Skip to content

A picture is worth a thousand dubious eye-rolls.

June 23, 2015

Hey, good news, guys!* The writers finally, finally decided to give us a reason for Nikolas’ decision to viciously betray every person he’s ever loved! And that reason is… money. He’s literally just doing it for the money. So stop your whining, whiners! Everything makes perfect sense now.

Nikolas confession

Yes, it turns out running a brainwashing/resurrection clinic is surprisingly expensive. It seems like they could just throw a patent on that machine that brings people back from the dead, but what do I know about business? Clearly nothing. And sure, Nikolas still has enough funds to buy millions of dollars worth of stock in cash, but he is totes destitute now, y’all. What else could he do — sell off a few castles? Take over some other company that wasn’t owned by his dead wife’s family and didn’t require him to let his own cousin think her husband was dead? That’s all clearly crazy talk. Read more…

You’re breaking my heart here, Quartermaine.

June 15, 2015

Okay, you know what? I am glad to see Laura, and even gladder to hear she might be sticking around for a while. But for the LOVE OF GOD, can Tracy please stop being the romantic whipping boy of Port Charles? Please?

Tracy and Dillon

TRACY: I believed him. From the bottom of my soul, I had faith that Luke and I would prove all of you wrong. That our love would outlast all the naysayers. But he didn’t love me. He never did. Nobody ever did.
DILLON: Are you kidding me? I love you. You are the strongest, smartest, bravest woman I have ever known. You are my mom and I love you. I always will.

That Jane Elliot is killing it with this material should go without saying. She is a master at playing both Tracy’s hard outer shell and the vulnerable loneliness it hides. But I am just so deeply bored by yet another story where Tracy’s feelings get thrown in the dumpster because Luke won’t include her on his adventure. Read more…

Point of order, please.

June 8, 2015

I realize far more important things than this happened last week, like Genie Francis (!) and new Dillon (!!) and Morgan finally admitting he’s been a giant turd bucket (!!!) to Michael.

But can I just take a minute to deal with the latter’s father, aka Lord King Turd Bucket, and the incredible amount of bullshit that came out of his mouth on Friday?

SONNY: You know what, I’m trying to be nice here out of respect for Bobbie, and your daughter.
SCOTTY: Don’t! Don’t you ever bring up my daughter Karen! She would be Chief of Staff now if she was alive.
SONNY: I cared for Karen very much.
SCOTTY: No, you didn’t. You hooked her on drugs. You got two daughters — how would you like it if some low like like you hooked your daughters and then turned them out?
SONNY: It was an accident, Scotty! A random act of fate! But you couldn’t accept that. You had to blame somebody, so you blame me! You know why? Because you couldn’t look in the mirror.

If I can inject some 90s realness here for a second: sure, let’s extend the benefit of the doubt that Sonny did not give Karen drugs with the express purpose of turning her into an addict. I mean, all he did was give a traumatized teenager tranquilizers because she was having trouble sleeping after stripping in his club every night and constantly seeing her childhood abuser around town. How could anyone have predicted that would end badly?! Read more…

Soap Report: “Queen In-Hyun’s Man”

June 7, 2015

I’m not the biggest fan of Joseon era stuff — the costumes just don’t do it for me, frankly — but I’d heard so many good things about this one, I gave it a try anyway and OH EM GEE, YOU GUYS. What a delightful way to spend 16 hours of your life.

Queen In-Hyun's Man2

(Only 16 episodes! What are you waiting for? You can knock that out in one day and still get a solid 8 hours of dreaming about dreamy time travelers in afterward!)

What’s it about? Kim Boong-do is a 17th century scholar and queen’s bodyguard who acquires a mystical talisman that transports him to the present day any time his life is in danger. As you do. Meanwhile, Choi Hee-jin is struggling actress who gets her big break playing that very same queen in a modern KDrama. They meet and fall in love but fate and court intrigue keep getting in their way. Read more…

Monday recap: the bored and the boring.

June 2, 2015

Delia makes a grand entrance at the PCPD, promising to clear up this Ava/Denise idiocy. If only that were actually true and this wasn’t clearly going to drag on for months of bad accents and tacky wigs!

Anna and Sloane

Anna can’t believe that Nikolas could be the one behind the election tampering. Sloane, sounding like he’s channeling the writers’ room, asks if it’s really so strange that he would be following in his family’s footsteps. Read more…

Sweet, sweet freedom!

May 29, 2015

Well, obviously not for Shawn, who’s now joining an exclusive club previously populated solely by Blackie Parrish and Matt Hunter, i.e. characters on this show who might actually stay in prison for longer than a few months.

goodbye Shawn

And considering Matt’s offense was basically self-defense against a serial killer and Shawn still hasn’t managed to kill anyone at all (but not for lack of trying! he’s like the little hit man that could!) while Franco, Sonny, and Julian are still wandering completely free, let’s just say the PCPD justice system is chugging along as competently as ever. Read more…

I’m not angry, I’m just disappointed.

May 25, 2015

Oh, for Pete’s sake, show. I go away for one measly week and you throw a party and trash all of Port Charles? What did I tell you about trying to plot character motivations while drunk? I said DON’T DO IT, show. But you did, and now Nikolas is taking out hits on his lovers and Anna’s brain has fallen out of her head and we’ve lost Carlos’ sexy silver fox forever. Are you happy now, show? Are you?

Duke's dead

So now I have to go all mom voice and tell you that I’m not angry that Duke is dead. But I am disappointed that a beloved character and one of the only men on this show to ever truly give up the mob for love was resurrected only to betray every aspect of the story and then get pointlessly killed off in a mob war.

I’m not angry that Nina and Ric got married. I am disappointed (and frankly baffled?) that anyone on the writing staff thinks shoving Ric into the Nina/Franco vortex of suckitude with zero explanation or build up was a good way to make us care about any of them. Read more…


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 116 other followers