Morgan’s dead, y’all! I’d be sad, but, you know. It’s Morgan. RIP, little Corinthos! Of all the Corinthos men who’ve annoyed the crap out of me, you… certainly had the best duck lips.
Anyway, everyone in town is convinced it’s their fault! Kiki’s sure that it’s hers because after months of misery, she finally decided to escape from the unhealthy relationship she got guilted into by her unstable boyfriend’s family.
not pictured: believable crying
Michael’s sure it’s his because he didn’t have time to babysit his adult brother between planning a funeral for his recently murdered girlfriend and running a company.
Ava’s sure it’s hers because she… secretly replaced his bi-polar medication with placebos. Okay, that one might be a little more accurate. But since Morgan didn’t die in a drunk driving accident, but instead was blown up by a bomb set by none other than Port Charles’ own Father of the Year, Sonny must be the one blaming himself most of all–oh. Wait.
SONNY: What happened here was an accident. Tell me you don’t think I’m the reason my son’s dead.
Oh, Sonny. Why would anyone possibly think that Morgan’s death is your fault just because you hired someone to plant a bomb in a car and then that car happened to blow up with your son right next to it? Obviously, if you didn’t specifically mean to kill Morgan, then no one can blame you, right?
(Hey, remember that time Sonny thought Carly had accidentally gotten Olivia shot in a botched mob hit and he waited in her house in the dark with a gun to threaten her life, because even though she never meant to hurt Olivia, she’d still have to pay if she died? Just asking. NO REASON.)
Obviously, Sonny doesn’t remember that. In fact, he’s been forgetting a lot of things lately:
SONNY: You don’t know me. If you did, you’d know that no son or daughter of mine will pay for the things that I do, because I protect them all from my business.
I realize this entire conversation was only meant as dramatic irony, but I am seriously starting to wonder if Sonny has some sort of brain defect that prevents him from remembering anything he’s ever said or done. Maybe finding the cure for chronic narcissist asshole memory loss syndrome can be Dr. Finn’s next big research project! All of the American public would thank him, I’m sure.
Look, we all know the drill with things like this. Sonny does something terrible like… getting his son shot in the head, or shooting his other son in the chest, or nearly blowing his daughter up in a car bomb, or or sleeping with his other son’s girlfriend on the grave of his first son’s biological father, who he also murdered in cold blood. And everyone is mad at him for a day or a week or NINE MONTHS OF BEAUTIFUL HATRED THAT I WILL ALWAYS TREASURE. And then something shiny distracts them and all is forgiven.
But surely actually killing one of his kids has got to be good for more than a single day of righteous fury before the backsliding begins?
MICHAEL: I stood there in the police station, I blamed my father and his feud with Julian, but it’s not his fault. It’s mine.
DAMN IT, MICHAEL. YOU HAD ONE JOB!
Meanwhile, Billy Miller has been busy sleeping through every scene where he has to play the return of Stone Cold, which is somehow even less entertaining than when Steve Burton used to do that. But even though St. Jason is now reluctantly against murder for hire, he’s still playing spin doctor for his old boss:
JASON: Your brother, he was a victim of a chain of very terrible circumstances and there wasn’t anything that anyone could do about it.
Well, I mean… Sonny could have not planted a bomb in Julian’s car. That is definitely a thing that at least done person could have done about it, Jason.
So basically, we have one last hope for the schadenfreude smack down we deserve:
and she has a FIERCE new haircut
Don’t fail me now, Carly. Let your hypocrisy flag fly! Go to town on that murdering scumbag you willingly married four times. My body is ready.