Nurses’ Ball 2017: Day Three

The TiVo summary for this episode is: “Andre makes a major discovery; Carly zeroes in on her enemy; Curtis oversteps.” Wow. Seems like they nailed all the really important notes.

Anyway, full recap tonight! Jason’s confronting Griffin about the chimera necklace. Griffin tells him it used to belong to Anna’s sister. Jason thinks this can’t be a coincidence!

Dillon thanks nurse Deanna for filling in for Kiki, since she has to work tonight. I feel like performing at a charity ball sponsored by your employed should automatically mean not getting scheduled to work that night, but I guess this is why I don’t make nursing schedules. Continue reading


Nurses’ Ball 2016: Day One

It’s Nurses’ Ball time! We open on Robin — real Robin, not a dumb hallucination this time. She’s on the phone with Patrick, who is away at a conference and therefore missing the Nurses’ Ball… which is apparently being broadcast not just on Port Charles local access this year, but NATIONWIDE on a major network? Hey, that’s more than you can say for the Daytime Emmys!

Bobbie on the red carpet

They tune into the red carpet where our regular host, Donnie Sheldon, has been joined by Nina and real life news personality, Abbie Boudreau. Donnie is excited to see “luminaries” like Bobbie and Lucas arrive. Does this mean that the national audience is supposed to know who Bobbie Spencer is? Amazing.

Bobbie tells the camera that this Nurses’ Ball has an extra special meaning for her, and Jackie Zeman gives the creepiest, way too sexual line reading for a woman currently arm in arm with her own son. But I do like her blue dress. Continue reading

Adventures in boredom and hypocrisy.

Back from vacation and I managed to soldier through an entire week of this show in two days. All for you, people! All for you! Anyway, stuff kind of happened in the last episode, so here’s a recap.

We open on Tracy demanding to see Dr. “I ❤ Lizards” Finn, while Obrecht lectures everyone about hospital procedures, making this the third episode in a week in which bureaucratic red tape has been played for high drama.

Finn meditates

The face I also often make while watching this show

Dylan calls Dr. Finn, who doesn’t answer because he’s busy meditating and talking to himself. For a guy who was willing to drop his whole life and move to a new city indefinitely on zero notice at the request of a colleague he barely knows, he seem awfully put out by the idea of actually having to do any work. Continue reading

The Second Coming of Jason Morgan is here!

Stuff is actually happening on this show! Are you excited? I’m kind of excited. We open on Ava beautifully taunting Sonny about his paralysis. I hate soap court like Sonny hates birth control, but Maura West not cowering or wearing a hideous wig? Doesn’t suck.

Sonny threatens Ava

She pushes his buttons so well that he slurs a bunch of promises to pump her full of bullets. Just to be sure, she clarifies that he’d be willing to kill the mother of his child. Sonny obligingly confirms, for the record. Father of the year and master strategist, everyone!

Over at Wyndemere, Hayden tells Nikolas that he and Liz have known all about Jake’s true identity for months. She wants him to come clean about everything now.

Sam and Patrick are alone at the church. She asks if he thinks the DNA test is real. He thinks it probably is.  She looks like she’s in shock, but it’s finally sinking in. Continue reading

I’m not drunk enough for this recap.

Alexis is watching the coverage of Franco’s trial with a bottle of wine (hey, me too!) when Sam shows up. She thinks drinking a bottle wine alone is verging on “hot mess territory.” Um, some of us just call that “Monday,” Sam. Don’t judge.

Elizabeth bitch please

At the hospital, Patrick catches Liz — who should only wear that shade of red, by the way — admiring her engagement ring of lies and betrayal. He offers his congratulations. When she says they haven’t had time to do any wedding planning yet, he suggests Maxie could help out, prompting a patented Elizabeth Webber “bitch please” look. Continue reading

Point of order, please.

I realize far more important things than this happened last week, like Genie Francis (!) and new Dillon (!!) and Morgan finally admitting he’s been a giant turd bucket (!!!) to Michael.

But can I just take a minute to deal with the latter’s father, aka Lord King Turd Bucket, and the incredible amount of bullshit that came out of his mouth on Friday?

SONNY: You know what, I’m trying to be nice here out of respect for Bobbie, and your daughter.
SCOTTY: Don’t! Don’t you ever bring up my daughter Karen! She would be Chief of Staff now if she was alive.
SONNY: I cared for Karen very much.
SCOTTY: No, you didn’t. You hooked her on drugs. You got two daughters — how would you like it if some low life like you hooked your daughters and then turned them out?
SONNY: It was an accident, Scotty! A random act of fate! But you couldn’t accept that. You had to blame somebody, so you blame me! You know why? Because you couldn’t look in the mirror.

If I can inject some 90s realness here for a second: sure, let’s extend the benefit of the doubt that Sonny did not give Karen drugs with the express purpose of turning her into an addict. I mean, all he did was give a traumatized teenager tranquilizers because she was having trouble sleeping after stripping in his club every night and constantly seeing her childhood abuser around town. How could anyone have predicted that would end badly?! Continue reading

Nurses’ Ball 2014: Wrap up

On the last few days of the Nurses’ Ball: Blackie Parrish was a total lie, Epiphany’s interest in Milo’s junk started to get creepy, I had a lot of feelings about the Westbourne siblings, and Doc broke all of our hearts.

Westbourne sibs1


The two big themes of the end of the ball seemed to be: 1) pushy dudes, and 2) friendship. Which is kind of a weird combo, when you think about it, but okay. Seriously, though — between Ric, Scotty, Brad, FauxLuke and freaking Spencer, is there a single guy of any age on this show capable of taking no for an answer?

(I keep hoping Nikolas will explain to his son that Emma is not a prize and he’s not entitled to her forgiveness or love just because he wants it. But then I remember Nikolas himself would have to be aware of these concepts in the first place, so… basically this will never happen.) Continue reading

I don’t understand anything that’s happening right now.

Can someone wake me up when this characterization starts to make sense again? Because I keep waiting, but it’s getting increasingly painful. I’ll let Emma ask the pertinent question:

Patrick and Emma2

EMMA: Why are you taking so long to bring me and mommy home?
PATRICK: Because me and mommy have been apart for a little while, so we just need to take a little time to get to know each other a little bit. Unfortunately, I can’t do that by spending any time with her. I mean, that would be crazy. Do you understand?
PATRICK: Good talk.

(It’s possible I may have been paraphrasing a bit for part of that, but I think I captured the essence.) Continue reading

Wait, what? Oh, whatever…

Normally, I’m not too fond of convoluted retcons of retcons. But when the original was as bad as the Franco Quartermaine nonsense turned out to be… I guess I’ll allow it? Especially if it means the powers that be have FINALLY realized this entire recast story was a huge mistake.

And really, doesn’t the son of Heather Webber and Scott Baldwin turning out to be a serial killer leave slightly less of a bad taste in your mouth than foisting that crap off on Alan?

Franco retcon3

Franco retcon2

(For those keeping track at home, this makes the third grown child Scotty never knew he had and the second one who turned out to be a bit of a psychotic murderer. Jeez, Baldwin. Did they not have condoms in the 70s?) Continue reading

Well, that escalated quickly.

I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Lord knows I’ve hated every moment of Scotty’s return that’s involved him panting after Laura like she’s a prize dog that might get away, i.e. every moment of his return minus one or two scenes with Lucy. So far be it for me to complain about the end of their marriage.

But… really? After pursuing her for years, including fighting her children for control of her comatose body, stalking her to Paris, and badgering her into a quickie marriage (because he and Morgan apparently attended the same school of “Marriage is the Surefire Solution to Any Troubled Relationship”) we’re supposed to believe he’d give up entirely? Just like that?

Scotty wants a divorce

I got nothing, guys. The only thing I can assume is that Carlivati hated obsessive, possessive, stuck-in-the-past Scotty as much as I did, but felt he couldn’t do away with that characterization before at least addressing it. Because otherwise, the speed of that divorce just gave me some whiplash. Continue reading