Julian Jerome is a saint and other alternative facts.

Ah, Daytime television. Entertainment for women! And apparently women really love gaslighting, because there isn’t a single plot right now that doesn’t involve rewriting the things we all actually saw on screen.

Like, hey, did you know Nina is now a more stable parental figure than Lulu in the eyes of the law? And definitely not a former mental patient who literally ripped a baby out of another woman’s womb and has been banned by every adoption agency on the planet!

helena was scared of this guy. really.

Anna’s got a mysterious retconned past with Valentin! Who, himself, has been retconned from a ruthless murderer and Most Dangerous Cassadine of All into a former street urchin/deformed virgin who stutters and weeps at the drop of a hat.

Brad has completely reverted to his money-grubbing, ethically challenged douchebag ways, as if none of the character growth of his friendship with Britt and marriage to Lucas ever happened! Speaking of Lucas, I’m not sure he even exists anymore, since they haven’t bothered to show him react to the news his father is alive.

Meanwhile, these words came out of Sonny’s mouth with ZERO sense of irony:

SONNY: My whole life, my mantra’s been: what you do, you pay for.

…which would just be typically hilarious Sonny being Sonny, except these days I honestly cannot tell if Jean and Shelly literally think it’s true. UP IS DOWN. BLACK IS WHITE. JAX IS A BLACK MARKET ORGAN TRADER.

“I came back to this crappy show for this?”

There are so many obvious problems with that last point — like why would a billionaire need to go to his wife’s estranged adopted father to procure an illegal kidney when there are so many competent criminals he could easily have hired? And why would Frank Benson assume his daughter was a match for Josslyn when they’re not even related in any way by blood?

But now, in order to justify this stupidity, we not only have a retcon that Frank Benson has been stalking Carly for years, begging for money, but also, everyone now has to forget they all thought that kidney was Jake’s.

Why did that not come up even once during Jax’s explanation? I mean, really. WHY? Why did he allow everyone, including Jake’s parents, to believe Joss had Jake’s kidney when Jax knew for a fact that she didn’t? For that matter, why did Helena arrange for that complex deception at all when she could just have easily have faked Jake’s death and spirited him away without it? Which leads me to…

JASON: I don’t remember anything from that night that I was shot on the pier until I woke up almost two years later.
ELIZABETH: We know Helena was controlling you.
JASON: Yeah. The man with this face did anything Helena order him to do. I did anything Helena ordered him to do. And she lived on Cassadine island at that time. I imagine I did also.

Well, no, Jason. You don’t remember anything from those two years because you were dead during that time. You had ceased to be. You were an ex-hitman. Which we know, because we all watched Robin revive your frozen corpse two years later.

Except nothing that we see on screen ever matters anymore because no one in the writers’ room actually cares about this show’s ancient history, it’s recent history, or even basic continuity from scene to scene.

case in point: this nonsense

I can’t decide what annoys me most about Julian’s “redemption” arc — that they clearly wrote themselves into this situation with NO IDEA how to get themselves out of it? The continual weakening of Alexis and romanticization of abuse? Or the fact that they keep lampshading their own plot holes as if that means we’ll just stop caring about them?

ALEXIS: You saw how deranged his sister was. What makes you think she wasn’t threatening him?
SAM: I understand you want to give him the benefit of the doubt, I do. But do you remember Olivia being in the house when Julian found that wire? Do you remember Olivia being down on the pier when Julian held a knife to your throat?

What excellent questions! You might assume, since the writers brought them up, that they’d at least give Julian some ludicrous explanation of Olivia having had surveillance on him 24/7 to keep him in line. But no. They just sort of shrugged and then had Alexis bang him anyway. Love in the afternoon!

Anyway, let’s take a trip down memory lane to the things that we did actually see happen in the last year, and are now supposed to blame entirely on Olivia. Our sweet, noble Julian:

And that entire time, there was simply no way for him to warn anyone that his dead sister was alive and threatening the lives of his family. But, hey, he did have time to spend several months elaborately sabotaging a fashion magazine to get a tax break! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW.

Listen, either Olivia Jerome is an omnipotent, omniscient genius who spent the last 25 years locked in a mental institution but still has unlimited funds to hire an army of goons capable of monitoring Julian every second of the day to enforce an insanely detailed, year long revenge plot…

seems legit

…or Julian spent a year emotionally and physically abusing his wife and this is a cheap, gross attempt to redeem the nonredeemable and everyone involved should be deeply ashamed.

I mean, one or the other.

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14 thoughts on “Julian Jerome is a saint and other alternative facts.

  1. they make so many excellent points, too bad that none of them read it

    you know the people who really should

    susan

    On Wed, May 3, 2017 at 1:47 AM, Despair in the Afternoon wrote:

    > tenillypo posted: “Ah, Daytime television. Entertainment for women! And > apparently women really love gaslighting, because there isn’t a single plot > right now that doesn’t involve rewriting the things we all actually saw on > screen. Like, hey, did you know Nina is now a more” >

  2. Not that I don’t agree with everything you said, and since the show is so boring at time it may have been missed, but Jax when explaining to Nelle what he did and how it was his fault and not Carly’s told Nelle that after getting the kidney from Frank, Jake’s kidney became available or so he thought and Jax had Nelle’s kidney given to the next person on the list, so we really at this point are back at the starting block as far as whose kidney is inside of Joss.

    • Thanks — I must have missed that line. But we know that Jake still his both his kidneys, right? So how did that switch happen and why? Either Jax or Helena bribed a bunch of hospital staff in order to set that up or… I don’t even know. No one knows. Jean and Shelly don’t know, or care. So I don’t know why I should bother. *sigh*

      • yes Jake had no scars when Patrick examined him after he came home. I’m pretty sure he was never hit by a car before last year at Shriners cause they mentioned no previous injuries which would have shown up and been talked about (?). So who actually got hit by the car and died on the operating table? They made it seem like Jake was so banged up that was why they wouldn’t let Liz go see him before they operated. This is what happens when you decide to write a story without asking yourself some basic simple questions first and thinking out the answers.

  3. So many “crazy” questions to which Jean P. replies, “How do you know?”
    We are not being good fans for not following this vision. There are sooooo many possibilities, don’t ya know?
    This show is utter garbage. It just keeps getting worse. They haven’t told a single story well-thought story.

  4. The page jump was so amazingly well-placed, giving me a pause to wonder which of the MANY things Sonny has said without irony you were going to select. And your choice did not disappoint. Other acceptable answers include: when he called Carly a whore for sleeping with someone else after he’d demanded a divorce because she wouldn’t forgive him for sleeping with someone else; when he expected everything to be fine upon learning he didn’t actually sleep with Nelle, despite Carly’s continued insistence that it was the cover up that she was mad about; and of course the obvious every time he speaks to Michael and does not acknowledge that he shot his father.

    I want so badly for Carly, in her concerns for Michael, to just come right out and say “and he has TERRIBLE taste in women! She’s exactly his type!” Girl, you know it’s true.

    I’m not sure whether Nina becoming a model parent is any more disturbing than the 15 minutes or so when Lulu was legit a TERRIBLE parent. I’m glad we seem to be returning to Earth I, where Valentin is a murderous schemer and Lulu can remember to just be a nice person to a little girl.

    Thank you for not mentioning Samira, who really killed the cool factor of the Laura-Tracy whirlwind adventure in “Turkey.”

    • This post has been sitting in my drafts folder for a month, and would have included the Samira mess if they hadn’t thankfully nixed the whole Edward’s other daughter thing.

      Sonny deserves a whole separate rant, honestly. I’m just not sure when I’ll have the energy.

      • Honestly, don’t strain yourself. When I have a free hand (I watch while cleaning up the kitchen at night) I FFWD the Sonny parts these days. It’s just too gross. Jax made Carly bearable.

  5. Can’t stand the reuniting of abusive Julian with Alexis who took his abuse?! At one time she was a really smart & sassy attorney why did #GH have to have her become an alcoholic which seems to go on & on and then take the horrible abuse of crime gangster Julian who nearly kills her,terrifies her among other things and now she’s excepted him back into bed with him. Terrible standards for women in abusive relationship to stay in them. She shouldn’t of accpted him back would of been the right thing to do but because the audience and #GH itself like how they are together! Please,whenever he’s on or their on together I have to turn the channel!

  6. The irony is that for all the complaints of DV enabling (reel), not one word about the decision of TPTB to hire as a guest star an ESPN host who’s made many misogynist comments and at least twice blamed the DV committed on the wives of certain athletes on the wives themselves (and was suspended at least once by ESPN for doing so). meaning that they must have done something to deserve it. (real). If that type of behavior is happening, is any of the rest of this a surprise? And yes, there should be an entire rant on Sonny b/c it was decisions made early last year to shift the show back to centering on the mob and especially Sonny’s role as the show’s heroic romantic lead that lead to some of the atrocious overnight WTF rewrites of some of the other characters in his orbit. Once Julian left the mob for his love and family and Sonny didn’t, only a matter of time until his character would get trashed. It doesn’t help that GH writes all the happy “nice” charactrers so blandly. Sam, Jason (a killer whose history’s been erased most the past two years), Kiki, Dillon, Nathan, Maxie, etc. don’t even realluy have stories. Just move from one scene to the next, serving to push other characters’ stories from one plot point to the next.

    Alexis? She hasn’t been smart and sassy really since 1999. Back when she was a Cassadine. They turned her into a hyperventilating, neurotic, asexual harpy. Maybe some people might miss those years but I don’t. i miss 1996 when she coldcocked Luke on the head and had dinners with Nikolas and Stefan and tangled with Helena. Megan McTavish watered her down to make it convincing that she’d be like a hysterical vestial virgin around Sonny and she never recovered from that.

    • I cannot fathom the decision to make Sonny the hero. He’s repulsive. He’s not a cool baddie, who delivers rough justice and rights wrongs in the wrong way; he’s a selfish, impulsive, irrational, manipulative child who pouts (or worse) when things don’t go away. The one moment when he was cool was when he threatened Liv in her final scene. Otherwise, please someone explain to me why he’s any better than anyone who is supposed to be a bad guy? Even if Valentin actually killed Claudette, that makes him at worst Sonny’s equal in terms of treatment of their children!

  7. You forgot to mention the biggest alternative Fact on GH. Franco is a good man. The show was full of alternative facts before but he made it the normal. He made it okay for fans and writers to turn themselves inside out to support whatever agenda they want.

  8. I agree with you about Jax. The better story would have been that Jerry was the one who found a black market kidney and that it turned out that Nelle was not Frank Benson’s daughter but John Durant’s daughter. Then it would make sense for Nelle to want revenge for her father’s death and also for having been kidnapped by Jerry and having her kidney stolen. We all know that stealing/buying a kidney is more his MO. Let’s say that Jax found out about and said nothing because they all thought Josslyn had Jake’s kidney but finding out she didn’t let him on this search to find out where the kidney came from.

    As for Valentin, my feeling is that TBTB saw that James Patrick Stuart had chemistry with Finola Hughes and Michelle Stafford and rewrote the story line to bring him back on the show. He actually was a murderous Cassadine last summer before he hit PC, slept with Nina and then Sonny got the drop on him because Sonny ruins everything.

  9. Wait, Nelle is Carly’s ADOPTED father’s daughter and not Corbin Bernsen’s daughter? OK, that makes no sense at all. I’ve been missing weeks at a time and…now I’m glad because it’s all just dreck.

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