It’s the second day of the Nurses’ Ball, y’all. But first things first: IT REALLY WAS A SEX TAPE! I totally called it! Sadly, a sex tape full of gross bondage games with Paul instead of the Morgan one I was hoping would burn Carly’s eyes out. But still. SEX TAPE!
Anyway, let’s see what other gifts Aveeno has brought us today…
Sounds about right.
So, let’s talk about the Notably Missing from this year’s festivities, starting with: the actual Chief of Staff. Like, seriously, show? You just went through all the trouble of making Monica somewhat relevant again for the first time in years, and you can’t even spring to have her show up in a cameo at her own hospital’s premiere event? Ditto for Tracy, although at least she has the excuse of recovering from brain worms and getting overly emotionally invested in Sabrina’s baby.
(On a related note, can I just say how #blessed I feel that the ball has been thus far 100% Sabrina free?) (And yes, I realize I just jinxed it. Damn it.) Continue reading
It’s Nurses’ Ball time! We open on Robin — real Robin, not a dumb hallucination this time. She’s on the phone with Patrick, who is away at a conference and therefore missing the Nurses’ Ball… which is apparently being broadcast not just on Port Charles local access this year, but NATIONWIDE on a major network? Hey, that’s more than you can say for the Daytime Emmys!
They tune into the red carpet where our regular host, Donnie Sheldon, has been joined by Nina and real life news personality, Abbie Boudreau. Donnie is excited to see “luminaries” like Bobbie and Lucas arrive. Does this mean that the national audience is supposed to know who Bobbie Spencer is? Amazing.
Bobbie tells the camera that this Nurses’ Ball has an extra special meaning for her, and Jackie Zeman gives the creepiest, way too sexual line reading for a woman currently arm in arm with her own son. But I do like her blue dress. Continue reading
Rounding out a stunning streak of two entertaining episodes in a row, the Nurses’ Ball is here! Which means drama and dresses and Mutti singing her fabulous little heart out, even if the only one who truly appreciates her is fellow drama queen, Spencer.
The fashion portion of the evening was… a really mixed bag. Like, seldom have I seen so many attractive people dressed so universally not well? Especially when some of the actors looked so much better at the Emmys last week. Just let them wear their own dresses next time. Continue reading
Because my part of the country is currently drowning in snow and there is more on the way, it seems like a good time to revisit the Port Charles blizzard of 1994.
So let’s travel back 21 years ago, to the first time Sonny participated in a prison break! To set the scene: Karen and Jagger are about to get married, but his little brother Stone is still working for Sonny. Which was bad, because 1993 Sonny had been really into rigging boxing matches and sleeping with drug addicted teenage strippers, and K & J hate his guts. 1994 Sonny, on the other hand, was more interested in sleeping with non-drug addicted teenage girls, aka Brenda. But they’ve mainly just flirted at this point.
Oh, and Sonny and Luke are breaking Frank Smith out of prison and everyone has a double cross planned. Mobsters can really not be trusted, guys.
We open on Jagger, unconscious and in a neck brace. Steve’s examining examining him while Audrey looks on, although his examination technique mostly involves calling Jagger’s name repeatedly and it kind of seems like anyone could have done that? Whatever, Hardy. Continue reading
On the last few days of the Nurses’ Ball: Blackie Parrish was a total lie, Epiphany’s interest in Milo’s junk started to get creepy, I had a lot of feelings about the Westbourne siblings, and Doc broke all of our hearts.
ADORABLE GOOBERS AND I LOVE THEM
The two big themes of the end of the ball seemed to be: 1) pushy dudes, and 2) friendship. Which is kind of a weird combo, when you think about it, but okay. Seriously, though — between Ric, Scotty, Brad, FauxLuke and freaking Spencer, is there a single guy of any age on this show capable of taking no for an answer?
(I keep hoping Nikolas will explain to his son that Emma is not a prize and he’s not entitled to her forgiveness or love just because he wants it. But then I remember Nikolas himself would have to be aware of these concepts in the first place, so… basically this will never happen.) Continue reading
Folks, it’s Nurses’ Ball time again. And you know what that means: I straight up love this stuff, so for three days, I’m going to resist the urge to roll my eyes at the kiddie love triangle, mutter under my breath about the waste that was AJ being killed off, or curse Franco’s name.
I refuse to let little details like my active lack of interest in the show lately stop me from enjoying all the ball gowns and contact embarrassment with every bone in my body, damn it.
First things first: LIESL OBRECHT IS THE QUEEN OF EVERYTHING. Obviously. You know why? Because she is a woman who enjoys life. Sure, she may be a mad scientist, and the criminal mastermind she loves may probably be dead, and both of her children and all of her employees may want nothing to do with her. But she has fun, damn it. My darling Liesl doesn’t let pesky things like reality get in her way. And I appreciate that.
(I also appreciate the things that outfit was doing for Kathleen Gati’s…. everything. But that is another matter entirely.) Continue reading
What can you say about a year where the highs got us a 50th anniversary Nurses’ Ball spectacular and the lows got us the return of Franco? Throw on your copy of All I Need, rip off your Duke mask, and get ready to weep for John McBain all over again — it’s time for our annual year in review:
General Hospital 2013
SPINELLI: Instead of just talking about our feelings like adults, let’s do it Affair to Remember style!
ELLIE: You mean that movie that ends with the woman getting paralyzed and not making the meeting through no fault of her own? And the man just assumes the worst and it nearly ruins both their lives?
SPINELLI: I see absolutely no way this plan could go wrong.
STARR: You killed my boyfriend and my daughter!
JOHNNY: I also gave you a record contract? So, you know… there’s that.
JOHNNY: Yeah, I know. I’m the worst.
TODD: I can’t believe you’re breaking up with me over a tiny little thing like lying about my granddaughter’s killer. I mean, you didn’t even blink an eye at the baby swap thing!
CARLY: Listen, I’m not a hypocrite. But don’t you realize how this works? Only I’m allowed to do the lying in my relationships. Continue reading
Can someone wake me up when this characterization starts to make sense again? Because I keep waiting, but it’s getting increasingly painful. I’ll let Emma ask the pertinent question:
EMMA: Why are you taking so long to bring me and mommy home?
PATRICK: Because me and mommy have been apart for a little while, so we just need to take a little time to get to know each other a little bit. Unfortunately, I can’t do that by spending any time with her. I mean, that would be crazy. Do you understand?
PATRICK: Good talk.
(It’s possible I may have been paraphrasing a bit for part of that, but I think I captured the essence.) Continue reading
Let’s be honest: Kristina Wagner has never been the strongest actress. She’s had a few really great moments, and skated by the rest of the time on a likable presence and good chemistry. Which is all you really need sometimes on a soap, so I’m not knocking it. Better actors by far have floundered without that magic soap touch.
Since she’s been back, it’s taken her a little while to get into the groove again — with one notable exception. But damn if she didn’t kind of rip my heart out here:
MAXIE: We’re in a good place now.
FELICIA: We’re in a great place. Because of you. You let me back into your life and you didn’t have to, Maxie.
MAXIE: You’re my mom.
FELICIA: I haven’t always acted like one. Thank you for giving me a chance. I promise I won’t waste it. My little girl. All grown up. So compassionate, so strong. You’re going to be an exceptional mother someday, do you know that?
MAXIE: I love you, mom.
(Thanks, ladies. I didn’t really want to get through the rest of my day without crying anyway.) Continue reading
It is a scientifically proven fact that even when this show — how do I say this delicately? — sucked gigantic donkey balls, wedding-related parties at Jake’s The Floating Rib are always awesome. Always.
Obviously, this was no exception. Poison! Karaoke! Baby momma drama! Drag! Everything I love in life, basically!
First of all, can we please talk about my new girlfriend, Liesl Obrecht? Because she is both the MVP of the last few episodes and OF MY HEART. Who else could rock that wig with such panache? Who else could pull off a monologue referring to her romantic rival as “the sow and her piglet”? Or dialog like this? Continue reading