I’ve been totally bored with the show lately, so it just figures that something interesting would finally happen while I was away on vacation. But I’m back now, so consider this your belated, obligatory SQUEE post:
KISSING! SO MUCH KISSING!
You guys. YOU GUYS. How are they so pretty together? Is there a limit to how many feels one couple can give you? Is it possible for the high pitched dolphin sounds coming out of my mouth during these scenes to get any higher? (Answers: 1. Dark magic? 2. Apparently not. 3. Unfortunately for my neighbors, probably yes.)
So, obviously, the kissing was SUPER GOOD FOR ME. And Billy Miller? I salute you, sir. You do the bending down, hands around the face, intensity thing EXTREMELY WELL. But also, there was hand-clutching, forehead touching, and desperate pining:
PINING! SO MUCH PINING!
This was also extremely good for me.
JAKE: Carly was right about one thing. I don’t feel anything for Hayden. Not a flicker, no sense memory. There’s nothing familiar at all. But you — I memorized your entire face. Everything about this feels right. And I don’t think I can ever care for her like I care for you.
ELIZABETH: But you loved her once. So much that you married her. You owe it to yourself and to her to at least get back what you once had.
JAKE: Don’t–don’t do it. Don’t do it, don’t–
ELIZABETH: Goodbye, Jake.
Oh, my heart!
The fact that Ric is of course behind all of this is just the cherry on top of my satisfaction Sunday. (Also, if any good has come out of killing off PoorDeadJake, it’s Carly having to be marginally polite to Liz even when it is obviously driving her insane not to insult her. Watching her bite her tongue as she takes Liz’s side? MAGIC.)
In a perfect soapy world, Ric and Hayden would obviously fall in love while evilly conspiring, because Rebecca Budig is great and her hair is fabulous and also Ric needs a partner in crime, not a princess in a tower. I’m not holding my breath on that one, considering how royally all of Ric’s other bad girl pairings have been ruined, but it’s still fun to dream, right?
Meanwhile, the giant folder consisting of nothing but Morgan making stupid faces has a new entry. And this one may actually be my favorite? Something about his dumb-founded incomprehension in the face of self-evident truth makes it extra priceless:
MORGAN: Michael made my dad look bad by painting him as a criminal.
KIKI: But that wasn’t that much of a stretch. I mean, if you think about it, that was based on truth.
Yes, Kiki. It was “based on truth” in the way that a 100% COMPLETELY TRUE STATEMENT typically is. Also, I’m so sure that Ava would be super proud of the way you’re endangering your sister in order to give her back to the man who terrorized and tried to murder your mother for months. (Why does Kiki still exist, you guys? I didn’t think it was possible, but she’s gotten even more horrible since the recast.)
I kind of hope poor Avery does get maimed as a result of these two idiots deliberately impairing her primary caregiver’s faculties. Listening to the tortured logic as they try to weasel out of being at fault afterward will be amazing.
Sadly, because Duke is horrible now, too, let’s all take a moment to immortalize the sullen pout on his face during this magnificent take down:
MICHAEL: Nothing to say, Duke? Really? You know, Sonny went free for months because of you. He got to live his life while my father was dead — my father, by the way, who gave you a job at ELQ when no one else would hire you. You remember how grateful you were? How you told him that you were his friend as well as his employee? What happened to that friendship? What happened to that gratitude? It had to have bothered you, covering up for his killer. And you are going to stand there and you are going to lecture me about decency, accusing me of stealing my sister when all I’m trying to do is keep her safe from the non-stop violence of Sonny’s business, your business. And you call yourself a man of honor.
Michael Corinthos Quartermaine? YOU COMPLETE ME.