Oof. They can never quite manage to stick the landing, can they? I mean, that was still more enjoyable than the show’s been lately, but that is a really low bar. And the last day of the ball was once again the worst by far.
At least Robin got to make a speech that managed to be both meaningful and informative, and also break my brain a little by pointing out it’s been 21 years since Stone died. Good lord, I’m old.
Performance-wise, I don’t care how over it Lulu and Valerie both are now — you can’t tell me it’s not super awkward to have Val doing backup while Lulu sings to Dante about wanting him back. But hey, those rehearsals must have been fun! Continue reading
It’s the second day of the Nurses’ Ball, y’all. But first things first: IT REALLY WAS A SEX TAPE! I totally called it! Sadly, a sex tape full of gross bondage games with Paul instead of the Morgan one I was hoping would burn Carly’s eyes out. But still. SEX TAPE!
Anyway, let’s see what other gifts Aveeno has brought us today…
Sounds about right.
So, let’s talk about the Notably Missing from this year’s festivities, starting with: the actual Chief of Staff. Like, seriously, show? You just went through all the trouble of making Monica somewhat relevant again for the first time in years, and you can’t even spring to have her show up in a cameo at her own hospital’s premiere event? Ditto for Tracy, although at least she has the excuse of recovering from brain worms and getting overly emotionally invested in Sabrina’s baby.
(On a related note, can I just say how #blessed I feel that the ball has been thus far 100% Sabrina free?) (And yes, I realize I just jinxed it. Damn it.) Continue reading
It’s Nurses’ Ball time! We open on Robin — real Robin, not a dumb hallucination this time. She’s on the phone with Patrick, who is away at a conference and therefore missing the Nurses’ Ball… which is apparently being broadcast not just on Port Charles local access this year, but NATIONWIDE on a major network? Hey, that’s more than you can say for the Daytime Emmys!
They tune into the red carpet where our regular host, Donnie Sheldon, has been joined by Nina and real life news personality, Abbie Boudreau. Donnie is excited to see “luminaries” like Bobbie and Lucas arrive. Does this mean that the national audience is supposed to know who Bobbie Spencer is? Amazing.
Bobbie tells the camera that this Nurses’ Ball has an extra special meaning for her, and Jackie Zeman gives the creepiest, way too sexual line reading for a woman currently arm in arm with her own son. But I do like her blue dress. Continue reading
A ratings death spiral, new writers but the same old writing, and the return of Saint Jasus. It has been a really, truly, deeply terrible year, y’all. Let’s relive it in all it’s awful glory.
General Hospital 2015
DANTE: I figured it out, Luke. You’re really Bill Eckert!
FLUKE: Oh, you totally got me!
AUDIENCE: Really? I mean, that kind of makes sense–
FLUKE: No, not really. I’ve been Luke the whole time.
RON CARLIVATI: What a twist!
JULIAN: Well, my mysterious boss is trying to kill me, again.
ALEXIS: So, are you finally going to work with the police to take him down?
JULIAN: No, I’m going to confess to a murder I didn’t commit so I can be thrown into prison with my sworn enemy. Much safer that way.
ALEXIS: I can’t believe I’m actually in love with this idiot.
JOHNNY: What’s up, suckers! Turns out I didn’t murder my father after all!
ANNA: What? But that’s the only crime this department has ever managed to solve!
JOHNNY: No, J/K, I totally killed that asshole. But I’m still going free!
ANNA: Sometimes I really hate this job. Continue reading
Rounding out a stunning streak of two entertaining episodes in a row, the Nurses’ Ball is here! Which means drama and dresses and Mutti singing her fabulous little heart out, even if the only one who truly appreciates her is fellow drama queen, Spencer.
The fashion portion of the evening was… a really mixed bag. Like, seldom have I seen so many attractive people dressed so universally not well? Especially when some of the actors looked so much better at the Emmys last week. Just let them wear their own dresses next time. Continue reading
Listen, if you’d told me three years ago that I’d be this invested in either Britt or Brad, I probably wouldn’t have believed you, but BRITT AND BRAD, YOU GUYS!
Of the many things this show has been missing lately — of the top of my head: romance, character motivation, a day without the mob — happiness is at the top of the list. But Britt + Brad = instant joy, and I missed them so much and I’m so happy! Can she stay forever? Pretty please? Continue reading
As usual, I planned to have this done by January 1st, and as usual, I completely failed that resolution. But better late than never, right? So, snuggle up on the couch with your favorite super villain, kids. It’s year in review time:
General Hospital 2014
NATHAN: Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy? But you’re really hot… so let’s be roommates maybe?
MAXIE: Listen, you’re sweet, but I’ve ruined a lot of lives lately, and now I really need to skip town to avoid dealing with the fall out.
NATHAN: Damn. I knew I should have taken my shirt off before asking.
SABRINA: I can’t believe you told Patrick you were my baby’s father!
CARLOS: If it bothers you that much, you could always just tell him the truth.
SABRINA: Well, that’s obviously impossible. It’s not sweeps yet.
ROBIN: After two years of captivity, all I want is for things to get back to normal.
PATRICK: Let’s get pregnant. Right now.
PATRICK: Are you ovulating? Is there any way you can start?
NATHAN: Hello, DOCTOR MURDERER. Have you murdered anyone today?
SILAS: Do I know you?
NATHAN: What? No! Can’t a complete stranger just take an obsessive interest in a twenty year old case for no reason? Continue reading
Oh, Britta. You beautiful human train wreck. Why do I still love you so much? It must be some sort of instinctive pity reaction to seeing someone so incapable of making a single good decision, because it’s not like I can really fault Nikolas from kicking her to the curb. But I also still just really want things to work out for her somehow.
Also, BRITT + BRAD = BEST BESTIES FOREVER:
BRAD: Why didn’t you call me?
BRITT: Because it was Thanksgiving and you were with your boyfriend. I didn’t want to bother you.
BRAD: Even if I was having the best Thanksgiving ever, you and I? We’re besties!
BRITT: We are?
BRAD: When the chips are down, we can’t count on each other, who can we count on?
I’m going to miss these two so much when Kelly Thiebaud moves onto greener pastures. Continue reading
If there’s one thing I’m already appreciating about Billy Miller’s Jason, it’s… okay, it’s everything. I appreciate everything about him. LET’S NOT BE COY.
But I especially appreciate the fact that he has more than one facial expression, and almost all of them are incredibly snarky. This is handy, because Elizabeth’s snark-ometer has been off the charts lately, too.
ADORABLE SNARKY BABIES
You all know that nothing makes me happier than soap characters casually explaining SOAPS! insanity to newcomers, so if Liz just keeps explaining the utterly bananas history of everyone they run into while Jason makes incredulous faces in the background, I’ll be pretty much in heaven. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. Continue reading
Every now and then I wonder how this hospital can possibly still be in business — even if their primary competition is THOSE BUTCHERS AT MERCY.*
I mean, the Chief of Staff is a known super criminal who’s been arrested for murder, kidnapping, and probably terrorism at least three times in the last year alone. They usually only have one competent doctor at a time in any specialty. And apparently, nurses can just decide to spend days camping out in the room of a single patient if they feel like it.
DEAR GOD, PLEASE LET HIM BE HOT
UNDER THOSE BANDAGES
But then I remember that they also have doctors capable of performing brain surgery through a person’s neck. And their success rate at healing mysterious contagions, amnesia, and tumors that make you see dead people is pretty impressive.
And now it seems they have a plastic surgeon who can completely rearrange your facial structure and have you out of your bandages two days later with what looks like a few scrapes and a bad sunburn? Continue reading