Ah, Daytime television. Entertainment for women! And apparently women really love gaslighting, because there isn’t a single plot right now that doesn’t involve rewriting the things we all actually saw on screen.
Like, hey, did you know Nina is now a more stable parental figure than Lulu in the eyes of the law? And definitely not a former mental patient who literally ripped a baby out of another woman’s womb and has been banned by every adoption agency on the planet!
helena was scared of this guy. really.
Anna’s got a mysterious retconned past with Valentin! Who, himself, has been retconned from a ruthless murderer and Most Dangerous Cassadine of All into a former street urchin/deformed virgin who stutters and weeps at the drop of a hat.
Brad has completely reverted to his money-grubbing, ethically challenged douchebag ways, as if none of the character growth of his friendship with Britt and marriage to Lucas ever happened! Speaking of Lucas, I’m not sure he even exists anymore, since they haven’t bothered to show him react to the news his father is alive.
Meanwhile, these words came out of Sonny’s mouth with ZERO sense of irony:
SONNY: My whole life, my mantra’s been: what you do, you pay for.
…which would just be typically hilarious Sonny being Sonny, except these days I honestly cannot tell if Jean and Shelly literally think it’s true. UP IS DOWN. BLACK IS WHITE. JAX IS A BLACK MARKET ORGAN TRADER.
“I came back to this crappy show for this?”
There are so many obvious problems with that last point — like why would a billionaire need to go to his wife’s estranged adopted father to procure an illegal kidney when there are so many competent criminals he could easily have hired? And why would Frank Benson assume his daughter was a match for Josslyn when they’re not even related in any way by blood?
But now, in order to justify this stupidity, we not only have a retcon that Frank Benson has been stalking Carly for years, begging for money, but also, everyone now has to forget they all thought that kidney was Jake’s.
Why did that not come up even once during Jax’s explanation? I mean, really. WHY? Why did he allow everyone, including Jake’s parents, to believe Joss had Jake’s kidney when Jax knew for a fact that she didn’t? For that matter, why did Helena arrange for that complex deception at all when she could just have easily have faked Jake’s death and spirited him away without it? Which leads me to…
JASON: I don’t remember anything from that night that I was shot on the pier until I woke up almost two years later.
ELIZABETH: We know Helena was controlling you.
JASON: Yeah. The man with this face did anything Helena order him to do. I did anything Helena ordered him to do. And she lived on Cassadine island at that time. I imagine I did also.
Well, no, Jason. You don’t remember anything from those two years because you were dead during that time. You had ceased to be. You were an ex-hitman. Which we know, because we all watched Robin revive your frozen corpse two years later.
Except nothing that we see on screen ever matters anymore because no one in the writers’ room actually cares about this show’s ancient history, it’s recent history, or even basic continuity from scene to scene.
case in point: this nonsense
I can’t decide what annoys me most about Julian’s “redemption” arc — that they clearly wrote themselves into this situation with NO IDEA how to get themselves out of it? The continual weakening of Alexis and romanticization of abuse? Or the fact that they keep lampshading their own plot holes as if that means we’ll just stop caring about them?
ALEXIS: You saw how deranged his sister was. What makes you think she wasn’t threatening him?
SAM: I understand you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I do. But do you remember Olivia being in the house when Julian found that wire? Do you remember Olivia being down on the pier when Julian held a knife to your throat?
What excellent questions! You might assume, since the writers brought them up, that they’d at least give Julian some ludicrous explanation of Olivia having had surveillance on him 24/7 to keep him in line. But no. They just sort of shrugged and then had Alexis bang him anyway. Love in the afternoon!
Anyway, let’s take a trip down memory lane to the things that we did actually see happen in the last year, and are now supposed to blame entirely on Olivia. Our sweet, noble Julian:
- lied to Alexis about being back in the mob while the ink on their marriage license was still wet
- convinced her to violate her professional ethics by defending Carlos
- had a witness killed and then murdered Carlos to save his own skin
- told Alexis all of the above was her fault for believing his lies
- let Alexis be arrested for his crimes until he thought she might be pregnant
- repeatedly hallucinated Carlos trying to convince him to kill her
- found Alexis wearing a wire, held the knife used to murder her mother to her throat while they were completely alone, promised no one would ever find her body, and gave her a ten minute monologue about how it was her fault for not believing in him
- immediately started harassing Alexis to forgive him
- refused to speak up on her behalf to keep her from being disbarred
- discovered she was an alcoholic due to all of the above and used it to blackmail her into living with him again
- let the woman who ordered all of the above become her AA sponsor
And that entire time, there was simply no way for him to warn anyone that his dead sister was alive and threatening the lives of his family. But, hey, he did have time to spend several months elaborately sabotaging a fashion magazine to get a tax break! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.
Listen, either Olivia Jerome is an omnipotent, omniscient genius who spent the last 25 years locked in a mental institution but still has unlimited funds to hire an army of goons capable of monitoring Julian every second of the day to enforce an insanely detailed, year long revenge plot…
…or Julian spent a year emotionally and physically abusing his wife and this is a cheap, gross attempt to redeem the nonredeemable and everyone involved should be deeply ashamed.
I mean, one or the other.