We’re gonna be on The Soup again, aren’t we?

Friends, viewers, countrymen… where to start with last two days? Let’s all just take a moment and think about the fact that with the ratings in the toilet, someone — most likely multiple someones — got together and decided giving Hayley Erin material in which she had to convey realistic human emotion was a good idea.

Really think about that.

Shrieky Kiki1

YEAH. THAT HAPPENED.

On the other hand, if the show’s not going to be good, it’s nice that it’s at least hilariously bad? And I can honestly say I enjoyed the scenes of Kiki reacting to Silas’ dead body more than I’ve ever enjoyed any other scene with either of those two characters.

There were so many amazing parts to those scenes! Like Kiki having the stunning revelation that Franco just might not be a good person after all. Bear in mind this is a serial killer who, in the time that he’s known her, has knifed his own mother, threatened to kill her boyfriend’s mother, and helped kidnap her infant sister, and also that this is the SECOND time she’s had this revelation. (The first being during said kidnapping, when she caught him about to go causally murder an innocent witness. Bygones!)

Shrieky Kiki4

Or like the memorial tour through Michael Easton’s worst hair disasters. I’m not sure what’s sadder — that they thought a reminder of Silas at his ugliest and douchiest would make the audience sentimental, or that this crappy character got double the amount flashbacks that freaking Luke Spencer did.

But the most AMAZING part of all was the sheer volume of Hayley Erin’s screams. Kind of like a basket of baby bunnies being murdered? I tried to transcribe some of the dialog from this scene, but since it was all either incoherent mumbling or a level of shrieking beyond ALL CAPS, there really was no way to do it justice in mere text. This picture pretty accurately captures the essence of the performance, though:

Shrieky Kiki3

ACTING! HER! BALLS! OFF!

I assume the stage directions in the script for that day instructed her to dislocate her jaw to keep her mouth open as wide as possible at all times.

Meanwhile, Kiki’s loving boyfriend spent most of the last two episodes giving his sulky duck lips a work out while whining about how unfair it is that being a dick makes people treat him like a dick. I think my favorite thing about Morgan is how much everyone in his family knows what a loser he is. I mean, his mother’s pep talk involved telling him: 1) he’s a liar, 2) he’s not even a good liar, 3) nobody likes him:

Morgan duh face

CARLY: You’re so much like me, I don’t trust you right now.
MORGAN: You are being so unfair right now.
CARLY: I used to lie to anyone about anything and feel completely justified. And I was good at it. I was better than you — I was convincing! And you know what that got me? Nothing. I was an outcast and no one trusted me. Except for Jason. He was my true friend and there as nothing I could do that would push him away. You got a friend like that?

That’s just mean, Carly. You know Morgan doesn’t have any friends, much less a ride or die one. Come on.

Anyway, I assume none of the three suspects we’ve been given is actually guilty, but I’m still kind of hoping it’s Morgan. Both because actually killing a man to keep his shitty secret from his shitty girlfriend is totally in character, and also because the schadenfreude of someone Kiki loves killing her father would be delicious. I hope Michael just laughs and laughs and then finds out who the killer is and keeps it from her for no reason for months.

Finally, I’d be remiss in not mentioning the pièce de résistance of crapitude, i.e. the return of the Five Families, terrible Russian stereotype day players, and Maurice Bernard thinking he’s a believable badass:

Five families2

Five families1

Bob Guza got a giant boner this afternoon and had no idea why.

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13 thoughts on “We’re gonna be on The Soup again, aren’t we?

  1. I love your take on all things GH, I don’t have time to watch it and reading your blog is my mental mint chocolate chip ice cream. Always delicious. Thank you.

  2. Oh wow, when they said Silas was gone I didn’t realise they meant this quickly! I’m used to being stuck with someone for another 6 damn months on Days.

  3. Meanwhile, Kiki’s loving boyfriend spent most of the last two episodes giving his sulky duck lips a work out while whining about how unfair it is that being a dick makes people treat him like a dick. I think my favorite thing about Morgan is how much everyone in his family knows what a loser he is. I mean, his mother’s pep talk involved telling him: 1) he’s a liar, 2) he’s not even a good liar, 3) nobody likes him:

    lol…now with that comment I can’t help but think of a boy from full house the first couple of years……

    susan

  4. “Meanwhile, Kiki’s loving boyfriend spent most of the last two episodes giving his sulky duck lips a work out while whining about how unfair it is that being a dick makes people treat him like a dick.”

    Note to self, do not take a drink of orange juice while reading tennillypo’s post. I had orange juice coming out of my nose I was laughing so hard. LMFAO! That line gave my life, especially with a picture of him and the said “sulky duck lips”. :)

  5. I haven’t made it through the first 5 minutes of an episode for awhile.
    I. Just. Can’t.

    me either I’m hardly home during the summer, want to be outside as much as I can…hey it’s summer….

    and when I do sit down to watch it, I barely can like you said manage the first five minutes….I’d rather be watching anything else instead….like the talk…is pretty good…

    susan

    I know that this isn’t related..

    but yesterday I was watching an eppy of family feud, and I was drinking cold coffee..(left over from the morning) and I nearly spit it out…that’s how funny steve was being….

    susan

    like I said it reminds me of one of Stephanie’s friends on full house, which I’m miffed that I can’t see, when it comes again…..because it’s only on Netflix…..

  6. I haven’t even watched Wednesday’s episode yet, b/c I just don’t have the strength right now. When I watched Tuesday’s, I got through the first 20 minutes or so, before passing out. I did wake back up, however, during Kiki’s shrieking. I had no idea what was going on and then remembered Silas and fell back asleep. I finished it during the middle of the night. It was definitely giggle-worthy. At least H.E. went for it…hysterically? Omg, I can’t. I was fascinated and horrified.

    I really do hope at Michael doesn’t care and lets Kiki know he doesn’t care that someone murdered her father. When they do find the culprit, she really should just get over it, no?

    Big eyeroll to big, bad mobster Sonny. I don’t care.

    Did anyone else catch the line from Tuesday’s episode, with the news anchor talking about low ratings? So we’re gonna joke about it now??? What clever dialogue.

    And b/c it never gets old to point out, Morgan is an idiot. And awful. It’s not hard to tell who’s responsible for his existence. One moment that made me laugh was him hearing from Lucas that his parents are getting remarried, even though he had just seen his dad. Not only is Morgan awful, so is his family. They’re such trash, LOL!

    • that cracked me, re: Lucas was the one to tell him about the re-marriage. If he weren’t such a jerk, I’d feel bad for him.

  7. I did genuinely enjoy mopey Dante on Tuesday. YOU TOTALLY DESERVE TO FEEL THAT MOPEY YA JERK.

    To be slightly fair to Hayley Erin, her mouth is kinda shaped funny and that just makes the unhinged jaw look more comical.

    this was the best part of the dialogue.

    Franco: He was killed.
    Kiki: KILLED? HOW???
    Franco: He was stabbed.
    Kiki: STABBED? HOW???????

    I don’t think it’s gonna make the Soup though. Too easy.

    • I completely died at her intonation on the STABBED??? line. it was so beautiful. Honestly, I’m glad she went for it. Know your strengths and all. If she’d gone for a more subdued reaction, I wouldn’t even have bothered watching. But this? I watched it like five times while screencapping and it never got old.

  8. My favorite part of the episode was learning that Sonny is the ‘Don of the Northern Seafront.’ If that were true, he wouldn’t live in Port Charles which doesn’t have a seafront being in Upstate New York. He’d live in Boston, or NYC, or Baltimore. And I love that it’s only the Northern Seafront, not the Eastern Seaboard. So I assume that there is a Don of the Southern Seafront? And whoever wrote this crap knows nothing about the 5 families which were all NYC families.

  9. so couldn’t care less about don sonny…never did, never will..

    susan

    whoever wrote this crap knows nothing about nothing of the show

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