Wow, you guys. What an episode! I have not laughed like that in a long time. But which part was the funniest? So hard to choose from so much bonkers.
A) The super dramatic slow pan over a bunch of adults just staring while a child… standing a few feet away… very slowly… picked up a tin can? (Kind of like that Austin Powers steamroller scene? Only dumber. Much, much dumber.)
B) The reveal of Helena’s final diabolical plan? Which, as far as I can tell, boils down to the following: Continue reading
It’s the second day of the Nurses’ Ball, y’all. But first things first: IT REALLY WAS A SEX TAPE! I totally called it! Sadly, a sex tape full of gross bondage games with Paul instead of the Morgan one I was hoping would burn Carly’s eyes out. But still. SEX TAPE!
Anyway, let’s see what other gifts Aveeno has brought us today…
Sounds about right.
So, let’s talk about the Notably Missing from this year’s festivities, starting with: the actual Chief of Staff. Like, seriously, show? You just went through all the trouble of making Monica somewhat relevant again for the first time in years, and you can’t even spring to have her show up in a cameo at her own hospital’s premiere event? Ditto for Tracy, although at least she has the excuse of recovering from brain worms and getting overly emotionally invested in Sabrina’s baby.
(On a related note, can I just say how #blessed I feel that the ball has been thus far 100% Sabrina free?) (And yes, I realize I just jinxed it. Damn it.) Continue reading
It’s Nurses’ Ball time! We open on Robin — real Robin, not a dumb hallucination this time. She’s on the phone with Patrick, who is away at a conference and therefore missing the Nurses’ Ball… which is apparently being broadcast not just on Port Charles local access this year, but NATIONWIDE on a major network? Hey, that’s more than you can say for the Daytime Emmys!
They tune into the red carpet where our regular host, Donnie Sheldon, has been joined by Nina and real life news personality, Abbie Boudreau. Donnie is excited to see “luminaries” like Bobbie and Lucas arrive. Does this mean that the national audience is supposed to know who Bobbie Spencer is? Amazing.
Bobbie tells the camera that this Nurses’ Ball has an extra special meaning for her, and Jackie Zeman gives the creepiest, way too sexual line reading for a woman currently arm in arm with her own son. But I do like her blue dress. Continue reading
“Self,” I said to myself last night, “you haven’t posted an episode reaction in a while. Let’s do one tonight.” And then yesterday’s episode featured heavy amounts of Kiki existing, Morgan’s emotional problems, and gross Ava/Paul flirtation.
So, let’s talk about Robin and Patrick’s third (fourth? Does that vow renewal after she came back from the dead count?) wedding!
You know, as sad as I am to lose Jason Thompson — and as especially sad as I am to lose him to Y&R instead of a better opportunity somewhere in primetime — it’s just such a relief that Robin is finally done being kidnapped after almost three straight years of captivity. And even if the stylists have been doing their best to soften the blow by making Patrick’s hair as awful as humanly possible lately, and even though their reunion was totally rushed, I’m also glad to see Scrubs fans getting the happily ever after they’ve been waiting for. Continue reading
On the second day of the Nurses’ Ball: Brad and Lucas got engaged and smiled at each other with such happiness on their adorable faces and it was actually quite moving? I legit teared up for a moment. I CAN ADMIT IT.
(Seriously, though: WHERE THE HELL IS BOBBIE? They couldn’t spring for one reaction shot while her son was getting engaged?)
Anyway, then Magic Milo happened, and Michael awkward tossed a briefcase filled with money on the stage and TJ made me uncomfortable with pelvic thrusting and also, there were butts. So many butts: Continue reading
Is it the cheerful good humor with which you submit to playing dress up? The way your rouged cheeks crinkle when you pose for pictures? The seriousness of your tango even when dancing with a four year old?
DUKE: You know, she’s just like Robin when she was little. She’s so bright, she’s so open, and she’s so smart.
ANNA: Yeah, I think that a lot. There’s always a little bit of Robin’s soul alive, with Emma.
Maybe it’s just the way you always know exactly the right thing to say. (Yeah, that’s probably it.)
It’s a good thing Duke’s so awesome, too. Because otherwise I might be forced to write something more extensive here about the activities of Emma’s daddy while all this was going down. And really, I think my gag reflex already got enough of a work out watching those scenes the first time through. Continue reading
On the final day of the Nurses’ Ball, I spent most of it curled up in a little ball of contact embarrassment, because I have a really low second-hand humiliation threshold.
But Liz’s hair was still pretty, Lucy wore my second favorite of all her dresses, and Epiphany and Doctor Obrecht — whose first name is Lisa, I just learned while Googling, and that seems too weirdly common (and American) name for her, so let’s never use it again — pretty much saved the day.
But let’s start of with the CHEAT OF THE CENTURY that is not actually showing us Elizabeth and AJ’s big number. I mean, really, guys. We knew it was coming — it was one of the only numbers we knew about ahead of time! And this is how you’re gonna play it? Not cool, Carlivati.
(I am somewhat amused to imagine the reason might be that Sean Kanan and Rebecca Herbst are just both tone-deaf bad dancers… in which case: I would STILL have watched the hell out of them being awkward and terrible together, damn it!) (Especially if that meant there might have been less time for Molly’s musical stylings or Olivia’s unnecessary potshots at Frisco.) Continue reading
On this, the second day of the 2013 Nurses’ Ball, we saw: secrets and skivvies revealed! Tangos danced! JESSIE’S GIRL!
Oh, and Richard Simmons came out of the closet. So there’s that.
Plus: Mac and Felicia got engaged! After she asked him, which was a nice touch, given their history. And then they were both so adorably giddy about it and they smiled and kissed and danced like enormous, flailing dorks to Jessie’s Girl and it all made me so very happy. Continue reading
We already thought we’d seen Emma at her saddest, but that was before the poor girl had to spend any significant time with Britt:
I feel your pain, Emma!
I want to start sucking on a light socket every time Britt is on screen because I think that would be less painful than watching her cartoonishly play the evil step monster. I mean, seriously? Who talks to a kid like that? Continue reading
Guys, I have so many feelings about the possibility that Ellie may die, and Johnny finally, finally coming clean, and whatever unholy abomination is about to result from this Maxie/Spinelli mess. (Not to mention Laura Wright’s fabulous underwear choices, but those are feelings of an, um… different nature.) But even though the possibility of Maxie having Spinelli’s baby makes me want to go on a world-destroying rampage, I’m going to be good and refrain from unleashing a rant until I see how it all plays out.
(Seriously, though. I feel sick just thinking about it. There is not enough DO NOT WANT in the world, show–no, sorry. Being good. Waiting to see what happens.) (Damn it.)
In the meantime: it’s official! If we had to make and Best and Worst list for the first week of 2013, Emma would win Child Most Likely To Make Your Ovaries Explode. By a landslide.
So I really don’t feel like I can be held accountable for the embarrassing squeaks that popped out of my mouth during her entire NO REALLY, SCRUBS FANS, WE ARE NOT TRYING TO REPLACE ROBIN conversation with Sabrina the other day: Continue reading