Return of the camp!

Heyyyyyyy, guys. I haven’t watched this show in months because the real world has been depressing enough, frankly. But it’s sweeps now and things seem mildly interesting again?

Diane needs a stiff drink from the MetroCourt bar, because she’s about to go into court against a really tough opponent: Llanview, PA’s woman of the year, Nora Buchanan! Who, of course, is sitting right next to her.

hiiiiiiiiii, red!

Nina is frazzled and alone in the offices of a major fashion magazine, because only three people have ever worked there and she just fired one of them. Valentin swans in and hangs up her phone in the most menacing way possible. Like, the person on the other end definitely thinks the editor of Crimson is being kidnapped or murdered right now. He demands to know where she was last night. Nina’s surprised he even noticed, since he’s been so distracted by Anna lately. Continue reading


Your heart is true. You’re a pal and a confidant.

I’ve said it before, but one of the nicest things about Ron Carlivati’s tenure is the certainty that even if something really isn’t working for me, it’s only a matter of time before a better thing will appear. We may never know what the plan was before all the backstage drama with Prospect Park, but I think it’s safe to say the rushed rewrites has resulted in a mixed bag. At best. It’s just… it’s been a rough month or so.

But we may be seeing the start of a course correction? Vets are popping up all other the place again, there’s a couple mass umbrella stories a-brewin’, and SAM’S FREAKING DAD. Plus yesterday we got an episode showcasing one of my very favorite things in the soap world:

Scotty, Lucy and Tracy

LUCY: Okay, you wanna know a secret?
SCOTT: [suspicious] No.
LUCY: Well, I’m gonna tell you anyway! I wouldn’t mind if Kevin was sitting here, having a piece of pie with me. But the truth is, I would not change one single moment of this evening.
LUCY: No, because I loved the way you handled Tracy! Do you know you did more for me and for Deception than Kevin’s done yet at all.
SCOTT: Well, I’m glad I could be at your service.
LUCY: Thank you, Captain. Scott Baldwin, you are a very, very good friend. And! A negotiator extraordinaire.

FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, GUYS. Like, seriously. It must be literal magic. Because the amount of annoyance I feel for Scotty when he’s involved in pretty much any other story than being Lucy’s BFF is astronomical. But two seconds of he and Lucy working together to fleece Tracy? I’m all aboard the Scott Baldwin love train. (Also, please let that reference to their children mean we’re actually going to see Serena and/or Christina soon? PLEASE?) Continue reading

I feel so conflicted right now.

This show is giving me whiplash lately. The stuff that’s bad?  So, so very bad. Wretched. Awful. Nigh unwatchable. I mean, Monica letting Franco stay in the Quartermaine mansion out of “respect” for Alan? Every single second Sonny and Shawn are on screen together? Morgan? Just terrible.

But the stuff that’s good? The question of Sam’s dad finally about to be answered? Laura and Lucy in business together? Liz and AJ? Really quite entertaining. And then, of course, there was this:

Georgie returns

GEORGIE: Oh, Maxie I’m not telling you what to do. Only you can figure that out.
MAXIE: No! You’re so much better at figuring things out than I am!
GEORGIE: I’m sorry that I can’t be there to hold you when you do decide.
MAXIE: I miss you, Georgie.
GEORGIE: I know. I miss you too.
MAXIE: It’s not fair. Why can’t you be here? I need you.
GEORGIE: You have me, Maxie. I’m always with you — maybe not right next to you, but… I’m always in your heart.

In the show in my head, Frisco is still off secretly following leads that will prove Georgie’s death was faked. You know, for reasons. (Hell, maybe Jerry Jacks has her! That’s kind of his thing these days, anyway.) Continue reading

This just in: Morgan may be PC’s dumbest human.

I realize there’s been some pretty stiff competition in that category this week. I mean, he didn’t fall for the world’s most transparent lie and then shoot the wrong person in the chest, a la Shawn “Why is my boss standing in front of the target if he ordered this hit? Oh well, better shoot anyway” Butler.

But in the space of one episode, Morgan took part in the following conversations:

Morgan is stupid

KIKI: Guess what? Last night, I met my super rich relatives. They’re fighting each other for control of the family company, and my shares could be the deciding vote!
MICHEAL: Guess what? The cousin I just found out about showed up on the Quartermaine doorstep last night. Which is lucky, because her shares could by the deciding vote for control of the family company.
MORGAN: I in no way see a connection between these two events.

And then Alice came bring him to the Qs and he not only went with her without once bothering to even ask for the name of this mysterious rich and powerful family in his hometown, but also somehow didn’t even notice where they were going until he was literally inside the mansion. Continue reading

This just in: Liz and AJ? STILL THE CUTEST.

His precious little face when she told him she was on his side! I died, seriously. The guy had some full on gobsmacked, twitterpated heart eyes going on, is all I can say:

Liz and AJ heart eyes

AJ heart eyes

AJ: What if it’s all for nothing? What if I fail again? I mean, at least if Spinelli had found Lauren and I had her shares, you know, I’d know she’s on my side. As it stands, I’ve got no one!
ELIZABETH: I’m on your side. I mean, after this is all over, at the end of the day, I’m still going to be here.
AJ: [pleased] Guess I must have done something right.

Meanwhile, Nikolas decided to prove what a good guy he was by not only backing out of his business deal with Tracy, but having his goons physically imprison her, which… not sure that’s really what Elizabeth had in mind, but okay. Continue reading

Where’s Felix when you need him?

Oh, Liz. Oh, girl. LOOK AT YOUR LIFE. LOOK AT YOUR CHOICES. (Except for maybe your choice to wear that sweater, because damn, it looked good.)

Seriously, though, that was a short lived period of me not hating Nik’s guts and enjoying the Liz/Nik revisit, huh? This Nik — the entitled, condescending, pushy Nik? — is pretty much my least favorite parts of the character condensed into one super potent package of assiness.

Nik and Liz redux

ELIZABETH: My reaction had more to do with me than AJ. I feel bad about our affair. Nikolas, I still feel incredibly guilty.
NIKOLAS: Whatever feelings you have about our past, it doesn’t excuse AJ. He’s acting like a jealous idiot who’s trying to claim you like you’re his property!

Um, Nikolas? I’ve got this pot on the phone? He says he’d like to call your kettle black. Continue reading

Welcome home, friends.

Y’all, it is a good week to be a soap fan. After almost a decade of dire predictions of the death of our entire genre — helped along by a rapid decline in writing and the disappearance of six (six!) shows since 2003 — being a Daytime fan felt a bit like going to a wake every day. And not the fun kind with good music and lots of alcohol.

As primarily ABCD viewers, the two of us mourned the cancellations of Guiding Light and As the World Turns (the distant cousins you see once a year at family reunions) and Passions (everyone’s favorite crazy druncle) at a bit of a remove. And though we lost Port Charles, we still had, you know… actual Port Charles.

Losing All My Children and One Life to Live was different. They were our sisters, you know? Maybe we didn’t see either of them regularly or have a lot in common, but we found comfort in knowing they were always there, just a phone call (or a stop in line at the grocery store) away. And losing them hurt. A lot.

Vicki and Clint

Brooke and Adam


It’s a brave new world, people! Not only is our show good again, but the rest of band’s getting back together! And sure, format’s changed a little, but if that’s the price we have to pay for the dead to rise and live again? I’ll take it. Continue reading

This is the song that never ends…

Guys, I think it’s time to face a painful reality. We’re just… we’re never getting rid of this D.I.D story, are we?

It’s been over a year now, and I think I’m finally starting to come to terms. I was in some strong denial there for a while, but hearing Kate realize she’d been gone for five months kind of kicked my denial in the face. (Five months! That’s how long this stage of the story has been going on! And that wasn’t even the beginning! Not by a long shot!)

Now I’m stuck on bargaining. Because I thought the writers and I at least had an agreement wherein I would ignore all the plots that drive me to drink and they wouldn’t force me to sit through episodes that contained all three at once. Judging by this week thus far, though? Not so much.

Connie's back


On any given day, I can roll my eyes through Todd and Carly gassing on about how neither of them has ever loved before, even though both of them spent the better part of the last year obsessed with completely different people. I can sit through Sabrina’s juvenile antics, because hey, at least it gets Jason Thompson’s pretty face on my tv screen. I can even grit my teeth through Konnie and Kate fighting over how Sonny cheated on both of them by sleeping with THE SAME DAMN WOMAN, even though the logical inconsistencies in this story are now large enough to be seen from space.

But I can’t deal with all three at once. JE REFUSE, MONSIEUR CARLIVATI!  Continue reading


How shall I put this? Florencia Lozano and Roger Howarth basically taught a master class in BREAKING ME today:

TÉA: Here’s another possible scenario. I know how guilty you feel for killing my husband–
TODD: I don’t feel guilty for killing Victor. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sorry I inconvenienced you…
TÉA: And I think if my baby died in front of you, and you were given the opportunity to give me a real live baby, I think you’d take it. To avoid hurting me more.
TODD: [voice breaking] Wow. You really think I would do that for you?
TÉA: [voice breaking even more] Yeah, I do. Let me tell you something, Todd. To allow me to love that child all those months, to give me a baby only so he could be taken away from me? You hurt me a thousand times more than you have ever hurt me before. And if that is what happened, may God have mercy on your soul.

Daaaaaaaamn. Since the list of times Todd has hurt her is both long and fairly terrible, you know (and he knows) that that is really saying something.

See, this is why I don’t need hysterical Téa. Because quiet Téa is the more deadly animal by far. She knows Todd so well — knows what he’s capable of, how his mind works, and exactly how to hurt him most. I love the way these two actors play all those years of  history so effortlessly in every look and touch. Continue reading

I salute you, Kelly Sullivan!

You guys, I’m a simple lady. I have simple tastes. Fancy-pants plotting? Clever dialog? Plausible characterization? Sure, fine, whatever. But, camp… oh, sweet, ridiculous camp. It makes my soapy little heart pitter-patter all crazy like.

So, okay. Maybe the Saga of Konnie has been lacking in certain areas so far. You know: subtlety, logic, a working copy of the DSM-IV… and sure, maybe it’s completely rewritten Kate’s already overly complicated backstory and transformed Johnny into THE GROSSEST.

But what’s all that compared to  the incredible gift it gave us today?

Hi, Mirror Connie! And oh, look! It’s Mirror Kate: Continue reading