Is this show more depressing than reality? You decide!

Well, this has been a terrible week for me for multiple reasons. I’m capping it off with a General Hospital marathon because I hate myself, obviously. But, bright spot — Morgan’s still dead! Also: JAX!! So let’s recap.

At Wyndemere, Hayden is in bad shape because of her inexplicable refusal to let Finn treat her for the SUPER DANGEROUS pathogen he casually left all over the floor. Laura calls GH for an emergency helicopter, which kind of explains why the hospital is going broke. Hayden stops breathing, but it’s cool because Finn gives her a shot of adrenaline, Pulp Fiction style.


it looks like he’s choking her, but I promise he’s not

Meanwhile, over at the hospital, Liz is telling Franco that that her rapist has been granted parole and will soon be back in Port Charles. Franco’s lustrous mane of hair has gotten completely out of control. I’m deeply disturbed. Continue reading


Sweet, sweet freedom!

Well, obviously not for Shawn, who’s now joining an exclusive club previously populated solely by Blackie Parrish and Matt Hunter, i.e. characters on this show who might actually stay in prison for longer than a few months.

goodbye Shawn

And considering Matt’s offense was basically self-defense against a serial killer and Shawn still hasn’t managed to kill anyone at all (but not for lack of trying! he’s like the little hit man that could!) while Franco, Sonny, and Julian are still wandering completely free, let’s just say the PCPD justice system is chugging along as competently as ever. Continue reading

All boring characters go to heaven.

Finally, an entire episode without Sonny, Carly, or Franco! I’m celebrating with a recap.

We open on Nikolas dropping Spencer off at camp. Spencer’s bummed about Alice, who was teaching him a sleeper hold, so Nik promises he’ll take him to see her if he’s good for the substitute counselor. Does this camp seriously only have one employee? Way to cheap out, Quartermaines. The rest of Lila’s understaffed kids are currently mobbing said new counselor, who is… Britt! Looking fabulous with a haircut and a purple t-shirt, I might add.

Britt the counselor

Morgan — filling this episode’s shirtless man quota — sits at the Brownstone, paging sadly through pictures of him and the Dominator arm wrestling. Okay, I’ll admit: that’s funny. Kiki comes down in her tiny sleep shorts and tries to comfort him.

Michael and Tracy fight over who should break the news to Alice that she’s not getting Rafe’s heart. Um, here’s a crazy thought: maybe her actual doctor should do it? Continue reading

Studies in boredom.

Maybe I’m a soulless monster, but I just can’t bring myself to be sorry that Patrick and Sabrina’s baby is dead. I know there have been way too many dead children on this show in recent years. But I also know how annoying Patrick and Sabrina are together. (Hint: really, really annoying.) So if this means they’re not tied together forever, I’m all for it.

None of that makes watching scenes of Sabrina babbling in her wedding dress or teary-eyed Jason Thompson for the umpteenth time in the last two years actually entertaining, though. Pretty much the only part I’ve enjoyed was this:

Elizabeth comforts Patrick

ELIZABETH: When I had to tell Cameron that his little brother was gone, I completely fell apart. Fortunately, I had Lucky there with me.
PATRICK: Well, I don’t have Robin.
ELIZABETH: I know you don’t. But you have me. I can help you through this.
PATRICK: I can’t ask you to do that–
ELIZABETH: I want to.

(It says something about how much I hate the idea of Elizabeth with either of her current romantic options that I would seriously consider putting her with Patrick to be a lesser evil at this point. It’s probably not going to happen, but I still love seeing their friendship remembered.) Continue reading

I feel so conflicted right now.

This show is giving me whiplash lately. The stuff that’s bad?  So, so very bad. Wretched. Awful. Nigh unwatchable. I mean, Monica letting Franco stay in the Quartermaine mansion out of “respect” for Alan? Every single second Sonny and Shawn are on screen together? Morgan? Just terrible.

But the stuff that’s good? The question of Sam’s dad finally about to be answered? Laura and Lucy in business together? Liz and AJ? Really quite entertaining. And then, of course, there was this:

Georgie returns

GEORGIE: Oh, Maxie I’m not telling you what to do. Only you can figure that out.
MAXIE: No! You’re so much better at figuring things out than I am!
GEORGIE: I’m sorry that I can’t be there to hold you when you do decide.
MAXIE: I miss you, Georgie.
GEORGIE: I know. I miss you too.
MAXIE: It’s not fair. Why can’t you be here? I need you.
GEORGIE: You have me, Maxie. I’m always with you — maybe not right next to you, but… I’m always in your heart.

In the show in my head, Frisco is still off secretly following leads that will prove Georgie’s death was faked. You know, for reasons. (Hell, maybe Jerry Jacks has her! That’s kind of his thing these days, anyway.) Continue reading

This is the song that never ends…

Guys, I think it’s time to face a painful reality. We’re just… we’re never getting rid of this D.I.D story, are we?

It’s been over a year now, and I think I’m finally starting to come to terms. I was in some strong denial there for a while, but hearing Kate realize she’d been gone for five months kind of kicked my denial in the face. (Five months! That’s how long this stage of the story has been going on! And that wasn’t even the beginning! Not by a long shot!)

Now I’m stuck on bargaining. Because I thought the writers and I at least had an agreement wherein I would ignore all the plots that drive me to drink and they wouldn’t force me to sit through episodes that contained all three at once. Judging by this week thus far, though? Not so much.

Connie's back


On any given day, I can roll my eyes through Todd and Carly gassing on about how neither of them has ever loved before, even though both of them spent the better part of the last year obsessed with completely different people. I can sit through Sabrina’s juvenile antics, because hey, at least it gets Jason Thompson’s pretty face on my tv screen. I can even grit my teeth through Konnie and Kate fighting over how Sonny cheated on both of them by sleeping with THE SAME DAMN WOMAN, even though the logical inconsistencies in this story are now large enough to be seen from space.

But I can’t deal with all three at once. JE REFUSE, MONSIEUR CARLIVATI!  Continue reading

Davis girls sure do love their felons!

Folks, here’s another one to be filed under Sentences I Never I’d Type About General Hospital: there is just so much going on with the love lives of the over 50 crowd that I haven’t had time to say anything about Port Charles’ new teen scene.

And by “teen scene,” I mean the one triangle we’ve got brewing between Molly “I talk only in literary references” Lansing, TJ “Please forget that whole illiteracy plot line” Ashford, and Rafe “My real dad’s a vampire” Kovich.

(I know. I KNOW. But really, it’s not as terrible as it sounds.)

Molly and TJ fight

Raise your hand if you were also distracted by
his old man cardigan in this scene.

First things first: I’m a little uncomfortable watching a 14 year old actress share romantic scenes with 18 and 20 year old actors, which probably can’t be helped, but it still unfortunate. Continue reading

Hit men: Now doing the job of doctors too.

So the PC crisis continues, but now with sunlight!

And we’ve had some great moments so far, but my favorite has to be Shawn desperately trying to save Alexis.

SHAWN: I got news for you, Jerry. Alexis doesn’t want to have anything to do with you.
JERRY: Oh, don’t worry, she’ll change her mind. Why do you think I went through all the trouble to save her life? Alexis is coming with me.
SHAWN: You know I can’t let that happen.

Awesome! I love how this story has gone — so what if despite being a feminist I also enjoy a good rescue fantasy? Sue me!

You know what else I love? Molly and TJ. I continue to want to draw pink and purple hearts around them: Continue reading

Just sayin’…

You know what’s tiresome? Yet another child in peril.

Thankfully, as my co-blogger suspected, Josslyn wasn’t really in danger. Psyche! And also, we got to see the new actress make this face for a few episodes:

So cute! It’s like she’s thinking: “I really am sick. I really am sick. I really am sick…” Hee.

Know what else is tiresome? Having to listen to Johnny lament killing Starr’s kid and boyfriend for the millionth time while he continues to hide the truth from everyone he says he cares about. Also, dudes going to the chapel to talk to God whenever it seems like karma might bite them in the ass. (I’m looking at you, Sonny.) Continue reading

Mob princess is dead! Long live, well…

I see what you’re up to, show! Trying to make me feel sorry for poor, old, out-of-the-loop Trey, who thinks his mother abandoned him for no reason and has no idea his beloved father is a murdering rapist mobster wannabe. After all:

JOE JR: You know, a son wants his father’s love so badly, he’ll turn a blind eye to his failings, even his crimes.

Except it’s kind of hard to feel bad for him when said father is currently guilt tripping him from a prison cell into a fake marriage to steal the mob fortune of his enemy and he STILL hasn’t caught on that maybe he’s not the nicest guy ever.


Well, it won’t work, show! I will stand firm in my hatred of Douchy McDoucherton! Even if it puts me in the uncomfortable positions of agreeing with Sonny! You just see if I don’t! Continue reading