It’s so hard to care about anything on this show right now, you guys. Like, I really tried to care about Luke’s last episode? But since it was basically an interminable Luke/Sonny circle jerk — actual dialog from Luke to Sonny: “Port Charles is going to need you now” (!?!?) — with no tribute montage and no last scene with Laura because Tony’s Geary’s issues matter more than viewer satisfaction, I wound up feeling more irritated than nostalgic.
But if there’s one thing you can count on, it’s that I’m always here for a good Morgan tell off:
MORGAN: I do care about Kiki, okay? The last thing I want to do it hurt her.
SILAS: Then you never should have gotten back together with her! You never should have claimed to care about her! You never should have asked her to trust you when you were so clearly unworthy of her trust. You are a selfish, shallow, horny little brat, and you deserve to be screwed over the same way you’re screwing over my daughter.
Of course, Morgan being Morgan, he stayed apologetic for roughly 2.5 seconds before getting self-righteously angry and blaming his bullshit on everyone by him. But, hey! At least Silas got to go out on a relative high note!
I wish I could say I was sorry see him go, but let’s be real. Silas was easily the most useless character on the canvas, and on a show which regularly features the romantic trials and tribulations of a serial killer, that is really saying something. Farewell, Michael Easton! We’ll always have McBain hugs!
Meanwhile, my girl Elizabeth continues to be BATSHIT INSANE:
LAURA: Look, you believed that little Jake was dead. For many, many years, you mourned him. You know about that ache that never ever goes away. And the feeling you had when found out he was alive — don’t you want that for Monica too?
ELIZABETH: It isn’t the same thing.
LAURA: It is exactly the same thing!
First of all, THANK YOU, LAURA. I have been waiting for someone in this story to give a crap about Monica. And second, no Liz, it’s not the same thing. Because Monica is mourning all four of her children, whereas you at least still had two alive when Jake was “dead.”
SNAP OUT OF IT
And now it turns out she knows Nikolas has a hit man on speed dial but seems to have zero concern that something is seriously wrong with him so long as she can keep living in fantasy land with Jason. THIS IS NOT MY LIZ.
I swear, I don’t care what the new writing team has to do to get her out of this — make the last four months a dream, invasion of alien impostors, more of Helena’s brainwashing, whatever — just get her out of this and bring back the flawed but human and semi-sane character I love. I am begging now.