A tale of two incompetent hit men.

Nathan’s at the hospital, holding a flyer advertising the Nurses’ Ball. (Sponsored by Aveeno! Naturally Beautiful Results®) I would mock it more, but Aveeno products have been helping keep my Eczema at bay for years. (Aveeno! Harness the power of ACTIVE NATURALS® ingredients!)

Nurse' Ball 2015

Anyway, the ball is next Friday, aka tomorrow in show time. Which means we’ve got an entire week to kill over the course of one day. But it’s cool! I’m sure they have some really stimulating material to fill up the time! Speaking of which: Silas walks in and reminds Nathan that he used to be his brother-in-law. I, for one, am fascinated already.

Over at ELQ, Sonny swears he had nothing to do with drugging Michael. Which Michael knows, because he is not an idiot and has already jumped to the obvious and correct conclusion about the culprits. Right on cue: enter Morgan and Kiki!

At the garage, Jake takes a call from Sloane and helpfully repeats the other end of the conversation out loud. You know, just to make sure anyone who might unexpectedly walk in can be absolutely sure he’s a secret police informant. Sloane is apparently frustrated by Jake’s failure to have completely gained his paranoid, criminal boss’ trust in three days. Jeez, it’s like blackmailing an amnesiac with no experience or training in undercover work isn’t the best way to solve cases!

Anna and Jordan firefight

Meanwhile, Carlos is in position in Jake’s hotel room, but TJ and Shawn are blocking a clear shot at Duke. Out on the docks, Anna and Jordan are discussing the target of the Jerome hit when Anna spots Bruce (clearly an exemplary student of the Shawn Butler & Max Giambetti School of Incompetence) and knocks Jordan out of the way. Jordan hurts her ankle as she falls, but gets back up to help Anna return fire. Badass lady firefight!

TJ is still in the way as he promises to pay Duke back by studying extra hard. The look on Duke’s face as he says his mother will be “blown away” by the news is almost funny enough to justify this terrible plot, except no, nothing could justify how bored and annoyed I am by everything to do with Duke right now. SORRY.

Guilty Duke

Carlos finally has a clear shot! But then Hayden walks in. Why were they so sure she would be gone all day? This is a terrible plan, even for the PC mafia’s finest. He barely manages to stop her from calling the police by saying he works with her husband. Meanwhile, said husband is letting out his frustration over the Sloane conversation when Carly walks in.

Back at the hospital, Nathan and Silas discuss his mystery patient in New York, who Silas claims was a friend that didn’t make it. If only that were true! Nathan makes the fascinating observation that cancer is really scary! And– nope! Sorry. No one cares. Do you care? Before you answer, keep in mind the fact that Nathan keeps his shirt on for this entire conversation. (Yeah, that’s what I thought.)

Moving on! Morgan and Kiki play dumb — not exactly a stretch for either of them — as Michael accuses them of switching out his pills and points out all the ways Avery could have been accidentally hurt.

Sonny hates everything

He tells Morgan to be an adult for once and tell the truth. Oh, Michael. It’s like you don’t know your brother at all. Morgan indignantly asks if Sonny is believing this. Sonny’s expression clearly regrets all of his life choices.

On the docks, Bruce has managed to get away. Jordan thinks this is crazy — she always assumed it would be Duke trying to kill her. Why she isn’t assuming that now is left completely unexplained. Anna says she’s okay, and that’s all that matters. Jordan says she’s only alive thanks to Anna. Oh, you two… NOW KISS!

Carly and Jake stand around discussing his dangerous undercover assignment with the doors wide open where anyone could walk in. As you do. He tells her again that he can’t discuss this with her. That’s fine because Carly’s actually there to talk about Hayden. Except Anna interrupts her before she can explain.

Jake is bad at undercover

Carlos explains that he needed to break in so he could apologize to Jake for not trusting him. Great story! Nailed it, bro. Actually, given Hayden’s track record, I’m kind of surprised she doesn’t immediately proposition him, but perhaps the reason for her restraint is the fact that she’s spotted his enormous sniper rifle. I guess even nymphomaniacs with no character motivation have their limits?

Anna wants to know if Jake was the shooter on the docks. Although she quickly discounts the possibility because Jake probably wouldn’t have missed. Well, true. He is the only even vaguely competent mob lackey in town. She also points out something that no one else seems to have remembered, which is that Jake obviously gained his murder skills prior to Helena’s brainwashing.  You’d think he’d have asked his “wife” about that… but no.

Duke’s poker face takes a another beating as TJ gets Jordan’s voicemail… and then she walks into the MetroCourt, alive and well. Awkward!

Duke's terrible poker face

Sonny flat out asks Morgan  if he drugged his brother. Morgan is shocked! And appalled! At these unjust accusations!

MORGAN: Well, I think you’re demented. Because why would I risk hurting my baby sister?
MICHAEL: Because you don’t think about the consequences, Morgan! You lie, you betray, endanger our sister’s life. And then you wait for someone else to come along and clean up your mess.

Okay, so maybe Michael does know his brother. He’s also figured out that Morgan made the switch the day he found him in the house, and that he and Kiki were at the restaurant that day specifically to provoke him. They get in a shoving match and the pills fall out of Morgan’s pocket. Whoops!

Morgan and Kiki sulk

Morgan is STILL trying to deny everything, and it’s too pathetic even for Kiki, who finally confesses. So he immediately starts shoveling bullshit in the other direction, telling Sonny he did it for him. Sonny apologizes to Michael for not believing in him.

SONNY: To do this to your little sister… to put her in danger! Listen to me — Avery, my little girl is missing. If she’s not found, this is on you.
MORGAN: The pills have nothing to do with the kidnapping.
MICHAEL: Okay, then what was AJ doing at the hospital in the first place, vulnerable? Because you made sure that she was removed from my care. You are a selfish, entitled idiot. If you can do this? You can do anything.

Okay, on the one hand, Morgan is kind of right that the kidnapping was pretty tangential to her not being in Michael’s custody. On the other hand: I DON’T CARE, KEEP YELLING AT HIM, MORGAN IS THE WORST. Michael accuses Morgan and Kiki of having orchestrated the kidnapping themselves. Cut to Silas! Who is obviously the real culprit. Oh, editing irony.

Bruce is a bad hit man

Carlos says he doesn’t want any trouble, and Hayden kicks him out, immediately texting Jake to come home. Downstairs, Jordan thanks Duke for his generosity, but as soon as TJ leaves, she confesses about the botched hit. Duke is outraged! Behind Jordan, Bruce walks in, sees her, and does a hilarious NOPE! backwards out of the room.

Shawn wonders why the Jeromes would have waited so long to take revenge on Jordan for switching sides. He and Jordan head upstairs and Bruce slinks in and reports that Anna messed up the hit. Duke can’t believe he was stupid enough to take the shot when she was there. Um, Duke? Have you met any of the Corinthos hit men? Of course he was that stupid.

Michael thinks the cops will probably put Morgan and Kiki at the top of the suspect list once he reports the way they drugged him. Kiki apologizes for everything and Morgan’s nostrils flare at the unfairness of it all.

Morgan is outraged

Kiki promises that she really does love Avery. That’s why she was willing to endanger her in order to put her back in the care of the criminal who’d tried to murder her mother! Obviously! Michael wonders if he’s supposed to feel sorry for her now that she’s crying. Which is extra funny because Hayley Erin could not be bothered to even try to fake cry in this scene. She and Morgan flounce out.

Sonny confesses he felt responsible for Michael’s meltdowns because he’s changed and “hardened” due to Sonny. Michael shoots him down: “I don’t want you to take responsibility for my choices. That’s how Morgan thinks, not me.” In the elevator, Morgan is probably wishing he had some ice for that burn.

Sonny says he won’t make excuses for Morgan, but thinks Avery will be okay if she ends up with either Michael, or Kiki and Morgan. Really? That’s what you took from all this? I wouldn’t trust those two idiots with a potted plant, but okay. Sure. Give them your daughter.

Sonny is a terrible father

After he leaves, Sabrina — who has just been awkwardly standing around this whole time — comes over and hugs Michael. Which only reminds me how much better this story would be if she was Rosalie. WHY IS THIS NOT ROSALIE’S STORY?

Anna’s collecting evidence at the docks while casually gabbing about Sloane’s informant with the Jeromes out in the open where anyone could overhear. AS YOU DO. She and Sloane are now certain the target of the hit was Jordan. But as she leaves, she finds a button that got ripped off of Bruce’s jacket. A clue!

Sonny finds Carly at the MetroCourt and drops the bomb that Morgan is the one responsible for all of Michael’s crazy behavior. The camera cuts away before Mt. Carly can erupt, but I will be seriously disappointed if Monday does not consist of a full apoplectic melt down on Morgan and Kiki’s asses.

Sabrina and Michael

Michael says he’s grateful to Sabrina for figuring out the truth, and can’t understand why his brother hates him. Especially since they were so close as kids. Sabrina thinks Morgan is just jealous of Michael —  perhaps because he is objectively a superior person in every way? And also because their parents transparently love him more.

Michael manages to claim — with a straight face — that Carly and Sonny love Morgan just as much as they love Michael. Oh, honey.

And then… brace yourselves. Michael says this is “killing” Sonny, because “there’s a code” and even though Sonny  broke that code by killing AJ, he still tries to live by it. GROSS. I don’t like where this is heading at all.

Michael breaks my heart

Blah blah, Michael and Sonny understand each other, blah blah he could tell Sonny was really concerned about Avery. My heart is breaking. This is it, folks! This is the beginning of the end of Michael’s beautiful hatred. We knew it was too pure and good for this world.

Let’s all take a moment to deal with this terrible loss.

single perfect tear

(Pro tip: if you Google ‘single perfect tear’ 90% of the results just will be gifs of Dean Winchester.)

Anyway, Michael is certain that Morgan and Kiki have had Avery all along. Now he just needs to prove it! Cut to: Kiki and Morgan discovering Avery sitting in her playpen in Silas’ living room.

Whoah! Who could possibly have–nope, sorry. It was totally Silas.


11 thoughts on “A tale of two incompetent hit men.

  1. I pretty much didn’t watch the show all week……but I do have recaps of what’s going on…doesn’t look like I missed a thing

    never tried aveeno….and if I wanted to, this would make me stop…lol…….don’t like products like that, that have too much hype….

  2. I watched all week and even in the office scenes it was so infuriating yet unsatisfying that I couldn’t think of one meme to create, I’m not that funny but still.

    ●I think it’s because Teresa Castillo is on contract, while the actress who plays Rosalie, I believe, is on recurring. Plus it wouldn’t make sense for Michael to leave the clutches of one Carly-extra lite to got to what’s clearly another one. What’s more, there is more potential with Sabrina because of her history with Avery.

    ●I don’t want Michael to return to his status of CarSon automatic automaton, but it would be great if he could move on and heal. Even if that means being on better standing with CarSon.

    ●So those two idiots just did something IMO worse than Sabrina, and they are going to be rewarded with custody of Avery. Why is Aveeno sponsoring when Pepto, Orajel, or Tums would be much more logical options if that’s the end result.

    ● Sonny was something like an actual parent in those scenes. But naturally Morgan didn’t want to hear it. it being logic and the truth.

    ●Am I the only one that doesn’t care about biology, and wants Avery permanently back with Michael when this is all over.

  3. “WHY IS THIS NOT ROSALIE’S STORY” because Ron is still determined to make Fetch happen. It’s ridiculous that Sabrina was hired as nanny for the child she tried to kill. I get that she had a breakdown and she apologized but she should’ve turn down the job offer because employing Sabrina compromised Michael’s claim that he wanted custody to keep AJ safe.

    I just can’t with the idea of them as a couple. Sabrina is basically Abby without the Strooker past and she belongs in the age group with Lulu, Nate and Maxie – not Michael/Morgan.

    The only time Sabrina has been even remotely interesting was with Carlos. The story that makes the most sense is a triangle with Sabrina/Nate/Carlos

  4. It has not been a year since Teresa C. returned from maternity leave, so I doubt ABC/D wants another lawsuit on their hands. As for Rosalie, the show is bloated to the gills, and I would rather see some actual GH characters (Serena Baldwin, Webber’s, Hardy’s, Q’s recasted roles), versus the gluttony of folks that currently take up air time.

    Duke’s return from the dead after 20 years has been a poorly plotted story along with AJ’s.

    Morgan is a younger conniving version of his mother!

    Kiki just sucks all around, so why is she still on the show?

    RC/FV really should stay away from the mob heavy aspects of the show.

  5. There is nothing that will ever make Sabrina interesting as far as I’m concerned. I wish she’d get caught in the crossfire, triggering Carlos’ exit from the mob. To be swiftly followed by Julian suddenly getting an epiphany that he HATES all this and WANTS to be a newspaper publisher, full stop. I don’t mind Sonny staying in the mob, but I don’t want any more mob-driven story. And Teresa Castillo is a bland, boring actress portraying a bland, boring character. She has never worked, not for a day.

  6. I just wanted to say how much I hate Morgan-NuKiki I hate cause she can’t act her way out of a paper bag, but that’s another story….back to Morgan! How do I hate him let me count the ways:

    1. He whines all the live long day

    2. He got himself into a $50,000 gambling debt and he was too much of a coward to face his parents so who did he turn to bail his loser azz out? Michael, the same Michael he did all this crap to!

    3. Outside of military school what kind of education does Morgan have? Why hasn’t he enrolled in college?

    4. Or better yet why doesn’t he get a JOB? Instead he mooches off his parents no doubt.

    5. The 5 minutes he held a job was painting a building-oh and the job was given to him by guess who? MICAHEL! And Michael besides paying him even let him live RENT FREE in the building while he worked there!

    6,. I don’t believe for a nano second Morgan did this whole drugging bit out of concern for his baby sister! Hell naw! And don’t think it was to win Kiki back either though that was a fringe benefit he hoped for I bet-nah, his main reason for doing it was to kiss his dad’s azz and to score brownie points.

    So when Morgan weeps his tears and whines about how Michael is the golden child who does not wrong, well gee Morgan look at your track record! And instead of tearing down your brother who has always been there for you, look at yourself-get a job or go back to college or both, but get off your whiney lazy azz and do something with yourself!


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