Dumb and dumber.

It’s so hard keeping track of the mob hierarchies on this show. There’s the good mobsters, who kill people and do non-specified illegal things — but not drugs! And the gray area mobsters, who kill people and deal cocaine while feeling bad about it — but not heroin!

And of course, the bad mobsters — who kill people and also lace their cocaine with secret heroin, because that seems like a winning business model.

Julian kills Mickey

And it would be one thing if any of them were remotely competent. But… let’s just say that last week, Sonny literally had to stop Shawn from shooting a helicopter down over the hospital. While they were standing right beneath it. That was a thing that actually happened.

Meanwhile, Julian gave Mickey an ultimatum and was shocked — SHOCKED, I SAY — when he retaliated against Julian’s loved ones. I mean, it’s not like the exact same thing happened the last time he stood up to his boss. (I hate what they’re doing with Julian right now. I hate it so much. Not only is he lying to Alexis in really unforgivable ways, but he’s doing it in the service of a plot that continuously requires him to be a complete idiot.)

Not that Team Law Enforcement has made a better showing lately. I mean, really? They couldn’t have figured out a way for Mickey to catch Jordan without her leaving a tape recording of herself confessing she’s a DEA agent in his room? REALLY?

Jordan gun

I KNOW, HON. IT PISSED ME OFF TOO.

But really, what I want to know is: who do I have to kill to get Jordan a love interest that isn’t Shawn? Because — true story — if they’d actually given him the satisfaction of rescuing her today, I might have had to take a break from this show for a while. FREE JORDAN.

(It says something about Shawn — and how utterly I’ve come to loathe his beautiful but patronizing and sanctimonious ass — that these scenes actually found me momentarily rooting for freaking Mickey Diamond. This, despite the fact that he’s played by Donnie Pfaster, the X-Files death fetishist whose creepy voice has haunted my dreams since I was 14 years old. SHAWN IS SO TERRIBLE, HE MADE ME WANT DONNIE PFASTER TO WIN.)

I was trying to think of who else on the canvas I’d rather see with Jordan, and of course it’s the one other new character I’ve liked, and who has therefore completely disappeared:

Shirtless Carlos

REMEMBER THIS? GOOD TIMES

And then as soon as I thought of it, I got lost in an imaginary world where Julian isn’t an idiot and makes a deal with Anna to take down his boss instead of just assuming he’d let him walk away. Meanwhile, Carlos and Jordan fall in love while working undercover, neither of them realizing they’re on the same side. The combined power of their amazing hair solves the world’s energy crisis. The end.

It’s probably a bad sign when an imaginary relationship between two characters who have never actually met is more exciting than anything actually happening on the real show, but here we are.

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29 thoughts on “Dumb and dumber.

  1. Agree wholeheartedly, but at least someone finally shot Mickey Diamond. Really looking forward to Shawn getting his comeuppance when Jordan reveals she is one of the real good guys and thus a WAY better parent than Shawn the enforcer for the mob boss.

    And I used to like Shawn…

    • when are we going to get that reveal….that Jordan is working for the cops……

      that’s what I want to know

      susan

  2. Jordan and Carlos? I now want this SO. MUCH. The potential hotness of that imaginary pairing is infinitely more interesting than anything that has happened on GH in months.

  3. Morgan and Rosalie were sweet in that one scene together. I hope they get paired, and Morgan’s saved from Kiki’s vortex of suck.

  4. some like them…some do not…..most of the people who don’t like them, don’t like morgan…so.

    oh and on the up and coming……Olivia and ned are a much wanted couple…..it’s either nolivia…or nediva…..

    stay tuned….

    Jordan and carlos, not too sure……I kind of want him and Sabrina now….only I hate the alternative with Patrick, that’s what I can’t stand…

    susan

  5. I find it hilarious that Shawn is so sanctimonious given that he killed Jordan’s husband even if it was by accident. And he works for Sonny as his enforcer! But somehow Julian is a bad, bad man and Jordan needs to be saved from him? I’ve never understood why the previous regime made the decision to have him work for the mob instead of taking that job teaching at the high school that Carly got him. Particularly since he’s terrible at it. He didn’t manage to kill Franco when he was supposed to. Or keep an eye on Ava. In fact none of Sonny’s employees are worth what he’s paying them. And why would Jordan use the same clunky recorder in Mickey Diamond’s room? I’m pretty sure that they make bugs that are much smaller than that. On a brighter note, I love the idea of Olivia and Ned.

  6. I’m so behind on the show. I was wondering if they ever revealed who it was pretending to be Luke?
    Did catch part of one where I believe Lucy was telling Scott that she now wanted to be with him. I was WTF!?! I know they had the affair but who gives up Doc? Inconceivable.

  7. Thanks for the Donnie Pfaster ref, he has haunted me as well. Sometimes when I paint my nails I get a little shudder.

  8. Actually I have to kind of side with the parent who’s sheltering, raising and feeding the child over the one who chose not to do so and really has no reason to complain about it. Both “parents” chose their careers over a child but at least one’s making sure his basic needs are being met. Though seriously CPS should put the child up for adoption or hey, Alexis can foster TJ since she’s spending the most time with him of any adult on the show. No surprise his closest relationship outside of Molly is with her. TJ was a mess when he came to PC (gee I wonder why) and slowly through fits and starts became a kid who’s going to college and holding down a job to earn money. He seems to have thrived in PC in ways he didn’t back in Baltimore. HIs mother’s only action was to try to buy his love with a car that hopefully won’t be seized by AF once the drug trade is brought down.

    And while Julian might have his moments when he’s written as less smart, when it comes to not being smart at all nothing on the show outdoes the LE personnel, local or federal agents. Whether it’s having meetings in public, planting bugs the size of my foot in the most obvious of locations (AFTER conveniently recording identity and badge number), placing a gun between your ass and a pair of pants (something NO LE officer would EVER do), sexing up a criminal (guaranteed termination from any LE agency, federal or otherwise) or I guess using the “cone of silence” right in the hotel room post-Mickey killing, it just makes me cringe to watch any of them. I almost have to FF any scenes with the LE people in them b/c it’s such an embarrassment to the profession.

    So with all due respect, I’ll take the not always so smart mobster any day over the average LE employee in PC. At least I have a sense of where Julian’s coming from because he’s dealing with issues in his life facing a steep learning curve along with a splash of naivety. But there’s really absolutely no excuse for the LE folks to truly be the stupidest people on canvas across the board.

    • I wasn’t actually comparing Jordan and Shawn’s performance as parents in the post. But since you did, my opinion is this: we don’t know enough yet about how/why Jordan made the decision to go undercover for me to be able to judge it fully. I do think Shawn has been good for TJ in some ways, but I also think it’s hard to compare TJ’s current and original incarnations because RC (thankfully) jettisoned all that crap about him being an illiterate street criminal.

      The fact remains that Shawn chose to get involved with the mob while TJ was in his care, and that decision has already put TJ’s life in danger. I would never argue that Jordan’s decisions regarding her son have been perfect, but it’s the hypocrisy in Shawn’s attitude toward her that drives me insane.

      Re: Julian’s stupidity vs. the cops, as I said, neither has been covering themselves with glory lately. The thing is, I actually like Julian and want to enjoy his stories. And honestly, there’s no excuse for his naivety when the whole point of his “giving up the mob” story was that he grew up immersed in this life and it’s all he’s ever known. It’s just sloppy storytelling with him right now. The character deserves better.

      • Jordan chose to take an undercover job in the same town as her kid. Her working undercover puts her son in danger as surely as Shawn’s choices did. Yes, she has the higher good b/c she’s working for the greater good but if TJ ends up with a bullet hole in his head or blown up in that car his mom bought him it’s not going to make a whole lot of difference to TJ. Hence CPS being the best option to “parent” him at this point. That’s the moral ambiguity that this show won’t touch in part b/c the PCPD/DEA as inept as both are are tied too heavily to Sonny’s organization which is painted as the “good” mobster and Julian’s organization is the “bad” mobster. How do we know this?

        Because when it comes to Sonny’s business the focus is almost exclusively on the legal side of it, coffee importing. Scant on his illegal trade of which viewers aren’t privy to what it even is. Counter that with Julian who has a legitimate business but nearly 100% of the focus is on the illegal part of it, the drug trade. But it’s Anna’s ties to Sonny’s organization via Duke’s on and off working relationship with it, Dante’s through being Sonny’s son and Jordan through her ties to Shawn which will always be there b/c I think they share a son also make the PCPD/DEA a less believably compelling part of this story in my opinion.

        . If Mickey had been a “real”: mobster he’d had taken her out with a bullet to the head after finding the bug in the obvious place as big as my foot AND then gone after her kid. Shawn, appalling decisions aside, would be the only thing standing between Mickey and TJ. So there are situations where what she’s chosen to do could lead Shawn to protecting TJ from fallout surrounding her choices. For good or evil, isn’t going to be of immediate importance when someone comes gunning for your child where he’s living with his father.

        Now in the real world this would never happen because undercover agents/officers DON’T use their real names as covers and DON’T take assignments in the same city/towns as their family and close friends. She chose her career back then for right or wrong reasons leaving her kid to be raised by someone else. She was asked if she was willing to risk TJ’s life to find out the name of Julian’s boss and she said yes without hesitation.

        And as for saving the children of PC from drugs? Well if you’re participating in the drug trade yourself including dealing and transport even for the “right” reasons, you’re not absolved of the fallout (i.e. deaths) of your actions.

        Julian’s subject to his own poor choices. Doing the wrong thing for the right reason doesn’t absolve a person. At least he’s compelling to watch b/c of the actor who plays him most likely. But I find myself more and more FF through all the ridiculous LE scenes. I hate what they’ve done to Anna. Dumb down a strong professional female character and reduced her to a side kick to yet another new character. Especially one who so far has resorted almost entirely to using her looks and skill at flirtation to achieve her goals.

        • Again, I’m not arguing Jordan’s decisions have been perfect when it comes to TJ; merely that when compared to Shawn’s, he’s hardly sitting on a pedestal of righteousness and morality.

          That’s really only one of the reasons I don’t like them together (the others being: lack of chemistry, how controlling and disrespectful I find him, and how in general he’s been a boring mess of a character since his introduction and I think she could do better). It’s just a symptom of the narrative’s overall need to privilege members of Sonny’s organization that I find really, really annoying.

          • Like I said, as long as Shawn is sheltering and raising her or their child, keep your mouth shut and be grateful. Once she takes ownership of her responsibilities as a parent and actually raises her kid, then she can complain about Shawn’s choices and parenting style until the cows come home. Just like when Ric or Sonny whine about Alexis’ parenting skills. Until they take on raising Kristina or Molly, they need to hush. Shawn’s a deeply flawed person (though actor Sean Blackmore is seriously as classy and professional as they come and showed that in his last live LT for the show) but he took on parenting a child literally left on his door step. He can be judgmental b/c until proven otherwise, they’re on equal footing. He doesn’t know what the audience knows.I’m not a Shawn fan by any means, mostly of how he’s written but he’s after all raising the kid. Without his help, TJ could have been in the system or on the streets. Jordan’s pleading with Shawn on how to make inroads w/ her own kid showed that at least during that rewrite of her character in that particular scene she hasn’t spent TJ’s life close with him or raising like a parent should. Otherwise she’d know what she had to do.

            And no Molly didn’t “raise” him. She’s not smart enough to stay out of a coked out addict’s car when he’s on a bender and nearly got herself killed. She needs a couple months spent with Step Grandma Helen on some Cassadine bootcamp on the Island.

            I don’t find Jordan all that compelling. After all she’s been rewritten several times already including first never sleeping with Shawn in the past and then having that “night long ago” so clearly the show has no clue what to do with her.

            Given Anna’s history with Luke, Julian etc. I’d find her playing the major role rather than one of RC’s newbies to be much more compelling but alas, she’s reduced to background scenery in a story she should be playing a more prominent part in. But like I said, she’s got to play second fiddle to one of the show’s newer characters. Shame too, b/c Anna’s been one of the most kick ass females in soaps and she had to get dumbed down so she’s reduced to “cone of silence” meetings with a cohort. Sad day in PC in my opinion as a long time viewer.

  9. I can’t think of any example of soap parenting that wouldn’t be appalling in real life. The issue for me is always whether a show is entertaining; and whether it adheres to its own internal logic, whatever that may be. Regarding TJ, I barely remember his backstory because I wasn’t interested until Jordan showed up. I hope we get a whole lot more background for her and a good story, because the actress is compelling and we’re long overdue for more characters on the law enforcement side of the canvas.

    And yes, by real life standards the cops and lawyers are laughably inept. So are the mobsters, and the doctors (Kelly Lee missing Maxie’s pillow pregnancy, anyone?) and the nurses. No one is any good at their job because this show doesn’t depict a world that resembles reality.

    But within that skewed reality – Jordan is appealing. She’s likable. Shawn is sanctimonious and boring, and I’ve found him that way from day one. He’s beautiful, but so annoying I cannot watch his scenes. And I would likely feel that way even if he weren’t a criminal – I just wouldn’t add hypocrisy to his list of sins.

      • Oh you totally know that’s going to happen. They first wrote them so it was like No, we never slept together. More recently they had that “night from long ago” so yeah, TJ paternity rewrite alert…plus it’s rumored that his “father” isn’t dead and is returning on canvas this fall.

  10. On the whole, you can rarely apply real life standards to soaps. You’d hate everybody, nobody would be competent, and people wouldn’t be ready for Social Security at age 17. I would, however, argue that TJ has ‘flourished’ in spite of, rather than because of, Shawn. You could argue that Molly was the best parent of all, given that it’s because of her he learned to read lickety split. And that’s a frightening thought. Can I go back to thinking about shirtless Carlos now?

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