Well, that was some bullshit.

So, last week! That was fun, huh?

I mean, sure, Felix referred to Robin as Patrick’s “babymama” and I might have almost reached through the television to strangle him. And yeah, maybe Sonny and Shawn spent just a little too much time casually discussing who to murder next.

Robin Patrick reunion2

But Jason Thompson’s never ending cry face! Sabrina fainting all over the place! Maxie getting slapped! It was pretty great.

Then there’s today. I just… what even was that episode? Continue reading

Wait, what? Oh, whatever…

Normally, I’m not too fond of convoluted retcons of retcons. But when the original was as bad as the Franco Quartermaine nonsense turned out to be… I guess I’ll allow it? Especially if it means the powers that be have FINALLY realized this entire recast story was a huge mistake.

And really, doesn’t the son of Heather Webber and Scott Baldwin turning out to be a serial killer leave slightly less of a bad taste in your mouth than foisting that crap off on Alan?

Franco retcon3

Franco retcon2

(For those keeping track at home, this makes the third grown child Scotty never knew he had and the second one who turned out to be a bit of a psychotic murderer. Jeez, Baldwin. Did they not have condoms in the 70s?) Continue reading

Ride ’em, Davis girls!

Maybe it says something about me that I was 100% more entertained by the last two days of Ava kicking dead bodies and playing mind games with off-his-meds Sonny than I was by all the previous endless weeks of gazing at Silas with tortured doe eyes.

Or maybe it just says something about Maura West’s strengths. (Hint: those strengths aren’t dropping cryptic hints about a tragic past that she refuses to explain.) In any case: give me evil Ava any day, because she’s kind of awesome. And give me Silas out from under her drama, because then he busts out looks like this and I forget for a second to be sad we’re never getting John McBain back:

Silas smile

Sam’s nonplussed but cautiously pleased reaction to the thought of a normal date? Kind of adorable. See also: her attempts to butt into her mother’s love life: Continue reading

1994 called. It wants its cast line up back.

Oh, my goodness gracious, that was a nostalgia-packed episode! Anna and Duke! Anna and Frisco! Frisco and Felicia! Kevin and Mac! Kevin and Lucy! NORMA AND EVE! Plus, Spencers and Baldwins and ELQ intrigue and flashbacks all over the place. I’m just… I’m in a happy place right now, guys.

By the way, this is how you can tell Ron Carlivati is as big a GH nerd as the rest of us:

RC tweetI KNOW, RON. HIGH FIVE, BOYFRIEND. But it is real and we did get all that goodness, including the conversation I think most of us have really been waiting for since Frisco first appeared:

Frisco and Felicia talk

FELICIA: I didn’t think you’d remember Georgie’s birthday.
FRISCO: Well, I guess I deserved that. I certainly wasn’t a great father. In fact, I wasn’t much of a father at all. But I do remember my daughters’ birthdays. I love my girls.
FELICIA: I know you do.
FRISCO: I never should have left.
FELICIA: Port Charles couldn’t hold you. You were meant to be out in the world taking risks and saving lives.
FRISCO: Felicia, I should have been here with my family. I’d have come back sooner but I was just afraid to face you and Maxie. And I was afraid to face the truth.
FELICIA: What truth?
FRISCO: [voice cracking] That if I’d have been here, like a good father, Georgie would still be alive.
FELICIA: [in tears] You can’t know that.
FRISCO: No, and I can’t make the time up I missed with her.

::slow clap:: Well, that was all pretty gutting! But in a good way. Catharsis! I think Kristina Wagner pretty accurately captured the nature of my feels in her facial expression there. And when she broke down at the end over the necklace? OH MY HEART. Continue reading

This had better not be a tease, writers.

I’ve pretty much made my peace with Sam these days, but there have definitely been years in the past when she wasn’t very high on my list of favorite fictional people (2005-2008ish, I’m looking at you here.) And in those dark, dark years, literally the only interest I had in her character was to see her: 1) bonding with Alexis, 2) learning about her Cassadine heritage, and 3) FINDING OUT WHO HER FREAKING FATHER IS.

Which is to say: this little conversation might have made me just a wee bit too excited yesterday:

Alexis and Anna

ANNA: Robert was really unconventional but he was a really good dad and Robin loved him. She thought he hung the moon.
ALEXIS: Well, you’re lucky. Sam never met her dad.
ANNA: Who is he?
ALEXIS: Sam’s dad… [looks very shifty]
ANNA: Oh no! I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to ask that. It’s none of my business. It really isn’t.
ALEXIS: No, no, It’s okay. It’s a logical question, um– [phone rings]
ME: Don’t you dare answer that! Don’t you dare–DAMN IT.

So, yeah. THAT HAPPENED. Continue reading

Reunited, and it feels so–wait WHAT?

IT’S FRISCO TIME, Y’ALL!

Actually, I have a confession to make: beloved as I know he is, the truth is, I’ve never really had much use for Frisco. Not his fault. I just missed his heyday, so other than YouTube clips, I know him mostly as a deadbeat who only occasionally shows up to (hotly) father more children to abandon.

Frisco returns

Which isn’t to say I’m not THRILLED to see Jack Wagner’s face on my screen, because hello, drama bomb! And also, it’s just fun seeing the parade of vets continue. (Speaking of which… HOLY CRAP, I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS.) (Just visiting a friend, my ass.)

But it does mean that I spent a lot of time giving Frisco the finger and Mac imaginary fist bumps during exchanges like this: Continue reading

Ain’t no party like a Ferncliff party, because a Ferncliff party is full of crazy people.

Sometimes, friends, a thing happens on your show. A thing you didn’t really ask for and don’t really understand. And yet you just have to go with it.

Lucy the Vampire Slayer

SO MUCH CONTACT EMBARRASSMENT, OMG

I didn’t really watch Port Charles for a variety of reasons both practical and petty. (They broke up Karen and Jagger, those bastards!) Everything I know about the goofiness of its later years comes from general soap osmosis. And although that’s still enough to follow along with what’s been happening over the last week, I have had some pretty huge honking reservations about delving into alternate PC history.

And yet… it’s given us moments like this: Continue reading

Year of Suck Soap in Review: 2012

2012 will go down as the year we got our show back, y’all. I’ll be honest, I’d just about given up hope. Especially after the train wreck straight into a turd pile that was 2011.

The last 12 months may not have been completely perfect in Port Charles, but they were still pretty effing amazing. Let’s relive the wonder and the WTF together, shall we?

General Hospital 2012

CARLY: A new year, new beginnings!
SONNY: Nope, everyone in town is still yelling at you about keeping your hopes that Jax is alive a secret from me, the man who recently tried to murder him.
CARLY: Damn it.

JASON: Sorry, Michael. Didn’t see you standing there in the road due to my Franco-rage blackout.
MICHAEL: Jason, you’ve raised and protected me all my life, and even sent yourself to prison for me. But you didn’t immediately tell me that my mom thinks Jax is alive. Which means you’re the worst person ever and I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!
JASON: Wow. We really did raise you into an insufferable brat, didn’t we?

PATRICK: I don’t want to be overly dramatic… but if Jason gets so much as a hangnail, his brain will explode.
JASON: No stress. Gotcha. I just need to kill the guy who raped my wife first.
FRANCO: But if you kill me, then you’ll never know the HORRIBLE TRUTH about– *gurgles*
JASON: I’m okay with that. Now, no more stress forever!
SAM: Guess what? I’m pregnant!

despair-divider

MONICA: Elizabeth, in my official capacity as your boss, I think it’s only fair I tell you your performance review this year will state that you’re a baby-killing, husband-stealing trollop.
ROBIN: Wow, it’s a shame to see Monica lose her grip like that. Ah, well. Say, Elizabeth, small favor to ask: after I leave my husband and daughter without a word to go die alone, would you mind terribly stepping in as their new wife and mother?
ELIZABETH: Yeah, this is too bonkers even for me. I think I’ll just go lay on a gurney and stare at the ceiling with my not-therapist/maybe boyfriend for a while.

LADY IN WHITE: I don’t know my real name! But you can call me Cassandra. Because my therapist thought naming me after one of the most tragic figures in literature might help me with my tendencies toward Gothic melodrama.
ETHAN: How’s that working out for you?
CASSANDRA: Prithee, my lord? I could not hear you over the sound of my white gown billowing mournfully as I looked out over the parapet onto the misty moor.
ETHAN: We’re… on an island.
CASSANDRA: Silence! I must away into the tunnels!
ETHAN: Oh, yeah. She’s into me. Continue reading

We’re gonna need earplugs on Monday, aren’t we?

Although my love for her is well documented, I can admit: hysterical Téa is not my favorite flavor of Téa. And there’s probably more to come when someone finally finds the guts to tell her the truth about little Victor. So that will be fun!

But I do so love to see her and Todd in desperate, huggy, comfort mode. Especially because the count down to her hating his guts again is rapidly approaching zero. Let’s just bask in the love while we can, shall we?

So sweet! Why can’t they stay like that forever, seriously? WHY DO YOU HURT ME LIKE THIS, RC?

Anyway, one thing I’d been afraid of was that because she wasn’t a regular on this show, Téa’s reaction to the baby swap coming out might be given short shrift. So it’s been nice to hear nearly everyone who’s learned the truth pause and take a moment to think about how horrible this revelation will be for her. Nice show of empathy, PC residents! Continue reading