I’m running out of synonyms for “HATE.”
So, I want to rant about this whole “shocking” “twist” of Claudia being Johnny’s mother, but honestly? It just makes me tired. (Can something really be considered “shocking” if people have been speculating about this being true for about as long as Claudia has been a character? And can it really count as a “twist” if half the major participants in the story have been dead for years?)
(Also, Gino Soleito? Really? At least we knew Trevor Lansing, and from their interactions before he died, it was clear some kind of sexual abuse had likely occurred when she was a teenager. But some random dead character from another show? What? WHY?)
Mostly, though, I want you to take a good, long look at this face:
This is the face of a man who’s just learned that his dead wife — who was basically sold to him by her psychotic, abusive father as part of a business deal — was also pimped out to another mobster when she was little more than a child, and then forced to let that same abusive psychopath take her own child from her and raise him as her brother while abusing him and banishing her from the house for years.
Basically, this is the face of a man thinking about the systematic rape and psychological torture of an underage girl.
(Recall, also, that this is the same man who thinks his own unhappy childhood entitles him to the unending compassion and empathy of everyone in his life, no matter how much they’re hurt because of him. Yeah.)
Sonny Corinthos, ladies and gentlemen: what a wretched fucking excuse for a human being. Read more…
This entire show is one long bad touch.
Before continuing to the rest of this post, which (spoiler!) will be rather cranky, I’d like to take a moment and acknowledge the one thing that hasn’t enraged or bored me about the last few days:
ELIZABETH: I can’t do this anymore. you need to know the truth.
PATRICK: What truth?
ELIZABETH: Patrick, Robin’s sick. Her HIV levels are unstable.
BOOM! I was all resigned to this dumb secret continuing to drag on as so many other dumb secrets have. But no! Elizabeth “My Poker Face Is Reserved For Paternity Lies Only” Webber just stepped right in like a champ and nipped this thing in the bud for me. Love you, girl.
It should probably go without saying that Jason Thompson was working Patrick’s denial, fear and hurt to the hilt. I could wish for a lot of ways this story should have been told differently, starting with Robin not being out of her goddamn mind, but for now I’m just grateful the cat is out of the bag and we can hopefully get on with the rest of the fall out from the possible death of one of this show’s longest running and most beloved legacy characters.
You know, as soon as the writers get done with focusing on much more important subjects, like Sonny’s childhood (hey, did you know that it wasn’t a happy one? I know! I was shocked too!), Carly’s cunning plan to prostitute herself to save Michael from his own douchiness (um, yeah… good luck with that), and the exciting vagaries of Ethan’s sex life. Read more…
Gimme Some VD: “Our Town”
Previously on Vampire Diaries: hybrids running amuck! Boys having feeeeelings! Elena and Damon making out!
We open on the morning after The Kiss. Birds are singing, the sun is shining, and — because the writers of this show love us very much — this is how we find Damon:
For those keeping track at home, that is the second completely gratuitous bathing Damon scene of the season. (I love this show.) Damon’s still feeling the afterglow of it all, and even Stefan’s bitchy complaining that they’re late to meet Bonnie at the witch house can’t harsh his buzz. Or make him put on a shirt. Bless.
Across town, Elena deals with her feelings by continuing her quest to becomes Mystic’s answer to Buffy Summers, while Alaric gets his Giles on and offers some pointers. I continue to adore their family/slightly sexy vibe together. What? I can’t help that like Damon, I just want to ‘ship Alaric with everyone! Read more…
In which I’m something of a wreck…
Oh, boy. So, yesterday was kind of rough. HAHAHA… yeah, that’s putting it mildly.
But it was also kind of awesome? I mean, if nothing else, I’m glad that One Life to Live went out with a bang, capping off a nearly flawless last few weeks (on top of an immensely entertaining last few months).
I don’t really feel qualified to eulogize this show; I’ve only watched One Life to Live sporadically up until the last six months or so. But regular viewer or no, these characters have been a part of my soap experience for twenty years, and it’s hard to imagine a world where Victoria Lord isn’t out there somewhere, suffering through trials and tribulations with her signature dignity and class.
43 years. One final episode. Here we go. Read more…
Gimme Some VD: “The New Deal”
Previously on Vampire Diaries: Stefan was entertaining, Damon was pining, and the plan to kill Klaus failed.
We open with Bonnie taking a trip to the witch house, which happens to be as creepy as ever.
She wanders through the dust and horror movie lighting down to the basement. Why would anyone go there?!? She finds four coffins and upon opening one, she discovers Klaus with Rebekah’s necklace in his hands. A creaking noise makes me jump and simultaneously jolts Bonnie awake.
Jeez, so it’s going to be that kind of episode, I see.
I want to punch everyone on this show in the face.
You guys! YOU GUYS! I was all set to post another depressing rant about the nearly universal AWFULNESS of every single character in Port Charles and what news should pop up on my screen?
Roger Howarth, Kassie DePaiva, Kristen Alderson, and Michael Easton are coming on board! (That’s OLTL’s Todd Manning, Blair Cramer, Starr Manning, and Det. John McBain for those who have been living in a sad, OLTL-less hole for the last twenty year. I’m… sorry? You’ve been missing some good stuff, folks.)
The less awesome news is that they’re apparently going to be involved in a big story with Sonny. (Oh, of course they are.) But whatever! I’m just so happy (SO HAPPY) that these characters will live on past the end of this week (*sob*) and that their presence in Port Charles may just be the start of a badly needed Renaissance for GH.
The possibilities are endless — can McBain actually make the PCPD competent again? (Especially if he brings current lady love, Natalie, with him to give the PCPD their first ever forensics department?) Not to mention the deliciousness of seeing him team up with Robert Scorpio to clean up the town if the latter can be convinced to stick around after seeing Robin off.
Plus… Todd and Mayor Floyd in a newspaper war! Todd mixing it up with Jax and ELQ! Starr and Maxie and Lulu (or a returned and SORASed Kristina?) helping to repopulate the younger generation again! Blair vs. Carly! And if Natalie doesn’t make the jump with John, I would not at all be opposed to seeing him and Alexis butt heads… and other parts, if you know what I mean and I think that you do.
(Hot Sex for Alexis! is my new platform for 2012. Please join me in making America sexier for hot ladies over 50 again.) Read more…
Gimme Some VD: “Homecoming”
Previously on Vampire Diaries: VIKINGS! Also: cave paintings, back story, and Sebastian Roche, oh my!
Oh, man. You guys, it has been two, sad, sorry Damon-less months, but our long suffering is nearly over. Yes, new episode tomorrow! Which means it’s time to refresh our memories about the convoluted crap that went down when last we left the good and sexy folk of Mystic Falls:
We open on Team Kill Klaus — now expanded to include Stefan, Mikael, and Rebekah — in the midst of a cunning plan to lure everyone’s favorite psycho hybrid back to town so they can dispose of him once and for all.
This involves Elena “daggering” (not a verb, Elena! No matter how much you try to make it one!) Mikael in front of Stefan so that even under compulsion, he can later call Klaus and honestly swear that his father is down for the count. With the word of lil’ sis backing him up, Klaus is on his way back to Mystic faster than you can say “daddy issues.”
Mikael claims to have a secret weapon capable of killing Klaus for good, and all of this drama is set to go down at the Homecoming dance, natch, because where else? Evil!Stefan is on a roll, by the way, complaining bitchily about needing new ties because he’s 162 years old and going to a freaking homecoming dance. Heh.
He also handily foreshadows that their epic plans always fail due to someone‘s humanity messing up the works, and prophecises that at least this time it won’t be his fault. I GUESS WE’LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT, STEFAN. Read more…
Carly explains it all!
I rarely find myself on Team Carly — especially when doing so means also being on Team Shut The Hell Up, Alexis — but, well… when she’s right, she’s right:
CARLY: You know what, you can dress this up all you want, and you can try and blame this all on me. Sonny is the one who chased Jax all around town with a gun, fired off the gun in Robin’s living room, and then sabotaged the plane Jax was on!
ALEXIS: Because you drove him to it!
CARLY: No, I didn’t, Alexis. Brenda did. Do you remember her? Yeah. And then she took off with Jax. She pissed Sonny off, she hurt his pride so bad that Sonny decided to kill Jax. [to Sonny] Do you not remember that? Are you not going to admit to that? Because your fan club is standing here waiting to hear all about it. See, they don’t see you for who you really are, because then they might have to admit that they have the hots for some guy — some criminal – who doesn’t give a damn about anybody other than himself.
It is AMAZING to me that we have suddenly gotten to the point where Alexis “You bring death wherever you go” Davis is having to be reminded by Carly (Carly!) — of all people — who and what Sonny really is. Read more…
On the 12th day of Christmas…
General Hospital gave to me…
12 days of depression
11 contrived vehicle crashes
10 moronic mob wars
9 ladies screetching
8 actor exits
7 pissing contests
6 misogynist slurs
5 boring murder mysteries
4 awful retcons
3 screaming men
2 half-assed weddings
and 1 maybe rape baby.
Merry Christmas?
incandescentflower
tenillypo
