Was that… an episode I didn’t hate?

Listen, if you’d told me three years ago that I’d be this invested in either Britt or Brad, I probably wouldn’t have believed you, but BRITT AND BRAD, YOU GUYS!

Brad Britt reunion

Of the many things this show has been missing lately — of the top of my head: romance, character motivation, a day without the mob — happiness is at the top of the list. But Britt + Brad = instant joy, and I missed them so much and I’m so happy! Can she stay forever? Pretty please? Continue reading


Year of Suck Soap in Review: 2014

As usual, I planned to have this done by January 1st, and as usual, I completely failed that resolution. But better late than never, right? So, snuggle up on the couch with your favorite super villain, kids. It’s year in review time:

General Hospital 2014

NATHAN: Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy? But you’re really hot… so let’s be roommates maybe?
MAXIE: Listen, you’re sweet, but I’ve ruined a lot of lives lately, and now I really need to skip town to avoid dealing with the fall out.
NATHAN: Damn. I knew I should have taken my shirt off before asking.

SABRINA: I can’t believe you told Patrick you were my baby’s father!
CARLOS: If it bothers you that much, you could always just tell him the truth.
SABRINA: Well, that’s obviously impossible. It’s not sweeps yet.

ROBIN: After two years of captivity, all I want is for things to get back to normal.
PATRICK: Let’s get pregnant. Right now.
PATRICK: Are you ovulating? Is there any way you can start?

NATHAN: Hello, DOCTOR MURDERER. Have you murdered anyone today?
SILAS: Do I know you?
NATHAN: What? No! Can’t a complete stranger just take an obsessive interest in a twenty year old case for no reason? Continue reading

A good minion is a gift that keeps giving.

Oh, Britta. You beautiful human train wreck. Why do I still love you so much? It must be some sort of instinctive pity reaction to seeing someone so incapable of making a single good decision, because it’s not like I can really fault Nikolas from kicking her to the curb. But I also still just really want things to work out for her somehow.


Britt and Brad are besties

BRAD: Why didn’t you call me?
BRITT: Because it was Thanksgiving and you were with your boyfriend. I didn’t want to bother you.
BRAD: Even if I was having the best Thanksgiving ever, you and I? We’re besties!
BRITT: We are?
BRAD: When the chips are down, we can’t count on each other, who can we count on?

I’m going to miss these two so much when Kelly Thiebaud moves onto greener pastures. Continue reading

The more things change…

Every now and then I wonder how this hospital can possibly still be in business — even if their primary competition is THOSE BUTCHERS AT MERCY.*

I mean, the Chief of Staff is a known super criminal who’s been arrested for murder, kidnapping, and probably terrorism at least three times in the last year alone. They usually only have one competent doctor at a time in any specialty. And apparently, nurses can just decide to spend days camping out in the room of a single patient if they feel like it.

Liz sees Jason


But then I remember that they also have doctors capable of performing brain surgery through a person’s neck. And their success rate at healing mysterious contagions, amnesia, and tumors that make you see dead people is pretty impressive.

And now it seems they have a plastic surgeon who can completely rearrange your facial structure and have you out of your bandages two days later with what looks like a few scrapes and a bad sunburn? Continue reading

Did plot just actually happen?

I’m trying to ease myself back into posting more regularly, but it’s tough, y’all. So have a recap:

Emma and Spencer are continuing their breakfast chat. I guess Port Charles is a magical place where schools don’t start until noon, leaving all second graders with plenty of time for leisurely impromptu restaurant trips. He thinks he knows who’s trying to hurt her family.

Patrick shaved

Close by, Sam is interrogating a delightfully clean shaven Patrick about why he didn’t mention the business card they found in Rafe’s things. (He looks easily ten years younger without the beard, right? That’s not just me?)

Anna’s office: the lady in question helpfully recaps the situation for us while on the phone with a worried Mac. The Port Charles Press, by the way, is sporting this magnificent cover photo: Continue reading

Has hell finally frozen over?

Guys, I enjoyed Franco today. Without irony. He high-fived a potential gay threesome and I reflexively high-fived him back before realizing what I’d done. I feel so… dirty.

(I’m going to chalk it up to general shock over the last few days not boring me to tears. Adults having mature conversations! Something finally effing happening with Levi! AN ENTIRE EPISODE ABOUT THREESOMES.)

high five for threesomes

Regarding the latter, I’m not sure what I enjoyed more: Carly’s hilarious prudishness about the whole concept or the incredible amount of chutzpah needed for this entire conversation: Continue reading

All boring characters go to heaven.

Finally, an entire episode without Sonny, Carly, or Franco! I’m celebrating with a recap.

We open on Nikolas dropping Spencer off at camp. Spencer’s bummed about Alice, who was teaching him a sleeper hold, so Nik promises he’ll take him to see her if he’s good for the substitute counselor. Does this camp seriously only have one employee? Way to cheap out, Quartermaines. The rest of Lila’s understaffed kids are currently mobbing said new counselor, who is… Britt! Looking fabulous with a haircut and a purple t-shirt, I might add.

Britt the counselor

Morgan — filling this episode’s shirtless man quota — sits at the Brownstone, paging sadly through pictures of him and the Dominator arm wrestling. Okay, I’ll admit: that’s funny. Kiki comes down in her tiny sleep shorts and tries to comfort him.

Michael and Tracy fight over who should break the news to Alice that she’s not getting Rafe’s heart. Um, here’s a crazy thought: maybe her actual doctor should do it? Continue reading

Nurses’ Ball 2014: Wrap up

On the last few days of the Nurses’ Ball: Blackie Parrish was a total lie, Epiphany’s interest in Milo’s junk started to get creepy, I had a lot of feelings about the Westbourne siblings, and Doc broke all of our hearts.

Westbourne sibs1


The two big themes of the end of the ball seemed to be: 1) pushy dudes, and 2) friendship. Which is kind of a weird combo, when you think about it, but okay. Seriously, though — between Ric, Scotty, Brad, FauxLuke and freaking Spencer, is there a single guy of any age on this show capable of taking no for an answer?

(I keep hoping Nikolas will explain to his son that Emma is not a prize and he’s not entitled to her forgiveness or love just because he wants it. But then I remember Nikolas himself would have to be aware of these concepts in the first place, so… basically this will never happen.) Continue reading

Nurses’ Ball 2014: Day Two

On the second day of the Nurses’ Ball, there were boys in their skivvies and Eddie Maine and Elizabeth Webber wearing sexy glasses. So basically, everything was wonderful.

Magic Milo and the magic wands

Not that there weren’t a few off notes. Like… what was up with that way too long intro to Ned’s number with the wolf and the spoken word and the MAKE IT STOP, SO EMBARRASSING? Or that weird as hell moment when we were treated to FauxLuke’s inner lust monologue about Alexis, Jordan, and Kiki during his wedding to Tracy? Continue reading

Nurses’ Ball 2014: Day One

Folks, it’s Nurses’ Ball time again. And you know what that means: I straight up love this stuff, so for three days, I’m going to resist the urge to roll my eyes at the kiddie love triangle, mutter under my breath about the waste that was AJ being killed off, or curse Franco’s name.

I refuse to let little details like my active lack of interest in the show lately stop me from enjoying all the ball gowns and contact embarrassment with every bone in my body, damn it.

Nurses Ball 2014

liesl nurses ball

First things first: LIESL OBRECHT IS THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING. Obviously. You know why? Because she is a woman who enjoys life. Sure, she may be a mad scientist, and the criminal mastermind she loves may probably be dead, and both of her children and all of her employees may want nothing to do with her. But she has fun, damn it. My darling Liesl doesn’t let pesky things like reality get in her way. And I appreciate that.

(I also appreciate the things that outfit was doing for Kathleen Gati’s…. everything. But that is another matter entirely.) Continue reading