The good news is we got a week without Franco, Nina, Madeline or Kiki, and barely any of Ava’s wig. The bad news is… literally every other thing that happened. Hey, remember when this show dialed back the mob and the Sonny/Jason worship and got the highest ratings in years? Well, apparently no one at the network does, because we’re doing the opposite of that now.
But there was one single bright spot in this wall of suck, so I’ll start with that:
SAM: I care about my father, I care about Sonny. But the mob, the danger, the power struggle? That’s the life that I had with Jason. And I’m with you now. And I’m happy in a way that I never even thought was possible.
PATRICK: You don’t miss the adrenaline?
SAM: I don’t miss the fear. I don’t miss what Carly is going through right now, loving somebody, sitting by their side, praying that their going to live. And knowing that if they do, nothing is going to change, everything is just going to go back to the way things were. He’s gonna target his enemies before they target him… But I understand why she stays. I do. I get that she loves him. But hey — I love you. I love you, the brilliant surgeon, who saves lives instead of taking them. This is the life I want.
What a lovely, honest and mature conversation between two adults! How refreshing to see the day to day cost of living a life of violence acknowledged with emotional complexity and nuance! I hope you enjoyed that, because the rest of the week was more along the lines of this:
MICHAEL: For months I’ve been trying to hate you. Trying to be someone else, someone who’s not your son. And then I remembered what I knew all along, that you’ll never give up on me. And you’ll never stop loving me. And I’ll never stop loving you. You are my father. And for as long as I live, I will be your son.
That’s right, folks! Michael’s gone full dark side, this show’s gone full Guza, and everything is terrible. Sorry!
As a bonus, Michael promised to avenge Sonny. Based on how that same promise to AJ worked out, I guess this means we’ve got at least few months before he’s declaring his love for Sonny’s would-be murderer?
It was so sad when we lost Michael, you guys
Also, can I just say that Michael telling Avery that “no one will love her more” than Sonny and Carly was one of the most depressing things I’ve ever heard? Imagine if that was actually true and literally no one could love her more than those two selfish, childish, megalomaniacal assholes. What a terrible curse to lay on a child.
Meanwhile, Michael’s loving girlfriend was shocked — SHOCKED — to find out that Sonny might not be father of the year material after all:
SABRINA: When Michael got custody of Avery, everyone accused him of wanting revenge on Sonny. And that was part of it. But the other part was to avoid what’s happening right now. You know, this little angel is growing up surrounded by violence.
LULU: Michael gave her back.
SABRINA: Well, to make peace with his family. And I supported his decision. I thought it was for the best. But after today… I wonder.
Well, gosh, Sabrina! Don’t beat yourself up too hard. I mean, how could you possibly have guessed something like this might happen? It’s not like for two decades, literally every person Sonny’s ever loved has been subjected to horrific violence. (Also, are you freaking kidding me with this “I supported his decision” bullshit? Girl, you planted the idea and then badgered and guilted him into it. SHUT UP, SABRINA.)
The list of people who also need to SHUT UP FOREVER also includes TJ, whose race to become utterly insufferable is certainly proceeding nicely:
TJ: You know, Shawn would be proud of me for sticking by Mr. Corinthos.
JORDAN: Proud of you? Shawn is suffering because of Sonny. Shawn is in Pentonville because of Sonny. You think that Shawn would want to see something like that happen to you or worse? He loves you!
TJ: Mr. Corinthos cares about me too!
JORDAN: Sonny doesn’t care about you! Sonny feels guilty because Shawn went to prison for him. That’s all. Don’t get it twisted, honey.
Good job, Shawn! Those are some great values you managed to impart to your stupid, stupid child. A+ parenting.
God knows the cast of this show could stand to be way less white, but TJ’s been so sufficiently ruined for me as a character that I actually hope Tequan Richmond’s new Showtime show means he’ll be leaving town for a good long while.