Skip to content

Five Things About VD: “Age of Innocence”

October 28, 2015

1. This week’s flash forward features perhaps the most tragic death on this show yet: Stefan’s beautiful little red car! Which he torches for… no obvious reason. How would that help him escape whoever’s chasing him? WHAT ARE YOU DOING STEFAN? Put it into storage if you’re not going to use it anymore. Jeez.

Stefan overreacts

Also, we get a cameo from Tyler — hi, Tyler! — wearing a power suit and not wanting to deal with Caroline and Stefan’s drama. I feel that, girlfriend. Read more…

Five Things About VD: “Never Let Me Go”

October 20, 2015

1. So Tyler is apparently off with Jeremy now? I would kind of like it if everyone who leaves this show from now on gets a throwaway line about how they’re now off with Jeremy, until there’s basically an entire traveling circus of character cast-offs following him around off screen.

Matt dies so often you guys

True story: I tried to save this cap as “Matt is dead
again” but I already had one with that name

Sadly, while his BFFs are off having adventures together, Poor Matty Blue Eyes is still stuck being the butt monkey of Mystic Falls. I so want this season to be a good one for Cute!Matt, y’all. And by that, I mean that I would like him to give all of these assholes the finger on his way out of town to a better, drama-free life. Read more…

First of all, how dare you.

October 20, 2015

If you’re wondering about that sound you heard the other day, it was the last piece of my soul dying when Michael introduced himself as “Michael Corinthos.”

But no one can escape the mob these days! Not even Milo, who we’re casually told flunked out of that boring old civilian life. Well, I’m sure Epiphany won’t mind dating a low level flunky for the same organization that got her only son killed! Good luck to those crazy star-crossed kids.

Sonny hospital

Meanwhile, Maurice Bernard gave a fascinating interview, in which he opined on the subject of the oppressive manpain our poor heroic Don must endure every day of his terrible, horrible, not good life of… incredible wealth, loving family, and the slavish devotion of an entire town: Read more…

The Guza is strong in this one.

October 15, 2015

Ah, the third try at a fifth wedding. What could be more sacred? If you answered “everything?” you are correct. But it doesn’t matter, because Carly and Sonny are tying the knot — again, some more — and we’re recapping this train wreck.

Carly and Sonny in the chapel

Carly wheels Sonny into the hospital chapel — where, you may recall, she is fully expecting to be crashing some strangers’ wedding for no reason — and instead finds Morgan, Michael, and Dante wearing tuxes. Gasp! Sonny asks if she’ll marry him right now. Read more…

Everyone in this town should basically be committed.

October 12, 2015

So, I have actually stopped watching the majority of Elizabeth’s scenes because it’s just too painful. (True facts: Sometimes I feel like this whole story is some weird karmic punishment for all the years of complaining about her being backburnered. “You wanted a story?” the soap gods cackle, “OH, WE’LL GIVE YOU A STORY.”)

But every now and then I do tune in, and she is just flat out, balls to the wall insane now, right? Because I don’t know how else to explain dialog like this:

Crazy Liz

JASON: You can’t see why Sam would think her husband is alive after all you’ve been through?
ELIZABETH: What do you mean?
JASON: Honey, your son turned out to be alive long after you’d accepted his death.
ELIZABETH: Yeah, and that was a miracle. The chance that it could happen again is…

“…is extremely likely, since my ex-husband came back from the dead. Also my last two boyfriends before you. And also LITERALLY EVERY OTHER PERSON WHO HAS EVER DIED IN THIS TOWN.” That’s what she was going to say there, right? Because the idea that anyone in this town would be surprised to see anyone show up alive at this point should be taken as a clear sign that they are insane. Read more…

Five Things About VD: “Day One of Twenty-Two Thousand, Give or Take”

October 11, 2015

In an effort not get completely burned out on these recaps again, I’m going to switch over to this format and see how that goes. Because, guys? I think this season might actually be good for me. I know, I thought that last year and then it all went spectacularly downhill. But hope springs eternal, etc.

Stefan and Caroline cuteness1

Stefan and Caroline cuteness2

1. So, Caroline and Stefan are still awkward and adorable! They’re also trying to be friends again but also unable to get past Stefan’s big confession of love. There is some sexy splinter removal, though, and in the end Caroline give this speech: Read more…

This week on… oh, who cares?

October 4, 2015

Just for a change of pace, I wanted to talk about the one story line I don’t actively hate right now. Unfortunately, Brad and Lucas seem to live in some sort of time bubble that only allows them to appear for one day every other month, so we’re stuck with the rest of this mess instead.

Hayden and Nikolas2

Hayden and Nikolas3

Hayden and Nikolas are now going on a cutesy flirty dates at the Floating Rib! I have so many questions about this development. Like what hair color is Rebecca Budig using, because it really looks fantastic! Also, why doesn’t Hayden seem concerned in the slightest about her lack of memory? Oh, and we seriously supposed to be rooting for a romance between an amnesiac nymphomaniac and the man who had her shot in the head? Read more…


Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 117 other followers