Week in Review: Mostly sunny with a side of WTF.

So I guess Johnny’s kind of a crazy supervillain now? Except for the part where he’s still squishy with feeelings, to the point where I really can’t tell if we’re supposed to hate him or feel bad for him or what.

ANTHONY: You surprise me, John. I didn’t think you had it in you to be so cold and calculating.
JOHNNY: Ah, c’mon, it runs in the family. You’re the one who convinced me to use Connie in the first place, right?
ANTHONY: Agreeing to a little bounce on the bed is one thing. But if Kate does what you’re suggesting, she could end up in a loony bin for rest of her life.
JOHNNY: As long as she’s out of my way.

HAHAHA… Oh, Anthony. That’s because he literally didn’t have it in him up until, like, THREE WEEKS AGO. (Hey, remember when Johnny was basically the only good man on this show? Good times.)

Anyway, Anthony’s finally dead, which is fine by me; sure, we’ve had some good times and all, but the wacky old man schtick got old a while ago. And, of course, emo feeelings Johnny is crying about all the terrible things he’s done and whining about Carly not loving him anymore while Crazy Supervillain Johnny’s busy having angry arguments with his grandfather’s ghost and framing Tracy for it instead of just — oh, I don’t know — dumping the body somewhere no one will ever find it? (Or, hey — framing Sonny for it?)

Main characters who AREN’T sociopaths? Are you sure this is General Hospital?

At some point, I’m assuming the novelty of the writers actually doing the things I want them to do will probably wear off. In the meantime, I’m just going to keep on getting way more excited than I probably should be about little things like this:

MAXIE: You wanted to know the truth? Surprise! The truth sucks, Matt. You know, I went to Anthony Zacchara for help and he killed someone! Which makes me an accessory, or at the very least, it means that I am involved in the murder of an innocent woman.
MATT: No, I don’t buy that. I think that Anthony was going to pin this on the first mate all along.
MAXIE: Well, we’ll never know, will we? But the first mate is dead.

THANK YOU! Was that so hard? I’m mean, I’ve only been waiting for Maxie to show some basic awareness that she’s responsible for an innocent woman’s murder for what–half a year? I mean, damn.

I did appreciate the attempt to mitigate her responsibility by implying that Anthony would have set up the first mate anyway (because… why, exactly? I guess maybe just to keep the police from suspecting him?) even if that’s kind of a load of crap. But the issue’s at least been acknowledged, and Maxie’s no longer acting like what she did was not sort of monstrous and I’m easy enough to let it go at that.

Gimme Some VD: “The Departed”

Previously on Vampire Diaries: Shit got complicated.

So, you might have noticed that we lost our effing minds over this episode. Because it was AMAZING. But now I’ve had time to digest,  and it’s time for our last (*WEEPS*) recap of the season:

We open on Elena in her bed. Her alarm goes off and she is awfully smiley for 6:45am. She puts her hair up and puts on a cheerleading uniform. Um, what? Downstairs, Jenna is making breakfast. Oh, this must be a dream!

Another woman enters and it turns out to be Elena’s (super young) mother. They all make a such a happy family picture that I’m about to go into a sugar coma. (Except, as we find out later, this is actually the morning of the day her parents die, so it’s all rather depressing.)

Suddenly, Elena wakes up in a hospital bed. It’s still the night of her collapse.

Was that good for you too?

You guys, I really don’t think it’s possible to convey in textual form the full hilarity of Roger Howarth’s deadpan line readings on Friday:

CARLY: I walked in on Johnny and Kate in bed together.
TODD: Oh. You live in a small town, too.
CARLY: Did I mention that Kate has a split personality?
TODD: No!

Suffice to say it was pretty much perfection.

Anyway, Todd and Carly had a lovely catch up chat about the recent lunacy in their respective small town lives, and I continue to enjoy the idea of them as platonic co-schemers. So that was nice.

Also nice? (And by “nice” I mean “so spine-tinglingly satisfying that I almost needed a cigarette after watching it”?) Everything about this scene:

Vampire Diaries Special Edition: WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED

OMG, YOU GUYS. This show is trying to kill us, I swear. Was that amazing for you too? We’re still doing a recap later in the week, but this episode deserves some immediate reaction.

Yeah, that’s right. It’s time for: DRUNK VAMPIRE DIARIES LIVE CHAT!

(THIS PICTURE HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE FINALE.
I JUST THINK THEY’RE PRETTY.)

First, let’s set the scene:

4:59 PM
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: We should have thought about live blogging the finale or something interesting like that.
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: Although my thoughts aren’t probably too great live.
TENILLYPO: Yeah, mine would all be SQUEE!
TENILLYPO: and FLAIL!
TENILLYPO: and SHUT UP, STEFAN
INCANDESCENTFLOWER: Seriously.

Naturally, we decided to do it anyway.

SO MANY FEELINGS!

I just cannot get over my love of Anna Devane, y’all.

Admittedly, her heyday was a bit before my time, and before this, all I’d seen of her was YouTube clips and her occasional visits the last few years. I knew she was being misused under Guza, obviously. But watching her now with material that’s actually decent? That man should be in prison for criminal misuse of a national treasure.

Finola Hughes, is clearly capable of so much more than hilarious Eli Love shenanigans, and I’m loving every second her her screen time with with Luke, John, Patrick, Tracy, Mac… and perhaps especially with Elizabeth. Theirs is not the likeliest of friendships, but the scenes where Anna was overcome by the sight of Luke and Lulu (and not just because Luke giving a crap about his daughter is still a novelty) were truly lovely:

I love that Elizabeth instantly understood what Anna was feeling, just by looking at her. I love the honestly of them both admitting how seeing other people with their happy, living children was painful. And I love them commiserating over being the ones left behind to shoulder the burden of every day life while their respective co-parents are off traveling the world and ignoring reality.

Gimme Some VD: “Before Sunset”

Previously on Vampire Diaries: OH MY GOD, THEY KILLED ALARIC! THOSE BASTARDS!

We open the penultimate episode of this season on an artsy montage of the various historical pictures and replicas in Alaric’s classroom. I thought the first time I watched that these shots would have some deeper meaning later on, but… they kind of don’t? I guess the point is: that version of Alaric doesn’t live here anymore. (SOB!)

But evil vampire Alaric sure does! He’s hanging out in his classroom, twirling his magic stake and generally looking sinister. Apparently, it’s the very next day after the last episode’s shenanigans. Caroline is at school too — chatting on the phone with Tyler, who’s still pretending to be under the thrall of Klaus’ sire bond and is therefore reporting to Chez Original as ordered to help him pack.

Finally a reason to make hybrid slaves I can understand! Packing is the worst.