There’s no joy in Mudville, kids.

Sometimes I watch this show and wonder if I’ve personally done something to offend the writers. How else to explain the way they’ve systematically set out to destroy every last remaining piece of good will I still felt for it?

Like hey! Remember that time an attractive man fell in love with Alexis and actually left the mob for her? Well, he’s already back in, murdering people all over the place, and also gas-lighting her like crazy:

Julian gaslights Alexis

ALEXIS: You killed two men to preserve our marriage? Who are you?
JULIAN: I’m your husband. I’m still your husband. [as she goes for her phone] Who are you calling?
ALEXIS: Who do you think I’m calling? I’m calling the police.
JULIAN: Hey, hey, hey. Easy. Before you ask yourself who I am, Alexis, you need to ask yourself who you are. You knew I ordered that hit on Duke and you chose to stay with me anyway. It makes you complicit in everything I’ve done.

I would sincerely love to know what the thought process was in taking one of the only popular pairings this show had left and utterly and completely destroying it like this. Because there is really no coming back from this — or there shouldn’t be. Then again, these are the same writers who seem to think Hayden and Nikolas are still viable after he had her shot it the head, so… who knows?

Anyway, today we were treated to Alexis actually cowering on the floor in tears between her shitbag husband and her shitbag ex, as Sonny Corinthos — that great champion of abused women — casually strolled around the house where his daughter lives, destroying furniture and threatening her mother for not immediately turning on the abusive sucking black whole of emotional manipulation she so foolishly married:

Sonny turns on Alexis

SONNY: You made your choice. You sided with my enemy against me, so this is what has to happen. Whatever friendship we had is gone. You killed it. You’re nothing to me anymore.

What a charmer! So that’s basically the death of the only relationship of Sonny’s I still occasionally enjoy. Maybe if we’re lucky, Ned and Jax can also show up and spit on Alexis while she grovels and weeps, just to cover all the bases? Escapist entertainment for women, everybody!

While we’re on the subject of favorite female characters and emotional manipulation, I would like you all to consider a world in which deciding to change doctors resulted in your old doctor confronting you multiple times to throw hissy fits and undermine you in front of your psychologically damaged child.

(Also, imagine that instead of an actual doctor this person is a completely unlicensed and uneducated former serial killer who once kidnapped your newborn child for funzies.) (HAHAHA WHAT A FUN THOUGHT EXPERIMENT!)

Liz and Franco

ELIZABETH: I refuse to be lectured on my parenting abilities by you.
FRANCO: Because I have a habit a hurting people.
ELIZABETH: Yes, you do.
FRANCO: I did. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to atone for all the horrible things that I’ve done. Somehow I got lucky, and I stumbled onto a job where I can actually help people who are hurting. Jake is damaged, he’s not unsalvageable–excuse me, forgive me–we were making great progress together before you put the kibosh on it because you’re too much of a wuss to stand up to your baby daddy and think for yourself.

Wow. I mean, seriously. There is so much to unpack here. Starting with the rather dubious claim that Franco has dedicated any of his post-tumor life to atoning for his previous sins. I must have missed that in between that time he: knifed his mother, took his fiance and a bunch of other people hostage at their wedding, stole another baby, blackmailed Olivia into free room and board and some ELQ stock options, and has also generally gone out of his way to be an asshole to Jason, even though he certainly has some major atoning to do where he’s concerned.

But never mind all that. My real question is: are we supposed to be sympathizing with this? Because I honestly cannot tell. Even Obrecht (!) called Franco out on his breathtaking narcissism the other day, but Elizabeth actually seemed to be doubting herself after being repeatedly berated, slut-shamed, and guilt-tripped with all sorts of scare tactics about how she’s ruining Jake’s life. You know, by taking him to an art therapist who maybe hasn’t recently threatened to ruin his father’s life.

Like, I’m thrilled to have Rebecca Herbst back on screen, but after a year of absolutely terrible, character-destroying stories, is it really too much to ask that Elizabeth get something to do that doesn’t involve getting negged by this greasy asshole?

Jason gets his memories back

Meanwhile, in completely unrelated news (because Elizabeth has been completely excised from his memory tour so far), Jason got his memories back! But don’t worry, not the icky Quartermaine ones — just the cool Stone Cold ones. How, you ask? What an excellent question!

SAM: Robin was at the crash site?
JASON: No. Robin was in my head, like that night Helena sent me here to kill you. I think she’s my way of trying to fight the conditioning.
SAM: I’m confused. I thought that was over with after the surgery?
JASON: Yeah, well so did I. I guess not. You see, the conditioning, it blocked me from my memories. That’s why I was having the flashes. My memories was intact, I just couldn’t reach them. And last night I did.
SAM: I don’t understand.
JASON: Neither do I, to be honest.

So essentially, Jason cured the amnesia* he got from hitting his head really hard by… hitting his head really hard again. And then Helena’s conditioning, which never had anything to do with the amnesia and was also, as Sam points out, supposedly removed with the chip in his brain, was somehow magically involved? But Jason overcame it with the power of love? Or something?

(*Only the most recent amnesia he got from a car accident. The original amnesia he got from a different car accident apparently still applies.) (SOAPS!)

I love how blatantly the writers got halfway through writing this dialogue, realized it was complete nonsense, and just threw their hands up in the air and said fuck it. You don’t understand, I don’t understand, Sam and Jason don’t understand, it’s fine. THE HAPPY HITMAN IS BACK, Y’ALL. Just accept it and move on.

Jason and Carly

“Finally, Jason remembers he’s supposed to
solve all my problems for me!”

In conclusion, if I haven’t been around a lot lately, it’s because there is literally nothing happening on this show that’s the slightest bit entertaining for me. But hey, the Nurses’ Ball is coming! Surely they can’t find a way to make that nothing but boredom and misery, right? Right?!

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43 thoughts on “There’s no joy in Mudville, kids.

  1. Wait, there might be hope. Because if Jason cured his amnesia* (the latest version) by getting in a car accident, and some prior amnesia was cured by removing – I don’t remember exactly what it was, a small locomotive maybe? Oh, yeah, a piece of dashboard- that was lodged in his brain from the first time he ran into a tree, then what clearly needs to be done is a procedure to remove the car horn that’s adjacent to his medulla oblongata. I think that’s where the car horn is. Either that, or it has Cam and Jake for the weekend. But just remove the horn, and he can be re-Qd. I hear that’s how it works.

    As for Julian and Alexis, after he returned to the mob (after getting out) the third time I was pretty much done, but this was a new limbo pole low.

    • “General Hospital: Always a New Limbo Pole Low” they should use that for their next ad campaign to welcome back an actor they just fired for his fourth character.

    • Julexis and especially Julian is the casualty of what’s clearly a massive rewrite along with the massive rewrite of the entire show that started several months ago. Basically they took out Bob Guza’s Manual on Misogynist Soap Writing, dusted it off and are now using it. It puts Sonny back in the center of the show’s universe and every character exists to glorify him. Every story is all about him. Every convo…well you get the picture. So essentially we have the same GH we had back in 2011 only with lower ratings. And ratings have dropped off quite impressively since this latest reboot of GH.

      Julexis went south beginning when TPTB omitted them from a promo (that got a huge response) subbing in a promo w/o them and Julian as a mobster (which got not a very huge response) in March and it’s clearly all about destroying them in a way so no fan will ever want them back. It is also very deliberate and also malicious to boot. Destroying even their past and once again turning Alexis back into a pathetic fool only a sociopath would want. I’m also guessing that the powers that be are using the 180 rewrite into manipulating the huge fan base of Julexis into turning on Julian so that they can at some point unemploy the actor who plays him. Easier to do that if the fans have turned against his character and why else do it overnight and so severely if firing the actor isn’t the ultimate goal?. And for the most part it’s working. Ironically this is what they did to Julian the last time, made him crazy because the new writers at the time weren’t interested in the Jeromes so they killed the remaining ones off. In my opinion egos that are amok and bad decision making by those in charge of the show are heading it straight to cancellation.

  2. Yeesh this show. Definition of disappointment.
    The Jason remembering story not including Elizabeth is just pure shit. It’s not believable.
    I think rh and rh have chemistry- but I wish he were a different character. I sort of want them to get together just to see Jason acknowledge Elizabeth again…

    • I’d be more on board with that idea if most of their interactions didn’t consist of Franco bullying and manipulating her while accusing Jason of doing the same…

  3. I don’t want serial killer and a man that sets up rapes any where near Elizabeth Webber and her boys, ever!

    I miss RC. There, I said it…well wrote it on this board! At least with RC, I was entertained, mad, happy, sad, disgusted but never, ever, bored!

    • I miss RC. There, I said it…well wrote it on this board! At least with RC, I was entertained, mad, happy, sad, disgusted but never, ever, bored!

    • I miss RC. There, I said it…well wrote it on this board! At least with RC, I was entertained, mad, happy, sad, disgusted but never, ever, bored!

      me too

  4. Ugh, this show. Whenever Days is a steaming pile of poop (eg right now) I come grovelling back to GH only to realise its equally nasty heap of dung. Jason getting his Quartermaine back was my last remaining hope, I just can’t watch him run around doing crappy things for Sonny.

    • , I just can’t watch him run around doing crappy things for Sonny.

      i so couldnt’ stand that jason….

      that jason was so boring….

      i want jake back…and fast…but then pretty much it’s too late

      • I don’t miss RC- he’s the one who wrote Elizabeth lying and wrote her keeping Danny’s paternity for that day. So I kind of blame him for writing the stuff that was out of character for Elizabeth. I miss whoever wrote Jason and Elizabeth in 1999.

        • i still believe that he was told to writer her that way…..

          that they really don’t like her..it’s us that keep on bringing her back

          so this is their way of punishing us…for wanting to keep her

        • MVJ and E Korte wrote early Liason per a tweet from Wendy Riche.

          It is very obvious someone at the network does not want Elizabeth and Jason as a long term couple, and their behinds should have been fired.

          • It is very obvious someone at the network does not want Elizabeth and Jason as a long term couple, and their behinds should have been fired.

            so agreed

            susan

  5. The only thing the last few writing teams have going for them is making me reconsider my opinion that Bob Guzza was the worst and most misogynistic writer in daytime history

  6. Agree!! WTF? Where is our GH? These writers are out of their damn minds. A third grader could write better. SMDH! I know the only reason I watch is habit and hope the BS SL’s will cease!

  7. The only thing the last few writing teams have going for them is making me reconsider my opinion that Bob Guzza was the worst and most misogynistic writer in daytime history

    agreed

    susan

  8. *sighs deeply*

    Is the goal of this writing just to make us give up? I don’t understand, but according to a select few in the cast, GH is writing stronger women. This is the writers’ definition of strong women. I want to weep. Seriously.

    I was so completely disgusted with Alexis literally on the floor, begging Sonny to stop his abusive tirade, that I just stopped watching halfway through. Between Julian’s actions and Sonny over-the-top hypocrisy, I just wanted to scream. This had got to stop with Sonny being the moral authority. He had the audacity to talk about Julian killing a defenseless man when he did the same. OMG, MAKE THIS STOP! If certain actors are dictating story and character direction, it need to end. The fact is, when Sonny was written to be knocked down off his high horse, the ratings improved. Michael turning on him and holding him accountable was gold and they completely abandoned that.

    But it didn’t end there. We got such “delightful” scenes of Franco insulting Elizabeth just b/c she agreed with Jason that Franco shouldn’t be around Jake. But had she been on Franco’s side, sure he wouldn’t be calling her a doormat and a wuss and talking about a “revolving door of father figures.” I’m sorry, but WHAT?!?! Who were these father figures Jake has supposedly had. Lucky was his dad until his “death” and only Jason, his actual dad, has been around him. What is this crap??? I get that Franco is supposed to be lovable and quirky now, but he’s just not that character, no matter what they do. He did disgusting things and he is still antagonizing people. The truth is Jake likes Franco b/c he’s a big kid, nothing more. He hasn’t done anything spectacular with this child that nobody else couldn’t do.

    Franco is blatantly manipulating Elizabeth to get what he wants, accuses her of not having a mind of her own and just blindly following Jason, after being told how he has repeatedly crossed the line and I’m supposed to swoon and think their adorable??? Elizabeth had 3 boys already, she doesn’t need a fourth. And Franco is just an overgrown, entitled child, who thinks people should just get over his temper tantrums. How is this happening?

    Jason and his memories…I’m exhausted, so never mind.

    What is the point of returning to the storytelling formula that almost got GH cancelled in the first place. They do understand that this show would have been gone if ABC hadn’t been afraid of the fan backlash after cancelling AMC and OLTL?

  9. Bravo. I could not agree more to everything you said about the Franco & Elizabeth nonsense. He’s topped the list of abusive behavior. He says degrading things to her, she calls him on it, and he instantly does “I won’t do it again. I’m just having a hard time getting over Nina”. How in the hell is that entertaining? Why in the hell would I want my fave, Elizabeth anywhere near that? Even though he implied differently, I’m guessing Jake is his only patient, the reason he’s so fixated on this kid that he stalks Elizabeth around the hospital continuing to question why she won’t allow him to see Jake anymore even though she’s given him plenty of reasons. And no it’s not cute that this grown man throws temper tantrums and dogs her out because Elizabeth won’t allow him to get his way so she can basically become the doormat for him that he’s accusing her of becoming for Jason, Jake’s father, who actually has say in Jake’s well-being.

    And as a side note: New Nurse Amy, she needs to GO! I don’t know what makes them think this is a homage to original recipe Amy, but she’s nowhere near that. OG Amy gossiped, but she did it in a way that it came off as good-natured gossip. This Amy is nosy, vindictive, mean-spirited, her gossip is to slander people, and she’s downright rude. TPTB are crazy if they actually think we’re supposed to actually enjoy her.

    • I don’t get it either…that they’re writing stronger women….

      where…….

      I so couldn’t watch alexis yesterday either, and I love her…

      and as for amy….please, get rid of that snob…

      old amy was quirky and loveable…this one to me is so not that..

      OG Amy gossiped, but she did it in a way that it came off as good-natured gossip. This Amy is nosy, vindictive, mean-spirited, her gossip is to slander people, and she’s downright rude. TPTB are crazy if they actually think we’re supposed to actually enjoy her.

      exactly

      makes me miss shell so much

  10. Scuttlebutt for a while has been that FV doesn’t like Will de Vry. But maybe this is just GH’s usual “take the character too far and then brush everything under the rug” shenanigans.

    “But hey, the Nurses’ Ball is coming! Surely they can’t find a way to make that nothing but boredom and misery, right? Right?!”

    er . . . . SPOILERS ANYONE WHO DOESN’T WANT TO KNOW DON’T LOOK PAST THIS

    SPOILERS

    it looks likely something is going to happen to Lucas

    • Nah this is what happens when TPTB allow an actor to dictate story for them. Now guess what actor I’m talking about.

      oh I know who you’re talking about…..

      and I want to smack him…..if I liked him…and read this, I would strongly dislike him..

      never could really stand him….

      • Seriously this show right now is like the Guza era. Thing is all the parties involved with that are gone. Guza, JFP, Frons, only one person left and that’s MB and suddenly overnight we’re getting Guza 2.0 and yet we’re supposed to believe MB’s fingerprints aren’t all over it?

        • left and that’s MB and suddenly overnight we’re getting Guza 2.0 and yet we’re supposed to believe MB’s fingerprints aren’t all over it?

          yup

          that’s what we’re supposed to believe

        • AG passed the torch over to MB when he left the show last year. Unfortunately, Sonny/MB is the only long term contract vet on the show and that is where the problem lies. Where are Jax, Ned, Mac, Robert, etc.. and AJ is dead, again!

      • No, I don’t believe that at all. re: Maurice. I don’t believe he has the power to dictate who stays and who goes at all. And re: Will de Vry, I’ve noticed he can be, a bit, shall we say, eccentric. I can see how he could rub FV the wrong way.

  11. I will be the lone person enjoying Nancy Lee Grahn’s emmy reel. It’s okay. I’m used to being alone. I want Natasha to Natasha so hard… *sigh*

      • I’m only watching GH for NLG’s acting at this point since they destroyed Julexis and are returning to Guza’s writing which glorified thugs like Sonny and Jason and wrote Alexis as a self loathing insecure woman only a sociopath could want.

        After Alexis has lost her pairing, story and likely gets backburned I’m done with GH for good.

        • I’m only watching GH for NLG’s acting at this point since they destroyed Julexis and are returning to Guza’s writing which glorified thugs like Sonny and Jason and wrote Alexis as a self loathing insecure woman only a sociopath could want.

          After Alexis has lost her pairing, story and likely gets backburned I’m done with GH for good.

          sad isn’t it

          susan

    • You will be there, and you will sit back and take it like the rest of us lemmings. For we have been trained, we have been desensitized, and most of all, we are hopeless optimists who still believe that things will get better. And when they don’t, there’s always tequila.

  12. I DVR GH, so I’m just getting caught up now. Yesterday I watched the episode where Sonny, that mobster with a heart of gold, trashed his own daughter’s house and threatened her mother. The day before that, I saw Julian reveal his true psychopathic colors and inflict on Alexis probably the most disgusting mental abuse I’ve seen a man dish out to his wife on this show, and that’s saying something. Both days, I felt sick to my stomach.

    This isn’t entertainment anymore. The writers of this show must be as twisted as the characters if they think it is. I’ve had issues with GH’s moral ambiguity for years, but it’s a soap, so I forgave it a lot. But they’ve crossed a line with me, and I realize now that, with maybe the exception of Lulu (who only just got back on track with Dante), there isn’t a single woman on this show who is in a relationship that isn’t, in one way or another, sick and abusive. Besides Carly & Sonny and Alexis & Julian, which need no explanation, we’ve got Nina (and now maybe Elizabeth?!) with textbook narcissist Franco, Sam with hitman Jason, Kiki on and off with chronic cheater Morgan, Jordan with a psychologist who has feelings for his own patient, and, until recently, Sabrina with POS Carlos, Ava (who is a POS herself) with POS Paul, and Hayden with the man who tried to kill her. Even Nathan, who used to be so flawless he was boring, is now lying to Maxie repeatedly about multiple very important parts of his past. The only women on this show who are NOT being treated like garbage by their partners are those who don’t have partners! And just you wait…it’s been too long now since Tracy was in love with a sociopath, so I’m sure another one is coming down the pike for her.

    Today I deleted the rest of last week’s episodes from my DVR without watching them. I just can’t anymore with this show. It’s too upsetting that I’m supposed to watch this kind of emotional (and sometimes physical) abuse as entertainment. Although I hardly ever comment on this blog, I’ve been reading and enjoying it for a long time, so I’ll continue to come back here to satisfy my morbid curiosity about GH. But I won’t be watching anymore.

  13. Franco was right on the mark for what he said to Liz. She’s being a wuss by not telling Jason that it’s okay to have an opinion but ultimately it’s her decision so he needs to shut up. She’s Jake’s main parent. What’s important here is Jake–not Jason, not Franco. But if Franco can help Jake, and it’s obvious he can, then why not let him? I am so over Franco’s bad deed. Who the bleep cares, anymore? Liz is no saint. Good God, she used her very own rape to manipulate Rebecca and, by extension, Lucky. Hey, I get Franco isn’t the best person to be in Liz’s life, but he is telling her like it is, like it should be.All he did was tell her to pull up her big girl underpants and act like an adult. Sometimes Liz really needs that.

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