I’m not drunk enough for this recap.

Alexis is watching the coverage of Franco’s trial with a bottle of wine (hey, me too!) when Sam shows up. She thinks drinking a bottle wine alone is verging on “hot mess territory.” Um, some of us just call that “Monday,” Sam. Don’t judge.

Elizabeth bitch please

At the hospital, Patrick catches Liz — who should only wear that shade of red, by the way — admiring her engagement ring of lies and betrayal. He offers his congratulations. When she says they haven’t had time to do any wedding planning yet, he suggests Maxie could help out, prompting a patented Elizabeth Webber “bitch please” look.

Maxie, meanwhile, is in the throes of planing the Corinthos/Jacks wedding, and if the sight of those names together didn’t momentarily spin you into a fantasy land where Sonny and Jax finally consummated their love/hate relationship… then you obviously don’t read as much fan fiction as I do.

Corinthos Jacks wedding

DON’T JUDGE.

Nathan walks in and immediately spills the beans about Nina’s accusations regarding Silas and Avery’s kidnapping. Maxie, reasonably, wonders why Silas would have done that. Nathan doesn’t know.

Over at Franco’s trial, Scott announces he has proof that Denise is really Ava. She demands to know where this so-called evidence came from — so we flashback to Dr. Obrecht secretly taking a glass from Ava’s apartment that morning.

Scotty and Ava

Ric echoes Ava’s question about the source of this new evidence and Scotty literally says that’s “beside the point.” Um, no, Scott. That’s not how evidence works. I mean, this is soap court, so I’m sure no one will care that they have no chain of custody for this sample, proof that it was legally obtained, or any way to verify it even actually came from “Denise.” But that is really not how evidence works.

Sam questions Alexis about whether she actually believes Julian has left the mob. Alexis admits that it looks bad and that his track record is terrible, but that she really likes getting laid on the regular her instinct says to trust him.

Alexis and Sam wine time

“I feel like you used to be smarter than this,” Sam thought.

Julian, meanwhile, is visiting Sonny, who generously offers to let Julian work for him if he confesses to being behind the shipment heist. He’ll even lie to Alexis about it and have the guy who ratted on him murdered! Boy, what a prince, our Sonny. So glad he got his baby back. Julian takes this as a sign Sonny set him up.

Obrecht flashes back to calling Scotty with the test results during a break in the trial, because we clearly needed that spelled out for us in excruciating detail. Over at the trial, Scott explains how the DNA in Ava’s blood was altered by a donation from Avery. Kiki looks on in horror while Morgan contemplates his next bong hit. Bryan Craig sure makes some interesting “acting” “choices” in this episode!

Kiki learns the truth

Morgan trial duh face

Sam tells Alexis not to let Sonny get to her. Alexis admits that’s hard because he’s a manipulative douchebag. I’m paraphrasing, but you know… accurate. She then says — and I am not making this up — that she “envies” Sam and Jason’s relationship, because “with the two of you, there was no compromise. You didn’t try to drag him away from the mob or try to change him in any way. You just loved him,  end of story.”

General Hospital, where true love means never asking a man to please not kill people for a living! Romantic wish fulfillment for women, everyone!

Alexis has lost her mind

Seriously not nearly drunk enough for this

They chat a bit about Franco’s trial. Sam is starting to doubt he did it, because Kiki wasn’t sure. Oh, Sam. Kiki “didn’t notice her own mother was walking around in a bad wig boning her boyfriend for months” Jerome is not exactly the person whose keen intuition I would ever be trusting. Even if she is technically right this time.

Nathan tells Maxie about Madeline’s attempt to get Nina to sign away her fortune. Maxie is aghast that Nathan’s adopted mom might just be a worse person than his biological one. Nathan just sighs because… yeah. Pretty much.

Ava revealed

Speaking of: more unnecessary explanatory flashbacks of Obrecht explaining the DNA test results to Scott. Back in the courtroom, Scotty lays out Ava’s motives for getting rid of Silas. He badgers her about not caring about Kiki’s feelings until she can’t take it any more and screeches that SHE. IS. AVA JEROME!!! Maura West, bless her scenery eating soul, at least had fun with this one.

Sonny denies he was behind Julian’s recent troubles and warns him that Alexis is going to figure out the truth sooner or later and then turn on him. Julian, in turn, warns Sonny that while he’s focused on Julian, his true enemy is still out there.

Sonny taunts Julian

Speaking of scenery chewing…

At the hospital, Patrick questions whether Elizabeth is really okay with marrying Jake. He’s concerned that Jake’s former life was obviously a dangerous one and might come back to haunt them both. Liz blows off his concerns and asks when he and Sam are going to join her and Jake in a tower of lies wedded bliss.

Sam tells Alexis that Silas didn’t just save Danny’s life — he made her see that she could love again after Jason. They hope justice is being served in court.

Scotty demands that the charges against Franco be dropped, prompting Ava to pull out the picture of Nina at the crime scene. Ric barely contains his glee while asking for a recess so he can go arrest his wife. In the audience: Franco is in despair. Kiki is shocked and overwhelmed. Morgan… contemplates his grocery list.

Morgan smells a fart

“Am I out of milk?”

Franco tells Scott that this is exactly what he didn’t want to happen. But Scott won’t apologize for saving him from a life in prison for the one crime he didn’t actually commit. Final flashback to Obrecht telling Scotty all about Ava’s evidence against Nina and that Silas signed into the visitor’s log at Ava’s apartment building hours before he was murdered. Obrecht refuses to testify but instructs Scott on how to use this to get a confession from Ava on the stand. Because apparently she is the only competent doctor, cop, and lawyer in town.

Ava hugs Kiki and apologizes for lying to her and Morgan. But Ric interrupts their reunion to arrest her for Connie’s murder.

Ava arrested

Patrick tells Liz that he’s very happy with Sam but he’s not sure she’s completely over Jason yet. He does not add that he’s also not completely over Robin, because apparently the writers have forgotten that she exists. Sam shows up before Liz can reply and updates Patrick about her conversation with Alexis.

Julian returns home and Alexis tells him about her conversation with Sam. He wonders what’s been happening at Franco’s trial.

Ava’s read her rights and led away, telling Kiki not to worry. Kiki looks on in distress, while Morgan looks like he smelled a fart. Meanwhile, Ric sends Nathan Ava’s picture and calls Sonny with the news that she’s alive. Sonny, unlike his son, at least manages a facial expression in response to the news.

Sonny finds out Ava is alive

It’s a patented Corinthos “duh” face, but still

Nathan shows Maxie the picture of Nina and Silas’ body. She’s shocked that they would send him to go arrest his own sister, because Maxie has apparently been living in a parallel universe where conflict of interest exists in Port Charles.

Everyone finally remembers that Franco is still on trial here, and Scott moves to have the charges dropped once again. Prompting Franco to stand up and confess, because the show is just bound and determined to paint him as some sort of gallant romantic hero.

Franco confesses

NOPE. STILL NOT BUYING IT.

Well, that was at least semi-soapy, and Maura West is about to be freed from that horrendous wig, so… yay?

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28 thoughts on “I’m not drunk enough for this recap.

  1. I haven’t seen this episode yet, so I’m thankful you braved it for me and that I have this recap. Btw, you survived your 2 (?) week binge. Congrats! I’d be drowning in a tub of wine.

    This is exactly one of my problems with this show. They show unnecessary flashbacks to pass time for an episode. I already guessed that Obrecht was going to run a DNA test when they zoomed in on Ava’s glass and Obrecht’s face when she was at Ava’s. We get it. Sometimes storytelling can be subtle. I’m sure it would have been just as effective for Scotty and Obrecht to have one quick throwaway scene in the courthouse hallway, with him thanking her for running the DNA on the glass. We didn’t need a play-by-play for that, of all things.

    I really need this show to stop trying to make Sonny and Carly happen. Maybe it’s just me, but I see absolutely no romantic chemistry between these two characters and haven’t since LW took over as Carly. It’s awkward. Please don’t let them be the staple couple of this show.

    This is not Alexis currently on my screen. She was annoyed with Jason on a good day. No way would she ever admire his relationship with her child. I just…

    I admit I credit the character of Nina for making Franco somewhat tolerable, b/c I enjoy the chemistry between RH and MS, but he is not a romantic hero. He just isn’t. Making all the other guys around him super evil won’t change that.

    Can Morgan just spontaneously combust? I’d appreciate it. Thanks.

  2. Alexis has always been rather ambivalent about pretty much everything in spite of what she rails about. Will she encourage Molly to look to Big Sister Sam and overlook TJs choice to join Sonny’s ‘Company’ when that day comes- cause it’s coming.

  3. More importantly than freeing Maura West from the wig (largely because I like the color), she’s being freed from that accent. Thank you Soap Gods! Looking forward to the inevitable conversation between Ava and Morgan where he asks Denise what happened to said accent.

  4. No one seems to understand conflict of interest on this show. When Julian was being arraigned for whatever he’s supposed to have done, shouldn’t Ric have excused himself and put an ADA on the trial since Sonny is his brother? Oh wait, that would mean that they would have to hire a day player to portray the ADA. I find it amazing that Scott seems to be the only lawyer in town that doesn’t represent someone in the mob. Given Ric’s background how did he get the job as interim DA again? Mayor Lomax must not really want to be re-elected.

  5. The overall disregard of conflict of interest is a soap trope that could have reasonably had a place in your previous column.

  6. Todd Manning’s goofiness.

    that too is what I don’t like about the actor….with kin it’s kind of cute, but so not with him

  7. Yes, Liz looked fabulous in her red scrubs

    I just love her fashions at times..i really do…..she’s tiny, but she looks great in everything..i wish that I did……we’re probably about the same height…too bad that I don’t weigh as less as she does though

    susan

  8. No one seems to understand conflict of interest on this show. When Julian was being arraigned for whatever he’s supposed to have done, shouldn’t Ric have excused himself and put an ADA on the trial since Sonny is his brother? Oh wait, that would mean that they would have to hire a day player to portray the ADA. I find it amazing that Scott seems to be the only lawyer in town that doesn’t represent someone in the mob. Given Ric’s background how did he get the job as interim DA again? Mayor Lomax must not really want to be re-elected.

    oh they’ve never done that..

    and the reason why sonny and her are back together is because they have no one else to put him with anymore…so…

    it was once said that he didn’t even want to be with this carly…but here we are…again, and again, and again…

    for me if they were to get rid of MB…you know what it would be so a better show…I do not believe that them alone drive up the ratings…

    good stories do…and that’s just not happening anymore….

    susan

  9. I thought GH was on fire back when all of the criminals were rounded up and sent to prison, Michael’s hatred of CarSon, Kiki, Morgan, swiping Avery away to the Quartermaine mansion, etc… and now it has all gone to waste.

    • I thought GH was on fire back when all of the criminals were rounded up and sent to prison, Michael’s hatred of CarSon, Kiki, Morgan, swiping Avery away to the Quartermaine mansion, etc… and now it has all gone to waste.

      sadly you are so right

      susan

  10. I love SamLexis scenes whenever they happen so enjoyed these .NLG and KeMo just have this chemistry between them that makes their scenes so enjoyable. I read the Jason line a bit differently. I didn’t see Alexis so much endorsing that relationship as much as being a tad envious that when you’ve met up with the love of your life, it might be easier on the heart to be ride and die (like JaSam) than having issues with his involvement in the mob like with Julexis. I don’t see that as indicative that she’s going to change her stance with Julian just a glimpse of how maybe she wishes it wasn’t so difficult all the time to be with the love of your life. I thought of the discussion between SamLexis of what it meant to be with the love of your life which Sam knew through Jason but Alexis had never been in that place before Julian.

    I was reading in some soap mags with the new writers and appreciated that they saw Alexis, her three daughters (!) and Julian as a core family tied in with Sam, Patrick, Anna and Emma. They also saw Julian and Alexis as a richly complicated couple that would continue to deepen in their relationship and become more complicated as a core couple on the show. I’m all for that as I think that this is what this pairing should have gotten all along. So I’m looking forward to what comes their way in the writing for the first time in a while. There’s so much story potential there and I’m beyond happy that an Alexis pairing has gotten this kind of treatment that will hopefully bring it more story

    • appreciated that they saw Alexis, her three daughters (!)

      if that’s the case then where has molly been all this time….

      nope, so not buying what they’re pushing….

      because molly has been MIA……

      susan

  11. Part of that likely has to do with the actress’s schedule, as she does quite a few other professional gigs outside of GH including another TV series. Plus you had a HW who after 2013 seemed more interested in writing for his favorites and not really anyone else. I take anything a new HW says with a grain of salt but I’ve chosen to be hopeful. At the very least, Julexis fans had the rare treat of not having a HW try to bait them in magazine previews, telling them to enjoy them while they lasted. etc. His response to having to write for what he doesn’t want to write about seemed to just stall story for months. That’s why certain characters disappear for weeks or months.

    JP’s never been head writer of GH though she did breakdown writing. SA’s not been associate HW since the last couple months of Garin Wolf in 2011, early 2012. I actually think JP’s more interested in teens than RC ever was as RC failed to really have any meaningful teen story including during the summers the entire time he wrote for GH.

    I don’t think it’ll be business as usual. When a show bleeds 40% of its prime key demo group in less than six months, it can’t be and replacing HW w/ two others while still having to pay off the remaining months of RC’s contract shows some commitment hopefully

    I’ll guess we’ll see what will happen next when the new writers’ material starts airing by mid October. This week’s material until then is rewritten outgoing RC stuff. When the new stuff starts to air, that’ll give us a better idea at what the future holds.

    • JP’s never been head writer of GH though she did breakdown writing. SA’s not been associate HW since the last couple months of Garin Wolf in 2011, early 2012. I actually think JP’s more interested in teens than RC ever was as RC failed to really have any meaningful teen story including during the summers the entire time he wrote for GH.

      rc has written for teens……and it wasn’t just in the summer……I don’t think that he was allowed to…that was the problem…….but he had a teenaged bullying story on one life for quite the while…

      and I don’t think that the teens took on gh…to tell the truth…

      they did have one a few years ago with Kristina being beaten and all that…and then it stopped..

      I don’t think that he was allowed to write for others..and I don’t think that he had any faves either….as they all were mia for quite the while…

      he just really wrote, the luke story…and that was it…

      so I don’t think that he did have faves, because they all weren’t on all the time..

      now that the writing is always on for st sonny as I like to call him that doesn’t make me interested at all…and I have never been interested in his kids besides micheal…..but now he’s not even barely on…….I don’t want to see, all sonny, all Kristina…all morgan, all the time.

      I want to see more micheal and the q’s….

      and except for nick and alexis the c’s were never my fave…and I’m mad and so are others that they’re going to have all the story and the q’s and liz’s family still isn’t getting anything…

      why has liz’s dad never come back what about her uncle, her mom, who we don’t even know who she is, her brother..

      no…..this is not making me happy at all.

      susan

    • RC wrote for everyone on the show (contract and recurring) which is why I always loved his stories on OLTL. However, there were just way TOO many characters on GH brought on by RC/FV versus what I saw on OLTL, which is why stories and characters were missing for weeks at a time.

      • but you know what, I found the menopause stuff hilarious…..

        and so what if she still was…her and what’s her face were so funny talking about it…..

        and that doesn’t mean that she still wouldn’t have a hot romance with a younger man….but, um….remember this, even though the actor might be younger, then her, they are supposed to be the same age, on the show..

        and yesterday I was told that they were on, and I went to the library to watch, (I have to pay extra, if I download too much on my own computer, per month)….and I so wasn’t disappointed..

        susan

        • It’s perilous for a soap actress to reach the non-child bearing years. only way to avoid the void is to be sexy anyway, which Alexis is. I don’t care for the Julian s/l but i’m glad to keep Alexis on the screen.

  12. RC’s zero for four for writing teens except about Rafe’s origins and an attempt at a quad in 2013 which ended in part because the actress playing newbie Taylor got another gig. Since then the teens were mostly integrated into stories with the adults. Even the kids and their quad got more airtime and I think with GH at least RC was more into kids than teens. For the past two years rumors of hiring more teens that don’t pan out, though I’d think the network would be more motivated to go that direction at least in the summers because of the Big Three, ABC’s the most concerned with age demos in its female daytime audience certainly for its soap. This summer they didn’t hire any teens so far but they put most of their twenty somethings like Lulu, Dante, Nathan, Maxie, Kiki, Morgan, along with new ones or recasts like Dillon and Val at the front of the canvas in an attempt to offset a trend of rating lows/ties for key demos that began the second week in March. Clearly it didn’t work.

    I think RC had a lot of autonomy in his writing at least his first couple of years. And yes he did seem to have favorites mostly his own creations. There did seem to be characters he resented writing for including couples. Yes his pacing and story rotation and spacing became atrocious mostly from about late summer onwards to the end of his tenure on GH. I think as that got worse and I’m guessing he became more focused on writing for new creations, and making bad story decisions that alienated many viewers, he had less autonomy.

    Nina showed up? Months on almost ever single day. Lately it’s Jason/BM who’s logged in the highest episode counts so far this year. ReBu likely will log on much higher counts than she has lately. Ava’s another favorite who’s on front and center most of the time. Some days you watch, especially in August when barely anyone’s left watching and very few of the characters on are pre-RC.

    I think Liz has fared off better than most characters lately. I would love it if my fave was on more than a dozen times this summer (and I think that was later decision making), had all of her children on canvas (though she will soon though that might have more to do with Sonny than her) and even had a house like Liz has. My fave spends all of her time at her boyfriend’s PH or working in the MC restaurant because she no longer has an onscreen office. Nor is the show invested in building her a house or even putting up the old one where she’s supposed to be living. Liz has no such problems.

    Liz was in a front burner story, got one of her kids back and even the Qs were on a lot this summer where they’d spent a good part of RC’s tenure MIA. With Paul, Dillon on the canvas they’ll be on more especially if Michael stays in their orbit and Jason has some ties to them as well after the reveal.

    I’m sorry if you’re “mad” Alexis is going to have “all the story”. I sat watching her MIA most of January, March, April, all but one day in June and a smattering of days since which I’m guessing were due to a change of heart about leaving her on back burner during the entire summer. I think she was onscreen more than she might have been otherwise.

    After this week, she’ll likely go MIA for another three weeks or so. I seriously don’t get how people can complain about Alexis getting all this story. If so where is it? Because I’ve been waiting for that to happen like I was most of Guza, all of GW and almost all of RC’s regime. Nikolas has gotten quite a bit of airtime but he’s had time off too.

    Yeah I think Sonny, Carly and their kids will get more focus and Sonny’s back into his heroic mobster trope w/ the usual village kissing his ass or promoting it. If the show remakes that mistake then I don’t see much of an audience left that’s going to go for that and I don’t think that’ll attract them new (or old) viewers back.

    • I’m sorry if you’re “mad” Alexis is going to have “all the story”. I sat watching her MIA most of January, March, April, all but one day in June and a smattering of days since which I’m guessing were due to a change of heart about leaving her on back burner during the entire summer. I think she was onscreen more than she might have been otherwise.

      who me, mad…I’m actually delighted…that she’ll be getting more air time

      susan

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