You’re breaking my heart here, Quartermaine.

Okay, you know what? I am glad to see Laura, and even gladder to hear she might be sticking around for a while. But for the LOVE OF GOD, can Tracy please stop being the romantic whipping boy of Port Charles? Please?

Tracy and Dillon

TRACY: I believed him. From the bottom of my soul, I had faith that Luke and I would prove all of you wrong. That our love would outlast all the naysayers. But he didn’t love me. He never did. Nobody ever did.
DILLON: Are you kidding me? I love you. You are the strongest, smartest, bravest woman I have ever known. You are my mom and I love you. I always will.

That Jane Elliot is killing it with this material should go without saying. She is a master at playing both Tracy’s hard outer shell and the vulnerable loneliness it hides. But I am just so deeply bored by yet another story where Tracy’s feelings get thrown in the dumpster because Luke won’t include her on his adventure. Continue reading

Nurses’ Ball 2015: Day Three

Oh, boy. Guys, I think I went through the five stage of grief all while watching this episode. Admittedly, watching it took a while, because I kept having to pause when I got too angry. But now, having drank a bit and also watched a documentary on the Ebola outbreak for some perspective, I’m finally verging on acceptance.


So, fine. Elizabeth is kind of a supervillain now. You know what? It happens. Ask Tony Stark. And after moving through the denial and anger and the crushing disappointment that the couple I’ve loved for over 15 years just got tanked once again, I’ve decided I’m just going to be supportive.

If Liz wants to be a supervillain? Then by God, I want her to be the best supervillain she can be. Continue reading

Was that… an episode I didn’t hate?

Listen, if you’d told me three years ago that I’d be this invested in either Britt or Brad, I probably wouldn’t have believed you, but BRITT AND BRAD, YOU GUYS!

Brad Britt reunion

Of the many things this show has been missing lately — of the top of my head: romance, character motivation, a day without the mob — happiness is at the top of the list. But Britt + Brad = instant joy, and I missed them so much and I’m so happy! Can she stay forever? Pretty please? Continue reading

Be still, my pining heart.

I’ve been totally bored with the show lately, so it just figures that something interesting would finally happen while I was away on vacation. But I’m back now, so consider this your belated, obligatory SQUEE post:

Jake Liz kiss4

Jake Liz kiss2


You guys. YOU GUYS. How are they so pretty together? Is there a limit to how many feels one couple can give you? Is it possible for the high pitched dolphin sounds coming out of my mouth during these scenes to get any higher? (Answers: 1. Dark magic? 2. Apparently not. 3. Unfortunately for my neighbors, probably yes.) Continue reading

Okay, maybe not everything is terrible.

Look, show. I am totally down with Sonny and Julian braiding sparkly friendship bracelets for each other in prison. I am even cool with them staying reluctant frenemies now that they’re on the outside again. But Julian joining the official church of Saint Sonny is taking things a step too far. Possibly ten steps.

Thankfully, Michael’s telling off skills remain top notch:

Michael and Julian

JULIAN: Maybe I’m the lucky one. Because my son appreciated everything I did for him. Guess you can’t extend Corinthos the same courtesy, huh?
MICHAEL: I’m not sure Lucas would feel the same way if he knew you’d signed off on a hit against me. I’m not sure he’d be forgiving if his situation was remotely similar to mine. Tony Jones? Died nine years ago today in a hospital bed. Not from a bullet you fired at him when he was standing in front of you, defenseless. But we can agree on one thing. It’s none of your damn business. Continue reading

Schadenfreude makes the heart grow fonder.

You know, I want to say I’ve missed Johnny, but it’s hard to miss someone when you’re busy repressing large portions of the year or so before he left.

(Hey, remember that time Johnny and Carly had a relationship that we were all supposed to take seriously? Or that time he killed a 4 year old and let a mentally ill woman he also had sex with take the rap? Or that time he framed Tracy for his father’s murder? No, of course you don’t, because LALALALALA NONE OF THAT HAPPENED.)


ANYWAY. The point is, Johnny has a lot of crap to make up for before I’ll even come close to forgiving and forgetting the train wreck that was his most recent plots. But having his prison gang beat the stuffing out of Sonny? That makes up for a lot. Continue reading

Hates so good.

After Michael laid such a righteous smack down on his mother last week, I was pretty sure his confrontation with Sonny would not disappoint. Like, 95% sure. The other 5% is still bitter about Morgan’s reaction. (Although his attempt to justify himself to Kiki has convinced me that he may not be mentally sound enough to be responsible for his decisions?) (This kid did not come by his PC’s dumbest human title by accident.)

But let’s get back to Michael, because OH MY GOD, MICHAEL. I don’t know what my favorite part was — the absolute hate in his eyes? Asking Sonny if he was going to shoot him like he shot Dante? Pointing out the hypocrisy in Sonny’s code? This entire stretch of dialog?

Michael ANGRY

MICHAEL: I’m not your son! And you’re not my father. AJ was my father!
SONNY: Okay, you know what? You’re angry. You have every right to be. But I raised you, okay? I love you–
MICHAEL: All those years, you and mom kept me from him. You poisoned me against him.
SONNY: We were trying to protect you.
MICHAEL: That wasn’t for my sake! I was a pawn! You hated AJ and you used me — his own son — against him. You didn’t care what you did to me. You cost me my whole life with my real father!

Just picture wild seal clapping and you’ll get the gist of my reaction every time Michael calls AJ his real father. The fact that this is a genre where you can get a confrontation literally 17 years in the making is why I’ll always love daytime soaps, no matter how much they drive me crazy most of the time. Continue reading

You can’t spell UGH without GH.

Remember a few months ago when Sonny had just cheated on Dante’s mother with Morgan’s girlfriend over his guilt at killing Michael’s father, and it really seemed possible that all of Sonny’s sons would soon be united in hating him at the same time? That was a nice fantasy.

Morgan and Sonnyfight

MORGAN: This whole time, Ava knew that you shot AJ, and she was using that to protect herself for when you found out that she killed Connie.
SONNY: She played me, but I fell for it, Morgan. Do you understand?
MORGAN: You’ve been dealing with this all alone. And all I’ve done is make things harder for you.

No, you didn’t just have a stroke. Morgan really did just apologize for having the temerity to be angry when his father knocked his girlfriend up and then tried to kill her. THAT REALLY HAPPENED. At this rate, Michael will find out the truth and be planning father/son outings by the end of the week. Continue reading

Songs in the key of crazy ladies.

If there’s one thing I’m already appreciating about Billy Miller’s Jason, it’s… okay, it’s everything. I appreciate everything about him. LET’S NOT BE COY.

But I especially appreciate the fact that he has more than one facial expression, and almost all of them are incredibly snarky. This is handy, because Elizabeth’s snark-ometer has been off the charts lately, too.

Jason has facial expressions now

Liz snark


You all know that nothing makes me happier than soap characters casually explaining SOAPS! insanity to newcomers, so if Liz just keeps explaining the utterly bananas history of everyone they run into while Jason makes incredulous faces in the background, I’ll be pretty much in heaven. I LOVE THEM SO MUCH, YOU GUYS. Continue reading

The more things change…

Every now and then I wonder how this hospital can possibly still be in business — even if their primary competition is THOSE BUTCHERS AT MERCY.*

I mean, the Chief of Staff is a known super criminal who’s been arrested for murder, kidnapping, and probably terrorism at least three times in the last year alone. They usually only have one competent doctor at a time in any specialty. And apparently, nurses can just decide to spend days camping out in the room of a single patient if they feel like it.

Liz sees Jason


But then I remember that they also have doctors capable of performing brain surgery through a person’s neck. And their success rate at healing mysterious contagions, amnesia, and tumors that make you see dead people is pretty impressive.

And now it seems they have a plastic surgeon who can completely rearrange your facial structure and have you out of your bandages two days later with what looks like a few scrapes and a bad sunburn? Continue reading