It’s Nurses’ Ball time! We open on Robin — real Robin, not a dumb hallucination this time. She’s on the phone with Patrick, who is away at a conference and therefore missing the Nurses’ Ball… which is apparently being broadcast not just on Port Charles local access this year, but NATIONWIDE on a major network? Hey, that’s more than you can say for the Daytime Emmys!
They tune into the red carpet where our regular host, Donnie Sheldon, has been joined by Nina and real life news personality, Abbie Boudreau. Donnie is excited to see “luminaries” like Bobbie and Lucas arrive. Does this mean that the national audience is supposed to know who Bobbie Spencer is? Amazing.
Bobbie tells the camera that this Nurses’ Ball has an extra special meaning for her, and Jackie Zeman gives the creepiest, way too sexual line reading for a woman currently arm in arm with her own son. But I do like her blue dress. Continue reading
Back from vacation and I managed to soldier through an entire week of this show in two days. All for you, people! All for you! Anyway, stuff kind of happened in the last episode, so here’s a recap.
We open on Tracy demanding to see Dr. “I ❤ Lizards” Finn, while Obrecht lectures everyone about hospital procedures, making this the third episode in a week in which bureaucratic red tape has been played for high drama.
The face I also often make while watching this show
Dylan calls Dr. Finn, who doesn’t answer because he’s busy meditating and talking to himself. For a guy who was willing to drop his whole life and move to a new city indefinitely on zero notice at the request of a colleague he barely knows, he seem awfully put out by the idea of actually having to do any work. Continue reading
Stuff is actually happening on this show! Are you excited? I’m kind of excited. We open on Ava beautifully taunting Sonny about his paralysis. I hate soap court like Sonny hates birth control, but Maura West not cowering or wearing a hideous wig? Doesn’t suck.
She pushes his buttons so well that he slurs a bunch of promises to pump her full of bullets. Just to be sure, she clarifies that he’d be willing to kill the mother of his child. Sonny obligingly confirms, for the record. Father of the year and master strategist, everyone!
Over at Wyndemere, Hayden tells Nikolas that he and Liz have known all about Jake’s true identity for months. She wants him to come clean about everything now.
Sam and Patrick are alone at the church. She asks if he thinks the DNA test is real. He thinks it probably is. She looks like she’s in shock, but it’s finally sinking in. Continue reading
Alexis is watching the coverage of Franco’s trial with a bottle of wine (hey, me too!) when Sam shows up. She thinks drinking a bottle wine alone is verging on “hot mess territory.” Um, some of us just call that “Monday,” Sam. Don’t judge.
At the hospital, Patrick catches Liz — who should only wear that shade of red, by the way — admiring her engagement ring of lies and betrayal. He offers his congratulations. When she says they haven’t had time to do any wedding planning yet, he suggests Maxie could help out, prompting a patented Elizabeth Webber “bitch please” look. Continue reading
I realize far more important things than this happened last week, like Genie Francis (!) and new Dillon (!!) and Morgan finally admitting he’s been a giant turd bucket (!!!) to Michael.
But can I just take a minute to deal with the latter’s father, aka Lord King Turd Bucket, and the incredible amount of bullshit that came out of his mouth on Friday?
SONNY: You know what, I’m trying to be nice here out of respect for Bobbie, and your daughter.
SCOTTY: Don’t! Don’t you ever bring up my daughter Karen! She would be Chief of Staff now if she was alive.
SONNY: I cared for Karen very much.
SCOTTY: No, you didn’t. You hooked her on drugs. You got two daughters — how would you like it if some low life like you hooked your daughters and then turned them out?
SONNY: It was an accident, Scotty! A random act of fate! But you couldn’t accept that. You had to blame somebody, so you blame me! You know why? Because you couldn’t look in the mirror.
If I can inject some 90s realness here for a second: sure, let’s extend the benefit of the doubt that Sonny did not give Karen drugs with the express purpose of turning her into an addict. I mean, all he did was give a traumatized teenager tranquilizers because she was having trouble sleeping after stripping in his club every night and constantly seeing her childhood abuser around town. How could anyone have predicted that would end badly?! Continue reading
On the last few days of the Nurses’ Ball: Blackie Parrish was a total lie, Epiphany’s interest in Milo’s junk started to get creepy, I had a lot of feelings about the Westbourne siblings, and Doc broke all of our hearts.
ADORABLE GOOBERS AND I LOVE THEM
The two big themes of the end of the ball seemed to be: 1) pushy dudes, and 2) friendship. Which is kind of a weird combo, when you think about it, but okay. Seriously, though — between Ric, Scotty, Brad, FauxLuke and freaking Spencer, is there a single guy of any age on this show capable of taking no for an answer?
(I keep hoping Nikolas will explain to his son that Emma is not a prize and he’s not entitled to her forgiveness or love just because he wants it. But then I remember Nikolas himself would have to be aware of these concepts in the first place, so… basically this will never happen.) Continue reading
Can someone wake me up when this characterization starts to make sense again? Because I keep waiting, but it’s getting increasingly painful. I’ll let Emma ask the pertinent question:
EMMA: Why are you taking so long to bring me and mommy home?
PATRICK: Because me and mommy have been apart for a little while, so we just need to take a little time to get to know each other a little bit. Unfortunately, I can’t do that by spending any time with her. I mean, that would be crazy. Do you understand?
PATRICK: Good talk.
(It’s possible I may have been paraphrasing a bit for part of that, but I think I captured the essence.) Continue reading
Normally, I’m not too fond of convoluted retcons of retcons. But when the original was as bad as the Franco Quartermaine nonsense turned out to be… I guess I’ll allow it? Especially if it means the powers that be have FINALLY realized this entire recast story was a huge mistake.
And really, doesn’t the son of Heather Webber and Scott Baldwin turning out to be a serial killer leave slightly less of a bad taste in your mouth than foisting that crap off on Alan?
(For those keeping track at home, this makes the third grown child Scotty never knew he had and the second one who turned out to be a bit of a psychotic murderer. Jeez, Baldwin. Did they not have condoms in the 70s?) Continue reading
I don’t want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Lord knows I’ve hated every moment of Scotty’s return that’s involved him panting after Laura like she’s a prize dog that might get away, i.e. every moment of his return minus one or two scenes with Lucy. So far be it for me to complain about the end of their marriage.
But… really? After pursuing her for years, including fighting her children for control of her comatose body, stalking her to Paris, and badgering her into a quickie marriage (because he and Morgan apparently attended the same school of “Marriage is the Surefire Solution to Any Troubled Relationship”) we’re supposed to believe he’d give up entirely? Just like that?
I got nothing, guys. The only thing I can assume is that Carlivati hated obsessive, possessive, stuck-in-the-past Scotty as much as I did, but felt he couldn’t do away with that characterization before at least addressing it. Because otherwise, the speed of that divorce just gave me some whiplash. Continue reading
I’ve said it before, but one of the nicest things about Ron Carlivati’s tenure is the certainty that even if something really isn’t working for me, it’s only a matter of time before a better thing will appear. We may never know what the plan was before all the backstage drama with Prospect Park, but I think it’s safe to say the rushed rewrites has resulted in a mixed bag. At best. It’s just… it’s been a rough month or so.
But we may be seeing the start of a course correction? Vets are popping up all other the place again, there’s a couple mass umbrella stories a-brewin’, and SAM’S FREAKING DAD. Plus yesterday we got an episode showcasing one of my very favorite things in the soap world:
LUCY: Okay, you wanna know a secret?
SCOTT: [suspicious] No.
LUCY: Well, I’m gonna tell you anyway! I wouldn’t mind if Kevin was sitting here, having a piece of pie with me. But the truth is, I would not change one single moment of this evening.
LUCY: No, because I loved the way you handled Tracy! Do you know you did more for me and for Deception than Kevin’s done yet at all.
SCOTT: Well, I’m glad I could be at your service.
LUCY: Thank you, Captain. Scott Baldwin, you are a very, very good friend. And! A negotiator extraordinaire.
FRIENDSHIP IS MAGIC, GUYS. Like, seriously. It must be literal magic. Because the amount of annoyance I feel for Scotty when he’s involved in pretty much any other story than being Lucy’s BFF is astronomical. But two seconds of he and Lucy working together to fleece Tracy? I’m all aboard the Scott Baldwin love train. (Also, please let that reference to their children mean we’re actually going to see Serena and/or Christina soon? PLEASE?) Continue reading