A picture is worth a thousand dubious eye-rolls.

Hey, good news, guys!* The writers finally, finally decided to give us a reason for Nikolas’ decision to viciously betray every person he’s ever loved! And that reason is… money. He’s literally just doing it for the money. So stop your whining, whiners! Everything makes perfect sense now.

Nikolas confession

Yes, it turns out running a brainwashing/resurrection clinic is surprisingly expensive. It seems like they could just throw a patent on that machine that brings people back from the dead, but what do I know about business? Clearly nothing. And sure, Nikolas still has enough funds to buy millions of dollars worth of stock in cash, but he is totes destitute now, y’all. What else could he do — sell off a few castles? Take over some other company that wasn’t owned by his dead wife’s family and didn’t require him to let his own cousin think her husband was dead? That’s all clearly crazy talk.

I had a whole rant ready to go, but Sam’s facial expressions so eloquently capture all of my feelings about this entire story that I’ll just let them do the talking:

Sam and Nik1

Sam and Nik2

SAM: You’re trying to take over ELQ? What are you doing to the Quartermaines? To Emily, her family, are you kidding me?
NIKOLAS: Sam, this isn’t personal. It’s business. ELQ is a thriving company. I’m going to turn it into a financial juggernaut.

This is really the least of my issues with this story, but ELQ is a “thriving” company? Seriously? Are we talking about the same ELQ that was recently under investigation by the feds and barely being kept afloat by relish that Franco poisoned on national television? That ELQ?

Although it was nice to hear someone bring up Emily, considering neither Elizabeth nor Nikolas seems to remember she existed.

Sam and Nik5

Sam and Nik6

SAM: Fine, if that’s what you have to do, go raid another corporation.
NIKOLAS: I don’t have time. I’ve already made inroads at ELQ, if I don’t capitalize on that, if I don’t shore up my resources, Spencer and I will never be able to live the life that we’re accustomed to.
SAM: Whoah whoah, wait a minute. Shore up your resources? What, are you afraid you’re going to have to sell your house in Lake Como? Or rent the apartment out in Paris? Oh, the horrors! How will you ever survive?
NIKOLAS: I will never ask my son to live in reduced circumstances! We’re Cassadines, damn it! We have a standard to uphold!
SAM: A STANDARD? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

Kudos to Kelly Monaco for the truly magnificent amount of sarcasm she managed to pack into those few lines.

Also, it is amazing that Nikolas can look at his monstrous brat of a son — who has in the last year alone stalked and nearly murdered a fellow child for saying no to him, stolen from his father on multiple occasions, run away from home for days to get his way, and commonly refers to other people as “peasants” — and conclude that his biggest failure as a parent would be forcing him to live in a single castle with maybe only one butler. I mean, that’s not quite Sonny “nearly blew my own daughter up in a car bomb” Corinthos levels of bad parenting, but it is an impressive entry.

Guys, I’m becoming more and more convinced that Nikolas has actually been brainwashed by Helena. Because otherwise he’s just flat out gone insane.

despair-divider

Elsewhere, Luke and Laura set off for the Triple L and had this genuinely not rage-inducing conversation about their past:

LUKE: I was happy enough. I was just not… content. I was restless. I never felt I deserved you, Laura. And I was terrified of family life. I was always afraid I was gonna destroy it like I destroyed my childhood family. I didn’t really know what the fear was until recently. But I was afraid. I wasn’t resentful. I don’t regret our life together. Not for an instant. And I don’t regret our family. I never will.

It doesn’t entirely erase the decade he’s spent ranting about the evils of domesticity, but it’s a still a nice note to go out on.

Unfortunately, the actual note we’re going to go out on is a complex plot by a remarkably well-preserved Jennifer Smith to… have sex with Luke. Yes, she has the money and the means to enact an international kidnapping scheme, keep constant surveillance on Luke and Laura, and hire armed thugs to follow her around. And all she wants is sex. With Luke.

Once again, I’ll let the characters express my feelings about this development:

Laura grossed out

Luke grossed out

I’ll wait to see how it all plays out before subjecting you to a rant about this show’s continuing issues with both consent and treating male sexual assault like a hilarious joke. But for now I think we can all agree that: Jennifer, honey… you need to look at your life and your choices here.

*Spoiler: that was sarcastic. There is literally nothing good happening on this show right now. Sorry if I raised your hopes for even a split second.

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39 thoughts on “A picture is worth a thousand dubious eye-rolls.

  1. oh wow, this is totally cracking me up…..

    I didn’t see yesterday’s show, and I really don’t care….I cant’ stand nick anymore….so…why bother

    they’ve turned him into the creep that his grandmother and father are, and I couldn’t care less…

    susan

  2. I don’t have a problem with corporate stories, if written correctly and with plenty of character driven motivation. If Nik had stated from day one that the Cassadine wealth had been drained due to Victor/Helena/Stavros and then he started raiding ELQ.

    On what planet would Luke be this chick magnet?!

  3. What? This show is awesome. And for once I’m so happy that Nik’s reasons for trying to take over a company are for something as mundane as money. That’s… Normal. And this is GH. I’ll take normal any day. Like you have no idea how happy Nik made me for not being an arch villiain evil guy and just.,. A corporate raider a la Jax.

    • Yeah, but I don’t remember Jax ever committing election fraud, gaining stocks via kidnapping and extortion, hiring a hit man to murder a woman he was sleeping with, or allowing his cousin and dead wife’s family to believe their husband/son was dead. Also Helena’s been out of the picture for months, so who is now keeping Robin captive so she can’t come home and spill the beans about Jason?

      Nik’s gone so far past corporate raiding, it’s ridiculous. And the fact that he’s done most of these things to his own friends and family, just makes the motivation of money even worse, IMO.

      • Nik is the most vanilla Cassadine ever. How can we be upset? According to this show, as long as you love your children, you can commit any act you want and you’re a paragon. So..@ shrugs@

        Let’s see: Michael’s a murderer, Tracy almost killed beloved Edward and wouldn’t give him his heart medicine, I can’t remember if Lucy’s ever killed anyone.. But telling me that Nik is the worst person in this show is silly. Sonny and that sad weave on Jordan’s head are The Worst. :)

        At this point I inagine that shame keeps Robin away from PC.

        The Jason stuff is icing on the cake. Is there anything more fun than watching Jake dance the Cadillac and the Shopping Cart?

        • Michael didn’t commit murder – that would imply he intended to kill Claudia. At worst, he’s guilty of accidental manslaughter (the crime he was convicted of). And tbh, he would have had a very decent case for self-defense (considering the circumstances) if Sonny & Co. hadn’t stupidly made him look guilty by trying to cover it up.

    • I don’t think we’re going to agree on this one, Neka. No soap character’s hands are ever completely clean, but there are different limits to what’s in character for different people. Michael killed by accident and in defense of his family. Tracy has always been a grey character, and her actions have made sense for who she is.

      But Nikolas’ biggest flaws up until recently were a tendency to be have ill-advised affairs. Now he’s straight up ordering hits and deliberately hurting people he loves. He doesn’t have to be the worst person on the show to be wildly out of character. Saying he’s a Cassadine doesn’t work as an justification when we’re talking about a character who has demonstrated a fairly strong moral compass for 20 years. I just need a better motive for that kind of personality change than ‘greed.’

  4. I agree that if they had written Nikolas’ concerns about the stability of Cassadine Industries into this from the beginning, it would have helped. They also could have used the fact that Tracy really was horrible to Emily for basically Emily’s entire life as a reason for Nikolas to target ELQ; but they didn’t. But they’ve taken Nik into full-on villain territory. He ordered a hit on Hayden, for crying out loud. He’s guilty of attempted murder as well as theft and corporate fraud. Jax was never guilty of any of those things, so the comparison doesn’t work for me at all.

    • Rosalie had better come back with some bombshells after all of this. Like.. I want her to magically be free and then be a Rivera or something.

  5. Apparently, I wasn’t paying enough attention, because I heard what Nik was saying and just assumed he was still lying about the money motive. I figured he didn’t really want Sam to think he was doing it for an “evil” motive so he just made up the fact that the Cassadines were in financial trouble. If he was serious, this whole story is even more asinine than I thought it was.

  6. Hi lovely! I am just catching up with GH after who knows how many months. For the first time in forever, I actually watched some episodes (all the ones from June 19-25) – I should probably clarify that I FF’d through all scenes involving Sonny & Carly and some other scenes that seemed repetitive and silly. (Seriously, was it necessary for them to have Dante & the chick who is Lulu’s newfound cousin – is that right?! Lulu’s cousin?? – say the same thing to each other over and over for 8 scenes? Maybe I’ve been unexposed to soaps for too long. Anyway, so it didn’t actually take me that long to watch five episodes. I haven’t visited this magical place I call your blog for months, so I was way confused.
    Patrick & Sam are together? AND moved in together? Not surprised the writers got them together with Robin gone, mind you, and Kelly & Jason have good chemistry, so I’m okay with that. But it seems a little obvious that they are going to have Sam be attracted to this dude Jake.
    On that note, Elizabeth is dating someone with the same name as her dead baby? Like….what?! I get that this happens, I mean, I dated two guys who have the same name as my brother. But on a show…where the baby’s death was this huge plot point….is this really necessary??? If there are details about this situation that make sense of this, please school me on it. I realize I’ve been away so long that I may have missed some important explanations.
    They’re having TJ become another Sonny drone? Are you fucking kidding me? NEXT.
    I can already see from a mile away how they’re going to have Dante sleep with Lulu’s hot cousin Valerie (finally looked up her name) because he thinks she’s off having an affair with…Dylan, is it? …while they’re off looking for Lucky (???? What is THAT all about?! How idiotic is it that Lulu wouldn’t tell Dante about Lucky? If Julie Berman was here, this wouldn’t be happening.) All that aside, I personally haven’t been into the new Lulu since my beloved Julie B left, but I still have a soft spot for Dante & Lulu. I assume GH is getting ready to blow it all to hell.
    Not gonna go into the Luke & Laura stuff – I’m just happy to SEE Luke and Laura together, regardless of how idiotic and offensive the Jennifer Smith material has been.
    Nikolas looks fantastic (read: hot) but I see he’s back to the whole dastardly villain bit, which is laughable. Why does it seem like 50% of the characters are supposed to be villains? And the ones who should read as villains are still being written as heros? And what the hell is with Liz’s shifty eyed act? Clearly she’s hiding something, but I’m too brand new right now to pick up on what that something is.
    Just my reactions to the first episodes I’ve watched in forever :D
    Ugh, I’m actually grateful that I currently have some emotional distance from this show. I don’t know how long that will last if I actually start making a habit of watching again.
    Please, Tenillypo – impart your wisdom and tell me if I should run for the hills. Sorry for the long note :P

    • Oh god, honey. I wish I could tell you ANYTHING was worth watching right now, but it is all straight up the worst. So get this: “Jake” is actually an amnesiac Jason (yeah. not dead) who nobody recognizes because his face got run over while he was escaping from Helena, who forced Robin to bring him back to life. And they think his name is Jake because he remembered it being important, but he has no idea who he is. And he and Liz fell for each other and it was beautiful and everything I’ve ever wanted, except stupid goddamn Nikolas told her he was really Jason and now she’s keeping it a secret from everyone because the writers are determined to destroy everything I’ve ever loved. But she has a terrible poker face, as you noticed.

      Oh and Nikolas is also totes evil for no real reason. Like, really, really evil. it’s ridiculous.

      Valerie is the daughter of Luke and Bobbie’s older sister, Patricia, who died during the culmination of a big story in which it as revealed that Luke is ALSO totes evil, and has been suffering from some sort of psychotic breakdown on and off since he was a teenager and accidentally murdered both his parents. Yeah.

      Also, Michael HATES Sonny now because Sonny murdered AJ. And Michael got custody of Sonny’s daughter on the basis that Sonny is a horrible danger to all his children and it was all also beautiful. Except apparently as of today’s episode, that is over now too.

      Really, everything is terrible and you should run far, far away.

      • OH DEAR MOTHER OF GOD. I…can’t deal with this bullshit. Jake is Jason?! Good lord. All of the details you shared make me want to crawl back into ignorant oblivion. Except that now I might be addicted (at least until Tony Geary is gone)…

        • Also Franco is still alive? And now involved in a “romantic” farce? And Ava Jerome, who is the younger sister of back from the dead Julian Jerome (who is banging Alexis like a hurricane, I might add — that doesn’t suck) is running around in a bad wig pretending to be her twin sister, who doesn’t actually exist.

          It’s like a slow moving train wreck, to be honest. Stay for Geary’s goodbye, though. Jonathan Jackson’s going to be back for a short visit.

          • *Ears perk up at mention of Alexis getting some*
            Really though? I can handle that! Yum!
            But yeah. So many shoddy plot points otherwise.
            And yeah, I saw the bad wig walking around on Ava’s head. Took me an episode or 2 to realize it was her (thank god it’s Ava and not ACTUALLY the writers’ attempt to bring in Ava’s lookalike sister…yikes that would be embarrassing)
            I didn’t know JJ was coming back – any idea when? I’d like to NOT miss him, even though they will probably massacre his character.

    • Oh, yeah. Alexis and Julian have been super hotly getting it on for a while, through several break ups and some truly terrible writing for him. Unfortunately they seem to be backburnered at the moment.

      Not sure on JJ’s air dates, but I believe they’re only shooting 2-3 weeks out right now and I know TG has already shot his last scenes, so it’s gotta be soon.

  7. WHAT?! I’m not caught up yet – I was hoping for a much, much cooler reveal for the whole Lucky kidnapping thing. (And hopefully, an explanation that would do some damage control on Lucky’s character by giving him a less character-destroying reason to have stayed away from Port Charles so long.) Also, why would forcing Luke and Laura to pretend to be together help Jennifer Smith to sleep with him? Why does she need Laura involved in this at all? She could have just told Luke she would kill Lucky if he didn’t sleep with her. This makes no sense, unless there’s something I’m not getting here.

    Frankly, if the reveal was going to be this stupid, they could have just gone the obvious route and had this whole thing be yet another plot by Helena to mess with Luke’s life.

    As for Nik, the dialogue you’ve quoted here… basically makes him sound like the most entitled, hatable douchebag ever? Jesus. Are we supposed to find him remotely sympathetic here?? If the writers wanted to go down this route with him, at least give him a truly believable motivation. Watching scenes with Nik from the 90’s is heartbreaking, because it’s like they’ve destroyed almost everything that made his character lovable. (Then again, I feel that way about so many GH characters…)

    • Well, apparently, there’s someone else behind Lucky’s kidnapping and Jennifer was only taking advantage. I have this weird and terrible feeling it’s going to end up being Nikolas, because sure! Why not?

  8. One last comment: I’m actually truly charmed by Billy Miller’s portrayal of Jake [that you’ve now told me is Jason!!!!!!] and I will be fine with whoever he ends up with – would be great if it’s Liz though! What are your thoughts on Patrick & Sam? You’ve seen more than I’ve seen, so I’ll defer to your judgment. My first impression is that I like them together.

    • I really like Patrick and Sam. It’s nice to see her in a relationship that feels like a more equal partnership. They laugh a lot, and have fun together; they have adventures and joke about him being her sidekick… What I’d been hoping would happened with the Jake/Jason thing was that we’d get a long slow build of both the Jake/Liz and Sam/Patrick relationships, followed by a lot of genuine, organic conflict for both couples after the big Jason reveal. Instead, Liz has lost her mind and is now the unequivocal Bad Guy of the situation, so there is zero tension left except for when the truth will come out. It’s such a shame.

      I do find Billy Miller super charming and I see chemistry with both RH and KMo, although I’m obviously on team Liason, depressing as it now is. :/

      • I agree there should not be a bad guy in the Liz, Jake, Sam and Patrick story. The best idea would have been for Robin to accidentally blow up the four couples, since she thinks everyone knows that Jason is alive!

      • I agree with you on the need for a slow build with both couples. The way the story is being told, Liz looks crazy and Sam looks flaky. It is not surprising that the men in the situation look fine.

        The writers should have taken their time with both couples. I wanted to see everyone really in love when Jason’s memories come back. I’m sick of the “don’t I know you from somewhere” vibe Liz and Sam felt with Jake from the beginning. That was a lazy way to write. Everyone should like Jake on his own merits, including Patrick. That way when the truth is revealed there is real conflict.

  9. I agree that Nik’s motivations make absolutely no sense and came out of nowhere. First, Nik has been devious before but ordering hits? Really? Second, how is taking over ELQ going to give Nik extra cash anyway? Even though Nik controls the voting shares, it doesn’t mean he can just start siphoning off funds to pay back the money Helena threw away. Nik still has a duty to run the company in a responsible way.Third, it seems like everyone has shares of ELQ and can sell them to anyone. It does not work that way. If someone has shares in a family run company like this, there are usually restrictions on them. You can’t just up and sell to anyone and when shares are sold it is a public transaction so the fact that everyone was in the dark about who was buying the shares is idiotic.

    I do like some things about the story. I like how characters that you don’t usually see together are interacting. Sabrina, Tracy and Sam have had some cute scenes. I like that Michael is living at the Q mansion and is part of that world instead of licking Sonny’s boots. I think Michael and Sabrina are good together.

    I just wish someone had done a bit more research on corporate takeovers and I wish Nik had a more realistic motivation.

  10. AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!

    This show is trying to make me crazy. I know this is off topic, but I just watched yesterday’s show and I just cannot! I am calling BULLSxxT on Holly telling Laura she had no idea that Luke was already a father when she got pregnant with Ethan. I heard her say that and my 1st thought was that can’t be right because I distinctly recall she and Robert were both present when Luke announced to everyone at Mariah’s that the Spencer’s were pregnant. Then for about 5 seconds I doubted my memory, so I decided to check the videotape and within another 10 seconds, the the magic of youtube confirmed I was right;

    Now I admit I have had no real interest in Ethan since they decided he was Luke’s and not Robert’s, but I also seem to recall that originally we were told that he was the result of Holly and Luke being caught in a life threatening situation with no hope of survival and deciding they would comfort each other before their eventual demise. Now, I don’t have enough interest to look this one up, but why change the backstory for no reason at all, why invent some weekend romp in Hong Kong? Again, I should be happy that characters I once adored are on my tv screen, but its like they are intentionally screwing with us.

    Again, sorry for the off topic rant, but I just had to get this one off my chest.

  11. Just watched today’s episode (July 1st). If we’re going to have to endure more of Sam talking about how Nikolas the ruthless tycoon is worse than Jason the fucking HITMAN, I’m out.

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