Sometimes a thing happens, and it is so intensely dumb that it’s almost hard to even make fun of it. Yesterday, that thing was every word that came out of Nikolas and Lucky’s mouths. Exhibit A:
LUCKY: But you know, even with everything that’s happened. Bringing Jake home, everything right with the world… everything’s not right with me. I’m still broken. I’m in no condition to be around my kids. Who the hell does that sound like?
NIKOLAS: You’re not like him, Lucky.
LUCKY: Luke Spencer raised me, okay? I’m just following in his footsteps. And I’m a great dad! As long as I don’t have to be near my kids.
NIKOLAS: Don’t say that — that’s not true. You’re nothing like him! You’re an amazing father.
LUCKY: Really. When? I haven’t been there for them, Nikolas. I mean, Cam has a few vague memories. To Aiden, I’m just a face on a computer screen. And the worse thing is, part of me just wants to run. I just want to get out of here before this darkness or whatever the hell is in me corrupts Jake. How sick is that?
OMG, WHAT IS HE EVEN TALKING ABOUT? It was bad enough when the writers realized they couldn’t pull off multiple personalities again and just invented a bullshit darkness “diagnosis” for Luke. But now we’re expected to believe the bullshit is hereditary?
Like, is Lucky possessed by a literal demon? Is he Ireland’s Hannibal Lecter? Does he have a stash of kiddie porn? WHAT? Because it kind of sounds like he’s just a gigantic drama llama with a bad case of depression and an inexplicable aversion to shampoo. And in that case, call me crazy, but it sure seems like some therapy and good haircut would solve 99% of his problems.
And then there’s exhibit B:
LUCKY: How can you not tell him the truth. You’re keeping Jason away from his wife, his children, his entire family!
NIKOLAS: I know that. But Sam is with Patrick now. And the rest of Jason’s loved ones, they’ve accepted the situation and moved on.
LUCKY: They don’t know the situation!
NIKOLAS: Please just try and understand this for a moment. Sam, the Quartermaines, even Carly have recovered from Jason’s death.
LUCKY: What are you talking about, he didn’t die!
NIKOLAS: I know that! You know–they don’t know that! They’ve moved on. They’re happy with their lives now!
LUCKY: Okay, so if this is all settled. Everyone’s happy, why’d you have to tell me?
What an excellent question! WHY IN THE HELL DID LUCKY GET DRAGGED INTO THIS? Doubling down on ‘Lucky the Deadbeat’ wasn’t enough character assassination? They just had to involve him in the Jason mess to twist the knife on the way out the door?
“I’m just gratuitously terrible now!”
The worst part of this is I had hopes this visit might actually fix some of the damage done to this character. Luke’s farewell tour has been sloppy, rushed and nonsensical — how exactly did going along with Frank Smith’s kidnapping scheme help Lucky find Jake? How did he even find out Jake was alive in the first place, for that matter? Whose kidney does Josslyn have?!
But searching for Jake was at least a decent reason for him to have abandoned his family. Now that reason is gone and he’s part of this trainwreck lie for literally no reason. Great. Thanks for that, show.
“I’ve straight up gone insane!”
Meanwhile, forget brainwashing — is Nikolas on drugs? I mean, one day he’s having people killed to keep this secret and the next he’s casually blabbing it at the drop of a hat? His insane justifications used to sound like manipulations, but now it feels like he’s actually believing the crap coming out of his own mouth? I know character motivation has become a dirty word in the writers’ room, but it would be nice if they could at least keep people out of character in a consistent way.
On the bright side: at this rate, half the town will be in on the Jason secret by the time it comes out, which will spread out the inevitable shunning?