When Shelly Altman and Jean Passanante came on board, there were a lot of big promises about bringing romance back. Almost a year later, we’ve seen Hayden mourn the man who had her shot in the head, Lucas and Brad’s exciting off screen honeymoon, and Julian threatening to slit Alexis’ throat.
But that’s all about to change, because people were getting all hot and bothered this week! Sure, they were all couples no one cares about. And sure, all these people have the chemistry of dead fish being smacked together. But love in the afternoon, you guys! Sort of!
pretty bras in the afternoon?
How can such attractive people possibly be so boring? Oh, right… she has no personality and he has no plot and together they get about five minutes of airtime a month. Now, I remember.
I want to like Valerie. I really do. She’s part of a core family, she’s one of two non-white women on the show, and despite the whole Dante mess, she’s not an offensive character. But they do absolutely nothing with her family connections and everything else about her is just criminally bland when she’s even on screen at all.
On the other hand, Curtis is the most charismatic new male character since poor dead Carlos. And just like both Carlos and his oddly less attractive twin, Curtis is being wasted on a total lump of a leading lady. (Side note: I will give one hundred virtual dollars to anyone who can explain why so many men are inexplicably obsessed with Sabrina. PLEASE someone explain it to me.) Meanwhile, Rebecca Herbst is sitting right over there, spending all of her considerable chemistry on a serial killer while these good looking men languish in romantic black holes. Because the universe hates me.
Over at the hospital, Claudette and Griffin finally kissed, causing the fifteen people still watching this show to fall into spontaneous comas. I say “finally” because I feel like we’ve been hearing about their forbidden love since the beginning of time, but in reality she showed up a week ago and has already been desperate to snag two separate men, despite having zero chemistry with either of them.
Why are these people here? How is is possible to make an affair with a priest not sexy? Was anyone actually craving MORE convoluted backstory for Nathan, aka a block of wood with abdominals? He already has an unexplained paternity mystery and more family than a lot of the actual legacy characters on this show. But sure, lets bring in more new people for him instead of Serena Baldwin or Sarah Webber or TJ Hardy or Brooklyn Ashton or any of the million characters with connections on the canvas that the audience actually cares about.
ACTING. HIS. BALLS. OFF.
At least this did give us the gift of Ryan Paevey expanding his repertoire of “staring blankly” and “taking off his shirt” to include EXTREME TOOTH ACTING.
I’m confused, though. Is this story supposed to make me worry that Maxie and Nathan won’t get married? Because I have some strong feelings about cops who get drunk and shoot civilians in cold blood and also about men who react to being cheated on by trying to kill people and all of those feelings are now screaming at Maxie to run away from this dude as fast as she possibly can.
Speaking of which, in his latest bid to make my skin crawl literally off of my body, Franco decided to surprise Liz by breaking into her car and hiding in the back seat. You know, like women are constantly warned that rapists will do. Which is funny because Liz is a rape victim and Franco is a former pseudo rapist. OH, HOW WE LAUGHED.
FRANCO: If I had come to your house and knocked on the door, you would have opened the door and seen my face, you would have slammed the door.
Can’t argue with that logic! Nothing says “trustworthy romantic partner” like casual stalking and refusing to respect boundaries. Amazingly, he followed up by asking her to apologize to him for letting him yell at her before. Which, you may recall, is because his history of being a serial killer made her uneasy when he was accused of being a serial killer again.
And yes, it was played as a joke… sort of. But somehow, this actually did end with Liz apologizing for just not being able to get over his history of killing people and also kidnapping her baby that one time:
ELIZABETH: Sometimes when I look at you and I think I’m seeing you for who you really are, something happens and it triggers memories of who you used to be.
FRANCO: I’m trying really hard to be someone different.
ELIZABETH: I know, I know. It’s me. I don’t think I’ll be able to make peace with who you used to be or what you did.
Let’s be honest: there is probably nothing that the show could do to make me like the idea of Franco and Liz together. Because besides all the bad history, he now spends the majority of his scenes whining about how unfair it is that nobody trusts him just because he used to kill and sort of rape people a lot and I just find that massively off-putting for some weird reason.
But even if I’m never going to be completely on board with this couple, they could at least not be constantly having him creepily trap her in elevators, or creepily trap her in his studio, or creepily hide in the back seat of her car because he knows she doesn’t want to talk to him. I feel like these are things that could super easily be avoided. And yet they keep happening for some reason.
So, Franco/Liz fans–I know at least some of you read this blog. This is a no judgment zone. I am just legitimately curious: do you like this pairing in spite of this creepy stalker stuff? Or because of it? Inquiring minds want to know.