1. Apparently the answer to “how are they going to fill the remaining episodes this season?” is DRAG EVERYTHING OUT IN THE STUPIDEST WAY POSSIBLE.
So, that was a total garbage episode, right? That’s not just me? Because I am seriously struggling to even come up with five different things to say when all of my feelings are a variation on throwing my hands up in the air and shouting “THIS IS SO DUMB, OMG.”
EVEN NOLAN IN ANOTHER BLUE SUIT
COULDN’T SAVE IT
Look, I have swallowed a lot of implausible stuff without a qualm on this show, but the one thing I require is internal consistency. That means characters have to do things for reasons that actually make sense within the framework of the world they’re presenting — which is basically the opposite of everything that happened here.
2. Emily desperately wants to see David, but is blocked because no one knows she’s his family. Meanwhile, he visits both Jack and Nolan separately and neither takes the opportunity to fill him in or even just keep him there while shooting Ems a quick text to come on over, ASAP. I just… what? Why?
“You wouldn’t risk outing Emily,” Charlotte smug-faces at Jack while I scream “why not?” That is literally all she’s been trying to do for two episodes straight! She just had a conversation with you, Charlotte, where she begged you for any opportunity to do exactly that! “How can I lie to a man about his grandchild,” Jack wonders, while I scream “YOU DON’T HAVE TO” at the screen. In vain. Because everything is stupid.
3. I’ll give half a point for the nicely done symmetry in the final montage, but… seriously? Now Emily won’t reveal herself because she’s worried that David won’t be able to forgive her for the revenge she set in motion at his specific request? If I were her, I’d be more worried that he won’t forgive her for allowing him to think she’s dead and bond with a grandchild that isn’t really his.
Meanwhile, Victoria’s smugness about all this is just… confusing? I don’t understand how either she or Charlotte see this playing out in their favor at this point. There are way too many people who know the truth about Emily for them to honestly expect it to stay a secret forever. And however disappointed/angry he may be at Emily when it does, I would expect him to be even more angry with anyone he trusted who lied to him about it in the meantime. Did I mention this is stupid? THIS IS SO STUPID.
4. Is nosy Officer Ben seriously just a rookie who wants to make a name for himself by solving the Conrad Grayson murder? Because if so, that is capital B boring and I am so over everything to do with it. Come on, at least make him David’s secret lackey or something!
5. Daniel’s hilariously bad life decisions continue. My ability to give a crap about anything he does is still at pretty much zero, but I’ll admit that the moment when Margaux told him to whatever he had to to keep his client and you could basically see “so I should give her the D, right?” written all over his face was pretty perfect.
And hey, at least Margaux’s hair is looking a little better! (Look, I said I was struggling here, okay?)