Sometimes I worry that I’m running out of new and exciting ways to say OMG, HATE. Luckily, those resourceful Germans have come up with perhaps the perfect word to describe so many characters on this show: Backpfeifengesicht! (AKA “a face badly in need of a fist” — see? PERFECT.)
Take Spinelli — remember when I found myself softening toward him and it was all very weird and confusing with the non-hatred and toned down nicknames and acting like a real boy for once?
MAXIE: Why wouldn’t I want to? He’s everything a woman could want in a husband.
SPINELLI: [incredulous] A liar and a murderer?
OMG, I BACKPFEIFENGESICHT him so much.
(The best part of the courtroom scenes where Maxie revealed her ace legal strategery was the frequent cuts to Spinelli’s destroyed little sad puppy dog face. If it’s wrong to take pleasure in his suffering, then I don’t want to be right.)
Meanwhile, on a completely NON-IRONIC AND UNRELATED note, Spinelli’s beloved bosses spent some time yesterday casually weighing the pros and cons of murdering a cop. (The verdict? Sonny would really like to but Jason thinks it might be just too much trouble. Our heroes!)
Since this was a conversation so filled with unbelievable douchebaggery that I would be here all day transcribing every line where I shouted at the screen, I will spare you most of the details. But basically: all of their recent problems are McBain’s fault and not the result of their own actions.
SONNY: Did you talk to her?
JASON: Yeah, she defends him. She said McBain’s not the problem. I am, because I can’t promise to love this kid. [Ed. note: Ding, ding, ding! And we have a winner!]
SONNY: So you and Sam are going through hell, and McBain is exploiting it.
Yes, that is exactly the only possible conclusion to draw from the previous sentence, Sonny. (BACKPFEIFENGESICHT!) I just love both of their convictions that McBain is the real problem and not, you know, Jason behaving like an enormous bag of dicks for weeks now.
At the end of all this excruciating assholery, like light dawning on Marblehead, Jason did finally seem to catch a partial clue…
JASON: Getting rid of McBain doesn’t change the fact that the baby’s Franco’s.
… which Sonny cheerfully lobbed right back over his head:
SONNY: Well, at least she’s not going to be able to keep running to him.
Right. Because if removing McBain won’t change the actual problem of Jason not being able to support his pregnant wife through having her rapist’s baby, at least it will remove the one source of support she currently does have. Win/win!
But nevermind all that, because this is a thing that was also happening on my tv screen yesterday, and it makes me so very, very happy, y’all:
HEATHER/ANTHONY’S CORPSE = supercrazycouple perfection Y/Y?
(Her making him smile cracked me up so hard for some reason. Heather, I ♥ you forever, baby, you complete wackadoodle.)
TODD/TÉA SNARKING AND STILL CARING = all my fourteen year old dreams revisited.
(The desperation hug at the end made me squee like you wouldn’t believe. I don’t even really want them to get back together, you guys; I just need them to not be fighting any more!)
EARLY LABOR = hint that the “rape” never happened?
(Not that Jason really deserves that this kid be his, but Sam deserves all this bullshit less, so… yeah.)
Also, there was WET TODD, which is one of my personal favorite flavors of Todd:
(IT’S NOT A BAD LOOK ON HIM, IS ALL I’M SAYING.)
This should be a good Friday.