Just for a change of pace, I wanted to talk about the one story line I don’t actively hate right now. Unfortunately, Brad and Lucas seem to live in some sort of time bubble that only allows them to appear for one day every other month, so we’re stuck with the rest of this mess instead.
Hayden and Nikolas are now going on a cutesy flirty dates at the Floating Rib! I have so many questions about this development. Like what hair color is Rebecca Budig using, because it really looks fantastic! Also, why doesn’t Hayden seem concerned in the slightest about her lack of memory? Oh, and we seriously supposed to be rooting for a romance between an amnesiac nymphomaniac and the man who had her shot in the head?
Unfortunately, the answer that last one is yes, and we should all quit bitching about it because Luke raped Laura and that was a totally fine and non-controversial choice that was in no way a product of its time and made possible solely by two actors with a whole lot more natural chemistry than Tyler Christopher and Rebecca Budig.
Look, writers. I want to like Hayden, if only because she is clearly not going anywhere. But if a charismatic actress with fabulous hair was enough to make a character interesting, then I would also care a lot more about Nina and Ava than I do. Hayden’s been around for the better part of a year now — why is she so isolated on the canvas? Why hasn’t she attempted to track down her old life or had any contact with people she knew before, like Ric? Her sole character motivation before the coma seemed to be greed and having sex with anything that moved. Now she barely seems to care about anything at all. She’s less a character than a blank sheet of paper.
Fix it. And for god’s sake, find her a love interest that hasn’t already tried to murder her. I feel like that’s a pretty low bar, even for this show.
Meanwhile, Maxie and Dillon attempted to shoot a love scene, and if you weren’t cringing in embarrassment through everything to do with that, then we are very different people. He also finally came clean about his giant boner for Lulu. Yay?
(FYI, ladies? If a guy ever casts you in his “movie” even though you have no acting experience and then casts himself as the other lead even though he isn’t an actor either, and the first scene is a sex scene being filmed in the back room of a deserted casino boat and there are only two other guys and his sketchy friend who’s “documenting” it with a handheld camera? There is a significant chance you are actually just starring in this dude’s porno.)
DILLON: You’re not gonna say anything to Lulu, are you?
MAXIE: As if. This is not my circus, Dillon. And however inappropriate your feelings, they’re totally understandable.
Actually, no. It’s not. First of all, can we stop pretending that Dillon and Lulu were some great lost love for the ages? She lied to him to manipulate him into cheating on his wife; he bullied and badgered her when she wanted an abortion. They were stupid, selfish, shitty teenagers, and then they didn’t speak for 8 years.
But even if I had been a fan of them in their original incarnation, when both actors have been recast and their characters haven’t had contact for almost a decade, the writing needs to basically build the relationship as if it’s a brand new relationship. Instead Dillon’s been making soppy moony eyes at her since the second he got back to town. They didn’t want to do the work and the result is I find his infatuation completely unbelievable.
I mean, not quite as unbelievable as Paul Hornsby — aka the most boring man alive — revealing himself as the new big bad… but again, that is a low bar, even for this show.
Yeah, that Paul Hornsby. I KNOW.