It’s the 60s! It seems Maggie came to Mystic Falls looking for Damon — except she found a dapper looking Stefan instead. And for some reason informed him of her intention to kill Damon. Sorry, Enzo — Maggie seems nice and all, but she was kind of an idiot? In the present, Enzo threatens to kill Bonnie, so Stefan confesses. This would be more dramatic if the previews hadn’t given away the fact that it was actually Damon who did it.

Liz and Damon1

Liz and Damon2

Speaking of which: Damon is still back in Mystic, leaving a slightly panicked message for Caroline, who shall otherwise not be seen or heard from in this episode. This feels either very significant or very cheap on the writers’ part. Luckily, he’s got her awesome mom instead. HI, LIZ! Remember when these two were BFFs and hung out all the time? That was good for me. She brings him the case file on Maggie’s murder, and he immediately realizes it was his kill.

Flashback to Enzo imprisoned! Maggie begs him to make her a vampire so she’ll have the strength to free him. I don’t blame her. 50s Enzo is much hotter than present day Enzo. (Must be the hair. And the puppy dog eyes. And the not murdering people constantly.) He tricks her into coming close enough so he can rip off her vervain bracelet and compel her to leave and forget all about him. It’s all very tortured and noble.

Maggie and Enzo

Present day Enzo and his fuglier hair is drinking and torturing Stefan when Damon finally shows up. To his credit, he confesses pretty much immediately. In a flashback, we see Maggie seek 60s Damon out and ineptly attempt to inject him with some vervain. So he ripped her head off, using Stefan’s MO because he was still a wee bit pissed that his brother didn’t notice he’d been locked up for five years.

Present day Damon reminds him that his emotions were off at the time and he had no idea this was Enzo’s Maggie. Enzo doesn’t want to hate Damon because he is literally the only person he still has. So he decides to shut off his emotion switch instead. OH EM GEE, I HATE THE DAMN EMOTION SWITCH SO MUCH. It makes no sense no matter how many times they try to explain it, and the writers just use it as a get out of jail free card to create conflict without consequences. HATE.

Sad Enzo

Anyway, “emotionless” Enzo still seems pretty damn angry (which, btw, is an EMOTION, writers). He takes a big bite out of Liv before stabbing Damon and taking off with Elena in tow. Stefan catches up with them first and they have a big knock down, drag out that ends with Enzo committing suicide by sort of forcing Stefan to rip his heart out. Because that will make Damon hate him? Or something? I don’t even know, you guys. Stefan stares at the body, slightly stunned.

I wasn’t too crazy about either the character or the pairing, but  I do find it really odd that they would do all this in an episode where Caroline is completely absent. They were clearly trying to build up that relationship. I mean, obviously he’s not really gone, but still. Seems sloppy.

Elena bad idea

Meanwhile, Damon finds Elena and tenderly brings her back to Chez Salvatore, but disappears before she wakes up because MANPAIN and whatnot. Stefan shows up a little later and tells her that Enzo’s dead, but hey! Wouldn’t it be fun to just let Damon believe he’s still alive and out of town? Elena, because she has watched this show before, knows this is an absolutely terrible idea that will only end in MORE MANPAIN and me rolling my eyes forever. But she’s Elena and therefore makes terrible decisions, so she agrees to go along with it.

To thank Bonnie for saving her life, Liv gives her some advice: there’s nothing to be done to save the other side; Bonnie should say her goodbyes to her friends. And also let Jeremy know. But because her decision making skills as are solid as Elena’s, she lies to him that everything’s hunky dory — and about Enzo passing through to the other side. I’m not sure why Jeremy can’t know the truth about that, but fine.

Bonnie and Liv

Back with the Travelers, it seems their evil plan revolves around using the doppelblood to reverse the curse that keeps them from gathering in large numbers — and they test it by using it to reverse Sloane’s vampirism. Which–WHAT? How the hell does that work when both of the doppelgangers are themselves vampires? THIS EFFING SHOW.

Anyway, Sloane’s dead now. That… also seems like a waste. Were we supposed to care about her? Because I didn’t. Maybe if they replaced all of her scenes this season with random Traveler extras, they could have afforded to have all the members of the main cast in episodes like this. JUST SAYING.

Ghost!Enzo

We end on Stefan and Damon having a brotherly heart-to-heart about how Enzo was the one who kept Damon from hating Stefan back at Augustine, and they both owe him for that. Awkward! Even more so when we see that ghost!Enzo is watching them and monologuing about how he will have his revenge.

(Does it creep anyone else out that ghosts in the Vampire Diaries world might always be there, watching you poop or having sex or picking wedgies? No? Just me? SO CREEPY.)

Next time: It’s a doppelhunt and an awkward roadtrip!

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