This week, on All Sonny’s Children…

All of Sonny’s kids are back in the fold and they all just love him so much! Isn’t that just great? Wasn’t your heart just warmed? Don’t you not in any way feel the urge to primal rage scream multiple times an episode?

(Look, I’m aware that I’m in danger of becoming a broken record here. But then again, so is the show. So I guess we’ll all just have to deal with it.)

Michael forgives Sonny

Sonny is forgiven

MICHAEL: I’m sorry, for, uh–
SONNY: I’m the one who’s sorry, buddy.
MICHAEL: It’s fine, it’s over, you know we both messed up.

Yes, you both messed up! Sonny killed a man in cold blood and you, Michael, had the temerity to be angry about it. Those are definitely equivalent crimes! (I assume at this point, poor Dead AJ must no longer be content to just roll in his grave and is actually standing up and doing the mamba?)

Not to be outdone, Dante squandered any good will from laying that bit of heart-stopping truth on his father the other day by immediately taking it all back:

Dante confesses

DANTE: Look what I did! I’m way worse than he is! He wasn’t married to my mother.
NATHAN: Well, there is the small matter of you not being a career criminal.
DANTE: That’s irrelevant!

Okay, but it’s kind of relevant? In that you just spent a whole episode comparing 20 years of killing people for money to drunken infidelity? And that’s kind of gross?

Dear Dante: when Nathan is smarter than you, it’s time to rethink your life choices.

My heart actually was non-ironically warmed at the sight of all the Davis girls together again, including Lexi Ainsworth’s Kristina. It doesn’t hurt that you can see how fond all the actresses are of each other:

Davis girls reunited

Of course, Kristina wasted no time nominating her father for sainthood, including this amazing bit of dialog:

KRISTINA: Don’t worry, I’m not going to launch into some tirade about your violent business. You’ve been in the same business my whole life, so at this point, it’s pretty much a given.

For those keeping track at home, the reasons Sonny can never be criticized for anything ever now apparently include: 1) losing your temper is as bad as murder, 2) he’s been putting his whole family in danger for so long that there’s no point even bringing it up.

And just when you thought it all couldn’t get any more Guza-rific, Michael let loose with this gem:

MICHAEL: I just stood there and I looked at him and I realized that he’s my father, you know? And he always has been. I can’t judge him or punish him, I just… I have to love him like he always loves me.

Yup, you heard him! Judging Sonny is now completely off the table. Because if someone loves you — even if they show that love repeatedly hurting you and everyone you love — you just have to accept it and love them back. Remember, criticism is as bad as murder!

hiddleston rage scream

I–I just… I’m so tired, y’all. I don’t know if I can go back to the Everybody Loves Sonny show.  I really don’t. It’s not good for my blood pressure or my soul.

But just so everything’s not too depressing, I’ll leave you with the best moment from the last week, i.e. the look on Carly’s face as Morgan threatened to interrupt his father’s surgery to demand an update:

Carly's stupid child

Same, Carly.  Same.


9 thoughts on “This week, on All Sonny’s Children…

  1. I loved that Carly moment, but the best moment, IMO, is Julian oozing liquid sex all over Alexis whenever he sees her. They at least aren’t ruining that right now. Although, I suppose if it turns out he did have Sonny shot, this show can fuck itself.

    Morgan has become such a cartoon character that I just have to laugh. He’s just going to shoot himself in the foot at the cabin, right? We aren’t really supposed to think he is competent enough to actually hurt somebody?

  2. please rage away…..that’s just what I think of it……and that’s what they should spin the show off to, that’s what I’ve been saying for years…if you love sonny’s hospital so much, then why not give him a show of his own, and see how it flies…….


  3. After careful and extensive observation, I’ve come to a conclusion:

    Michael is on crack. He’s just a highly functioning addict, so no one notices.

    T.J. is such a twerp for telling divulging Alexis and Julian’s whereabouts.

    In conclusion, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say Guza is ghost writing this show.

    P.S. Morgan, drink bleach. LOL, I can’t stand him!

    • i agree, i so hate that dante is now sonny’s true son….i really do..

      and yup…no one, believes that it was the sonny hour that brought down the ratings….


  4. I knew last year as soon as Dante started going on and on to Lulu about how he would never ever cheat on her EVER that he a) would and b) tell Sonny he was sorry for judging him, because cheating once makes him as bad as Sonny, somehow. And lo and behold, it took a while but it finally came.

    The look on Carly’s face was awesome. I would pay a lot if a psychiatrist examined Morgan and he just said, “m’am, your son is simply a dick.”

  5. Once I realized they were going to have Michael forgive Sonny LESS THAN A YEAR after Sonny killed AJ in cold blood, I was out. Haven’t watched it since early summer. And everything you’ve written confirms my decision. I just can’t anymore with this pitiful show. I’m not interested in watching Sonny the murdering mobster be declared a saint by the otherwise sentient beings. Even the greatness of Julexis can’t keep me watching. I suspect this show is not long for the network and that’s a shame.

  6. is Julian oozing liquid sex all over Alexis whenever he sees her. They at least aren’t ruining that right now. Although, I suppose if it turns out he did have Sonny shot, this show can fuck itself.

    best part of the show, you are so right


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