On the last few days of the Nurses’ Ball: Blackie Parrish was a total lie, Epiphany’s interest in Milo’s junk started to get creepy, I had a lot of feelings about the Westbourne siblings, and Doc broke all of our hearts.
ADORABLE GOOBERS AND I LOVE THEM
The two big themes of the end of the ball seemed to be: 1) pushy dudes, and 2) friendship. Which is kind of a weird combo, when you think about it, but okay. Seriously, though — between Ric, Scotty, Brad, FauxLuke and freaking Spencer, is there a single guy of any age on this show capable of taking no for an answer?
(I keep hoping Nikolas will explain to his son that Emma is not a prize and he’s not entitled to her forgiveness or love just because he wants it. But then I remember Nikolas himself would have to be aware of these concepts in the first place, so… basically this will never happen.)
But you’d think he might have some insight, since Britt’s doing the same thing to him. OH, BRITT. You know I love you a lot right now, but it’s been, like, a week? Maybe? You do not get to demand forgiveness or throw that much attitude at him yet. Ditto for Brad’s indignation with Lucas. One semi-awesome rap does not a terrible betrayal overcome, Brad! Take it back a notch!
BOBBIE’S FACE, THOUGH
And while I’m enjoying Lucas and Felix’s budding friendship/love triangle a lot, the soapy trope of inventing a fake relationship to avoid just saying no to someone is one of my least favorite things in the world — especially when there’s zero reason why Lucas couldn’t simply have answered “dude, you conspired to STEAL A BABY. That’s why.”
(Hilariously, the last time we saw this trope was when Carly pretended to date AJ so she wouldn’t get back together with Todd and that was ALSO because he conspired to steal a baby. SOAPS!)
And then, of course, there’s Scotty, who’s transferred his Laura laser focus directly onto Lucy — crapping all over Bobbie in the process. Way to douche, Scott! Way to douche. Even though we all saw it coming, it should go without saying that everything to do with this whole scene was AGONY.
Well, everything except Lynn Herring still being able to pull off that underwear. ROCK THOSE LEGS, HERRING. ROCK THEM HARD.
I’m a card carrying member of the LUCY & DOC 4-EVA club, and if they do not find their way back to each other when all is said and done, I will not be responsible for my actions. (Kevin’s devastated face! JUST STAB ME IN THE HEART, WHY DON’T YOU?) But I have always loved her friendship with Scotty too, and all of fall out has been pretty deliciously old school soap.
Lucy/Bobbie cat fight, complete with Damian Smith and hooker shout outs! Kevin and Mac going at it and then laughing and making up! Felicia pawning her Aztec jewels to save Lucy from some public embarrassment!
LUCY: Thank you. No one has ever done anything quite like that for me. I can’t believe you did that after I made you keep secrets and lie for me!
FELICIA: Lucy, there have been times when I have wanted to strangle you, but I know you’ve always had my back. And I’ll always have your back.
ME: *basically crying forever*
Soap friendships make me so happy, y’all. (I didn’t even hate the montage of everyone coming to the hospital to visit Patrick and Sabrina, even though everything else to do with that story is kind of the worst.)
Anyway, back to the ball: the list of things I found extra hilarious in the last couple days includes: Ron Moss in a yellow muscle shirt, babbling about some mysterious past with Leslie Webber, because RANDOM and LOL; Maxie apparently finding hair extensions lying around back stage; and all of the super earnest yogurt plugs — but especially the ones in conjunction with gratuitous ab shots:
I am hungry for something, but it is not yogurt.
Also, Lucas doing a sustained grump face next to Britt’s happy dancing to Brad’s number will never stop cracking me up. NEVER.
GRUMPFACE McSOURPUSS IS NOT AMUSED
BY YOUR PEPPY DANCE NUMBER
Less funny: the death of Mr. Marbles, while long overdue, just felt needlessly mean. He wasn’t even make cracks at Frisco this time! Let Mac have his dumb dad jokes for five minutes, jeez. (Also stop sexually harassing Milo, Epiphany. It’s passing into creepy town, population: you.)
But the hands down, number one best part of the ball for me was Alexis finally TAKING THAT UGLY DAMN DRESS OFF. (That bow! Was an abomination!)
I loved basically everything about their post-ball night together. Actually having a conversation like a real couple! Laughing, teasing, talking about their lives! I mean, don’t get me wrong. All of the other times we’ve seen them getting it on following a big passionate fight have been super good for me. To put it mildly.
It’s nice to to see them not just attracted to each other, but enjoying one another’s company again, though. The way they did when he was Derek Wells.
Also, this. This was nice:
AND BY NICE I MEAN UNBELIEVABLY HOT
I’m trying not to get my hopes up too high about Julian actually attempting to leave the mob for Alexis, because that is pretty much the thing I want most in the world. But I can’t help but feel like her finally getting a bedroom set is a really good sign for their future longevity as a couple. PLEASE DON’T MESS THIS UP, SHOW. I’VE WAITED SO LONG.
So that’s it for the ball this year. Some uncomfortable child romance aside — it’s not as nearly as cute as you think it is, writers — it was mostly pretty awesome. And hey! I’m not actually bored with every single plot right now. That’s progress, right?