Are we sure that’s not a euphemism?

Guys, I am on vacation someplace warm and wonderful where there’s rum and a nice man who brings me frozen coconuts. But my secret soap sources (i.e. fellow sad sacks who’ve been stockholmed into watching this show until we die) inform me that yesterday, there were boobs in open court? (#boobsforfeminism)

Hamilton strokes his lizard

And also that Michael Easton made his — triumphant? I guess? — return in his — fourth? fifth? Are we counting alternate personalities separately? — character. And that character is yet another doctor.  And that doctor enjoys stroking his lizard. And that lizard stroking is somehow not a euphemism, but an actual thing that happened on this television show that we are all for some reason still watching.

Obviously, I love myself way too much to watch General Hospital while I’m trying to relax and not hate life. But please weigh in on the ridiculousness of this event, as I am dying to hear your opinions.



12 thoughts on “Are we sure that’s not a euphemism?

  1. While not clamoring for the return of Michael Easton, I think he’s very good at wry reactions. Much in the vein of Robert S Woods. Like when he’s casually turning up the heat in a hotel room so he can melt away someone’s latex mask with fondue. But execs seem to want him to be either a brooding Hamlet, or mesmerizing people with his glamour (tm Lucy Coe). I’m not hopeful they’ll do any different this time.

    I can’t help but think that if RC had introduced a character stroking a lizard (not a euphemism) he would have been pilloried for the camp. And I enjoy camp, but it does not seem to be these writers strong suit. Nor, does it seem, that their strong suit is social issues. Of all the pressing women’s issues – health care, the glass ceiling, media promoting unhealthy body images – breast feeding in public isn’t one of them. And even if it were, using a – shall we say flash mob? – is demeaning and cheapens the cause.

    The sad thing is that there was a real social issue that was highlighted in one of the few bright spots of yesterday, Monica and Tracy bringing up the concepts of advanced directives. But between the lizard and the boobs and the 4 reaction shot of Alexis, Dianne, Olivia, and the Mayor after closing arguments, I found myself thinking that it was a shame the Soup was off the air.

    So all in all, it’s a good thing you’re on vacation right now. I might have an unhealthy attachment to your year end recaps, and this just might have been the episode that drove you away for good. And while I don’t think I would go all Kathy Bates in Misery on you, but I can’t actually rule it out.

  2. I had a bearded dragon years ago, and he was the Best Lizard Ever. So I have to admit, when I saw Dr Michael Easton literally stroking his literal lizard, I must admit, I shrieked with glee.

  3. Oh, good, T. I was a bit concerned you were watching this garbage while on vacation. I, of course, because I hate myself and love a DVR with at least 40% space free, have watched it all. IT. ALL. Also, how did the actor who plays Morgan get nominated for an emmy? HOW?

    • Lilly Melgar got one for her work on the Bay. My S&B loving brain can’t compute this info. So did the annoying kid that plays Spencer and the girl that played Paige on Days. It really is confounding how these noms are chosen.

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