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Be still, my pining heart.

March 31, 2015

I’ve been totally bored with the show lately, so it just figures that something interesting would finally happen while I was away on vacation. But I’m back now, so consider this your belated, obligatory SQUEE post:

Jake Liz kiss4

Jake Liz kiss2


You guys. YOU GUYS. How are they so pretty together? Is there a limit to how many feels one couple can give you? Is it possible for the high pitched dolphin sounds coming out of my mouth during these scenes to get any higher? (Answers: 1. Dark magic? 2. Apparently not. 3. Unfortunately for my neighbors, probably yes.) Read more…

About a boy…who is in need of a punch.

March 15, 2015

Once up a time, there was a character named Spinelli. Or the Jackal. Or Assassin of the Internet. Or Doucheface, if you’re listening to the side commentary from my living room.

For yes, brave Spinelli was a bit of a doucheface. It wasn’t his fault exactly. The writers just delighted in keeping him an entitled, incomprehensible, nick-name giving, mob-worshiping, out of touch with reality ass-toad.

Spinelli annoying

But little by little, he started to become a real boy. The nicknames became manageable, the entitlement dropped, the smug lectures about morality while working for the mafia disappeared. By the time he left, the narrator didn’t actually hate his guts anymore. It was a General Hospital miracle! And then he came back. Read more…

Father of the Year, ladies and gentlemen!

March 9, 2015

Science has proven that soap law is always terrible and enraging. This is an undisputed fact. But even from the darkest bowels of hell, something beautiful can sometimes emerge. And in this case, that thing was the look on both Carly and Sonny’s faces when Alexis dared to bring up that fun time he shot her in the head while she was giving birth.

Carly's face


Other gems include: Judge Plot Point finally justifying his existence after a year of contrivance with his magnificent breakdown of all the many conflicts of interest present in this case, Tracy and Michael’s new found camaraderie over hating Sonny, and basically everything that came out of Sonny’s mouth while he was on the stand. Read more…

Some things never change.

February 19, 2015

And Carly’s capacity for self-delusion is definitely one of them. There were so many jaw-droppingly CRAZY words coming out of her mouth during her confrontation with Michael, that I don’t think I can capture them all without transcribing the entire scene.

But let’s just start with this, which is an actual expression that her face actually made in response to Michael accurately pointing out Sonny’s failure to ever keep anyone safe:

Carly's delusional face

That is no beginner’s outrage right there. That is a level of disingenuous disbelief that only a true master of willful hypocrisy could ever attain. “How dare you use true facts to win this fight!” that expression says. “HOW DARE YOU, SIR.” Read more…

Gimme Some VD: “Stay”

February 16, 2015

Previously on Vampire Diaries: Twin drama that no one really cared about! Also, I got so fed up with this hot mess that I couldn’t even blog about it anymore.

Buuuuuut… I promised I’d have a reaction if there were any hot make outs, and this sort of qualifies. So here we go: we open on a flashback to Sheriff Liz the day the elder Gilberts died. Present day Liz pulls out the case file for the accident and looks determined.

Elena and Damon school

Over at the high school, Elena and Damon are meeting with some cranky dude about letting Jeremy graduate early so he can start art school. You know, mid-semester, as you do. At first, I thought this was just typically shoddy Vampire Diaries logic, but having seen the ending, I now realize Elena is just really, really gullible. Read more…

Okay, maybe not everything is terrible.

February 15, 2015

Look, show. I am totally down with Sonny and Julian braiding sparkly friendship bracelets for each other in prison. I am even cool with them staying reluctant frenemies now that they’re on the outside again. But Julian joining the official church of Saint Sonny is taking things a step too far. Possibly ten steps.

Thankfully, Michael’s telling off skills remain top notch:

Michael and Julian

JULIAN: Maybe I’m the lucky one. Because my son appreciated everything I did for him. Guess you can’t extend Corinthos the same courtesy, huh?
MICHAEL: I’m not sure Lucas would feel the same way about if he knew you’d signed off on a hit against me. I’m not sure he’d be forgiving if his situation was remotely similar to mine. Tony Jones? Died nine years ago today in a hospital bed. Not from a bullet you fired at him when he was standing in front of you, defenseless. But we can agree on one thing. It’s none of your damn business. Read more…

Soap Report: “Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries”

February 11, 2015

Friends, I have met the love of my life, and her name is Phryne Fisher. I spent the Christmas break marathoning through all two seasons of her super duper charming murder mysteries, and I think I can safely say that we are girlfriends for life.

Miss Fisher

What’s it about? Miss Fisher’s Murder Mysteries is an Australian show based on a series of novels by Kerry Greenwood, in which a rich, eccentric lady solves murders in the 20s while looking fabulous and sleeping with any hot man that wanders into her vicinity. Read more…


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