Look, show. I am totally down with Sonny and Julian braiding sparkly friendship bracelets for each other in prison. I am even cool with them staying reluctant frenemies now that they’re on the outside again. But Julian joining the official church of Saint Sonny is taking things a step too far. Possibly ten steps.
Thankfully, Michael’s telling off skills remain top notch:
JULIAN: Maybe I’m the lucky one. Because my son appreciated everything I did for him. Guess you can’t extend Corinthos the same courtesy, huh?
MICHAEL: I’m not sure Lucas would feel the same way if he knew you’d signed off on a hit against me. I’m not sure he’d be forgiving if his situation was remotely similar to mine. Tony Jones? Died nine years ago today in a hospital bed. Not from a bullet you fired at him when he was standing in front of you, defenseless. But we can agree on one thing. It’s none of your damn business.
Corinthos Quartermaine is totally the hero we deserve, guys.
Speaking of righteous tell-offs, Elizabeth finally, finally bought a clue about Ric. Was it his goatee of evil that tipped her off? No, although it totally should have.
But before we get into that, let’s all take a moment to bask in the cuteness of her coming down to the police station to yell at Jake, immediately deciding to believe him instead, and then marching all over town to recruit her past and present boyfriends to help him out. Which bucked up poor Jake’s spirits so much that he decided not to go to voluntarily go to prison for the rest of his life.
RIC: Oh, so you’re gonna go against the advice of your attorney, is that right?
JAKE: Well, unlike my attorney, Elizabeth believes in me. I wouldn’t want to let her down.
Sing it, Jake. SHE BELIIIIIIIEVES IN YOU! You’ll never know just what she seeeeeees in you! (Tell me you didn’t immediately bust out the Kenny Rogers at that line and I won’t believe you.)
To be honest, all of that would have been good enough to satisfy my tender ‘shipper heart all on its own, but then Ric went and basically ratted himself out, and it was beautiful and so, so good for me, you guys:
RIC: I had just come back to you, Elizabeth. We were starting to build the life that we wanted all along — the life that I used to dream about while I was in witness protection. And he was in the way! Come on, deep down, you’ve got to know that that’s true. I did this for us! I love you.
ELIZABETH: I thought our days of lying were over. I thought I could count on you to be straight with me. God, I thought I knew you! But now, listening to you? It’s like you’re a stranger. I feel like I know Jake better than I know you.
Oh, Ric. Here’s a pro-tip: any time you find yourself using the phrase “I did this for us!” you are going to crash and burn. That’s is SOAP 101 right there. Nothing actually defensible ever proceeds those words.
Of course, I’m also not sure why Elizabeth was so surprised to find out the man who once secretly fed her birth control pills for months while imprisoning a pregnant woman in her house would lie to her. I mean, this isn’t even the first time she’s had this exact same revelation in this exact same courtroom over him trying to get rid of the exact same romantic rival:
Come on now, girl. There’s denial and then there is denial, you know?