All of Sonny’s kids are back in the fold and they all just love him so much! Isn’t that just great? Wasn’t your heart just warmed? Don’t you not in any way feel the urge to primal rage scream multiple times an episode?
(Look, I’m aware that I’m in danger of becoming a broken record here. But then again, so is the show. So I guess we’ll all just have to deal with it.)
MICHAEL: I’m sorry, for, uh–
SONNY: I’m the one who’s sorry, buddy.
MICHAEL: It’s fine, it’s over, you know we both messed up.
Yes, you both messed up! Sonny killed a man in cold blood and you, Michael, had the temerity to be angry about it. Those are definitely equivalent crimes! (I assume at this point, poor Dead AJ must no longer be content to just roll in his grave and is actually standing up and doing the mamba?)
Not to be outdone, Dante squandered any good will from laying that bit of heart-stopping truth on his father the other day by immediately taking it all back:
DANTE: Look what I did! I’m way worse than he is! He wasn’t married to my mother.
NATHAN: Well, there is the small matter of you not being a career criminal.
DANTE: That’s irrelevant!
Okay, but it’s kind of relevant? In that you just spent a whole episode comparing 20 years of killing people for money to drunken infidelity? And that’s kind of gross?
Dear Dante: when Nathan is smarter than you, it’s time to rethink your life choices.
My heart actually was non-ironically warmed at the sight of all the Davis girls together again, including Lexi Ainsworth’s Kristina. It doesn’t hurt that you can see how fond all the actresses are of each other:
Of course, Kristina wasted no time nominating her father for sainthood, including this amazing bit of dialog:
KRISTINA: Don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into some tirade about your violent business. You’ve been in the same business my whole life, so at this point, it’s pretty much a given.
For those keeping track at home, the reasons Sonny can never be criticized for anything ever now apparently include: 1) losing your temper is as bad as murder, 2) he’s been putting his whole family in danger for so long that there’s no point even bringing it up.
And just when you thought it all couldn’t get any more Guza-rific, Michael let loose with this gem:
MICHAEL: I just stood there and I looked at him and I realized that he’s my father, you know? And he always has been. I can’t judge him or punish him, I just… I have to love him like he always loves me.
Yup, you heard him! Judging Sonny is now completely off the table. Because if someone loves you — even if they show that love repeatedly hurting you and everyone you love — you just have to accept it and love them back. Remember, criticism is as bad as murder!
I–I just… I’m so tired, y’all. I don’t know if I can go back to the Everybody Loves Sonny show. I really don’t. It’s not good for my blood pressure or my soul.
But just so everything’s not too depressing, I’ll leave you with the best moment from the last week, i.e. the look on Carly’s face as Morgan threatened to interrupt his father’s surgery to demand an update:
Same, Carly. Same.