As usual, I planned to have this done by January 1st, and as usual, I completely failed that resolution. But better late than never, right? So, snuggle up on the couch with your favorite super villain, kids. It’s year in review time:
General Hospital 2014
NATHAN: Hey, I just met you. And this is crazy? But you’re really hot… so let’s be roommates maybe?
MAXIE: Listen, you’re sweet, but I’ve ruined a lot of lives lately, and now I really need to skip town to avoid dealing with the fall out.
NATHAN: Damn. I knew I should have taken my shirt off before asking.
SABRINA: I can’t believe you told Patrick you were my baby’s father!
CARLOS: If it bothers you that much, you could always just tell him the truth.
SABRINA: Well, that’s obviously impossible. It’s not sweeps yet.
ROBIN: After two years of captivity, all I want is for things to get back to normal.
PATRICK: Let’s get pregnant. Right now.
PATRICK: Are you ovulating? Is there any way you can start?
NATHAN: Hello, DOCTOR MURDERER. Have you murdered anyone today?
SILAS: Do I know you?
NATHAN: What? No! Can’t a complete stranger just take an obsessive interest in a twenty year old case for no reason?
KIKI: Michael, I just don’t understand why you can’t give Franco the benefit of the doubt.
MICHAEL: He murdered dozens of people. He kidnapped a baby. He’s threatened every single member of my family. He strapped my friends to bombs. He set up my prison rape. HIS ART IS TERRIBLE.
KIKI: Yes, but he’s always been super nice to me. Can we keep some perspective here?
SONNY: Carly’s missing? But who could possibly want to hurt her?
HEATHER: Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.
MICHAEL: Kiki, my mom’s life is on the line. I need you to promise me you’ll call the cops if Franco contacts you.
KIKI: Okay, I promise.
FRANCO: Kiki, you have to help me escape from the cops!
KIKI: Okay. Want to hide out in Michael’s apartment?
FRANCO: Wow. You are a terrible girlfriend.
JULIAN: Alexis, it’s been awhile.
ALEXIS: Yes. Almost as if our lives were being controlled by writers who forgot about us for months.
JULIAN: So strange. Anyway, want to make out as if no time had passed?
LUCAS: So, I guess we’re related?
SAM: Guess so.
LUCAS: I’m sorry, this is just a little weird for me. I’m not used to new relatives popping out of the sky.
SAM: Don’t worry, I’m an expert.
LUCAS: We have so much in common, Brad. You’re gay, I’m gay. Your family’s in the mafia, my family’s in the mafia–
BRAD: You’re related to Lulu, I’ve been conspiring to steal her child…
LUCAS: Wait, what?
JULIAN: Alexis, Lucas is gay and I don’t know what to do.
ALEXIS: Well, have you tried not being a bigot?
JULIAN: That’s just crazy enough to work!
BRITT: I think I’m coming down with something. Every time I see Lulu and Dante, I get this horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.
BRAD: That’s called guilt, Britt. It’s an emotion normal humans feel when they’ve done something they know is wrong.
BRITT: Maybe I’m just hungry.
BRAD: No, I’m pretty sure it’s guilt.
NATHAN: How about now? Did you murder anyone now?
SILAS: No! Stop asking!
SAM: Anna, can you do something about this?
NATHAN: Commissioner, my abs think he’s guilty, and my abs don’t lie.
ANNA: I’ll allow it.
SONNY: Julian’s silent partner must be someone I know… someone who can hold a grudge like nobody’s business. But who could possibly hate me that much?
RIC: Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.
NIKOLAS: I think we should have an engagement party here at Wyndemere.
BRITT: Hasn’t every other engagement party you’ve ever had here ended in disaster or someone going over the parapet?
NIKOLAS: What’s your point?
ELIZABETH: Three months into the new year and my resolution to not get involved with any paternity lies is going great!
BRITT: Maybe Brad was right about that guilt thing. I feel so much better now that I’ve left my confession letter lying around the hospital!
ELIZABETH: Damn it!
LULU: Ben is my baby!
NIKOLAS: I can’t believe this.
BRITT: Nikolas, I can explain–
NIKOLAS: Elizabeth, this is all your fault.
MONICA: Well, I’ve been fired because my son might be a murderer. Funny how no one minded when my other son was a mafia hit man for two decades…
BRITT: Oh! Can I be Chief of Staff?
MONICA: Don’t be ridiculous. You stole a baby. We don’t let criminals run the hospital.
OBRECHT: Yes, Britta. Don’t be ridiculous.
SONNY: What do you mean you’re still working for Julian? You pinky swore you were going to quit!
MORGAN: I know, but when I tried to give my two weeks notice, he just laughed and asked if I understood how the mob retirement plan worked.
SONNY: Unbelievable. Whenever one of my crew wants to defect to another crime family, I always give them an excellent reference!
NATHAN: What? My own mother was the killer all along? How could my abs have been so wrong?
SILAS: Oh, cruel irony! Poor, poor Nina, who I loved so much that I cheated on her with a woman I clearly despise–
AUDIENCE: Nope. No one cares.
SABRINA: Well, it’s finally sweeps, so: Patrick, I’m having your baby.
PATRICK: What? Why did you lie before?
SABRINA: I had to! I mean, who ever heard of two unmarried people sharing custody of a child?
PATRICK: Have you always been this stupid? How did I never notice before?
VICTOR: Dr. Scorpio-Drake, I need a cryogenics expert. As an AIDS researcher, you are clearly my only choice.
ROBIN: But didn’t the Cassadines practically invent cryo-freezing?
VICTOR: It’s a little embarrassing, actually. We lost the manual.
VICTOR: Yes, and now we just can’t figure out where the on button is.
ROBIN: I don’t even know how to respond to that.
VICTOR: Also, we need to you to find a cure for a gunshot to the head. We lost the manual for that too.
PATRICK: I can’t believe you’re leaving your family again after two years away.
ROBIN: But if I don’t save Jason from the Cassadines, who will?
PATRICK: Your super spy parents? Nikolas? Sonny? The Quartermaines?
ROBIN: See? No other options!
MAXIE: I’m home! I’ve got a great new boyfriend and I’m ready to see my baby!
LEVI: Wouldn’t you rather do yoga than see your baby?
NATHAN: My abs have a really bad feeling about this.
OBRECHT: Sister, we must separate Britta and Nathan. If they meet, their mutual attractiveness guarantees that they will have sex.
DONNA MILLS: Oh, come on, Liesl. What are the odds of that?
BRITT: Wow. You are… really attractive.
NATHAN: You should see my abs. No really — would you like to see them? I’ll take my shirt off right here!
JUDGE: All right, Miss Jones. Have you learned your lesson yet?
MAXIE: I’ve gotten my life together, made amends to everyone I’ve wronged, and spent the last few months doing public service. Now can I see my baby?
JUDGE: LOL, no. See you in six months.
OBRECHT: Nathan, I’m sure you have a million questions for me–
NATHAN: Nope. No questions.
OBRECHT: You’re not even the slightest bit curious about who your father is?
NATHAN: I have it on good authority that you should wait at least 8 years before asking about that.
SAM: That’s right! Eight year minimum on dad questions! Trust me. I’m an expert.
AJ: Hey, wait a minute. I didn’t kill Connie at all!
AVA: Yeah, my bad.
AJ: I’m finally vindicated! Just this once, everything’s going to go right for old AJ Quartermai–
AJ’s GHOST: Typical.
SHAWN: Working for the mob, Jordan? You should be ashamed of yourself.
JORDAN: OH MY GOD, you are literally a mafia hit man.
SHAWN: But for the good mafia! We have a code! Why do I have to keep explaining this to people?
SONNY: I forget, does our code let us murder coma patients?
SHAWN: Oh, sure. I’ll take out a whole hospital wing if you want me to.
MICHAEL: I just can’t believe AJ’s gone!
SONNY: Your mom and I are here for you, son. Whatever you need.
MICHAEL: I need to find the bastard who killed him.
CARLY: What about a cup of hot cocoa?
SONNY: What about a pony? Would you like a pony?
MICHAEL: I WILL FIND THIS MURDERER AND BATHE IN HIS BLOOD.
SONNY: I’m gonna get you a pony.
SONNY: Every time I see Michael, I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.
AVA: That’s called guilt. It’s an emotion normal humans feel–
SONNY: No, I’m pretty sure I’m just horny.
AVA: Seriously? In a crypt?
ELIZABETH: I just can’t believe AJ’s gone!
RIC: Yes, terrible tragedy. So, you’re single now?
ELIZABETH: Why do all my romantic choices end so badly?
RIC: No idea. Say, I know that it’s been five years with no contact, and before that we were barely on speaking terms, and before that I kept a pregnant woman locked up in our house and drugged you into a coma. But I really think we’re soulmates.
ELIZABETH: Seems legit.
PATRICK: Okay, Robin. My baby’s dead and I really need you to come home now.
ROBIN: But I still haven’t found the on button! I don’t want to name names, but whoever designed this magical resurrection freezing machine did not give it an intuitive interface–
PATRICK: I think we should see other people.
SAM: Danny’s cancer-free, I finally know who my dad is, and my boyfriend isn’t a murderer. Just this once, everything’s going to go right for old Sam Morg–
PATRICK: Sam, I need your help to find out who killed Gabriel.
SAM: Isn’t the PCPD investigating that?
PATRICK: Ha! Good one.
SAM: I know. I crack myself up sometimes.
LULU: Tracy, do you think my father’s been acting strange since he got out of Miscavige?
NED: Luke threatened to kill me!
KIKI: Luke sexually assaulted me!
SPENCER: Luke caused Emma’s car accident!
TRACY: Nope, everything’s fine. Perfectly normal. Nothing to see here.
LUCY: Nurses’ Ball time!
MAC: Great, Mr. Marbles and I have been working on some new material–
MILO: Something about the way you murdered that puppet really turns me on.
FELIX: That’s what turns you on? I give up.
SCOTTY: Lucy, I love you. We should be together.
LUCY: But I really love Doc, too. Can’t you just be my fling on the side?
LUCY: Scott, I love you. We should be together.
SCOTTY: But I really love Bobbie, too. Can’t you just be my fling on the side?
LUCY: You have some nerve, Scott Baldwin.
ALEXIS: Julian, don’t get me wrong. All this super hot sex we’ve been having has been really great. But I’d really like it if you left the mob.
JULIAN: No problem. I’ll just run down and give my two week’s notice to the boss. I’m sure he’ll understand.
FLUKE: Son, let me explain how the mob retirement plan works…
JULIAN: My boss tried to kill my son. There’s only one thing I can do now.
ALEXIS: Work with the cops to take him down?
JULIAN: Yes… that. Definitely that.
RIC: I’m making amends with my daughter, my brother isn’t actively trying to kill me, and Elizabeth has miraculously forgotten about that whole panic room thing. Just this once, everything’s going to go right for old Ric Lans–
FLUKE: Bet you’re wondering who I really am.
LUKE: YES. I AM.
AUDIENCE: YES. WE ARE.
FLUKE: Too bad. See you in six months.
SONNY: Hello. My name is Sonny Corinthos. You killed my Connie. Prepare to die.
AVA: You can’t kill me! I’m pregnant!
SONNY: Is it just a random baby? Because if it’s just a random baby–
AVA: It’s a Corinthos baby.
SONNY: Damn it!
NED: Well, mother, to save ELQ from your husband, I had to let an inexperienced kid run it.
MICHAEL: Huh. Is that how business works? Because I was going to hire a full construction crew to renovate the Brownstone, but two kids with zero experience would be a lot cheaper.
MORGAN: Makes sense to me!
KIKI: AJ would be really proud of how you’re running things.
OLIVIA: You slept with Ava Jerome? On AJ’s grave? What is wrong with you?
SONNY: You don’t understand, Olivia. I had all these feelings. Penis feelings.
OLIVIA: Have you always been this stupid? How have I never noticed before?
ROSALIE: Hello, DOCTOR CHEATER. Cheated on any wives today?
SILAS: Do you understand that I am your employer?
ROSALIE: What’s your point?
SAM: Rafe caused Patrick’s accident!
SAM: You know, your nephew?
SILAS: Um. Not really ringing a bell.
SAM: The one you took me to court over?
SILAS: Oh, that kid who’s always hanging around? Whatever happened to him?
SAM: He’s a coke addicted murderer for hire.
SILAS: What? No! But I was such a good dad!
NATHAN: Silas, do you think Nina’s been acting strange since she got out of Crichton-Clark?
FRANCO: Nina’s faking her paralysis!
SAM: Nina got Patrick fired to break us up!
NINA: What, this little old list? The one with REVENGE written at the top? Just planning my Christmas cards. In July.
SILAS: Nope, everything’s fine. Perfectly normal. Nothing to see here.
ALICE: The Dominator’s mighty heart is failing.
MORGAN: OH, THE HUMANITY!
MICHAEL: Listen, we can’t let Alice die. She is literally Morgan’s only friend. Can we please have Rafe’s heart?
BRITT: Spencer, I’m a changed woman, I swear! But how can I convince your father that I’m not a kidnapping liar anymore?
SPENCER: Easy. Just help me run away from home and then lie to him about it.
BRITT: That’s just crazy enough to work!
PATRICK: Every time I look at Sam, I get this funny feeling in the pit of my stomach.
ELIZABETH: Are you coming down with something?
PATRICK: No, I’m pretty sure it’s just guilt. If only I had some recent experience with a dead spouse who later turned out to be alive! Then I might know what to do.
ALEXIS: Julian, you know when you swore over and over again that you were out of the mob? And then my house mysteriously blew up?
JULIAN: What’s your point?
ALEXIS: I think we should see other people.
SABRINA: Why, Ava. That’s a nice baby you’ve got there.
AVA: Are you… trying to be threatening right now?
SABRINA: It would be a shame if anything were to happen to it.
AVA: Seriously, stop it. You’re embarrassing yourself.
MAXIE: I have to marry Levi or he’ll be deported!
NATHAN: My abs think this is a really terrible idea.
LEVI: At last I can reveal my evil plan! For I am really… the son of Peter Harrell!
PETER HARRELL: Surprise, bitch. I bet you thought you’d seen the last of me.
DANTE: Oh, come on. Have we been kidnapped again?
LULU: But who would want to kidnap me?
STAVROS: Surprise, bitch–
DANTE: Seriously? What does it take to kill you?
STAVROS: Maybe a building exploding? I wouldn’t bet on it, though.
OBRECHT: All right, you forced it out of me! Your father is–
NATHAN: Still don’t care.
OBRECHT: Victor Cassadine! It’s Victor Cassadine!
OBRECHT: No, not really.
VICTOR: Damn it.
MAXIE: Oh, Nathan. Something about standing on this pile of corpses is really turning me on.
NATHAN: That’s what turns you on? No wonder walking around in a towel all the time has been getting me nowhere.
ROBIN: Jason! You’re alive!
ROBIN: What’s that, boy? You can’t speak?
ROBIN: Timmy fell down a well?
ROBIN: This is getting stupid. Let’s split up.
HELENA: I now convene this meeting of the League of Evil. First order of business — who’s taking Robin captive next?
JERRY: Been there, done that.
JOHNNY: Sorry, I’ve got my hands full keeping Ric captive.
FLUKE: Is she hot?
HELENA: Ew. Fine, I’ll do it.
ROBIN: Mom, Patrick, I’m just calling to say that I’m abandoning my family again and flying to Paris indefinitely. With no luggage. Wearing scrubs. And I can’t tell you why. But everything’s normal! Totally normal.
ANNA: Okay, honey.
PATRICK: Seems legit.
ROBIN: Wait, seriously? You’re not going to question this at all?
JULIAN: You still have feelings for me, Alexis! Admit it!
ALEXIS: Sure. I’m in love with you. But we can’t be together until you stop lying.
JULIAN: Why won’t you just admit how good we were together?
ALEXIS: We were great together. But we can’t be together until you stop lying.
JULIAN: Damn it, woman, why must you keep denying your feelings for me?
PATRICK: So we’re all agreed: Luke is a murderous, drug-dealing, baby-killing crime lord.
DANTE: I buy it.
SONNY: Seems legit.
TRACY: Wait, seriously? You’re not going to question this at all?
ANNA: What’s more likely — Luke suddenly turning totally evil or some master criminal impersonating him for months with none of us noticing? When was the last time something that crazy happened?
TRACY: Last year. It literally happened last year.
MORGAN: Ava told me everything, dad. You killed AJ!
SONNY: But she made me do it! And then she fell on my penis! What was I supposed to do — not kill AJ and have sex on his grave?
MORGAN: Wow, when you put it that way, it really does seem unavoidable.
SONNY: Wait, that actually worked?
ELIZABETH: Jake, it’s been a long two days since since we reconstructed your entire face. But now I think we’re finally ready to see if you’re hot.
JAKE: Wait, what?
ELIZABETH: I mean, to find out who you are. Hahaha. Yes, that’s definitely what I meant.
MAXIE: I’ve lost my loser boyfriend, survived a near death experience, and stopped pretending to like vegan food. So now can I see my baby?
JUDGE: Not so fast — my legion of undercover judicial spies tell me you’ve also been dating a police officer. Doesn’t sound like you’ve learned your lesson.
MAXIE: Okay, seriously. What lesson?
JUDGE: I’m not really sure. Something about not drunk driving, maybe?
JAKE: Is everyone in this town part of some weird cult?
SAM: Why would you ask that?
CARLY: Hello, stranger. Have you heard the Good News about Jason Morgan?
MICHAEL: Hey, I wanted to tell him about Jason!
ELIZABETH: Everybody back off! He’s coming home with me so I can tell him about Jason.
JAKE: See what I mean?
SAM: Oh, no one’s told you about Jason? What would you like to know?
FRANCO: So you kissed Sonny. No big deal. Hey, let’s get married! In a month!
CARLY: Wow, you are taking this really well.
FRANCO: Leave all the planning to me. I’m going to make sure you get the wedding you deserve.
CARLY: That’s so.. sweet?
FRANCO: Oh, yes. You’re going to get what’s coming to you.
CARLY: I feel really good about this relationship.
CARLY: Okay, we have to stop antagonizing Franco since he’s the only person who has the ability to completely destroy our lives.
SONNY: I know, but something about standing in a puddle of blood in our son’s living room is really turning me on.
CARLY: Me too. I think there’s something really wrong with us.
LUCY: And do you, Franco, take Carly to be your lawfully wedded wife?
FRANCO: LOL, no. This entire wedding was an elaborate trap to ruin your life.
CARLY: How could I have seen this coming?
MICHAEL: Hello. My name is Michael Quartermaine. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
SONNY: How could I have seen this coming?
DONNA MILLS: Nathan, I’m back! And I need to warn you about Nina!
NATHAN: Wait, how are you not in jail?
DONNA MILLS: Um, I’m an old, rich, white lady on a soap opera?
OBRECHT: Yeah, it is literally impossible to put us away.
HELENA: Or kill us.
KIKI: Michael, I can’t believe you cheated on me!
MICHAEL: What part of ‘you’re dead to me’ was unclear?
KIKI: Are we still on for dinner tonight?
MICHAEL: No. Because we broke up. Yesterday.
KIKI: So… dinner tomorrow, then?
MICHAEL: READ MY LIPS. I AM DUMPING YOU.
KIKI: Okay, you’re just talking gibberish now.
ROSALIE: Well, now that I’ve confessed all of my secrets and we’ve had a hot one night stand, I guess I’ll be seeing a lot more of you.
MICHAEL: Yup, sure will!
ROSALIE: I mean, unless I disappear off the face of the earth and no one sees me again for months. But what are the odds of that?
MICHAEL: Yeah, that would be crazy!
AVA: Are you seriously just going to stand there and let your crazy daughter steal my baby?
DONNA MILLS: I know, but I need her money. What else could I do — go to the police, get her institutionalized, and take control of the estate by default?
AVA: I hate you. So much.
MICHAEL: You helped your mother escape, didn’t you?
KIKI: No, of course not! I just warned her that she was about to be arrested and then left her room completely unguarded.
MICHAEL: Have you always been this stupid? How did I never notice before now?
MORGAN: Hey, Kiki’s just as smart as I am!
AVA: Morgan, I can’t believe you told your father where I was. Did you really want him to kill me?
MORGAN: No, of course not! I was going to nicely ask him not to.
MICHAEL: No comment.
NINA: Silas is going to be so happy when he meets our baby!
FRANCO: STOP BEING CRAZY.
FRANCO: Wait, that actually worked?
DANTE: It’s over, Franco! But why were you carrying that bag of flour in a baby blanket?
FRANCO: Oh, I was just on my way to go murder the neighbor, and I thought the fake baby might get me into her house easier.
KIKI: You guys, I know this is going to be a shock, but I’m beginning to think Franco might actually not be a very good person.
MORGAN: Okay, I’m starting to see Michael’s point about you.
JULIAN: Lucas, Alexis won’t take me back and I don’t know what to do.
LUCAS: Have you tried not constantly lying to her about everything?
JULIAN: That’s just crazy enough to work!
DANTE: So Faison was pretending to be Luke this whole time? But how did he get out of prison?
ANNA: Yeah, that’s my bad. Robert and I wanted to put him someplace he could never escape, so we just dumped him in a random hole in the ground.
DANTE: Were you always this stupid?
ANNA: No, I really wasn’t.
AGENT SLOANE: Anna, the fact that Faison was a terrorist super villain doesn’t matter. Every piece of corruption from Victor’s time with the WSB must be investigated and punished.
OBRECHT: Well, I’m off to keep running the hospital now.
PATRICK: So, it turns out Victor Cassadine actually caused our accident to keep Robin in line.
SABRINA: But why would he need to do that if she was already helping him?
PATRICK: Dunno. Oh, well. Mystery solved!
SABRINA: Aren’t you at least curious? Don’t you at least want to ask Robin–
PATRICK: I said, MYSTERY SOLVED.
NIKOLAS: So let me get this straight: you helped Spencer run away to prove you were trustworthy?
BRITT: Yes! Exactly! I’m so glad you understand.
NIKOLAS: Get out of my house.
BRITT: Well, that is the last time I take relationship advice from a nine year old, that’s for sure.
HELENA: So you see, Mr. Morgan, you have no choice but to do my evil bidding. And all we had to do was secretly fish your body out of the river, keep it on ice for a year, find a cure for death, and painstakingly brainwash you into a mindless slave.
JAKE: No offense, lady, but wouldn’t it be easier to just hire someone who actually wants to work for you?
HELENA: Oh, but have you heard the gospel of Jason Morgan? He’s faster than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings at a single bound!
JAKE: Okay, everyone in this town is really starting to creep me out.
SAM: Dante, you have to arrest Jake. He’s the gunman who freed Faison!
DANTE: Great, what’s your evidence?
SAM: You’re not going to believe this: they both used the same really common phrase!
DANTE: You… don’t really understand how evidence works, do you?
JOHNNY: Hey, Sonny. Welcome to prison! Remember that time you had your goons lock me up and beat me repeatedly?
SONNY: What’s your point?
JOHNNY: Nothing, nothing. It’s just really good to see you, man! Come over here, there’s some friends I want you to meet.
SONNY: Hey, Shawn. Remember when you failed to kill Franco? And then you failed to keep Carlos captive? And then you failed to kidnap Ava? And then you failed to protect Michael from that hired killer? And then you failed to find my baby? And then you failed to kill Franco again, and he ended up kidnapping you instead?
SONNY: Now I need you to rescue my brother from Johnny Zacchara. You’re his only hope.
SHAWN: You really don’t like your brother, do you?
SONNY: Not really, no.
JULIAN: You betrayed us, Jordan. Now you have to die.
JORDAN: I work for Duke now! You can’t kill me without starting a mob war!
JULIAN: Um, we’re kind of already in a mob war? I mean, we were literally going to execute Sonny’s brother yesterday.
JORDAN: What’s your point?
KIKI: Michael, I know I lied to you about Franco, and about Luke–
MORGAN: And about Ava, and about your father’s murder–
KIKI: Wow, we really lied to you a lot this year, huh?
MORGAN: Yeah, crazy. It’s like we don’t respect you at all.
MICHAEL: Get out of my house.
MORGAN: Well, it’s official. You’re the baby’s father, dad.
SONNY: I’ve always wanted a daughter!
MORGAN: You mean another daughter besides Kristina, right?
MAXIE: Oh no! There’s a terrible fog emergency preventing me from getting laid on New Years Eve!
SPINELLI: Well, on the bright side, you get to spend more time with the daughter you’ve been separated from for over a year?
MAXIE: You haven’t seen Nathan’s abs, Spinelli. You couldn’t possibly understand the depth of this tragedy.
OLIVIA: Okay, Falconeri. New Year’s Eve. This is going to be the year when you stop sleeping with men who are in the mob or about to go to prison.
JULIAN: So… my room?
OLIVIA: Oh, who am I kidding?
And that’s it for 2014 in Port Charles! A year of surprise returns, super villainy, and intense boredom punctuated by intense periods of narrative satisfaction. May 2015 be a filled with plot resolutions that actually make sense and about 99% less Kiki.