Folks, it’s Nurses’ Ball time again. And you know what that means: I straight up love this stuff, so for three days, I’m going to resist the urge to roll my eyes at the kiddie love triangle, mutter under my breath about the waste that was AJ being killed off, or curse Franco’s name.
I refuse to let little details like my active lack of interest in the show lately stop me from enjoying all the ball gowns and contact embarrassment with every bone in my body, damn it.
First things first: LIESL OBRECHT IS THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING. Obviously. You know why? Because she is a woman who enjoys life. Sure, she may be a mad scientist, and the criminal mastermind she loves may probably be dead, and both of her children and all of her employees may want nothing to do with her. But she has fun, damn it. My darling Liesl doesn’t let pesky things like reality get in her way. And I appreciate that.
(I also appreciate the things that outfit was doing for Kathleen Gati’s…. everything. But that is another matter entirely.)
And yes, the fact that she is still Chief of Staff is so far beyond the realm of insane that I can’t even talk about it. But the Nurses’ Ball is not a time for realism. It is a time for extreme cheese and cattiness about fashion. The winner on that front was clearly Jordan, because, well… damn, girl:
Although I feel I must also give a shout out to Rebecca Herbst’s back, for reasons that should be quite obvious (she clearly designs dresses to her strengths):
SAME, NIKOLAS. SAME.
On the cheesiness front, the entire conceit of the red carpet announcer for the Port Charles local news knowing the name and personal details of every single person in town will never not be hilarious to me. Nor his cheerful explanations of typical SOAPS! nuttiness:
RED CARPET DUDE: Next to arrive is the radiant Samantha Morgan. And who is that on her arm? Don’t worry, folks, it is not aspiring deranged vampire, Stephen Clay. Instead, it is his thankfully more stable look alike brother, Silas, who recently beat a murder charge of his own. They look beautiful together.
It’s a toss up whether that whole speech or his awed description of Nathan as the most handsome man he’d ever seen was my favorite part. But a close runner up was getting to see the various other characters watching at home the way (I assume) all the normal citizenry of Port Charles do all the time, just popping their popcorn and waiting for shit to go DONKEY BANANAS, as it always does.
Sorry, no. I’m totally lying. Because my VERY FAVORITE part was clearly Brad and Britt: Best Besties Forever, and their complete and utter glee over Sam’s misfortune on the red carpet.
(It still kind of amazes me when I remember that both of these characters were so actively terrible at this time last year. Look how far we’ve come!)
THIS FRIENDSHIP GIVES ME LIFE.
Speaking of friendships, seeing Lucy and Felicia together still makes me so happy. As does the clear delight Ron Carlivati takes in bringing up Felicia’s Aztec princess heritage literally every chance he gets. AZTEC GOLD WILL NEVER GET OLD, GUYS. NEVER.
And rounding out the list of things I love seeing: Lucas and his darling, handsome face and his increasingly feathered and poofy hair. And Felix has not even been pissing me off that much lately, so if they want to get their flirt on: godspeed, good sirs.
BUT CUT YOUR HAIR, HIPPY. I MEAN IT.
(I swear, though: if Brad does not march his cute little butt down to that ball and get his man back, I will not be responsible for my actions.)
Finally, there was Sonny. Always Sonny:
DANTE: Is this true? Did you cheat on my mother? How could you do that to her?
SONNY: You don’t understand… what’s going on. It meant nothing.
DANTE: Nothing? So you break my mother’s heart for nothing.
(That pause where you could literally see him realizing “…she helped me murder a man!” would not make his case for him was so beautiful to me.)
Since this marks the 20th anniversary — which makes me feel old, and also nostalgic? But mostly old — I’ll close with a clip from the very first Nurses’ Ball, proving contact embarrassment has been a big part of this thing from the very beginning:
Oh, 1994 Jason Quartermaine. You still complete me.
Tune in tomorrow for: Nate’s sad puppy eyes! Levi almost certainly not being the best! AND EDDIE FREAKING MAINE!