Maybe I’m a soulless monster, but I just can’t bring myself to be sorry that Patrick and Sabrina’s baby is dead. I know there have been way too many dead children on this show in recent years. But I also know how annoying Patrick and Sabrina are together. (Hint: really, really annoying.) So if this means they’re not tied together forever, I’m all for it.
None of that makes watching scenes of Sabrina babbling in her wedding dress or teary-eyed Jason Thompson for the umpteenth time in the last two years actually entertaining, though. Pretty much the only part I’ve enjoyed was this:
ELIZABETH: When I had to tell Cameron that his little brother was gone, I completely fell apart. Fortunately, I had Lucky there with me.
PATRICK: Well, I don’t have Robin.
ELIZABETH: I know you don’t. But you have me. I can help you through this.
PATRICK: I can’t ask you to do that–
ELIZABETH: I want to.
(It says something about how much I hate the idea of Elizabeth with either of her current romantic options that I would seriously consider putting her with Patrick to be a lesser evil at this point. It’s probably not going to happen, but I still love seeing their friendship remembered.)
Meanwhile, the only thing this show needs less than another dead baby right now is another baby story of any kind for Dante and Lulu. So of course, they’re about to launch into their third straight year of pregnancy drama. (I can only assume that maybe Ava will end up stealing this one somehow?)
Can the writers seriously not think of anything else to do with these two? Like maybe enjoying the baby they literally just got for five minutes before moving onto the next one? Especially when the explanation for Lulu’s sudden ability to carry it is so insultingly dumb. (“Oh, should we have gotten a second opinion before spending all that time and money on a complex medical procedure? Our bad.”)
The problem is everything else happening right now is just as dull or dumb. I mean, I suppose there’s a certain hilarity to watching Duke shower Sonny with praise for not telling Morgan about Ava’s crime in order to spare him pain? (Obviously, screwing and then plotting to murder her as soon as she pops out his son/grandson is the really loving father move here.) But otherwise, the entertainment pickings have been slim.
I want to care about the drama with Ric, but: 1) this whole plaaaaaaan is incredibly stupid, and 2) it’s hard for me to get worked up about Molly’s grief when we’ve barely seen her and her father on screen together since he came back to town. It’s also hard to sympathize with Ric lamenting his lost five years with her when, as far as I recall, it was entirely his choice to leave and stay gone that whole time.
Maybe if his return had been presented more as wanting to build a relationship with her and less as a desperate attempt to get back into Elizabeth’s pants, I could buy it. But frankly, Molly has still seemed like an afterthought these last few months when he wasn’t using her to score cheap shots at Alexis, so… whatever.
GIRL, YOU CAN DO BETTER
Elsewhere, I keep waiting and waiting for creepy Nina to reveal some dastardly secret agenda, but the longer she simpers and smiles at Silas, the more it really does seem like she woke up from that twenty year coma with no other cares in the world than playing house with the louse who was cheating on her in her last waking memory. Which… really, Nina? REALLY?
The only time she’s seemed even halfway human was her distress over seeing her baby brother grown into the man now known as this year’s “Least Likely to Wear a Shirt” winner.
BLESS HIS… HEART
Guys, I hate to say it, but the state of show is such that Nate may be the high point for me right now. He still can’t act, but he’s earnestly nice and often half-naked, and those two things are nothing to sneeze about when your competition is Franco and dead babies and Sonny and Ric vying for father of the year, you know?
(Also Levi. It’s hard not to win when your competition is Levi. Unless it’s a “Worst Stereotype” contest, I guess.)