Alexis is watching the coverage of Franco’s trial with a bottle of wine (hey, me too!) when Sam shows up. She thinks drinking a bottle wine alone is verging on “hot mess territory.” Um, some of us just call that “Monday,” Sam. Don’t judge.
At the hospital, Patrick catches Liz — who should only wear that shade of red, by the way — admiring her engagement ring of lies and betrayal. He offers his congratulations. When she says they haven’t had time to do any wedding planning yet, he suggests Maxie could help out, prompting a patented Elizabeth Webber “bitch please” look.
Maxie, meanwhile, is in the throes of planing the Corinthos/Jacks wedding, and if the sight of those names together didn’t momentarily spin you into a fantasy land where Sonny and Jax finally consummated their love/hate relationship… then you obviously don’t read as much fan fiction as I do.
Nathan walks in and immediately spills the beans about Nina’s accusations regarding Silas and Avery’s kidnapping. Maxie, reasonably, wonders why Silas would have done that. Nathan doesn’t know.
Over at Franco’s trial, Scott announces he has proof that Denise is really Ava. She demands to know where this so-called evidence came from — so we flashback to Dr. Obrecht secretly taking a glass from Ava’s apartment that morning.
Ric echoes Ava’s question about the source of this new evidence and Scotty literally says that’s “beside the point.” Um, no, Scott. That’s not how evidence works. I mean, this is soap court, so I’m sure no one will care that they have no chain of custody for this sample, proof that it was legally obtained, or any way to verify it even actually came from “Denise.” But that is really not how evidence works.
Sam questions Alexis about whether she actually believes Julian has left the mob. Alexis admits that it looks bad and that his track record is terrible, but that she really likes getting laid on the regular her instinct says to trust him.
“I feel like you used to be smarter than this,” Sam thought.
Julian, meanwhile, is visiting Sonny, who generously offers to let Julian work for him if he confesses to being behind the shipment heist. He’ll even lie to Alexis about it and have the guy who ratted on him murdered! Boy, what a prince, our Sonny. So glad he got his baby back. Julian takes this as a sign Sonny set him up.
Obrecht flashes back to calling Scotty with the test results during a break in the trial, because we clearly needed that spelled out for us in excruciating detail. Over at the trial, Scott explains how the DNA in Ava’s blood was altered by a donation from Avery. Kiki looks on in horror while Morgan contemplates his next bong hit. Bryan Craig sure makes some interesting “acting” “choices” in this episode!
Sam tells Alexis not to let Sonny get to her. Alexis admits that’s hard because he’s a manipulative douchebag. I’m paraphrasing, but you know… accurate. She then says — and I am not making this up — that she “envies” Sam and Jason’s relationship, because “with the two of you, there was no compromise. You didn’t try to drag him away from the mob or try to change him in any way. You just loved him, end of story.”
General Hospital, where true love means never asking a man to please not kill people for a living! Romantic wish fulfillment for women, everyone!
Seriously not nearly drunk enough for this
They chat a bit about Franco’s trial. Sam is starting to doubt he did it, because Kiki wasn’t sure. Oh, Sam. Kiki “didn’t notice her own mother was walking around in a bad wig boning her boyfriend for months” Jerome is not exactly the person whose keen intuition I would ever be trusting. Even if she is technically right this time.
Nathan tells Maxie about Madeline’s attempt to get Nina to sign away her fortune. Maxie is aghast that Nathan’s adopted mom might just be a worse person than his biological one. Nathan just sighs because… yeah. Pretty much.
Speaking of: more unnecessary explanatory flashbacks of Obrecht explaining the DNA test results to Scott. Back in the courtroom, Scotty lays out Ava’s motives for getting rid of Silas. He badgers her about not caring about Kiki’s feelings until she can’t take it any more and screeches that SHE. IS. AVA JEROME!!! Maura West, bless her scenery eating soul, at least had fun with this one.
Sonny denies he was behind Julian’s recent troubles and warns him that Alexis is going to figure out the truth sooner or later and then turn on him. Julian, in turn, warns Sonny that while he’s focused on Julian, his true enemy is still out there.
Speaking of scenery chewing…
At the hospital, Patrick questions whether Elizabeth is really okay with marrying Jake. He’s concerned that Jake’s former life was obviously a dangerous one and might come back to haunt them both. Liz blows off his concerns and asks when he and Sam are going to join her and Jake in a tower of lies wedded bliss.
Sam tells Alexis that Silas didn’t just save Danny’s life — he made her see that she could love again after Jason. They hope justice is being served in court.
Scotty demands that the charges against Franco be dropped, prompting Ava to pull out the picture of Nina at the crime scene. Ric barely contains his glee while asking for a recess so he can go arrest his wife. In the audience: Franco is in despair. Kiki is shocked and overwhelmed. Morgan… contemplates his grocery list.
“Am I out of milk?”
Franco tells Scott that this is exactly what he didn’t want to happen. But Scott won’t apologize for saving him from a life in prison for the one crime he didn’t actually commit. Final flashback to Obrecht telling Scotty all about Ava’s evidence against Nina and that Silas signed into the visitor’s log at Ava’s apartment building hours before he was murdered. Obrecht refuses to testify but instructs Scott on how to use this to get a confession from Ava on the stand. Because apparently she is the only competent doctor, cop, and lawyer in town.
Ava hugs Kiki and apologizes for lying to her and Morgan. But Ric interrupts their reunion to arrest her for Connie’s murder.
Patrick tells Liz that he’s very happy with Sam but he’s not sure she’s completely over Jason yet. He does not add that he’s also not completely over Robin, because apparently the writers have forgotten that she exists. Sam shows up before Liz can reply and updates Patrick about her conversation with Alexis.
Julian returns home and Alexis tells him about her conversation with Sam. He wonders what’s been happening at Franco’s trial.
Ava’s read her rights and led away, telling Kiki not to worry. Kiki looks on in distress, while Morgan looks like he smelled a fart. Meanwhile, Ric sends Nathan Ava’s picture and calls Sonny with the news that she’s alive. Sonny, unlike his son, at least manages a facial expression in response to the news.
It’s a patented Corinthos “duh” face, but still
Nathan shows Maxie the picture of Nina and Silas’ body. She’s shocked that they would send him to go arrest his own sister, because Maxie has apparently been living in a parallel universe where conflict of interest exists in Port Charles.
Everyone finally remembers that Franco is still on trial here, and Scott moves to have the charges dropped once again. Prompting Franco to stand up and confess, because the show is just bound and determined to paint him as some sort of gallant romantic hero.
NOPE. STILL NOT BUYING IT.
Well, that was at least semi-soapy, and Maura West is about to be freed from that horrendous wig, so… yay?