Stuff is actually happening on this show! Are you excited? I’m kind of excited. We open on Ava beautifully taunting Sonny about his paralysis. I hate soap court like Sonny hates birth control, but Maura West not cowering or wearing a hideous wig? Doesn’t suck.
She pushes his buttons so well that he slurs a bunch of promises to pump her full of bullets. Just to be sure, she clarifies that he’d be willing to kill the mother of his child. Sonny obligingly confirms, for the record. Father of the year and master strategist, everyone!
Over at Wyndemere, Hayden tells Nikolas that he and Liz have known all about Jake’s true identity for months. She wants him to come clean about everything now.
Sam and Patrick are alone at the church. She asks if he thinks the DNA test is real. He thinks it probably is. She looks like she’s in shock, but it’s finally sinking in.
Elizabeth and her gorgeous wedding dress find Jason on the bridge. Rebecca Herbst is inhumanly beautiful, y’all. I so look forward to her being in a story I don’t hate.
She apologizes for not wanting Jason to find out the truth about his past. He doesn’t blame her for being afraid his past would tear them apart. And anyway, it’s not like she was keeping anything from him, right? Wow. Awkward.
Back in the courtroom, Carly and the boys come in and break up the Sonny/Ava confrontation. Ava predicts that Sonny will start to become abusive to everyone around him, prompting him to… throw a folder at her. Good job, champ. Really proved that point. When others come in, Ava asks Kiki to corroborate what just happened. Kiki lies that she didn’t see anything, because she is still terrible.
Ric starts ragging on Carly for being late and everyone else finally notices that she’s covered in blood, dirt and bandages. She explains about the car wreck and being passed out on the side of the road all night. Kiki and Morgan exchange loaded looks.
Liz asks Jason if he’s going to walk away from their life together and he assures her that he still loves her and that’s not going to change. Liz thinks they should just married anyway! Right now! Um, Liz. I realize you are full on bonkers right now, but you understand that he is still legally married to someone else, right? Logistically, that will not work.
Sam and Patrick talk about the chances that Jason will ever remember more than he already has. It’s unlikely, but possible. Patrick promises to be there for Sam as long as she still wants him to be.
Hayden tells Nikolas that she was watching him and his total lack of surprise in the the church. He blusters about not knowing how to react appropriately to the risen dead. Which, honestly, everyone should be super good at in this town at this point. Hayden admits she’s also known the truth this entire time. Nikolas realizes she’s been faking her memory loss.
Not quite! It turns out her confusion about Jake actually being her husband was real, but everything came back after Nikolas moved her into Wyndemere. She claims to have thought twice about helping Jake after getting shot for her trouble the last time, but doesn’t mention that she overheard Nikolas admit he sent the shooter.
Ric and Sonny are both incensed to hear Carly went to the church before checking in with them, which is a pretty shitty reaction to finding out your wife nearly died the night before. Kiki takes Morgan aside to freak out that she was obviously the one who ran Carly off the road. Morgan wants her to just shut up about it, because he is also still terrible.
Carly starts to drop the Jason bomb on everyone when they’re interrupted by court coming back into session.
Sam and Patrick talk about how he’s been through this situation when Robin came back from the dead on his wedding day to Sabrina. Do you think there’s a Port Charles support group for spouses of the risen dead? There should be. Maybe Anna’s new psychologist can work on that.
Patrick says getting Robin back was the best and worst day of his life–it was a dream come true, but it also blew his life apart. Sam points out that he ended up going back to her, and he wonders why she wouldn’t do the same. Well, for one thing, Robin actually remembered Patrick. But those are petty details, I guess.
On the bridge: Jason reminds Liz that although his feelings for her haven’t changed, he now knows he has obligations to Sam and Danny. Liz somehow manages to not get hit by lightning while promising him she would never want him to turn his back on them.
JASON: You know, my DNA might be Jason Morgan’s. But I don’t have his face. I don’t have his memories. And every since I woke up in Port Charles, I’ve heard story after story, all about Jason. How much he meant to so many people. You know what? I don’t remember being that guy. I don’t remember doing those things. And to be frank, some of the things I’ve heard about him — a lot — I don’t particularly like. So, no matter how much I want to marry you? I can’t. Because I can’t give you a name that I’m not sure I want for myself.
For all my bitching about this story, I do love the way they’re writing Jason’s reaction. His ambivalence toward stepping into the legend of Jason Morgan is great and rings very true for the man we’ve known for the last year. If they want to save this story at all, they’ll let him keep questioning if he wants to be Jason and all that entails.
Nikolas and Hayden talk about their mutual distrust and how hot it makes them both. Hayden claims that she actually has feelings for him now, and knows he feels the same. I wish I could care about any of this, because Rebecca Budig is great and looking at her shiny hair makes me happy.
But Hayden is still such as cipher and watching her cozy up to the man who had her shot in the head is nauseating, even if she’s playing him. Imagine if they’d cast her as Sarah Webber instead of this mess of a character! What a wasted opportunity.
Sam says her head is spinning. Patrick points out that she’s changed too, and has chosen a different life for herself and Danny. He doesn’t want her to make the same mistake he and Robin did, trying to get back a life based on a memory. You’d think that mentioning Robin’s name would remind him that she must have lied about Jason being dead, and to wonder why that was. But no.
Jason points out that now the truth is known, his enemies may come out of the woodwork. He doesn’t want to put Liz and the kids in danger. Like a good little mob moll, she tells him she loves him anyway, and doesn’t care about the danger.
JASON: Don’t kid yourself. From now on, every time you look at me, you’re going to see Jason. How am I supposed to reconcile the man you want me to be with the man I am?
ELIZABETH: I always knew who you were!
JASON: What do you mean?
ELIZABETH: Looking back, I realize I was drawn to you because part of me always knew who you were.
For a second there, I forgot that this is a soap opera and thought she really might come clean and put us out of our long national misery. BUT NO.
Soap court: Scotty hilariously claims he could bring up plenty of people who’d testify that Ava is terrific mother. Sure you can, Scott. Although it’s weird that Julian isn’t even there to support his sister. Or that Scotty didn’t think to bring either Alexis or Olivia to the stand, considering they both made the choice to not tell Sonny about their kids in order to protect them from his lifestyle. But there’s no need for any of that! Because of course Ava was recording Sonny when she goaded him earlier. Of course she was.
At the church, Patrick lays some hard truths on Sam:
SAM: Jason is more than a memory to me.
PATRICK: Jason is in love with Elizabeth. They were just about to be married, Sam.
SAM: Jake Doe was about to marry Elizabeth! This is just a dream that Jason’s gonna wake up from.
PATRICK: If he doesn’t wake up? What if he doesn’t remember? He’s gonna have these stories and relationships projected on him by other people. It’s not going to be able to resonate with who he is now. […] Jason is not the same as he was now. He built another life–so did you. He loves somebody else. So do you. If he gets his memory back tomorrow, do you think he’s just going to be able to stop loving Elizabeth? I mean, when you found out that–Sam, when you found out that Jake was Jason, did you stop loving me?
SAM: Gosh, no. Not one bit. No.
This! This is what this story should always have been about. Not Elizabeth skulking around for months with crazy eyes. Just the simple, organic drama of two people who were torn apart by circumstances and have both moved on with their lives. There’s so much inherent emotional messiness here to mine. It’s a great soapy conflict with no villains, just hard choices… or it should have been. I WILL ALWAYS BE MAD ABOUT THIS.
Sam and Patrick agree to just go home for the night and figure things out in the morning. Back on the bridge, Elizabeth begs Jason not to push her out of her life and asks him to come home with her. He promises again that he still loves her and they share a kiss.
In court, Scotty plays the tape. Carly claims it was taken out of context, even though they played enough of Ava egging him on to show exactly what the context was: a man who reacts to petty insults with death threats. The judge agrees and awards Ava custody, even though what she really should have done is taken the baby away from all of these lunatics.
Ava leaves with a final taunt that she’ll be in touch to set up a visit… eventually. You know, as soon as he’s done everything to make sure she’ll be safe from his enemies and his temper. Safety first! I have to say: Ava is a terrible human, but that was satisfying.
Sam and Patrick sit in their bedroom of sadness. He promises that he’ll talk to Emma in the morning about all of this. She doesn’t know how she’s going to explain any of it to Danny.
Liz and Jason come home as well. Epiphany apparently still has Cam, Aiden and Jake? They are understandably confused. Jason promises they will figure everything out in the morning. Liz leaves him sitting and staring as she heads upstairs. I assume he’s looking at his own picture on the mantle and wondering what possessed him to get that horrible Farrah haircut.
Hayden claims she has no desire to use what she knows against Nikolas. He admits he wants her, and they start making out. But Hayden cuts them off before things get too far, claiming she wants to take things slow this time. As soon as she leaves the room, she pulls out her phone to call her mysterious partner and inform them there’s been a “development” and they need to talk in person.
Carly tries to comfort Sonny and he immediately start blaming HER for losing custody, which is an amazing bit of superdickery, even for him. Carly tries to defend herself by explaining about Jason, as if she needs to explain herself at all, considering she: 1) had a serious head wound, 2) didn’t know about the court date being moved, 3) did not hold a gun to Sonny’s head, forcing him to make death threats in open court.
So glad you married this abusive asshole for the fifth time, Caroline! A+ life choices. Michael tells her to let Sonny go, as he’s too much of a whiny manbaby to listen to reason right now. So she finally spills the whole story about Jake being Jason. Michael is gobsmacked.
Jason gets a call from Michael’s phone but doesn’t pick up. It’s Carly, who leaves a message begging him to come help her with Sonny, who’s in a bad place right now. For those keeping track at home, it’s been less than 24 hours since finding out he’s Jason and Carly is already nagging him to step into his role as perpetual babysitter for Sonny’s fragile emotions.
Patrick comes back from washing up to find Sam gone… because she’s pulling up to Elizabeth’s house on Jason’s motorcycle. She gives him the keys and tells him he can come visit Danny any time. Elizabeth watches pensively from the window as Sam leaves.
I guess Sam is just walking home? I know Patrick lives close by, but doesn’t Liz live on a dark, twisty death road? Seems line a bad plan, Sam.
Anyway, good show, good soap. I’m just sad it could have been so much better.