Yes, I would like some crackers with that cheese.

Anyone familiar with my love of both scenery chewing and camp could probably predict my reaction to the return of Stavros Cassadine. (Spoiler alert: that reaction was excited seal clapping.)

The man is kind of like a bag of Sour Patch Kids, you know? Sure, if you eat the whole thing, your mouth is going to hurt. But a little bit of him admonishing other people for being melodramatic while giving a speech about impregnating his ice princess with her own stolen embryo is just the perfect sugary hit you need.

Stavros happy

Robert Kelker-Kelly is a national treasure, you guys. Even if he did make the poor decision to shave his goatee of evil. And he’s clearly inspiring everyone around him, judging by Dominic Zamprogna’s hilariously over the top screaming as Lulu received her hormone injection.

The only thing that delighted me more than watching Stavros ham it up all over the place was Ned and Alexis (!!!) commiserating and flirting (!!!!) and casually joking about that time she left him at the altar. OH EM GEE, you guys. If we get a genuine triangle/quad with Julian and Olivia out of this, I might die of happiness.

Also, is it just me, or does Wally Kurth have a portrait in the attic somewhere?

Wally Kurth is ageless

THE DIMPLES OF A 35 YEAR OLD

Although it would be awful nice if Alexis could also get involved with all the Cassadine business that’s suddenly afoot. As Victor pointed out, there aren’t so many of them left that it makes sense to leave anyone out. And clearly, she would be useful helping her new nephew adjust to being one of the few non-lunatic members of the family.

Speaking of Nathan, my long lost co-blogger and I chatted about the show the other day, and I’m pleased to report that we are currently on exactly the same page:

INCANDESCENTFLOWER: Okay, I know GH has really managed my expectations and manipulated me with its awfulness, but I LOVE that Nathan could be a Cassadine
TENILLYPO: he’s so stupid but so sweet.
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: look, I love him for what he is
TENILLYPO: half naked?
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: right

We are women of simple needs.

Even Thursday’s return to all of the plots that are terrible wasn’t a complete loss. Mostly because Sabrina’s attempts to be menacing are inherently LOLarious. Especially when the person she’s attempting to menace is the Grand Mistress of threats and intimidation. It’s a like watching a hamster try to stare down a velociraptor.

Evil Sabrina

SHAKING IN MY BOOTS, I’M SURE.

If Sabrina’s plots from now on are limited to her wandering around town, incompetently hissing and glaring at her enemies while they look on in confused annoyance, that would easily be the most entertaining thing she’s ever done.

Meanwhile, Michelle Stafford, who actually can pull off a good menacing crazy, certainly seems to be enjoying herself. I wish I could stay the same, but it’s hard when I could not care less about Nina or anyone on her list.

Nina's list

THE LIST IS THE LIFE

But it’s stil hard not to empathize with her at least a little bit when her droopy buzz kill of a husband can barely stay awake when they’re in the same room. I don’t like to think of myself as a picky woman, but if you want to be my life partner, you had better at least pretend to be excited when I tell you about my favorite tv show. Silas is the worst, y’all.

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14 thoughts on “Yes, I would like some crackers with that cheese.

  1. Nina has five people on her list and she CAN’T remember their names?

    Once again Alexis is going to use Ned to hide behind a mobster?! Ned should have told Alexis to go kick rocks and point out how badly that worked out the last time. Alexis has a thing for bad boys and should just go with the flow.

    Nathan is pretty, but oh so stiff.

    Is it possible we can now get some Hardy/Webber’s on the show besides Liz, Cam and a never seen Aiden? It truly made no sense to give Liz three kids (yes, BH was pregnant in real life) and I would rather have Jake in this kiddie story.

    • Alexis should have responded to Ned whining about his aborted wedding (it’s been a decade already get over it) by casually dropping a line on when Ned teamed up with Luis’ tramp to steal Alexis’ daughter. Anyone who ever stole Alexis’ children away from her deserves to be kicked but most definitely not in their “rocks”. But I agree with Alexis needing to go with the flaw. She loves her bad boys and since being a Cassadine, she’s not really a good girl, I think they should just get together with some scorching clothes ripping sex and join forces ruling PC together.

      • I didn’t think Ned whined at all. He teased her about leaving him at the altar after she asked him out on a date; reasonable enough. To me, they both looked cautiously intrigued by the possibility of a rematch.

  2. I loved the scene between Alexis and Ned – I liked that she was honest with him about what is going on with her right now. Ned asked her out when he first got back to town, so they established that he still has an interest; and to me, it’s very logical that Alexis would regard Ned as the last time she made a healthy romantic choice, even if it ended badly. I hope the show moves forward with this, because the best kind of triangle is where viewers as well as the person in the middle are genuinely torn – and I could see this becoming that kind of triangle.

    At this point, bringing on a Hardy would seem completely random to me, and I’ve been watching since the late ’70s. I think the cast needs trimming, not expanding.

    • The problem with Ned, cute banter aside, is that in their relationship Alexis never met the expectations he set for her and he let her know that. Her last healthy relationship? It wasn’t with him because Ned expected her to gate keep his family but never reciprocated when she needed him. That led her to finding out her heritage from Luke and to her last real healthy relationship which was and is with Jax. Ned’s behavior when he teamed up with Skye to take her child was downright cruel and self-serving on his part. He’s lucky the amazing Alexis still wants to spend time with him at all. I don’t see Alexis as “torn” only between the “good” (and I think that’s debatable) guy she doesn’t want (and knows that) and the “bad” (and that’s debatable too) boy she’s in love with and loves fiercely, probably more fiercely than she’s ever loved any man. If chasing bad boys (well actually for the first time a guy’s chasing HER) is unbecoming in a 50 year old, so’s a triangle/quad or whatever and NEVER in Alexis’ history has she ever really been torn between two men. She’s been torn between her wanting bad boys and feeling she needs to choose good guys but never between two men. So it’d be out of character for her to go down that road. I’d rather see the push/pull between Julian and her continue which is very much in character for her rather than rewriting Alexis to be “torn” between two men b/c it’s pretty obvious she’s not in love with Ned.

      One other point for Julian. Of all the men who’ve “loved” Alexis, finally one who likes her, accepts her flaws, never judges her and respects her right to be herself. Something that Ned, Sonny, Ric never did. They might have loved her in their own ways but they never “liked” her as a person unless she became what each one of them wanted to be. Jerry? He was different but too psychotic to be in a relationship with her.

      • I was also extremely disappointed in the wedding conversation. Ned got to prattle on about it making digs at her but after he wrote it off as her being afraid of the Qs or being a Q (laughable since she’s a Cassadine after all), she wanted to respond.

        I thought we’re going to hear her own POV on that event finally in her own words but what did Ned do? He cut her off and those words were never spoken. Then I realized that defined their whole relationship years ago. He never really listened to her which is why I think Jax proved to be so valuable. He’s the one whose relationship with Alexis fleshed her out, gave her POV and voice because he actually did listen to her. What I learned about Alexis when she was on the show in the 1990s was through her interactions with Jax not her romance with Ned.

      • I am not arguing against Julian/Alexis. They’re a great pairing and I appreciate them for many of the reasons you cite here. And I loved the Alexis/Jax friendship, and will always be sorry the show didn’t choose to take it to a romance, but they didn’t; when I referenced healthy relationships, I specifically meant romances. And while Ned/Alexis weren’t perfect, in comparison to her marriage to Ric and her affair with Jerry, yes, I’d call that healthy – by soap standards, again, in comparison. I think her friendship with Sonny was healthy at first, but certainly didn’t stay that way.

        I want Julian/Alexis as endgame, but I’ve got no problem with Julian having some competition. He deserves to worry about losing her. He should have told her the truth and flipped on Faux Luke a long time ago. Doesn’t mean I don’t want a big passionate reunion – just not quite yet.

  3. I don’t need anybody in this kiddie story. I don’t need this kiddie story period. Nik being exasperated with Spencer from time to time, but that’s it.

    I’m sure I have further thoughts, but Wally Kurth’s dimples keep distracting me.

  4. I totally love WK he makes me smile (really big) when he’s on. They do banter very well but I’d love for Alexis to wake up and act like a grown-up for once, that bad boy s**t gets old when you are hitting 50. Though I’d kinda like to see Ned and Elizabeth on screen together to see if anything pops–he certainly doesn’t look old at all and she needs a good looking, stable man. They could trim the cast a lot by dumping ME that man is so sad sack it hurts to watch him. Sabrina is running him a close second. More Hardy/Webbers less Corinthos is my vote–well along with less Carly and Franco. Though RH and MS are certainly more interesting.
    Nathan is so boring not even his shirtless scenes interest me.
    RKK was swinging for the bleachers and DZ was acting so badly. Lante is boring sorry Lante fans but they are.

  5. They can talk about the bad boy thing all they want, but I don’t see that as a real thing where Alexis is concerned. Her relationship with Sonny was not about the bad boy appeal. She and Sonny connected as friends in a way that was dramatically compelling and true to both characters. I think their story might have been more interesting had they never acted on their attraction; and I also think the writing went off the rails when the Carly/Sonny fanbase went apesh&t, much as the Lorenzo/Carly story was truncated. But that’s beside the point; I don’t think Alexis was attracted to Sonny because he was a bad boy, but because the lost, neglected child within each recognized the other. I found the Ric/Alexis relationship contrived, but taken on the terms that the writers presented, they were two smart people who turned each other on, but couldn’t get past their respective baggage. The Jerry/Alexis story was also screwed up by the writers; Alexis should have fallen for him BEFORE finding out who he was and what he had done; but, again, there was a boatload of chemistry; and the thing that Alexis really responded to with Jerry was the fact that her children were being threatened – by Anthony Z – and Jerry alone among everyone she knew was willing to tell her, I will do whatever it takes to keep you and your children safe.

    Finally, Julian. Alexis isn’t – IMO – attracted to Julian because he’s a “bad boy” but in spite of that. I find it irritating that the writers rely on these simplistic shorthand definitions. Since her introduction, Alexis has consistently developed as a complex, flawed, dramatically interesting character who frequently makes bad choices for reasons that make sense at the time. And she is now demonstrating something we all used to bemoan the lack of under Guza – character development. She’s a woman who’s made many bad choices, for which her children have paid a price. She is trying to be smart and do right by them, and by herself; but she is in love with a man who makes that hard. Vintage soap.

  6. I was so happy to turn on gh and see those dimples. The banter about their wedding was just great. I love when this show recognizes the bonds the character’s have.
    Off the top of my head I can think of at least five characters I wouldn’t mind saying goodbye to. If they were to bring anymore on I would not mind a Q or two coming back from the dead. Or either one of Liz’s parents and an explanation for that relationship would be nice.
    Ned and Liz? That would be different, lol.
    I adore both separately. Together I’m not sure. I would be delirious with joy if they would let Liz be the character I think she should be. And put her in a front burner story with a swoon worthy slow burn romance. A romance where he knows Liz is what he wants, please no pitting her against another.

  7. RKK is magic, y’all! I hadn’t watched GH in nearly a month and happened upon a clip of his scenery chewing.. the next thing I knew, I watched all 10 episodes of the last two weeks on Hulu and I’m BACK IN!

    WHOO!

    My fave quote: “Why is every girl at Port Charles Elementary in love with Cameron Webber?”
    Jos: “He’s an artist!”
    Spencer: “He folds paper into unconvincing shapes!”

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