Invasion of the body snatchers.

Guys, I am seriously starting to suspect that we’re headed toward a big sweeps reveal that half the town has been taken over by body snatching impostors. I mean, forget Nikolas and Elizabeth — now Tracy, certified viper, is braiding friendship bracelets with Sabrina, certified living cotton candy? WHERE WILL THIS MADNESS END?

Also, consider the following:

Dante and Valerie kiss

– Dante Falconeri (World’s Greatest Husband, Father, and Perfect Human Being) going from zero to CHEATING BASTARD in the space of a week without even bothering to ask Lulu for an explanation?

– Holly not remembering several important details from her own life, including the city where her child was conceived or the fact that she had a tumultuous love affair with Bill Eckert?*

– Everyone in town resisting the urge to rip this horrendous wig off of Ava’s head. HOW HAS NO ONE JUST RIPPED IT OFF OF HER YET?**

Denise is Ava

(The fact that everyone she’s met has been able to resist the urge to pull a Kimberly with that thing is almost more amazing than the fact that no one is questioning why she’s acting like a possessive lunatic over a baby she barely knows.)

– Michael listening to this speech and not only not laughing hysterically, but actually AGREEING that although Avery will definitely be safer, happier, more functional, and infinitely less likely to die in a car bomb while living with him, he should return his sister to Sonny. Because… it’s what AJ would have wanted. OBVIOUSLY.

Michael gives back Avery

SABRINA: If you give your sister back to Sonny, you’ll be reuniting a father with his child. You’ll be putting down the anger and the vengeance and allowing yourself to move on. I think if he were here, your father would want that.

Yes, if there was one thing that defined AJ, it was forgiveness! You really nailed that one, Sabrina! (Also: oh my God, shut up, Sabrina, YOU SACCHARINE, SANCTIMONIOUS, MEALY-MOUTHED TWIT.)

I just… ugh. This was a story literally 20 years in the making. It deserved a lot more than this rushed, hacky mess. If Michael was going to soften toward Sonny, it should have been because Sonny had actually demonstrated some sort of real growth or change. 

Franco and Denise

The face my heart makes while watching this show lately.

It wouldn’t even have been that hard! Just have him cede some of his territory or voluntarily give up custody because he’d actually recognized the damage he’d caused his other children. But, no: Sonny learns nothing, changes nothing, gets everything he wants. As usual. Which leads me to:

– Ava (you know, the woman who recently faked her death, invented an identical fraternal twin, and has been roaming around town with I AM AVA JEROME practically painted on her back) is now the only one saying anything even remotely sane about this situation:

AVA: Sonny is a killer. He kills people. And people he loves, they get killed. You didn’t have a problem sending her back to that world?
MICHAEL: Sonny promised me that he would protect her.
AVA: And did he not make you the same assurance. How did that turn out for you, Michael?

It’s lucky Michael can’t answer that because he is currently a pod person. Otherwise, I’d be forced to think that no one writing this show cares anything about logic of character integrity.

– And the final piece of evidence: Lucky’s hair. Clearly, this could only be the work of an inhuman monster:

Lucky's terrible hair

GREASY MULLET WHYYYYY

(Oh, and also Poor Dead Jake is maybe not so dead? Which is a hilarious development that is sure to make the internet explode whichever way it pans out, so stay tuned.)

In conclusion: BODY SNATCHERS. Tell me parasitic aliens controlling the brains of all these people doesn’t make so more sense than anything that’s happened on your screen in the last month. I dare you.

*Yes, I’m aware this has been addressed as a simple mistake. I’m taking cheap shots tonight. Deal with it.
**Apparently in show reality, it’s not even really a wig, so we’re being robbed of the only potentially fun thing that could possibly redeem this travesty of s story line.

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33 thoughts on “Invasion of the body snatchers.

  1. The kernel of truth here: “no one writing this show cares anything about logic of character integrity” So a constant mess of dual identities Luke Ava Faison and on an,d on. or amnesia/coma Jake Nina Hayden and now I swear Sam spouting off about things that did’nt actually happen the way she is choosing to remember them. (Jason on the bridge, etc )Rewriting history. and I doubt she rewrote it herself, like Holly. Nope, pretty sure the writers did it for her. Even people not supposed to be “not their self” are not like their self. E.g. Michael, Nik, LIz. Anna (remember her?) And people and s/ls just seem to appear and disappear. One day we had a room full of Jeromes (literally) plus their mates (Alexis, Morgan) Then next day – poof! none of them around, except unf. Sam and the fake one DaNiece. What happened to a consistent linear story with consistent developed characters? I could go on and on but I won’t. Thanks for your insightful blog! I love GH but it’s very frustrating right now.

    • these are my feelings exactly I feel like I’m watching more than one show at times-I’m constantly going WTH is this. The writing for this show sucks more often than not and RC can complain all he wants but that is the hard truth.

      I so agree about Sabrina as soon as she was doing a decent job they throw her back to that character she was at the beginning. Not a good choice.

      Ava and the wig–not even worth talking about

  2. I knew I could count on your blog for some ranting about Michael returning Avery to Sonny. Without having read spoilers etc I’m assuming its to set up Avery finally getting a proper DNA test and being named Morgan’s kid, because that’s got more impact if Avery is actually with Sonny, but its still crap. Like you said, at least throw us a bone and have Sonny make some sort of changes to his life, no matter how nominal.

    If Poor Dead Jake is not really dead then who’s kidney does Joss have? I suppose if he’s Poor Undead Jake that would spare us from another Liz pregnancy.

  3. “It’s a dyed weave extension situation”

    1) I. Can’t.
    2) if things require ridiculous Twitter explanations? Ur doin’ it wrong, GH

  4. I’m barely watching it right now, and this is the reason why…

    they are like pod people or body snachted or however you want to put it

    susan

  5. “Sonny promised me that he would protect her.”

    Well, okay then! Let’s give Sonny all the babies. After the fallout last fall with Michael, Sonny, and Carly this response to the very real possibility that Avery could die from being around Sonny FROM MICHAEL…is not what I expected to hear.

    Well, at least for a little bit I was a fan of Sabrina. I thought she and Michael were great together, until she undid the EPIC karmic payback to Sonny. She didn’t know AJ and had no clue what he would want. I thought it was poetic justice for Sonny to have his child taken away after taking AJ’s child years before. This was a story that could have and should have lasted years. I don’t get this whole “Sonny can only be punished, but the punishment should only last for five minutes with no growth on his part” thing. WTF?? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: may the soap gods grant my fave the same consideration when her crap hits the fan. If Sonny is going to be rewarded for bad behavior, then so should she, dang nabbit!

    I would really love to marry your post.

    How on earth can Dante fly to BC and not at least confront Lulu? Here, we have another situation of a character on this show doing something they would never do, and doing it so easily. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind Lante getting a shake up, b/c they are sorely boring, but did they need to cheat and lie and just generally be ridiculous? I mean, I can’t stand Lulu and usually invite misery for her, but this couldn’t have happened a better way? What am I even asking? Of course, this was the way to go!

    I feel like there needs to be some sort of retreat with the writers and network reps (b/c I think there has been interference from the network; to what extent I haven’t a clue) where there are seminars about who these characters on GH are and what they would/wouldn’t do.

    As for the wig thing, I know what Ron is saying they were going for, but I know how it looks on my screen and, yeah, I’m not going to make-believe this dye-job, weave extension situation. Haven’t we been forced to suspend more than enough belief already??? Denise is frothing at the mouth to be near Avery and nobody has caught on? Come on.

    And I know that there was a confession about a last minute script change by the actors (and I appreciate ES speaking up since Ron was being attacked for it), but this is a case of “the writers are writers for a reason.” I may not be able to stand all of these contrived plots, but I think the writers would have done enough research to know that Bill and Holly were involved and that she did know him and that Holly did know Luke was married to Laura (I don’t buy that she didn’t). Their jobs are to act, whether they remember it or not. July 27th can not come fast enough for me. It was just really annoying b/c it took people out of the show, when it’s hard enough for me to pay attention to it as it is. Team Writers on this one. That was not cool.

    I’m excited about baby Jake being alive. I never accepted his death and always thought Guza left enough holes in that awful story. Sure, questions will have to be answered, but this isn’t the craziest thing to happen. I mean Jason and Helena are back, and they were gunned down and frozen. And yes, the internet has already exploded and this is just starting. It’s quite entertaining to see meltdowns.

    But, in the mean time, I guess it’s back to business as of late with this show:

    plotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplotplot

    • I forgot to add, that while it wasn’t cool for actors to make script changes like that, production should have caught that. I don’t know how it made it to air. That was a pretty big mistake.

    • Dante’s been unflaggingly loyal and faithful to Lulu from the moment he laid eyes on her. Lulu’s the one who’s always had profound doubts about monogamy and marriage–an organic way to shake up Lante here would be Lulu’s insecurities about Valerie driving her into Dillon’s arms, not Dante uncharacteristically deciding to throw away five years of commitment to to the mother of his child because he *suspects* that she’s cheating on him.

      I simply cannot fathom Dante sleeping with someone else without hearing Lulu say to him, in so many words, that she’s done with their marriage. (Especially not with a woman he’s known for about a month and has no sexual chemistry with.) He’s been jealous of Lulu’s exes before, but that jealousy always made him more possessive of her. “Fuck this, I’m out” is the literal exact opposite of how Dante normally reacts to challenges in his relationship with Lulu.

  6. Of course Holly knew that Luke was married to Laura. She was still in town when Laura came back from the dead/disappearance whatever it was called with Stavros trailing behind her. She was also still in town during the whole Aztec treasure story line with Felicia and Frisco that Luke & Laura also came back for. I almost fell off my chair when Holly/ES started talking about how she’d never known Bill Eckert. I thought I’d lost my mind because I clearly remember that story line and the whole Holly/Paloma situation. I was hoping that it was going to turn out that Ethan was Bill Eckert’s kid if he wasn’t going to be Luke’s. And can Sly come back to town? Yesterday Maxie and Dillon had a conversation where it looked like Maxie had totally forgotten that Dillon was there for Georgie’s funeral.

    The whole ‘giving Avery back to Sonny’ story line made no sense, especially when you figure that Sabrina thought Gabriel had died because Ava put a hit out on her. Has she forgotten all that she went through with Carlos? I would have preferred it if Sabrina had convinced Michael to let Sonny have limited visitation rights at the Quartermaine mansion under Sabrina’s supervision. That would have made more sense.

    And I don’t understand how Dante could go from 0 to 150 with regards to Dillon and Lulu. Dillon hasn’t been back long enough for Dante to be jealous of their past relationship or to think that she was cheating on him. I suggest the writers read Debra Dixon’s book Goal, Motivation and Conflict to learn how to create character driven stories instead of plot-driven.

  7. Well, I have a theory on Dante’s behavior. Luke threw him down the stairs, hit him pretty hard with that crowbar, and almost blew him up in an explosion, maybe Dante suffered some type of brain damage or broke into multiple personalities and this is “bad Dante”. Now he can go on a rampage and destroy all his other relationships, LOL….

    As far as the others crazy behavior, I have no clue, except when I am watching the show sometimes I feel like I am in the Twilight Zone and not in a good way.

  8. I’ve never cared about Dante and specifically Lante; but I’m outraged by the quarters assed writing for this story, and all stories.

    I was on Board for Michael and Sabrina romance because it was nice to see to good people fall in love, and I truly hate Kiki and Rosalie. To be honest seeing as his only other options right now are Kiki and Rosalie, I still ship Sakey (hate that name so much). But I will always be angry that they had Sabrina say the ends totally don’t justify the means and forget visitation we’ll just give her back to the mobster who on a good day acts like a 16 year old and on a bad day is pushing his terrible twos(without meds). I would have rather that scene went down with Traci or the she who is never seen Monica. People who knew AJ. Can we get Michael a love interest who is actually feisty and can challenge him, but not betray him by stealing his company. I know I’m asking FAR too much.

  9. Sabrina is back to acting like a Disney Princess. It must be the actress, because I think she used to work at Disney!

    I don’t care if Jake’s back from the dead story makes a lick of sense! Jake should have never been killed off in the first place.

    Michael was the bomb for so long with his hatred of all things CarSon, and as soon as he starts playing tongue hockey with the Disney Princess he loses his bite. What a waste!

    Ava’s story is so, lame.

    Why is Franco still in town?!

  10. We’ve had a lot of people with head injuries and/or in comas as of late, so maybe everything that has happened during and since sweeps is actually in someone’s mind! If not, can Elizabeth real quick be the next person to get bonked on the head and forget she knows Jake is Jason?

  11. Darn I did want to see JJ.
    The rest I don’t even. I think they like to bait us. Michael hates Sonny……just joking. And repeat the joke with Jason/Liz.
    I don’t want people to be out of work but this cast seems so bloated. And no way should Ava, Morgan, Kiki, etc be getting such screen time.
    They had Doc & Ned. Makes no sense. I wish maybe they’d go back to basics. Figure out a core cast with balanced s/l. Then add from there.

  12. I understand them wanting them to make Dante less perfect, but they couldn’t have, I don’t know? Laid some more groundwork? Dante throwing away his marriage for some cousin he met after three months is ridiculous

    Also, why not have them just fight over her leaving in the first place and have that be the rift? Why did he have to have sex now and not later with Valerie or whoever? He would have had some valid points to be angry about if he hadn’t all just swept it away by being a cheating bastard.

    also I was waiting for this rant, thank you!

    • I think him sleeping with Valerie after he knew the truth would have made things worse, not better. Yes, Lulu lied and that was wrong, but lying in a misguided attempt to save her brother isn’t nearly as bad as having an affair. Dante looks bad enough as it is, but if his response to “My brother was kidnapped and I was afraid they’d kill him” was “Eff that, I’m going to go sleep with Valerie”, he’d look even worse. They have both kept secrets of this kind in the past. Remember when he kept that stupid secret about Brenda a couple years back? Or when he didn’t tell Lulu about Lucky relapsing on drugs? It’s not like he could claim he’s always been 100% open with Lulu.

      And frankly, I DON’T understand them wanting to make Dante “less perfect”. Dante has never been perfect. What Dante is, and always has been, is deeply and genuinely GOOD, and that’s rare on soaps. I’d like to see more of it, and I hate the idea that characters who are good people only exist to be corrupted. That’s lazy writing. What’s much harder, but also more rewarding, is writing characters who are consistently good people but also have consistent flaws. Instead of doing that, the GH writers so often just randomly make characters do horrible things which make absolutely no sense with how the character has been written in the past (this also applies to what they’re doing to Nikolas now.) That’s not complex characterization, it’s writing for pure shock value.

      You know what’s even lazier? That they ALWAYS default to characters having affairs. Now, there are some characters for whom cheating is (or at least can be) in-character – Maxie is one, and Carly definitely, and Sonny. Morgan, without a doubt. You write an affair storyline for those characters, and as long as it’s written believably I won’t say a word. But this *isn’t* in-character for Dante, nor does the way they framed it make sense considering the way Lulu and Dante have always trusted each other. It’s incredibly lazy that the writers can’t think of any way to make Dante more morally grey (if they feel they must) or give Lulu and Dante relationship troubles without resorting to the old cheating storyline. Yes, it’s a staple of the soap genre, but it needs to be written believably, and frankly it’s incredibly overused at this point. There are so many things you can do to test a relationship without having one of the characters cheat.

      • A 1000 times yes. Especially to the “good characters”. Dante, Robin, Laura all “good characters”. Not weak, perfect, or boring. And the show needs them for balance.
        Every one may not agree but I always thought that’s who Liz was supposed to be, how RH plays her. And this is why her s/l through the years do not ring true to me.

        • I completely agree with you about Liz. She has that “bad-girl” edge, sure, in that she’ll snark and fight with everything in her, but she’s not a liar and a cheater the way she’s so often been written. That’s not Liz. Liz cares SO MUCH about other people – it baffles me when she is written as such a profoundly selfish person. And what makes it worse is that so many of her “going bad” storylines have also been absolutely terribly written – including the one going on right now. And the Nik/Liz affair? Seriously, you will never convince me that made sense for either of those characters. Just a mess, all around.

          Frankly, I feel that way about Lucky too, and it makes me so sad to look at what’s been done to him over the years. I love having him back onscreen, but I’d love it a lot more if his character hadn’t been utterly torn to pieces and if I had more faith that he’d be well-written this time around.

      • I am 1000% with you on this. :) When I said “I understand why they would want to make him more morally grey” I meant it from the angle you said – that show writers and actors usually want to do that out of shock value, and agree with you that it is lazy writing.

        I just meant that, if they are planning to do Valerie/Dante in any significant way, I would have rather them had Dante break up with Lulu because of the lie (I do think he had some valid points today – if he had not cheated), and then later on sleep with Valerie. If they have him be with Lulu out of guilt and still daydreaming about Valerie, well, then, Valerie can be welcome to the sleaze who would then be masquerading as Dante Falconeri.

        And like I said, I agree 1000% with your post. I have a bit of a Conspiracy Theory that the writers agreed to this story to get DZ to re-sign (his contract was up this year), and he’s always made no secret that he wanted Dante to have more of an edge. Unfortunately, Ron took wrote it crappily.

  13. It’s amazing that I was SO excited for the episode because Lucky was coming back (despite how truly unlikable his character has generally been written, I am still a big fan based on the 90’s iteration of his character, and I think Jonathan Jackson is one of the most talented characters on the show), and TPTB still managed to make me hate this episode with the Dante/Valerie nonsense.

    Let me be very blunt here: This is not in-character for Dante. Dante has never been shown to be anything but loyal and devoted to Lulu. Remember Brook Lynn’s attempts to seduce him? That failed so badly she had to resort to drugging him. Dante does not cheat. Granted, there are extenuating circumstances here, but jumping to conclusions and then jumping into bed with someone else is *also* not like Dante. He isn’t self-destructively impulsive like that. (There are characters on the show who are. Dante isn’t one of them.) And Dante *trusts* Lulu. It makes no sense to me he wouldn’t have confronted her before making assumptions.

    Frankly, even if Lulu *had* cheated on Dante, and he had absolute proof and she’d confessed or whatever, having revenge-sex with another woman still doesn’t really fit his character – at least not unless he had a much stronger and more believable connection with that woman, which I don’t see with him and Valerie.

    This is being done purely to create drama, and that annoys me. There are plenty of in-character ways this story could have been used to create drama without bringing out-of-character cheating into it. Is Robin the only character left now who’s never cheated on anyone? I think she might be.

    Michael giving Avery/AJ back to Sonny also annoys me a whole darn lot. I am actually okay with Michael softening towards Sonny, but that’s no reason to endanger Avery’s life. This just makes it look like everything Michael said about how Sonny’s life has hurt all of his other children and how he wants to protect Avery from that was a lie to cover up his desire for vengeance. That bothers me so much. If anything, have Michael tell Sonny he’ll give Avery back as soon as Sonny leaves the mob. Now THAT would be interesting!

    As for the Spencer storyline/Lucky’s return/the possible return of Jake… I have mixed feelings. At this point, I guess I’m waiting to see where it goes. I wish I had more faith in the show right now.

  14. Well, at least for a little bit I was a fan of Sabrina. I thought she and Michael were great together, until she undid the EPIC karmic payback to Sonny. She didn’t know AJ and had no clue what he would want. I thought it was poetic justice for Sonny to have his child taken away after taking AJ’s child years before. This was a story that could have and should have lasted years. I don’t get this whole “Sonny can only be punished, but the punishment should only last for five minutes with no growth on his part” thing. WTF?? I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: may the soap gods grant my fave the same consideration when her crap hits the fan. If Sonny is going to be rewarded for bad behavior, then so should she, dang nabbit!

    I would really love to marry your post.

    I so agree with that part, avery should come back to sonny as an angry teen, would so serve him right…….

    susan

  15. I feel like there needs to be some sort of retreat with the writers and network reps (b/c I think there has been interference from the network; to what extent I haven’t a clue) where there are seminars about who these characters on GH are and what they would/wouldn’t do.

    I have been saying that mantra for quite a few years now..

    susan

  16. ES started talking about how she’d never known Bill Eckert. I thought I’d lost my mind because I clearly remember that story line and the whole Holly/Paloma situation

    that paloma story just had me shaking my head…it really did

    susan

  17. I would have preferred it if Sabrina had convinced Michael to let Sonny have limited visitation rights at the Quartermaine mansion under Sabrina’s supervision. That would have made more sense.

    now that actually would have made perfect sense….

    but of course not…..

  18. I haven’t been able to bring myself to watch any episodes from the last couple of weeks, because I was dreading what I assumed was about to happen (i.e. Sonny gets canonized yet again, Dante loses his mind and throws himself at Lulu’s cousin, the Spencers-on-the-run story crosses the line well beyond Absurdville, and so on. Based on the gist of your post, it doesn’t look like I was that far off. I feel this weird sense of obligation to at least watch until Tony Geary’s last appearance, even though they ruined Luke’s character years ago. Dante used to be one of my fave characters to watch, but I don’t know how much of this particular storyline I’ll be able to take. Lemme guess, the cousin is wringing her hands incessantly about how she feels so bad about Lulu in between make-out sessions with Lulu’s husband, lest we, the viewers, forget how “conflicted” she is. Am I close?

    • Valerie doesn’t even seem that conflicted, which is part of the problem. She and Lulu barely know/like each other, so there’s not even relationship there to betray. Sloppy…

  19. I would love to see Dante and Valerie get a chance together. I just don’t care for this Dante and Lulu. Michael raising a kid at this age, no thank you. Let Sonny and Carly deal Ava.

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